Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoy this job. I'm still less than half-way through my adolescence. And I'm proud that at my tender age, my people see me as benevolent, loving, caring, trustworthy, patient, righteous, responsible, and mature.
But sometimes, I get the feeling that this is a lousy job. A lot of people don't ask for my opinion, and I often have to deal with enemy countries. And of course, I have to deal with terrorists, extremists, nationalists, neo-Nazis, neo-Communists, neo-Confederates, racists, liberalists, pro-gun activists, pro-abortion groups, rebel groups, and other deemed enemies of Amarkia.
But of course, it is my duty to make sure that both my family, and all my citizens are all happy, feed, clothed, and overly satisfied.
A tough job, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Anyways, I sat down at my desk. I knew I had a long day ahead. First, I went through my emails. Most of them were just announcements and reminders. But one of them was quite interesting. It said From ISIS. If you don't convert your sovereign state to an Islamic State and exterminate all Christians and Jews, you will suffer Allah's fury at the hand of his servants. Do it or die!"
Whatever! Baloney! I didn't even bother to answer. I just deleted it. I get this kind of message every day. Literally. Once, I got a letter from a fanatic—not a fan or admirer, but a fanatic—told me to either marry her or she'd blow up Paris, France. Crazy, huh?
Anyways, I went through my email. Most of them were from various departments: Agriculture, Education, Health, Work, National Security, Defense, etc.
Nothing urgent.
Then, on to the phone calls. Out of forty-two messages, fiver were marked under "important", and four were "urgent."
I answered the "urgent" messages first. These were the messages 1) Chinese spy has infiltrated highly confidential scientific knowledge, 2) Russian has tested long-range nuclear ICBM missile, 3) Terrorist group ISIS on verge of entering Turkey and has taken over oil-fields, 4) Egyptian agents infiltrated border security through southeastern gate. Heavily-armed. Number of persons: unknown.
Well, this is no surprise. Our large wealth, over-abundance of food, easily accessible resources, advanced technologies, and high moral standards have made us a lot of enemies.
But I take these things seriously. I made important calls. I picked up the…phone, obviously. "Kelly? Get me Larry and tell him to please come in."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"And, contact me with the Communist Chinese government."
"Yes."
Then, I started going through the two-foot high stack of papers. Mostly bills, and proposed laws. Just needs my signature to make it a law.
Just about all of them were environmental laws, limiting gun ownership, cutting taxes, raising the minimum wage, refugee rights, etc. I signed all of them.
The only I didn't sign was one allowing the existence of bars, nightclubs, and nightly entertainment. The last thing we need are drunkards.
Bzz! The intercom buzzed. I pushed the answer button. "Yes?"
Kelly's voice answered. "Your Majesty, Mr. Larry is here to see you."
"Okay, thanks. Send him in."
A few seconds later, Larry walked in. Yep, the same goofy practical joker. He's my Royal Assistant, Chief Advisor, and Assistant Commander in-Chief. He invented super powers, talking cars, and is a great super spy.
"Sit down, Larry."
"What's going on?"
First, I told him the Chinese secret agent that stole vital government information.
"I already knew about that," Larry responded.
"How'd you know?"
"I'm the one who sent you that message."
"Oh." I kinda expected that. That "Maybe" subconscious.
"You know that I'm charge of that department."
"Yeah, I knew."
"Something else?"
"Yes." I stood up started pacing. "Egyptian secret agents got into the country."
"Bribery."
"Huh?"
"I was informed of that. One of the guards was bribed, and the agents entered through the South Eastern Gate. We suspect that they are somewhere around the Culebra Metro Area."
"In the desert region?"
"Maybe. We've already sent several of our guys. We've got trucks, drones, helicopters, spy planes, and guys on the ground."
"Well, that's good news."
"Anything else?"
Before I could respond, the intercom buzzed.
"Yes?"
"Your Majesty, Chinese Prime Minister on Line One."
"Thank you." I turned Larry. "Just a sec." I pressed the button beside Line 1, then picked up the phone.
"Hello, Mr. Prime Minister."
"Yes? King Spiny?" Actually, it was an interpreter, but he still had an obvious Chinese accent.
"Look, I need to speak to you about something of the highest importance."
"Yes?"
"I've been informed that one of your secret agents infiltrated our security and stole highly sensitive and classified information."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Well, actually, I understand that this is someone close to you and to your Secretary of State. I believe that he or she has stolen highly sensitive information from our best scientists."
"Look, scaly, I have an important meeting. I must leave!" Insults and denial. Clear signs of covering up.
"Yes, but…hello? Hello? Hello!"
Larry said, "Don't bother trying. China's clearly up to something."
"Got any suggestions?"
"Well, we could keep trying to get them to hang up on us."
"Oh, come on, Larry. I'm serious."
"Or…we could infiltrate and send an undercover agent to track the hacker, find him, and retrieve the information."
"You got someone for the job?"
He tilted his head, as if to think. "Well, I got an idea. We got Agent Dragonfire."
Sounded good to me. Oh, and Dragonfire isn't a real name. It's a code name. But that's all I can tell you. The rest is confidential. Sorry.
Well, I guess it's all right. Just don't go blabbing about this. It's highly classified, sensitive information. If this falls into the wrong hands, there's no telling what might happen. Just disaster. OK. Here goes.
Agent Dragonfire is our Lieutenant Undercover Agent. He's been in the force several years and has performed many dangerous missions. He's a dinosaur. An Armargasaurus. His real name is Daniel. He lives in the town of Tentpole.
So now you know. Remember, not a word to anyone. And if anyone asks you about this, change the subject, deny everything, and say nothing.
Well, actually, you don't have to lie. That's one of my sayings, "Never lie, but if necessary, don't tell the whole truth."
Anyways, back to the story…
"Well, that takes of that," I said Larry.
"Anything else?"
"Yeah, ISIS. They've spilled into northern Syria and are nearing Turkey."
"I got a message," he said, taking out his iPad 13, "from the US Secretary of Defense, asking us to join to coalition against ISIS."
Let me make a clear stand. I am actively against all forms of terrorism. I believe terrorism should be punished with extreme severity.
However, as Amarkians, we are nonviolent, and only use force as an absolute, total, and completely last resort.
"All, right. Just say that, as long as we are not directly affected by ISIS, we will not join the coalition."
"Okey-doke."
"And, by the way, who's part of that coalition?"
"Uh, Germany, the UK, France, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and the US. Why?"
"No, just curious."
He stood up. "Anything else?"
"Uh, no. Just that we have to go to that stupid, boring UN meeting."
"And the quarterly cabinet meeting. You have to meet with your top advisors."
"Yeah. What time is it?"
"Quarter to six. Meeting's at seven. UN conference is at 9:15."
"Okay, I'm going to call the family and let them know that I'll be late. Oh, and please check to see if my coffee and doughnuts are on the way."
Just get a taste of what it is to be in my line of duty.
