The classroom was one-third empty when we walked in. By "we" I mean Kathy, Patty, Larry, Dimetroodon, and I. And me. Who cares?
If walking into the school building was like being in a courtroom, then walking into a classroom is like walking into Death Row. It's like going inside a time capsule. A different world. A world where only the best-looking, strongest, and most popular survive. See, today, modern-day middle and high schools take highly important qualities like being studious, loyal, mature, unselfish, respectful, and trustworthy for granted.
But the point is that I was nervous and excited at the same time.
Everyone turned to look at us when we went in. Well, everyone except the teacher. Maybe it was because he wasn't there yet.
Well, while the teacher comes I'll tell you a little about Lilia.
I've known her since the year 3586 BCE. At the beginning of the 2nd grade. My dad made her dad the Royal Architect and Model Designer. So, they've lived across the street from the palace all these years. At first, I didn't like her. I thought she was weird, nerdy, and noisy. But after my last crush broke my heart, I started noticing her at the end of 7th grade. But I don't dare speak to her. It wasn't until after she and Kathy became best friends that I found out more about her.
Her mom's family came from southern Italy, while her dad's came from Turkey. She sings like an angel, plays the steel guitar, play's in the school's girls soccer team—she's the team captain—works at animal shelters in the summer, listens to Owl City and One Direction, knows English, Spanish, Portuguese, Turkish, Italian, and French. She also takes professional photographer classes and wants to be a dress designer.
Oh, and she loves nature films, biology, Italian romance films, sitcom comedy, and chocolate. I don't know is she still likes me. But that's her. I've had about three crushes before. But I consider her my first love. Patty says I'm Lilia's first love, too.
But you see my point. I haven't even kissed a girl yet. Outside of Kathy, Patty, my aunt Natalie, or my step aunt Shirley, or my other cousin Betty.
Back to the story.
The teacher walked in exactly one minute and twenty-one seconds after the bell rang. Mr. Mills. About 47 years in age. (Remember the 800-to-1-year rule.) Gray eyes. Medium built. Somewhat wrinkly skin. About 185 lbs. in weight and 5'6'' in height. "Good morning, class." He sat at his desk. "Good to see you all in good health. I'm sure you've all enjoyed your summer vacations, but we're glad you're back here."
Right after he finished, guess who came in with head up high, holding her books in one hand, playing with her hair with other hand, chewing bubble gum, and walking like super-model? Yep. Kylie.
"Ms. Anderson," said Mr. Mills. "You are late, and on the first day of school. I must warn you that such behavior will affect your grades…"
"And your reputation and popularity," said Larry, practically finishing the teacher's sentence.
"I can speak for myself, thank you, Larry," said Mr. Mills.
"Oh, no problem. I'm here to help," Larry said. I grabbed him by the arm and whispered, "Sit down, you fool!"
"Shut up, loser," Kylie said to Larry. Then she turned to Mr. Mills and said, "and as for you, remember that my dad is the principal of this school. So, if you want to keep coming to bore us to death with dumb facts for nerds and losers, just watch the way you address me!" Geesh! Talk about disrespect.
Kathy stood up and said, "Mr. Mills, I know that my role as Princess of Amarkia and King's Sister does not authorize this, but I suggest that disciplinary actions be taken towards this act of defiance towards legitimate school authority, which you so greatly represent."
The whole class applauded and cheered. Even the studio audience applauded and cheered. Well, if this was a TV show being filmed in front of a live audience, they would be applauding.
But of course, Ms. Popularity didn't like that. She's too proud to be ashamed. Instead, she fired back, "Chill, Queen Victoria. Can't see how a super-mega loser like you and the sniveling little—oh, I mean, Patty—got to be in the Royal Family."
Kathy doesn't usually go quietly. She's not afraid of going on the defense. But, I suppose that at the time the mature thing would be to give the best answer: silence. Kathy just sat down without even looking at Lindsay Lohan.
Well, anyway, Kylie walked down the aisle of seats. I'm in the middle of the second aisle, so she had to go past me. But she didn't. Nope. She stopped at my desk. She put on a big smile and said to me, "Hey, hand."
"Hey, hand?"
"Hey, handsome," she said with a giggle.
Ugh! Well, better than being called a loser. If class hadn't started already, I would've given that gal a serious lecture about respecting my family.
Oh well.
At least I got to be with my closest friends. And, uh, hee hee. I got to sit behind Lilia. That was great. I could watch her beautiful, shiny, silky hair all year long. And I'd be able to smell her honey-scented perfume all year. Bad news? I was one seat in front of the school flirt. This was going to be a long first day. And a long year.
Oh boy.
Let's skip over to lunch. The first classes weren't too bad. PE, Literature, Grammar, and Music. But the last class just before lunch was Algebra II. Linear equations, multiplying mixed numbers, combining polynomials, ugh! It was so bad I almost had an upset stomach. Let me say this: my heart is set in emotions, not numbers and figures.
Well, it was lunch time, and I was with Kathy, Patty, Larry, and Dimetroodon. We always sit at the same table since the 6th grade. We call it our Table of Friendship. A treasured place. Full of great memories.
"Well, I don't know why, but I get the feeling that today has some importance," said Kathy. "I just get the feeling that today is the start of a series of…"
"Adventures?" said Larry.
"Unforgettable experiences?" said Dimetroodon.
"Wonderful moments?" I added.
"Boring!" said a voice. I turned around and just as I suspected, Kylie. Something else about her. She's an expert at hiding and eavesdropping. She'd make a great enemy spy. But I think she'll end up being the director of a gossip magazine.
"Oh, great," said Kathy, "She's here. The cheerleading captain, and I mean, the only one in the world."
"The only one?" said Larry.
"Yeah, the only one without a single neuron!" We all broke into laughter. As you might expect, Kylie didn't appreciate that comment.
"Listen, Queen Victoria," Kylie said, "I'd give a good reply if I knew what a neuron is."
Oh, that was a laugh. That was rich! But of course, that didn't stop her.
"I'm surprised you know? I don't get why losers only hang out with other losers." Why do you think nobody hangs out with you I thought. She looked at me and talked in a soft voice, "Hi, charming. You bored with these losers? Wouldn't want to become one of them, right?" She put her arms around neck. "Why don't you come with me? How about it, sweetie?"
Blech!
I took her arms off. Then Larry said, "Spiny, don't forget to rub antiseptic on the back of your neck where she touched you."
Boy, you should've seen Kylie's reaction. Her mouth dropped open and she just stared at him. Then she marched away.
"But as I was saying," said Larry, "it's just dumb. Just plain dumb."
"I agree," said Dimetroodon. "That's one of the few things in the universe that I don't understand."
"What is a dumb idea?" said Patty.
"The school dance in three weeks. It's a dumb idea."
"Why?" said Kathy.
"Well, why should we celebrate our return to books, learning and science projects with something as primitive as dancing?"
Suddenly, Larry burst out into laughter. Laughed like crazy for no reason. "Why are you laughing?" I asked him.
He shook his head, still laughing, then he said, "No…no…no…this coward just said that because he's never danced in his life and he's terrified of dancing." Then he went back to laughing.
Whoa! The way Dimetroodon looked at him, a Velociraptor would've run away screaming.
"Uh, ah, eh, heh heh," said Larry. He always says that when he knows he's in trouble. Then, he hung his head. "I'm sorry for telling, Dimetroodon. But you know that I'm rotten at keeping secrets. It's your fault. You shouldn't have told me."
Dimetroodon rolled his head and shook his eyes. No, I mean, he rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Are you really afraid of dancing?" I asked him.
"Well, you heard Mr. Spill-the-Beans. Why should I deny it? I have…dancephobia."
"Oh, come one," said Kathy. "Why should you be afraid of dancing? It's just moving along to music."
"And the best part is, you get to hold a girl in your arms," I said.
"It's hard to do that when you don't have arms," he said. Oh right. He's a quadruped.
"That's what I call icky," said Larry.
At that moment, the bell rung. Rang. Ringed. Whatever!
Next!
