*author slowly sneaks in the front door*

Maybe they didn't notice that I left-

Link: THERE HE IS!

Shit.

*all smashers beat up the author*

Gah! Why are you doing this?!

Ike: Because you left us for dead just so you could go to that fancy-schmancy boarding school!

Zelda: Not to mention that your recent stories are sucking pretty hard!

*crying* I'M SORRY! I WAS JUST SO BUSY…

Captain Falcon: Yeah right! You weren't too busy to write that other fanfic about Pit and Samus! What the hell happened there?

*everyone stops*

Um… where are Pit and Samus?

*Smashers look around*

*author discovers trail of loose feathers and torn clothes leading into Samus's room*

Hey guys…?

Marth: …let's leave it at that.

Everyone: Agreed.

Marth was hunched over the grill when Crazy Hand was dragged away. The prince was fiddling with every gear, knob, and switch he could get his hands on. Ike walked over as soon as he let Sonic to his feet.

"What's wrong there, princess? Don't wanna get your hands dirty?" He laughed.

Marth glared up at him.

"No, Ike, it's not that. Thanks to Pit's atomic bomb of a cannonball, the grill's soaked. I can't get it to light." He reached for the gas nozzle, on to have his hand held back by the mercenary above him.

"Step aside. I got this."

Marth stood and spoke sarcastically.

"Good luck."

Ike simply shrugged and pulled out Ragnell. Lighting the sword, he wedged it down between the bars of the grill, intensifying the flames every few seconds. The effect looked similar to the move Eruption.

Within seconds, the grill was lit and sizzling.

Marth scowled with disgust.

"Really? Not the most dignified role for a holy sword."

Ike smirked.

"Well, I guess you wouldn't be a prince if you didn't hold everything sacred."

"Who says I hold everything sacred?" Marth speared about three hamburgers on Falchion and laid them out over the flames. "I just didn't want my blade looking like that."

He gestured toward Ragnell, now midnight black with soot.

Ike's grin faded.

"Oh."

Marth laughed.

"Easy out!"

Ness, Lucas, Kirby, Toon Link, Squirtle, Jigglypuff, and Yoshi were playing the water-adapted version of baseball with Ness's baseball bat and a mysteriously "borrowed" tennis ball. Jigglypuff had just stepped up to home plate (the shallow end) and was having a particularly hard time gripping the wooden handle with her stubby arms. Toon Link was laughing.

"Ness, honestly," the smaller Hero of Time jeered, "just let her walk."

"Oh, come on, I wanna pitch!" He shouted back.

Adding a bit of flair with a quite unnecessary windup, Ness hurled the ball at the blinding speed of about five miles an hour. Determined and furious, Jigglypuff swung with all her might, connecting a solid hit on the ball and proving it with an echoing THWACK!

The tennis ball soared.

Unfortunately, right at Zelda.

Lifting her head, the princess barely caught a glimpse of the bright green sphere. Squealing, she lifted an arm to protect her eyes.

But it never made contact.

Opening one eyelid, Zelda watched as the ball was sliced clean in half by Link, who had raised the Master Sword just in time. The two halves bounced to the ground while the kids watched in shock.

It took a few seconds for them to process just how awesome that actually looked. And when they had, they swamped Link.

"OH MY GOSH LINK HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!"

"POYO! POYO POYO POYO!"

"DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!"

"MY TENNIS BALL!"

"YOSHI! YOSHI!"

Just before Link ran for his life, Zelda grabbed hold of his shoulder.

"Thanks, handsome." With that she lightly smooched him on the cheek, causing him to blush a shade.

That cleared the kids out like spray repellant.

"Pull!"

A soda can was thrown into the air, easily nailed dead center by an Arrow of Light.

Pit, now bored of the pool, was doing what he referred to as "recycling." What that meant was that he was using Snake's empty soda cans for target practice. After he had cleaned one out, the soldier would give it a sharp toss into the air, whereas Pit would split it in half with an arrow.

Even this was getting kind of boring. There was no appeal to hitting something as lively as an aluminum can; Pit required something more. Scanning the sky, Pit spotted a hawk, gliding overhead without a care in the world. Interested, the angel pulled back an arrow, squinting into the sun.

"What are you aiming at? I didn't throw anything." Snake's hoarse voice startled the teen. Quickly he discharged the arrow, lowering his bow.

"Um… nothing. I'm good for the day, alright?"

Snake, unconvinced, gave a quick glance upward, spotting the bird above.

"You were aiming for the bird? That's pretty cruel."

Pit jumped.

"W-what?! N-no!"

Snake clapped his hands.

"I like it!"

Pit's face read: Dafuq?

"Who would have thought that the sweet, innocent little angel would use a living creature for target practice! Where were you aiming on it?"

"What the hell, Snake?!"

"Well? Are you going to shoot it or not?"

"SNAKE!"

In a second, the soldier had stood and shuffled up beside the angel.

"If you want the shot, you better take it. It's about to go over the trees."

"SNAKE?!"

"Come on! Just shoot already!"

A worried scowl scrawled across Pit's features. Still a bit hesitant, he stretched his bow to the sky, pulling back a pulsing arrow.

"I'll only graze the wing."

Out of nowhere, a water balloon collided with Pit's torso, causing him to shake and disturbing his aim. The arrow was released prematurely, startling the surrounding Smashers with a loud TWANG! The blast streaked into the sky, glaring and blazing in the brilliant sun…

…until it speared the unsuspecting bird square in the chest.

Mouths fell into agape as the hawk fell from the sky, with loose, blood-stained feathers fluttering behind it.

No one moved for a few seconds.

Slowly, Pit turned his head to the onlookers behind him.

Nana raised a finger, eyes hallowed and huge.

"B-bird killer! BIRD KILLER! HE'S A BIRD KILLER!"

Horrified, Pit looked to Snake, who was casually chilling in his lounge chair as if nothing happened at all.

Zelda began to speak.

"P-Pit… why would you…"

Peach wailed, cutting her off.

"Oh, Sweet Lady of the Stars! The inhumanity!"

Link and Samus merely shrugged and turned their gazes. It wasn't like they didn't do that every day.

Pit's voice was tiny and quivering.

"I-I… I didn't…"

"MONSTER!" Meta Knight appeared literally out of nowhere. "You shoot live animals for mere target practice?! Have you no honor?!"

"B-but-"

He pointed his sword to the trees.

"Stop babbling, you idiot! Go and see if the wound is lethal!"

The angel, still confused, failed to move a muscle.

Meta Knight growled.

"Must I tell you again? GO!"

Snapping back to reality, the angel scrambled to his feet and bolted into the forest. Samus, Link, Ike, Marth, Peach, and Zelda weren't far behind.

King Dedede looked suspiciously to Wario.

"What's that in your hand, friend?"

All eyes looked to the treasure hunter, who was clasping a water balloon in his trembling, sweaty palm.

He suddenly noticed it.

"WAH!"

"Ooh… this is bad, guys…"

It didn't take long for the Smashers to find the fallen bird. Pit had knelt down next to it, one hand on the hawk's wound, the others huddled around him. It was eerily quiet.

Pit took a long, hard look at the gash in the feathered flesh. Tracing the edges, he studied it like a professional.

"I think I can save it."

He glanced up.

"Link, have any Heart Potion on you?"

The hero furrowed his brow.

"What for? Pit… the bird's dead. No Heart Potion's going to-"

"Do you have any on you?"

Link sighed.

"Yeah, sure." He handed a crimson-filled bottle to the angel. "But what are you even going to do with it?"

Pit took out his bow and split it into two. He raised one half of the Goddess's Weapon under the Heart Potion.

"Palutena showed me an interesting trick…"

Uncorking the bottle, Pit allowed the scarlet elixir to trickle down onto his dagger. As it coated the knife like freshly shed blood, the pure gold underneath began to give off a radiant, otherworldly glow. With each drop, the luminance grew brighter. The potion never dripped off the bow half either, but merely coated the beaming blade like a rose-colored shield. After releasing the final few drops, the liquid was absorbed into the sword, as if a chamber inside had been opened. Pit set the bottle down and poised himself over the bird. Delicately he touched the edge of the wound with the bow's tip, sending out a brief, blinding flash of golden light. All covered their eyes.

When their eyes opened again, the hawk was alive and well, curiously shifting its gaze to each person there. Pit sat up and sighed.

"There. All fixed up."

No one said a word. Pit glanced around with a silly grin on his face.

"What? I'm an angel! You didn't think I could get things back from the dead?"

Zelda was the only one who could speak.

"Pit? How did you-?"

He shrugged.

"Nothing a little science couldn't deduce. You see, the chemicals brewed in a Heart Potion have been known to correspond and cooperate with the heavenly energy in my bow. Palutena suspects the fact that they both transmute some type of power into a regenerative force, but most believe-"

"Ugh…" Ike held his head. "…this is hurting my brain."

Pit fell silent.

"Um… sorry."

"So you have the power to heal deadly wounds?" Samus was IMMEDIATELY up in his face. "Tell me more!"

The angel smiled brightly.

"Sure! Now, most fatal injuries usually consist of a crucial organ or bodily instrument that has been severed, tampered with, or entirely destroyed. What this power does is search the entire system for a complication of that sort…" His voice trailed off as Samus fangirled over him. The rest simply shook their heads and walked away.

Master Hand plopped Crazy Hand down in his office. He was using the special, intimidating chair that he had to bring out whenever one of the Smashers had to be interrogated. Basically it was a chair that was about three inches off the ground. It was specifically created to make people feel small in Master Hand's presence. Not like the fact of being a giant, floating hand was enough to scare the living shit out of people anyway.

His voice shook the walls as he spoke.

"Brother, do you have no self-control? Why on Earth would throw Sonic into the pool when you know full well that he can't swim?!"

The other glove shuffled and spun in his microscopic chair.

"I didn't know dat he couldn't swim. He never said nuthin' 'bout it."

"Crazy…"

"NO WAIT! YEAH HE DID! HE SAID IT RIGHT BEFORE I… I… UHH…"

"…threw him in…?"

"YEAH! RIGHT BEFORE THAT! RIGHT BEFORE HE WENT SPLASH! DID YOU KNOW THAT HE CAN'T SWIM?!"

"Yes, Crazy, I'm well aware-"

"CUZ HE NEVER SAID NUTHIN' 'BOUT IT, Y'KNOW! I BET NOBODS KNEW 'CEPT ME!"

"Crazy, everyone-"

"YEAH! I BET NOBODS KNEW! I'M PROBS THE SMARTEST GUY HERE!"

"Then why did you still-"

"SO WHAT'S FOR DINNER?!"

"Crazy, please… just-"

"IS IT COLD IN HERE TO YOU?! I THINK WAFFLES MAKE EXCELLENT PANCAKES! LIGHTBULBS REMIND ME OF JELLYFISH! CAN YOU GET SUPERPOWERS BY GETTING STRUCK BY LIGHTNING? DO YOU HAVE A LIGHTING ROD I CAN BORROW? HOW DO DOGS READ THE NEWSPAPER? WHY DO-?"

"SWEET MOTHER TERESA, CRAZY CALM DOWN!"

The hand squeezed back into his seat.

Master Hand sighed exasperatedly.

"Now, Crazy…"

"YOU'LL NEVER KNOW MY SECRET!"

Both fell silent.

"What?"

"OOPS! I WASN'T S'POSED TO SPILL! JUST FORGET I SAID ANYTHING!"

"Crazy…what secret?"

"WHAT? I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING?"

Too late. Master was interested.

"What secret?"

"NOPE! NOPE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

"Crazy, please, what secret?"

"LA LA LA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Crazy, I'm your brother. I won't say anything if you don't want me to."

The insane glove relaxed a bit. A big step for Crazy Hand.

"You promise you won't tell nobody?"

Master placed his thumb over his palm, as if he were placing a hand over his heart.

"I promise."

The hand shuffled in his tiny seat.

"Okay. But you can't tell NOBODY. I wanted to throw a big dance like they do in all those high school movies… and like have music and stuff… with food…"

"Hmm? A dance?"

"…yeah. And we could have cake there…"

"That's an excellent idea!"

"W-what?"

"I've got to tell the Smashers!" With that, Master Hand shot up out of his chair and soared out of the room.

"NO WAIT!" Crazy squirmed out of his seat and tailed him closely. "YOU PROMISED!"

Pit, Samus, Link, Zelda, Ike, Peach, and Marth stepped into front doors of the dormitory building, most of them sopping wet and all with leaves and grass plastered on their feet. Marth was shaking water out of his hair like a dog when the intercom buzzed on:

Attention, Smashers. This is a notification of an event that Crazy Hand and I will be hosting-

A loud BAM resonated from the wall speakers as Master Hand's voice cut out.

Crazy Hand screamed into the mic.

Please resume with your lives! Master Hand has got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO TELL YOU PEOPLE! So don't go poking your noses in other people's-

Another loud BAM.

Ahem, as I was saying, we will be hosting a dance in the Grand Hall this coming Friday, beginning at eight and continuing through the night. Formal wear is not required, but is highly-

BAM!

NOT NEEDED AT ALL BECAUSE THERE ISN'T A DANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE! SERIOUSLY! NOBODY BELIEVE THIS DRIED-UP OLD BAG OF LIES! HE'S ONLY-

BAM!

…Telling everyone to submit any particular songs that they would like to hear! Volunteer DJs will also be accepted, as long as no one tampers with-

BAM!

IT'S A TRAP! I MEAN, EVEN IF THERE WAS A DANCE, IT WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE ANY CAKE! AND I FOR ONE THINK-

BAM!

That more than just cake shall be served! Submit any refreshment requests along with songs! We live to serve!

BAM!

Ow! Crazy, stop hitting me!

YOU STOP BEING A BACKSTABBING MOTHERFUCKER WHO CAN'T KEEP HIS INVISIBLE MOUTH SHUT!

Crazy! Don't use such language on the intercom! There are children in the building!

I'LL USE WHATEVER LANGUAGE I DAMN WELL PLEASE! AND THERE'S NO DANCE! SO FORGET ABOUT IT!

Please, brother, not so-

The intercom shut off. Everyone looked at each other confusedly.

Marth was the only one to speak.

"Um…"

Alright! So who enjoyed the chapter before this?

Lucario: NOT ME!

Well that's your own fault.

Lucario: …

You know, I've noticed that I have a select handful of about six or seven readers who leave consistent reviews, always keep up with my stories, and have faved just about everything I've written. I'm not going to say who they are, cuz I know I'll miss somebody and hurt their feelings. Just wanted to throw out a heartfelt thank you to all you guys who keep me writing. Oh, and I asked Kirby to make you guys n' gals some cookies. Kirby?

Kirby: …

Um… why do you have crumbs on your face?

Kirby: IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE DEVIL TEMPTED ME

…wut.

*Pit and Samus walk in* *Pit has bite marks all over his neck* *Samus's suit is ripped* *both are extremely sweaty*

Link: …um… What were you two just doing?

Pit: …

Samus: …sparring.

Lucario: I KNOW WHAT YOU FILTHY PERVERTS ARE THINKING AND YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL

Whoa man… chill.

The idea for Crazy Hand's bit (and the upcoming dance) was courtesy of RedheadRenegade, who has been begging for me to update recently. (But that's good. It means I have fans. Woo!)

I've noticed that I've kinda been skimping on the Link/Zelda and Ike/Peach fluff lately. I hope I made up for it a little in this chapter… even though I can't think of a single other person who likes the Ike/Peach pairing other than me except Shadow Star . EXE(who is the authoress of some of the best Pit/Zelda fanfics that I have ever read)

But, anyway, if you haven't already (and I know you're probably getting sick of me saying this) check out the new monthly poll! I like this one, so hopefully you will too.

That's all I have to say. Toodles!

-Mohawkman2233

There, I updated. Can you untie me now?

Fox: No.