Chapter 12
Several days later, I lay on my stomach watching TV and waiting for Demetri to return from feeding. I was bored. I didn't leave our room much. I was still uncomfortable with what I saw.
When I did leave, I heard the others whispering about me as I passed always with my head down; never talking unless spoken to and then only with short answers, my eyes carefully averted in most cases. They thought I was crazy or not all there in the head. They wondered how Demetri could stand me, especially some of the other females. They had no idea how easy it was for me to read the lust and pity they felt for him.
I hated that because I was neither crazy nor slow and I felt guilty that I could not act normal around them. What I really felt like doing was ripping their eyes from their faces, but didn't think anyone would especially appreciate that. I was also fairly certain it wouldn't help their overall impression of me.
Demetri never pushed me, but he knew something was not right. He waited patiently for me to tell him, but I never could. I worried what it would do to him to see his masters like I did. He truly respected them and I didn't want to have to be the one who changed it and, truth be told, I was fearful of how I would feel if it didn't change his view of them.
Could I continue to love him if he continued to respect such monsters?
He came in then, scattering my thoughts and sat beside me on the bed, I caught a whiff of the same scent I had first hunt – the human blood scent, yet it was slightly different. It was both Demetri and not him at the same time. It made the venom pool in my mouth and drip from my teeth. My stomach tightened and I my attention left the TV as I pulled myself upright.
"You smell good?" I breathed, leaning closer to him without thinking.
Something was blurring my thoughts and they ran where I was unable to catch them. My throat burned painfully and I licked my lips and chewed them. My breath began to come quicker and quicker. I couldn't help the feelings of resentment that welled up; my mate should share what he had with me. It was only right. I would share with him.
"Sarah?" he asked, breathing on me.
I growled a little at the condensed scent and slid closer. What was going on? A portion of my mind screamed that something was not right, while the greater portion seductively whispered that it didn't matter.
"What did you have?" I whispered, reaching for him.
He pushed back from the bed and took a wary step back, "I'm sorry, Sarah … I didn't think."
Then it clicked and I went cold and rigid. My head cleared. He had just returned from feeding … on humans. The luscious scent coming from him was the human blood he had taken blending with his naturally oh-so appealing scent. That is what I so wanted. That is what caused me to forget myself and lose my mind. I backed to the wall in horror.
"You've just fed?" I asked needlessly.
Demetri's eyes were wide and anxious, "I didn't think, Sarah … I should have waited longer before coming to you. It's been so long since I was new, and it's so different for other newborns. I have to leave." He strode out the door and I let him go.
It took an hour and a blisteringly hot shower for me to calm down, but I still remembered the scent and even now it perched on the back of my tongue, taunting me, burning me, stroking my thirst. We would have to be careful. I would have to feed more often on my choice of sustenance and Demetri would have to stay away for awhile right after he had fed on his.
Now I understood why it was so hard for him. Animals were nothing compared to that delectable scent and if the scent that wafted off him after feeding was enough to drive me crazy … as with the first time, I could just imagine the taste and nearly lost myself to it.
I snapped back to reality, sickened at myself. I couldn't think thoughts like that if I was going to live the way I wanted too. I had chosen this life, regardless if it had really been my only choice, and I would live the way I desired, not the way my new instincts demanded.
Demetri came back to me several hours later, "Is it better?" he asked slowly pushing the door open and approaching me cautiously. I took a ginger sniff. The scent was still there, but quite diluted. I sighed, that I could handle.
"It's much better."
He relaxed and gathered me to him. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed as tightly as I could. I needed the extra comfort of his hard body against mine right now and I imagine he felt the same about me.
"Wow," I said in a shaky voice. "I guess we know we can't make out after you've eaten."
He didn't laugh like I wanted him to and didn't turn me loose.
"Demetri, what's wrong? I'm all right now."
I felt him shake his head, "You looked at me as if I terrified you."
There was such pain in his voice that my breath caught at it.
"Not you," I said kissing his shoulder – it was the only place I could reach, being as tightly held as I was. "It was the realization of what it was and my reaction to it that terrified me. I was afraid for a moment what I would do to you. It blends with your scent and is far more potent to me in that way." I smiled grimly, "I wasn't certain what I wanted to do to you."
His arms tightened infinitesimally, "I'm so sorry." He repeated, burying his face in my hair.
"Please don't," I begged. "We were both caught off guard."
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We adjusted our schedule to fit feeding times. I hated those times when Demetri was gone. I needed him with me always to feel normal. When he was gone, even for a few hours, I was lost and nearly desolate. I couldn't imagine how it would be when he was needed and had to be gone for days. I tried not to think about it. We both knew it would be too soon.
And so it was, just two weeks -- a blink of time to our kind, after the blood incident, he was called in. I took the news that he was leaving as best I could. I didn't want him to feel guilty for something he had to do. I tried to look at it like it was his job. It didn't help very much.
"I love you," he murmured as we lay wrapped in each other's arms just moments before he had to leave.
"I know."
I hoped that he felt as lost without me as I did without him, but hated to bring up the subject right before he had to go. It was too raw to be voiced, but I saw the answer in his velvet eyes as he reluctantly pulled away to dress.
"They will come for you," He said turning to me, eyes dark with worry.
I nodded, I already knew that. The knowledge did little to assauge my anxiety, but it could not be helped. I had sat down one evening while Demetri was out and sketched the faces. Their horror didn't scare me anymore, but I did fear what the creatures could do to me and to him.
"It can't be helped," I said sitting up and wrapping my arms around my knees. Unconsciously I started to rock back and forth. "You have to go and I will have to face them sooner or later. I guess sooner is better. At least everything will get out in the open."
He sat near me and pulled me close, tightening his grip until I couldn't breathe. He pressed his lips against my shoulder, "I wish you would tell me what it is they want from you." His muffled voice was grim.
I snuggled closer, grateful that I didn't need air, "I know and I will, just not yet. I think it is better … safer for you if Aro can't look in your head and see it. Besides," I felt myself tense, "There are some things you don't want to see and I refuse to subject you to this if I can help it. It will be bad enough when he sees, but you don't need that."
"I wish I could shake it from you, maybe then I would have a chance at protecting you." His husky voice was harsh with frustration and futility. It was even more achingly beautiful.
I sighed, "There are some things even you can't protect me from, and this is one of them."
He pulled back, "They will live to regret it if any harm comes to you."
I read the vow in his crimson eyes and didn't doubt him. That scared me more then anything -- more then the memory of the faces, more then the thought of injury to me, more then the thought of him leaving. It would not go well if he tried to get revenge, He would be hurt or worse and I could not live without him, I refused to exist without him.
"Don't talk like that," I ordered sharply; he could hear the fear in my voice that I refused to let show on my face. "Never say that."
There was a sharp rap on the door and I looked over his shoulder to glare at it.
"I have to go. Be a good girl," He said softly. "I will be back in three or four days." And he kissed me until I was gasping for breath I didn't need and smiled once, sliding a tendril of my hair through his fingers and then he was gone and I was left with only his scent and my drawings.
It took only twelve hours for the summons.
