Chapter 17

Morning touched me, warm and golden as the family below me, as I sat against the wall and sketched in the sunlight.

My pictures were of them; their faces, their house, their forest. I tried to capture the glow that encircled them even as I tried to define it in my mind. Demetri had had the same radiance, but it hadn't registered to me as anything other than who he was. Perhaps, the good, instead of being terrifying, were golden. It was a pleasant thought.

But why weren't Demetri and the Cullens like the others I had met? Why were they not frightening to me? I realized then that it didn't matter. They were good and come what may, I didn't want to forget them. So I carefully drew each one and added them to those in my sketch book. I would need another shortly, mine was almost full. There had been a lot to record.

There was a quiet knock on my door and I turned my eyes to it, not bothering to get up, as it slowly opened. A lovely girl stood golden and glittering in the early light. She smiled at me. I quickly flipped to a blank page and drew a rough sketch of what I saw. She was too exquisite in the light of that early morning, not to have a page devoted to her.

"Don't move," I muttered when I saw her poised to take a step. "Edward will love this."

Bella rocked back on her heels and froze into position. I grinned to myself, the freeze was unnatural, but I didn't say anything about it and I had the picture of her in my head to help my hand as it flew down the page. I paused and studied what I had drawn. There were definite advantages to being a vampire. I drew faster and never forgot what I saw. When I was content my drawing would do until I could refine it. I closed my book and set my pencil aside and went to stand in front of her.

"Would you like to come down now?" She asked.

I glanced at my pack and back to her, my eyes no doubt betraying my trepidation, "Do I want to come down?"

She put her arm around my shoulders and offered a brief squeeze, "You do," She said with a smile to rival the sunrise.

Her smile eased my anxiety and I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding. I let her lead me downstairs to the family room. Today I was able to see what it looked like. Last night I had been too preoccupied to give it much more than a cursory glance.

There was a big main hearth, where a fire crackled cheerfully. Several oversized sofas were arranged to face each other and the hearth, a large square ottoman in the middle. The wide windows let in the light and were hung with heavy cream colored drapes. Everything, except the contrasting dark wood of the hearth and the dark leather of the ottoman were in soft shades of cream.

I turned my attention from the cozy décor to the people in the room. The enitre family was present and Bella immediately left my side and plopped herself down beside Edward. He, in response, threw his arm around her shoulders and drew her close to his side, kissing her temple in an almost reverent way. I mentally winced at their absorption and the pure adoration and happiness that radiated from them and looked down before anyone could read the sorrow in my eyes. I only just stopped myself from rocking.

"Sarah, please have a seat." Carlisle's voice was warmer then I remembered it being. I looked up and he motioned to a dining room chair that had been brought from somewhere. Looking up the room, I caught sight of the expansive kitchen and figured there must be a dining room nearby, perhaps hidden by the stairs. I was surprised, what would vampires need with a dining room?

I kept my eyes focused on the floor as I made my way to that single chair that could have had the look of the electric chair, had the mood of the room not been so calm. But that could have been only because a decision had been made, not because they were going to allow me to stay.

I perched on the edge of the chair and grabbed the sides of it in a desperate attempt to keep myself still. In my anxiety, I had to work not to crush the chair under my fingers. I chanced a glance up and found all eyes turned to Carlisle, except Jasper's. He studied me for a moment, his face impassive, then I felt a wave of the same calm I had the night before calm my rapid breathing and soothe my aching head.

I breathed in and it felt good. I smiled tentatively at him and he smiled back at me before turning his attention to Carlisle also. I met the amber eyes of the Cullen's leader and braced myself for whatever he had to say.

"Sarah," he began, "I hope you know how honored we are that you sought us out. As you can imagine, we have a very decided set of rules that our family must live by in order to remain inconspicuous. If you are willing to learn and live by these rules, we would be delighted if you stayed with us."

I nodded in wholehearted agreement as I sagged against the wooden chair. Any weight I had been feeling since leaving Italy up to that point evaporated instantly and it was all I could do to keep from leaping from my chair and showing them just what kind of crazy they had let into their home.

Edward grinned at my exultant thoughts, "It's quite permissible to dance around if you would like. We won't think you're crazy," He said. Bella rolled her eyes and elbowed him, but she was grinning happily too.

Alice was up and nearly knocking me over in the chair as she hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek, "I knew you would stay." She stated triumphantly. "I saw it. I wanted to tell you earlier, but," she tossed her head back to her family, our family, "they had to keep it a secret."

I couldn't help the silly grin that was plastered to my face as sweet relief flowed through me. "That's okay, I'm sure the wait did me good."

I accepted Esme's embrace of welcome with my own tight one of gratitude and I couldn't help wrapping my arms around Carlisle as well. I let him hold on to me for awhile, I was too choked up to speak and it felt so good to be in a father's embrace again.

I learned Emmett's true nature as he hauled me three feet off the ground and nearly squeezed me to death in a killer grip. I smiled and rubbed my ribs more out of habit then pain when he set me down, though I think I had heard them groan at some point during his hug.

Rose was grace itself as she clasped me briefly and kissed each cheek, but there was something in her eyes that told me she wasn't fully approving of this decision and I wondered if they had forced her to agree, or it had been a majority vote and she was vetoed.

Jasper made me feel much better. He seemed a naturally reserved person, but the reticence was more that of a predator meeting another is his territory and not on account of fear or disapproval. That alert manner and the aura of quiet strength that he exuded were reminiscent of Demetri and I found it comforting. He sedately shook my hand as Alice danced around him.

"Thank you, for the calm," I told him. He gave me a funny look and I think he was surprised that I had figured out it was because of him. "It has been a long time since I have felt that."

At my words, I felt the ever present tumult of memories beating at the back of my mind. I felt myself fragmenting and took a breath to force it back. I dropped Jasper's hand and took a step away from him. It wouldn't be fair to him -- or me -- if I continued to let him medicate me. I had to learn to deal with my past and let it die or let it out into the open. He raised his eyebrows but sagely allowed me space.