There are many things I have mastered in life. I can play all of Mozart's violin concertos without batting an eye; can read and interpret most Shakespearean language without a guide; do a hitch kick basket toss while spinning in the air; solve a Rubik's cube that has been mixed by someone else within a minute; and often solve the mystery of the case in a show before it is revealed. These aren't necessarily to show that I am a jack of all trades, to be frank, I am far from it. However, you'd think at this point, from years of experience, that I would be able to draw symmetrical wings for my stupid eyeliner, even with a steady hand. That I wouldn't be so artistically challenged. It's always the same case: one wing comes out sharp and beautiful while the other one comes in disgustingly limp. Alas, here we are, or at least I am, glaring at the mirror of my vanity, picking apart my appearance.
After swabbing away the ruined wings, I went back at it, propping my elbow on my vanity. It was coming along well enough, one wing smoothed out beautifully. Then, just as I was working on the wing for my right eye, a knocking sound banged its way into my relaxed headspace and I groaned in frustration, dropping my eyeliner pen.
"Come in," I beckoned, turning around on my chair.
The door opened, revealing a nervous Aunt Agatha. Stepping into the room, long, airy olive green skirt sweeping across the floor, Aunt Agatha held up the house phone, covering up the speaker end with her hand.
"Hey, honey," God damn, that sounded awkward, "You look so pretty, Reagan... even with just one wing?"
"Oh. Oh! No way, I would never go out like this! I'm not even properly dressed, Agatha." Pointing out my grubby oversized shirt, I laughed a little nervously at the end in an effort not to make this more awkward than it seemed.
"Do you have time to talk on the phone?"
"Depends on who it is…" said I, knowing full well who the person was on the other end. Aunt Agatha looked at me pleadingly.
My mom's been harassing her the past week since I've refused to respond. To be honest, it's the most desperate I've experienced for my mother to be towards me, or in general. Even Scott sent me a curt email prodding me to open up to her, which means it's pretty serious. Lee still talks to her even though I keep telling him not to bother; it doesn't help him though, it only exacerbates his anxiety, which just infuriates me even more. Still, the look my aunt was giving me was gnawing at me, until I acquiesced and held my hand out for the phone grudgingly. Agatha gave me a tight smile and squeezed my shoulder comfortingly before leaving the room.
Lying on my bed, I said evenly, "Hello?"
"Reagan," My mother let out a sigh, for a reason I couldn't fathom. Her voice had the same low, gentle tone, not loving in the least. "How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"Oh…how's school going? Join any clubs, cheerleading, debate?"
Really? My mother didn't give a damn when I got into the varsity cheerleading team, the most she's done was signing a check and shipping me off to cheer camp every summer. Not to mention, the only time my mother mentioned me being on the debate team was when she introduced to me to her boss at a company picnic.
Rolling my eyes, I said, "I joined the student council and I'm auditioning for the cheer squad in a week."
"Oh, how nice!" God, her voice was trying her hardest to sound enthused and it put me off the conversation even more. Videos of dogs barking "I love you" sounded more natural than she did trying to feign interest. As a general rule, my mother does not find many things interesting; the only things that she has described with remote enthusiasm are gardening and her gardenias. "How is it at Sweet Amoris?"
"Oh just fine, I've been dumped at my aunt's house in the town I was born in but have little recollection of, my brother is acting like a little shit to me, I've got a bruise on my ass from jumping into a fight between two assholes with a complex, a trio of little bitches think they can terrorize me for entertainment, and I'm going to some dirty stinkhole for a band I don't even like just to prove a point to my asshole brother and his asshole friend." All of this, I wanted to say so badly just to rub salt into her open wound. However, I didn't, because some perverse side of me didn't want to hurt her feelings.
Instead, I said, "It's okay. Any other questions you want to field by me or is this interview over?"
"It's done…honey." There was a pause and I could swear I heard a sigh. "I have to go to a conference in an hour and I need to start getting ready. I'll call you tomorrow. Maybe you'll have a better attitude by then. Have a good night, honey."
"Bye."
Excuse me? "Honey?" "A better attitude? What am I, a whiney three year old at a pageant who refuses to put on her clip on teeth? After all she's done, I'm a freaking treat, the way I've been acting. At this rate, she should be grateful I'm not some creepy serial-killer that only white kids can be or a sixteen-and-pregnant dropout. Ugh. Dropping the phone on my vanity, I rolled my eyes and huffed, blowing a strand of hair away from my eyes. Instead of reading any further into that situation, I picked up my eyeliner pen and went back to work, taking angry, thick strokes of eyeliner that gave me severe wings, effectively ruining all of my work. Giving up, I resigned to the idea of having makeup that looked like I felt, messy and pissed. My hands clenched my hair in anger and it took every part of me not to tear them out. Something was wrong, different; my body was shaking violently, tremoring with raw energy, and I could feel my eyes prick with hot tears. No. I refuse to cry, especially when it comes to people who don't give a shit about me, let alone not love. Instead, I wiggled my way into a sundress with sunflowers printed all over, put on my leather jacket and sneakers, and grabbed my purse and the phone.
"Hey guys."
Walking out into the living room, I could sense a weird energy in the atmosphere since Ken and Lee were staring at the boring painting that hung right over the TV. The room wasn't filled with their voices geeking out about something and something uncomfortable hung in the air. They weren't angry at each other, judging from their faces, if anything they were sad. Putting away the phone, I took a seat next to Ken, not really in the mood to be near with Lee. When I announced that I was joining the group, Lee was really against me coming, outright telling me that I'd be miserable. So, of course, I committed myself with even more determination. To be honest, he's been so prissy and distant with me lately that I want to stay away from him as far as possible. Still, I know he's just trying to deal with the same things I am, so I try to be more understanding but it's hard. The awkwardness in the room was palpably unbearable.
Turning to Ken, I realized something was off. His cheeks and nose were ruddy and his pretty green eyes were red and swollen.
Before I could ask, tears leaked out of Ken's eyes and he didn't bother to wipe them away. Instead, his voice said in an eerily distant way, "Tonight's my last night in Sweet Amoris..."
For a split second, I couldn't hear a thing he said after as the sound of blood rushing in my ears took over. When I regained my hearing, I could barely understand what he was saying as he broke down, burying his head in his hands as he dry heaved.
His voice was wet with hysteria, odd snippits of intelligible words peppering his sobs. "Aunt found makeup...told Dad...he's coming to tomorrow morning...military school...no son's going to be pushed around by girls..."
My body went limp, sagging against the sofa. Hands gripping the sofa as if it were keeping me from falling off the face of the earth, I whipped my head up to look at Lee, who was looking straight back at me. I looked at him pleadingly, begging for any sign that this was a mean prank and nothing more. The tears welling up in Lee's eyes betrayed me and I turned my head away from the two as my own eyes watered. Ken's dad can't be reasoned with, once he speaks his word is final.
I tried to say something comforting to Ken, wrapping my arms around him. However, the only words that came out of my mouth were, "Oh my god."
"Oh my gosh! Reagan, you look so cool!" Iris was glowing per usual as she waved to us. There was a sketchy white van parked behind her with the words "White Rose Boutique" printed on the side door. Sporting a denim jacket over her usual outfit of layered shirts and jeans, Iris looked like her usual happy self and that comforted me, at least that wasn't changing anytime soon.
My eyes were dry and my voice didn't tremble anymore. In reality, I was the only one who could talk without breaking down at the moment so I jumped into conversing with Iris, hoping to distract her from Ken and Lee's sullen faces. "Thanks, you look cute yourself, not that it's news."
She giggled, her cheeks flushed with joy. Hooking my arm with her own, she guided us towards the van. "Now, don't let the creepy exterior scare you, this van is very safe and clean and non-sketch. Lysander's brother, Leigh, is driving us and he's totally trustworthy. Lysander and Castiel are already in the van."
I said dryly, "Oh goodie."
Smiling with a knowing smile (Iris was incapable of smirking), Iris said in a low voice, "I heard that Castiel gave his blessing on you coming. Not that it'd matter in the end, but it's still really nice."
"Yeah, it was weird to say the least, but I don't think we're going to be 'besties' anytime soon."
"He gave you cronuts! He rarely does things for other people."
That was true, and they tasted so good. "Well, he did owe me for being a jerk and all."
Sighing, Iris gripped the door handle and smiled knowingly, saying, "You'll see eventually."
Attempting to disguise any remnant of warmth towards Castiel, I let out a disgusting snort. "Oh okay, Iris, sure I will." Then, I said under my breath, "That'll be the day pigs fly and dogs start talking."
"What did you say?" To my dismay, Castiel's hideously smug face was giving me the usual lookover that told me he wasn't impressed with my outfit. Thoughts of warm, delicious pastries immediately left my mind, tasty peace treaty be damned.
My voice was deadpan as I said, "Nothing, I was just breathing."
"And that snort was you, I'm assuming?"
"Yeah, there's something gross brewing in me. You might want to back off."
Pulling a face, Castiel said, "Classy."
I rolled my eyes so hard that I thought for a moment that they'd be stuck in the back of my head. "I'm sure you would know."
Leaning back on his side of the van, Castiel smirked. "Thanks, I definitely pride myself on being the classiest in the room, or car in this case."
"I was sarcastic."
"I could tell."
Before I could snap back at him, Leigh, Lysander's brother and Rosalya's beau, asked politely, completely disinterested in the repartee between Castiel and I, "Reagan, do you mind getting in the van first before continuing this...thing so that we can get going."
The realization that everyone else had crawled into the back while I squabbled with Castiel and the fact that they left me to sit next to him was more than enough to turn me red.
Taking a seat, I said dumbly, "Sorry about that."
Lysander turned around in his seat, saying kindly, "That's alright, we weren't waiting too long."
My hand covered my cheek in an effort to conceal the redness. All the while, I smiled warmly at him. Lysander didn't say much but his words were considerate and kind when he did speak.
Ruining the moment, Castiel butted in. "I have to say you look remotely presentable tonight, I wonder what kind of industrial strength tool you needed to use to make you look so..." He gestured to my body with his hands.
My voice was soaked in disdain. "If this is your way of complimenting me, it's a pretty shitty."
"I wasn't, but it was cute that you thought I was."
I made a gagging sound. "Oh god, spare me."
"Then, what will I have to entertain myself with?"
"How about your ego? You seem to have a nice time stroking it already."
To my mean-spirited pleasure, Castiel snapped, "Don't throw stones in glass houses, you'll cut yourself on the glass."
Me, as selfish and egomaniacal as Castiel? That does it. Angrily, I asked, "And what does that mean?"
Just as he was about to inform me, the van pulled up beside a dingy looking building and Leigh announced, "We're here!"
The club was a dingy grey with vulgar graffiti tattooed on its exterior. The walls were covered in various phrases like things your mom could suck and genitalia, which were enhanced by the presence of garbage littered across the ground. Lights burst out the few windows it had, blinding anyone who dared to look straight into it. However, it was the music that stood out the most, from where I was standing it was just unintelligible screaming backed up by guitars being abused. I've been to lots of sketchy places: a party that my friend's college frat boy brother was holding, the backseat of car with a guy I barely knew, a dark forest with my friends because we wanted to drink in "peace" which just sounds like a golden opportunity for a slasher in a horror movie. It goes to say, that when I say this club was the sketchiest, I mean it.
Going inside of it wasn't any better. Immediately, I wished that I saved the five bucks I paid to get in and bought ice cream instead. I felt a hand clamp onto my arm and looked back to see Ken cowering behind me. It was hard to remember that Ken and Lee didn't share all of their interests.
Looking at Ken with concern, I asked, "Are you alright?"
Perking up, Ken faked a smile, "Just fine, I think...I think I need some water."
"You know what, I'll get you some. Stay here with Lee. I'll be back." I patted him on the back as cheerfully as I could but it all felt awkward, like we were strangers. Then, I walked away swiftly, my arms and legs moving woodenly. Sidling up to the bar, I attempted to greet the bartender.
"Hi..." The bartender didn't even blink let alone look in my direction, despite the fact that no one else was at the bar. Clearing my throat rather noisily, I decided to give it another try. "Hey, Mr. Bartender!"
Wiping a glass with a dirty rag, the bartender didn't even look at me. Instead, he asked dryly, "I.d.?"
Batting my eyes, I asked dumbly, "What?"
He looked at me as if I had the brain of a squirrel. "Identification. No i.d., no drink."
"Well, I'm not looking for an alcoholic drink. I just want some water."
"Well, in that case, you're out of luck. We don't carry water, we carry every single liquor under the sun. But, water? You're out of luck."
My patience snapped like a thin twig. "You have a bucket of ice! Ice is made out of water, surely you have some left!"
Rolling his eyes, he said snidely, "Fine, Nancy Drew, we had water."
Then, I saw something that shoved me off the cliff of irritation and into the abyss of rage. "You have three bottles of water right there!" Livid, I pointed at the group of water bottles next to the other bottles.
With a sneer, the bartender sarcastically congratulated me, "That's adorable, Nancy Drew. Those are for employees only. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to be anywhere but here."
My back tensed up at the touch of someone's warm hand. A boy's voice tickled my ear as he spoke from behind me. "Hey, mate, that's not the way you speak to a girl, let alone a pretty one."
Looking to my side, I could see a seriously cute boy flashing a pearly white smile at the bartender. I attempted to subtlety give the boy a onceover, quietly approving his firm biceps and taut butt. Boys are so stupid but I admit that they have some really cute butts. His light green eyes met mine and his smile spread out into a grin that revealed his dimples. Inhaling sharply, I practically clutched my chest so that my heart would keep beating. Even better, he had an accent! An Australian one too! Lately, cute boys have been thrown every which way into my path but this one takes the cake and the shallow girl in me is hungry.
The bartender retorted unimpressed, "Who says I want to impress girls? If anything, I want to get the hell out of here. Can you do that for me, huh?"
The boy was dumbfounded, as if the possibility of not being attracted to girls was a totally new concept to him. "Uhh..."
Defeated, I gave a sigh, holding my hands up in surrender. "It's fine...He obviously doesn't care and I don't need the water that badly."
Frankly, Ken probably didn't even care.
The boy's eyes narrowed just ever so slightly, but he still held up his grin. Leaning across the counter, he held out a crispy twenty dollar bill. "C'mon mate, how about I give you a twenty for that water. Seems like a pretty good deal huh?"
So, he may not have a good grasp on the concept of American currency.
Rolling his eyes, the bartender snatched the bill straight out of the boy's hand. Tossing the bottle at the boy, the bartender asked me, "What on earth do you do for him?"
Taking the bottle, I said, "Thanks, you really didn't have to do that. If you want, I can give you the eighteen bucks to make up for the ones you wasted overpaying for a lukewarm bottle of water."
I reached for my wallet in my bag only to have the boy take my hand. He smiled at me. "That's quite alright, your presence is more than enough."
Remembering Ken, I pulled away from the boy. "I'm sorry, I got to go. Thanks, again."
"That's a shame. Not even a minute?"
Giving him a tight smile, I reluctantly pulled further away. "I'd love to but this is the last night I'm spending with my friend before he leaves."
As I was leaving, he called after me. "Boyfriend?"
I looked back at him. "Pardon?"
"Is he your boyfriend?"
"Umm, well, no."
"So, what's the harm of spending a little time with me? I'm sure he'll understand."
He had a point. I wanted to think that Ken wouldn't mind, that he's always this accommodating when it comes to guys (well, in my case). That's Ken, always sweet and nice except when I want to be around other guys that aren't Lee. He's never angry, just kind of petty in a non-confrontational way; I think I could take that couple minutes of pouty silence before he gets over it. It'd just be a couple minutes. Plus, this guy was really cute. Luckily, Iris was approaching my direction, Lee tagging along like a puppy with its owner.
I called out to her, "Iris! Iris!"
"Oh, hey, Reagan. What's up?"
"Can you do me a favor and give Ken this bottle of water?"
"Oh okay, sure."
Taking the bottle, Iris smiled kindly, clearly curious and Iris and Lee looked at me expectantly, clearly interested in my new friend and I had no interest in introducing. I didn't even know his name and a part of me wanted to keep it that way. Besides, the look of growing distaste on Lee's face pissed me off. He might as well have screamed at me, for being around another boy instead of Ken, because that's how dirty and pissed the expression was on his face. Who was he to judge for leaving Ken, he was practically attached to Iris's hip and I bet that he didn't just start now.
Forcing a smile, I thanked Iris and grabbed the boy's arm. "Alright, see ya later."
Before Iris or Lee could say anything more, I walked away as quickly and as casually as possible, my hand clenched on a stranger's arm and my heart beating furiously.
"You never told me your name." said the boy, the breeze swished his shiny, blonde hair.
We were outside of the club, which was in full swing, leaving the two of us in the peaceful silence of the outdoors. Sitting on the curb, we leaned against each other for warmth and support.
"It's Reagan." I held up my hand to gesture that I wasn't done. "If you wouldn't mind, I kind of don't want to know your name. Keeps the mystery alive, you know?"
"That's perfect, being mysterious is kind of my thing."
Partially joking, I retorted, "I thought being devastatingly handsome was your thing."
"I'm a man of many facets. Besides, being devastatingly beautiful, that's kinda your thing."
It's been awhile since I attempted flirting and my brain sputtered out from the pressure, leaving us in silence for a couple seconds. I still had no idea what I was doing right now. I should be with Ken, concocting some way to keep him here. But the very thought hurt so much and being here right now lessened the burn. Being here made me feel less like I was on the verge of crying and a little excited over a cute boy who finds me attractive.
Changing the subject, I asked, "So, where are you from? Surely, you're not this good at faking accents."
"You're right, my accents are borderline offensive. I'm actually from a town in Australia but I'm visiting my uncle in Sweet Amoris. One of my cousins invited me out tonight, but this music is really not my taste at all."
Pulling a face, I agreed with him. "I totally know what you mean. I came here tonight to prove a point to my brother and his annoying friend, but now I know that it's was not worth it... at all."
"I'm glad you did though. Perhaps it was fate that I meet a beautiful girl at a show for a band whose music is godawful so that we could bond over our mutual dislike."
"Isn't it though? I feel like the band should hand out waivers claiming no liability for the people who become deaf from constantly listening to that noise."
"I'm surprised that they haven't had a lawsuit over that yet." Grinning that stupidly charming grin, he said, "To think I wouldn't find anyone here with good taste."
"Well, don't get ahead of yourself, you haven't spent enough time with me to know that for sure."
Jokingly, he countered, "We seem to have one thing in common already and I consider myself to have a decent sense of taste, ergo, by the laws of relativity, you must have good taste as well." Clucking his tongue, he said decisively, "It's definitely fate that we met tonight!"
"Not to excite you more, I live in Sweet Amoris as well. So maybe it is fate, that you stay at your uncle's who lives the same town I live in and that we meet tonight only to bond over how terrible this music is." But aren't you supposed to be in school? How on earth do you manage to convince your parents to let you come here during the school year?"
"I'm actually homeschooled so my parents work around my schedule within reason. I travel a lot for surf competitions all year so it's not so unusual for me to visit America occasionally."
My voice gushed in the coy, amazed way that seemed to turn boys on; part of me hates using that voice and another wants that part to shut up because it's distracting me from making out. "Oh, gosh, surfing competitions... That sounds really exciting."
It wasn't particularly, but I didn't feel honesty was necessary in this case. Even with him visiting Sweet Amoris, it's not likely that I'll see him again.
He leaned in towards me. Cupping my cheek, he said smoothly, "Not as exciting as spending time with you."
Pulling away, I couldn't help myself as I burst out laughing. So, we both weren't totally honest, that's more than fine with me. It felt nice to escape a little and just laugh.
Confused, he asked me, "Did I say something funny?"
"Kind of, no one's ever tried scoring with me in such an obvious way. No offense."
To my relief, he wasn't flustered or embarrassed, which would've made things awkward. He looked like he's had this happen to him before.
Smiling, he asked, "What would you have me say? Your beauty is too stunning for me to speak without sounding like an idiot."
With a wry laugh, I said, "Please, stop."
Then, I pressed my lips onto his, savoring how soft they were. He wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me in his warmth. This was nice and totally unlike me, which doesn't sound so bad considering all the shit happening in my life. It'd be nice to be someone else, someone normal with a loving family and friends. Running my hands through his hair, I found myself not minding that he had slipped his tongue in my mouth, which usually grosses me out with strangers. He tasted of beer and a hint of salt. I practically inhaled his scent of musk, minty soap, and sweat. It was intoxicating and gross simultaneously. Caught up in the moment, I shoved all feelings of guilt from abandoning Ken to the very back of my mind. Then, all of a sudden, the entrance door swung open as a drunk boy and an equally drunk girl stumbled out, their hands grabbing at each other in a frenzy. And in the span of five seconds, the moment was ruined, the drunken couple's moans completely turning me off. The sounds distracted me from losing myself and all feeling of guilt and self-loathing came back, making me nauseous. My companion didn't seem to mind or notice, his hands firmly grasping my waist and his lips pressed against mine without wavering for a single second.
Hesitantly, I backed off, apologizing shyly, "Yeah... Sorry, this is nice and all but also really weird... It's not you! You're such a good kisser. It's me, really, I feel super weird around other couples...that are also making out."
He laughed good naturedly. "I get it. That's a shame, considering how good you are too. Do you want to go back inside?"
Looking at my watch, I said, "That'd be perfect, I have to leave soon anyway so I need to find my friends."
As we entered the building, I took him to the side for a moment, hoping no one else sees us.
Honestly, I said, "I had fun tonight. You actually made me laugh, which I didn't think was going to possible for a while. And, you are exceptional at this making out thing. Which is why I feel sad that I have to leave."
He took my hand, rubbing my palm with his thumb. "Then, don't say good bye. Give me your number and we can talk later."
Okay, so this was kinda unexpected. Most guys are thankful for the kissing session and leaving without any baggage. It's not like I'm such a treat to be with either... so why?
Distancing myself, I said pathetically, "Um, I got to go. Maybe another time?"
Then, I sped off as fast as casually possible. Luckily, everyone was gathered together as I walked up to them. They seemed happy from the looks of it, even Ken, to my relief. Iris was the first one to spot me, waving me over.
To my dismay, Iris asked in her chirpy voice, "Hey, Reagan, what happened to your friend?"
Nervously, I lied, clumsily fumbling my words, "He, I mean, she left a while ago." Ignoring the confused expression on Iris's face, I changed the subject. "Are we going yet? Finally?"
"In a second, I need to go to the bathroom." Lee said in a curt tone, cutting me off by stomping away.
"Yeah, I gotta go too." Castiel gave me a weird look before following Lee.
Turning to Ken, I asked, "Jeez, what's their problem?"
Frankly, I knew what Lee's problem was but I wasn't going to explain myself.
Ken gave me an apologetic look. "It's nothing, don't worry about it." Holding up the bottle of water, he continued, "Thanks for the were you this whole time? I tried looking for you the whole time..."
Lord, this was what I was worried about. Even though I've had boyfriends in the time that Ken and I have been friends, he acts jealous in this insecure, limp way. I could just be friends with a boy and all Ken would do is cower and pout until I abandoned the boy to focus my attention on him. What I did tonight was shitty and I certainly wouldn't want to hurt Ken with this knowledge. I just wanted to forget for a moment that this was my reality, that my best friend was leaving just as soon as I got him back. God, I'm so selfish. I'm such a selfish bitch, no wonder nobody really likes me. In all honesty, I probably learned all of that from my parents. All of the guilt and self-loathing pooled in my abdomen, making me sick and nauseous. All I could think of was how much I wanted to burrow in my blanket and cry my way to sleep.
Instead of reducing into a puddle of despair and tears, I feigned a look of shock. "I was just looking for a spot that didn't smell like B.O. and puke or filled with noise that could potentially deafen me. So, I went outside for a while. I would've taken you there but I just couldn't take it anymore and I couldn't find you."
"Oh, I understand. It does smell pretty bad here and I can barely hear a thing."
Then, Leigh interrupted, again in a very polite manner, "I see Lee and Castiel coming back so let's get going guys, that way we make curfew."
Walking towards the exit, I felt Ken slip his arm around mine, holding on tightly. Instead of resisting, I grabbed onto his hand, squeezing it firmly. My fingers intertwined with his and I didn't want to let go, not even when they became clammy and gross. Moreover, I didn't want to let go of Ken. It was too soon. The only thought that I had in my mind, Please, oh please, don't leave me all alone.
