A/N: Yay for Edge.

I love him.

But you already knew that.

Oh how the stars have aligned for the awesome Edgester. Guess what? On the day of this occasion, the crowning of a new ECW Champion, guess who is first on my victim list? That's right.

Chavo Guerrero

OOOO! CHAVO!

Nope. That sucks. Worst entrance theme ever, pretty much. It think that it would be more authentic if it was actually a guy squealing that.

He owes me so much for me helping him win. Hell, I won that damn match for him. I did the same thing for Chavo Guerrero that I did for RVD.

Do you know what happened to RVD? I stole that WWE Championship back a month later. So, yeah, I'll probably do the same to Chavo. It's only natural.

And don't tell me you believed that "one big happy family" bit. That was pure bullshit, just like my relationship with his hag Aunt. They'll get theirs. Just you wait. I will pwn their asses and take over Tuesday nights completely.

I think I'll turn ECW into an hour long weekly segment of "The Cutting Edge." I think I'll have to either steal the Palace of Wisdom from Morrison, or I'll just egg it. I think the latter might be more fun for me.

Anyways, Chavo sucks and he totally needed my help tonight, that reekazoid.

Deuce, Domino, and Cherry

Douche. The pizza delivery boy. And Scary.

Douche looks like a total Danny Zuko rip-off from "Grease." Seriously.

Domino looks like a wannabe Fonzie from "Happy Days." Yeah, I would say that Douche really looks more like him, but Domino has the character down.

And Cherry is just…UGH! She looks like one of those creepy porcelain dolls that stare at you while you sleep. They should put a blanket over her head.

I hate that "OHHHHHH" thing that Domino does. Yeah, that's the sound I make while I cover my ears when he's talking. He hurts my eardrums, that fucker.

Cherry needs to wear a helmet. Well, I think all of that hairspray she uses might serve as some force field type of helmet, but it's not enough.

You know that poodle that's on her skirt? It kind of looks like her face.

Chuck Palumbo

No one should chase after Michelle McCool.

No one should lose to Jamie Noble three or four weeks in a row.

No one should ride cheap motorcycles down to the ring.

Remember when he was gay with Billy Gunn? Wait, that is still happening behind closed doors. I hear the rumors.

He needs a haircut. When I saw a picture of him from SmackDown, I honestly thought that Super Crazy had jumped the WWE border and went to SmackDown. That's scary. I mean I know Michelle McCool is desperate, but come on. No one is that desperate.

Dave Taylor

One: He tagged with William Regal.

Two: He trained Drew McIntyre.

What's next? Is he going to reveal that he's Colin Delaney's father?

This guy just reeks of crap. It's not even funny.

Actually, yeah it is.

Since his only two associates went over to RAW, he's like…disappeared from the face of the earth.

Not that I'm complaining.

Finlay

Is he Hornswoggle's relative or something? Because that would mean that Finlay's related to Vince McMahon in a sick, sad, strange way. I mean, they are always together lately. Haven't you noticed?

I don't care that your name is Finlay.

I don't care that you love to fight.

My name is Edge, and I love to fuck…

…up some people on all three shows.

I can't believe Finlay held the WWE United States Championship! He's not even from America!

Don't give me shit about not being from America. I'm from North America, so it pretty much works. Besides, I'm cooler than the whole population of the United fucking States. Yeah, and I beat your little American hero, KURT ANGLE, for the United States Championship.

Bow down to me, bitches.

Wait, you already do.

I can't believe we're at the end of the road already.

Now I can relinquish all my hidden anger on John Cena.

Bring it on.

A/N: This is so sad…

And ironic. The Cena chapter is number 54.

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