Wow, I've been gone a long time. Better update!

Who's ready for some ninja action?

Samus: GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS BATHTUB ALREADY!

Oops. Forgot about that. Coming, Sammy!


The next day, around noon or so, our four comrades seated themselves down at the same old lunch table as any other day. Guilt had ridden a few of their minds since the night before, and that had kept their thoughts focused solely on Crazy Hand's well-being. According to rumor, the glove was still holding a tenacious grudge.

Pit sighed and stretched his arms high above his head.

"Honestly guys, why did you have to pull a stunt like that? No one's ever seen Crazy so ticked off, not even Master Hand. I think it's starting to affect what little mental health he has left."

Link groaned and shook his head.

"You're still worried about that? Honestly, Pit, you're such a goody two-shoes. If Crazy even IS holding a grudge, I seriously doubt he's ever going to do anything about it. That's not him."

Marth shrugged.

"Yet, in all honesty, what do we even know about Crazy Hand? He's always acted cheerful…ish around us, but has anyone even witnessed what he could do if something really got to him? If he's supposedly the incarnation of the destructive spirit, opposite to Master Hand's creative spirit, who could even fathom the consequences of getting on his bad side. We're really playing with fire here, guys. Pit may have a point."

Ike chuckled lightly.

"Come on, he doesn't even know who did it. It doesn't matter what he could do if he doesn't even know who to do something to, right?" There was a twinge of nervousness in his usually concrete voice. Marth's reasoning was getting to him.

Link noticed and was quick to reassure.

"Besides, Master Hand keeps pretty good tabs on his bro. He won't let him do anything too irrational."

The topic was settled on that and the four returned to their lunches.


About fifteen minutes later, Ike rose to his feet.

"I'll be back. Bathroom."

Not really expecting a response, the mercenary thudded his heavy iron boots out the double doors of the cafeteria and into the hallway.

After a few moments of walking and turn or two, Ike gripped the bathroom door handle and stepped inside.

Like lightning, a gag was instantly bound around his mouth. He didn't even have a chance to blink as something huge and heavy was brought down on his head.

With a quiet groan, the titanic vanguard collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

Red straightened his hat and dropped from the ceiling, a crooked grin carved into his features.


"So, Pit…" Marth asked, "…why'd you run off all of a sudden when we mentioned Samus yesterday?"

The little angel looked up from his pasta salad with a terrible blush on his cheeks.

"She's going to be so mad at me…" Pit kept reciting to himself as he barreled down each and every seemingly endless corridor that led to Samus's dorm.

After what seemed like years, the exhausted angel finally touched down in front of the huntress's door. He threw himself inside and made a break for the bathroom, sweat tracing his forehead as he ran. He burst into the small compartment, leapt the entire distance of the room, and ripped the shower curtain back.

It occurred to him that maybe he should have put a little more thought into that last move.

Samus's naked figure was sprawled out in the tub, half-conscious and breathing hard. The heat from the steaming shower water, which was STILL running, had caused a heated blush to spread along the area of her cheeks.

Pit collapsed, failing to hold back a nosebleed.

He caught himself on all fours before he could crash into the unforgiving tile floor, as if to say: NO! No time for that!

Stumbling back to his feet, he slammed his eyelids shut and heaved Samus out of the tub, staggering out of the bathroom as the new weight crippled his dexterity. By miracle, he managed to get her to her bed without blindly smacking her into anything.

He flopped her down and eagerly stripped his toga, flinging it over Samus so as to give himself some form of coverage.

He collapsed onto the bed beside her, releasing a few heavy sighs. He slowly opened his eyes, finding great interest in staring at the ceiling. He was glad he'd never have to do THAT again…

He rolled over on one side and took another sigh. Snuggling into the covers, he gradually began to relax. Samus probably wouldn't wake up for a little while…there'd be no objection to him resting just a little bit. He had flown all the way here…

He grabbed a little more of the covers and cuddled in deeper. He sighed, dreamily this time, and finally began to settle down. His eyes drifted closed.

In an abrupt instant, there was a hand playing around in his hair.

"My hero…" The voice moaned.

Pit's eyes shot open. Had she been faking sleep this whole time?!

Instantaneously he rolled over, greeted politely with Samus's elated expression, mere centimeters from his.

Pit gulped. He was in for it now.

Not tarrying a second, Samus's hands shot for Pit's sides, rending him helpless as she assaulted his skin with a tickling onslaught. The little angel squealed, withdrawing himself to defend against Samus's second attack that day.

Of course, the huntress was not to be deterred. Excited, and a bit vengeful, she drove Pit up to the headboard, not even giving him a chance to breathe. She caught both of his wrists on the front of her forearm and pinned them to the wall, leaving his torso completely exposed to her one free arm. Her sheer athleticism allowed her to keep dominance over his squirming little arms, keeping them forcefully out of the way. His wings fluttered wildly as her fingers danced on his quivering ribcage, loosening feathers and scattering them around the room. The air was filled with liberated plumage and Pit's shrieking laughter.

"So…yeah…that's what happened." Pit whispered, the embarrassment in his voice so blatantly obvious.

He looked up to find Link doubled over laughing and Marth resting his head on his hand.

The prince sighed.

"Jeesh…you got into a tickle fight with a half-naked Samus and you're acting like it was the worst thing that ever happened to you…could you be any more oblivious?" His tone was a sharp as a tack.

Link took a shaky breath.

"Oh? Am I detecting a little jealously, Marth?"

Marth sighed again, spinning his fork in his hand.

"Just sick of all the luck I'm not getting…"

"Has anyone seen Ike?" Pit blurted, unmindful of Marth's disposition. The two other guys at the table looked around half-heartedly.

"…he has been gone a while…" Marth mused as Link took a bite out of his sandwich, "…maybe it was a big job…"

Link choked and dropped the sandwich.

The prince eyed him victoriously as Link shot a glare at him.

"Gee, thanks." The Hero growled. "Not like I wanted to eat anyway-"

"GUYS! COME QUICK!" Zelda suddenly burst into the cafeteria, catching the teens' attentions. Confused, they peeled themselves out of their seats and followed the delicate stride of Hyrule's princess, who led them outside to the courtyard.


Jaws hit the dirt.

None other than Ike had been saran-wrapped to the flagpole, upside down, his face as red as a tomato, and in nothing more than his boxers. Permanent marker could be seen all over his face, gracing his expression with a crudely drawn mustache and a pair of glasses to boot. His majestic cape had been replaced by a slightly less majestic set of rainbow-colored streamers, fluttering in the passing breeze. A wooden sign was hung over his chin, drooping down below his head.

It read: IMMATURE.

It wasn't long before the entire population of Smash Manor was beholding the ungraceful sight, with a few phones snapping pictures and a general laughter among the crowd.

Master Hand and Pit had to get the poor mercenary down.

The angel slashed through the saran wrap with his bow while Master Hand turned to the crowd.

"Who is responsible for this monstrosity? Punishment of the perpetrators of yesterday's incident is MY jurisdiction! Who among you thinks themselves high enough to issue this sort of reprimand?"

All eyes simultaneously turned to Crazy Hand, who was hunched over behind the crown, piling shaving cream onto a pigeon.

He turned around slowly and waved absentmindedly.

Master Hand lowered himself to the ground and began to advance towards his brother.

"Crazy-"

Sheik materialized from the crowd, caught the glove by his thumb and held him back.

"Do not waste your time, Master Hand. Your brother has not left his quarters since yesterday. He had nothing to do with this." She stated.

The hand grunted and shrugged her off.

"If that's the case, then I suppose I've got a culprit to find."

Turning, he left the crowd and departed for his office.

However, he stopped halfway and turned back to the gathered Smashers.

"Everyone, you are hereby confined to your rooms until the perpetrator is apprehended. I want the hallways vacant and soundless. As of now, the grounds are on lockdown."

He swiveled to Marth and pointed a tree trunk-sized finger at him.

"Marth, I suppose this will serve as punishment for the stunt YOU all pulled as well. Pray you don't end up like our friend Ike."

The prince nodded. Link gulped.

With a satisfied sigh, Master Hand took one last look at the victimized mercenary.

"Someone get that poor man to the infirmary."


The old hinges on Crazy Hand's door gave off a chilling squeak as Red entered the room. As his eyes scanned the chamber, he found everything like had yesterday, with Crazy Hand comfortably seated behind a titanic oak desk and Sheik positioned by the door. The trainer tiptoed warily into the room, unnerved by the hand's sudden composure.

He spoke again in a stately voice, as if taking a leaf out of his brother's book.

"Well done, Red. I knew you were skilled, but I never expected you to go as far as you did. You have my respect."

The turtle Red had sat on yesterday had been duct-taped to the ceiling, so the trainer simply sat on the floor.

"However…" Crazy Hand continued, "…your task is still far from complete. You still have two targets, and only half a day to assail them. Now is not the time for you to kick back and relax."

The extremity glanced up.

"As for you, Sheik, I am quite pleased with the alibi you provided to quell my brother's suspicions. I had expected him to distrust me at first, but never outright accuse me. You have my thanks."

The Sheikiah nodded.

"It is of no issue. I only did what I saw fit."

Crazy Hand perked up.

"Oh yes, I almost forgot."

He turned back to Red and began fiddling around in one of his desk drawers.

"Here is the next cut of your pay."

Red stood and extended his hand, interested to find what Crazy hand would gift him with this time.

He was rewarded with a gelatinous blob of squishy, yellow…something. Red eyed the thing suspiciously, rolling it around in his palm and assessing its abnormal texture. It was quite rough to the touch for something with its structural qualities.

Crazy Hand spoke.

"Pokémon grow wings if you feed that to them."

Red's capped head jolted up at the hand, delighted. Pikachu was going to become a part flying-type!

However, Sheik decided to drop a little reality onto Red's pleasant reverie. She leaned next to him and whispered into his ear.

"I witnessed him retrieve that material from Smash Manor's garbage disposal. Do not feed that…substance…to anything."

Red looked at her with wide eyes.

Crazy Hand floated over to a bust statue that had mysteriously appeared in the corner. He placed his thumb on the sculpture's forehead and flipped it open, revealing a small, crimson button. He pressed it delicately, causing the opposite wall to sweep away and reveal a fireman's pole, leading down into some cavernous void.

Red and Sheik raised their eyebrows. Crazy Hand turned to them.

"Well, I suppose that will be all for this meeting. Safe travels, friends. If you'll excuse me…"

Crazy Hand turned back to the escape pole…

…and immediately soared out the window, shattering it once again.

Neither the ninja nor the trainer said a word.


It was only a few minutes later when Master Hand's alloys were sent to patrol the halls, keeping watch for anyone out of their rooms. However, they served no purpose to detect Red and Sheik, who slipped back to their dorms with ease.

As one might expect, many of the Smashers resented the feeling of being cooped up for someone else's wrongdoing. However, none had the guts to risk getting caught by the alloys, and inevitably being shipped to Master Hand's council. So they figured a way around it.

The dorms, for better or for worse, were all located in one singular building. Every room had a window, and therefore a relay point. This was one of the few reasons Pit hated having wings. Whenever something like this came up, he and all the other airborne Smashers were roped into messenger service, relaying chat sessions and information written on index cards from room to room, around the exterior of the building. Unfortunately for Pit, he was the only one kind enough to put up with this airmail express service. Meta Knight would have no part of it, King Dedede the same, and Kirby was too busy trying to swallow his own bed. Rob, who was usually the best at transmitting messages like this, had plugged himself into charge. He was literally flying solo on this one, and it was wearing him out, even with the Wings of Pegasus running full blast.

He dropped onto Zelda's balcony and received her freshly written card.

"Where to?" He smiled.

"Link, if you please."

"How'd I guess…" He joked and took off, soaring back to his room, where his roommate Link, awaited.

"One from Zelda." He flung the card into the window, giving just enough warning to have the Hero of Time catch the slip of paper like a football pass.

Link nodded thanks to the angel as he soared away, called by Peach, who was sending a suspiciously large amount of letters to Mario.

He glimpsed over the card, forever enchanted by the princess's elegant, curly handwriting.

Link,

Well? What did I tell you? You should have apologized to Crazy Hand when you had the chance! Now Ike's been put in the infirmary over some stupid prank!

Zelda

He whipped out a pen and a fresh card, and began to scribble onto it.

Zelda,

Didn't Sheik say that Crazy Hand hadn't left his room all day? There's no way it was him. Even if we apologized to Crazy, whoever's got it out for us wouldn't let up. All we can do is keep our heads down until Master Hand sorts all this out.

Link

He stood and walked over to his balcony, extending his arm with the card pinched in his fingers.

A few moments later, like a signal to a carrier pigeon, Pit swooped by and scooped up the card.

"Where to?"

"Zelda."

With a flutter of feathers, the note was airborne.

After a minute or so, Zelda's reply found its way back into the Hero's hands.

Link,

I suppose that's true, but who knows? Maybe this whole charade is just SO you apologize? Maybe someone's finally fed up with all the pranks you guys pull. It's just a theory, of course, but it couldn't hurt to try. I don't want to see you end up like Ike did.

Zelda

Another card, more scribbling. He hated how badly his handwriting looked in comparison to hers.

Zelda,

Maybe you're right. But at any rate, it's not like I can do anything about it now. We've all been imprisoned, remember? We couldn't apologize to Crazy Hand if we wanted to. Right now, I'm just glad I've got an angel for a roommate; he can keep me safe from whoever's got it out for us. I feel bad for Marth, though, because he's all alone in his room.

Link

Another relay.

Link,

Send Crazy Hand a message, dummy! We're running poor Pit ragged with this half-baked carrier pigeon system, so we may as well do something productive with it. As for Marth, I do see some reason for concern. I'll send him a card to check on him when Pit gets back. But in the meantime, send Crazy an apology!

Zelda

The Hero sighed. She had a point, like she usually did.

Once again, he put a pen to paper.

Zelda,

Alright, fine. I'll write him one, if it'll make you happy. I don't have much to say, other than that. Goodnight, princess. Sweet dreams.

Link

He did his best to put a little creative flair into the way he signed his name, but with his backwoods farmhand chickenscratch, it only looked like a line of jumbled-up hieroglyphs. He groaned as he looked at it, but he couldn't be bothered to re-write the thing, no matter how short it was. He was running out of index cards.

After Zelda's letter, Link scrawled out another message, this one for Crazy Hand. When both notes were finished, he strolled over to the window and flagged the Hermes of Smash Manor down.

A few moments, a few soft flutters, and suddenly there was an angel perched on the balcony railing.

He accepted the two cards and held each one up.

"Wher-"

"That one's for Zelda," Link cut him off absentmindedly, "and the other's for Crazy Hand."

Pit nodded quietly and took off, fluttering over to Zelda's room.

The princess was already on her balcony when the angel landed soundlessly, a soft breeze toying with the long strands of chestnut hair that flowed elegantly from her tiara.

Pit didn't speak immediately, but instead held his tongue as he observed the sorceress, a bit taken aback by the beauty she displayed whenever the wind streamed through the ruffles of her dress. Her figure was so dainty, her skin so milky and pure. He actually found himself blushing after a short spell.

Whoa…he thought, as if just realizing it now…Zelda's really pretty…

He jumped as her head swiveled to him, like she had just noticed him there. Had he said that last part out loud?

She smiled gorgeously, her lips curling into a warm, welcoming grin. She reached out a hand with and open, upturned palm, expectant of a letter from her Hero. Pit shook off his emotions for a second and dug the note out of his pocket, handing it embarrassedly to Zelda without a word.

She didn't seem fazed as she read over the letter, reaching into her dress pocket and pulling out a fresh card, fondling it daintily in her delicate, gloved fingers. Pit beheld her with a befuddled feeling of enchantment, like she was hypnotizing him. Something inside him kept his gaze locked onto her, like he couldn't look away. And so he was stuck there, awkwardly staring at the breathtaking monarch while she scanned a letter from her one true love.

He perked up as she smiled just a bit, giggling lightly, signaling that she had finished reading. Creasing the note in half, she looked up to the angel, who hadn't moved a muscle since he arrived. She handed Pit the letter she had pulled out earlier, smiling warmly.

Pit shuddered as her silky, gloved hands made contact with his bare ones.

"W-where to?"

"Marth's room, if you please."

"Certainly, princess."

He turned to take off, but Zelda suddenly caught his shoulder. He tensed.

"Wait, there's one more thing."

Zelda gently spun him around and took hold of his other shoulder. She could feel him tremble under her touch.

"Wish Link goodnight for me, would you? I won't be around to kiss him goodbye, so I'll be counting on you. Can you do that?"

He gulped.

"O-of course, p-pri-"

He was rendered silent as Zelda placed a fragile kiss on his reddened cheek.

Samus suddenly rolled out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped tautly around her voluptuous figure, her hair wrapped up in an odd bun of sorts.

"Hey, Zel, we're out of shampoo-"

She stopped dead cold when she saw her roommate tasting her angel's little cheek. Steaming, she activated her arm cannon and raised it to Zelda's head.

"BITCH! GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!" She screamed.

Zelda squealed giddily as Samus unloaded missiles at her, each connecting with a diamond shaped shield the princess put up at the last second. Pit took that opportunity to take his leave of that particular balcony, rocketing off the railing and soaring down to Marth's room.

However, as he did, something caught his eye. To be specific, Smash Manor's swimming pool.

It was filled to the brim with…was that peanut butter?

Pit furrowed his brow, bewildered. Maybe Crazy Hand was up to his old tricks again.

Settling on that thought, Pit touched down silently onto the Fire Emblem dorm's balcony. He pulled Zelda's note out of his toga and walked inside the double glass doors.

What he found was the most peculiar of things. All of the furniture in the room had been completely removed, save for the dresser, but that had been moved to one of the chamber's corners. In the center of the room sat a small cannon, like the one he had been shot out of in order to acquire the Lightning Chariot, only on a much smaller scale. Marth was nowhere to be found.

Puzzled, Pit stalked a little closer towards the unassuming battery, a little perplexed as to where it came from or why it was here in the first place.

He heard a small hissing.

He looked around the room, but he found nothing emanating a sound. Slowly, he looked out to the balcony, intrigued to find a great view of the pool from this angle.

wait…

Pit finally managed to put two and two together.

Terrified, he shot a glance into the cannon, catching the blue sheen of Marth's hair in the glare of the sun.

Sweet Palutena, he was unconscious.

Immediately, Pit tried to reach in and pull the prince out, but the length of the barrel wouldn't permit the angel's reach to do so. The archer glanced erratically around the room, looking for something that could help him get Marth out of the weapon.

He clutched his hands over his ears. Whatever that hissing was wouldn't let him think properly.

…wait…hissing?

With eyes impossibly wide, Pit's irises were horrified to find the fuse on the cannon lit…

…and incredibly short…

BLAM!

The walls shook as the cannon erupted; the sound deafening Pit and catching the attention of all the Smashers who happened to be stationed on their balconies. Marth's unconscious figure was sent soaring ungracefully in an arc, a pillar of smoke trailing him.

Countless eyes watched in awe and admiration as Marth plunged into the sludgy pool, hardly making a splash, but more of a harsh SMACK as he collided with the peanut butter.

A collective "ooooh…" could be heard in the air.

Immediately, Pit galvanized the Wings of Pegasus, rocketing off the balcony and out into the air, piercing through the smoke from the cannon. He followed Marth's arc and touched down at the pool, and immediately began to drag the prince out. Everyone watched from their windows, and air of confusion and unease about the whole building.


It wasn't but a minute until Master Hand was on the scene.

He hovered ominously around each Smasher's balcony, emanating an extremely ticked-off, menacing mood that chilled all who were near him.

"I suppose I did not make myself clear enough before." He thundered, causing the building to shudder. Master Hand was usually so reserved, so polite; whenever something proved itself worthy enough to get him angry, he could truly be a terrifying sight.

"Lockdown means LOCKDOWN, people. I'm afraid this turn of events has forced me to initiate even more disciplinary action upon the lot of you. Whoever the culprit is, I hope you realize the stress and frustration that you're causing for your comrades. If you come clean now, there will be no additional punishment administered to you or to your fellow Smashers."

As one might expect, not a sound could be heard.

Master Hand's evil aura seemed to grow in size.

"I see. Very well, then."

Almost instantaneously, four alloys of all colors materialized in every Smasher's room.

"Until further notice, you will be under constant supervision of the alloys twenty four hours a day. The rooms will now be barred by my command."

A small flash of light was administered over everyone's doors, sealing them tightly shut.

The extremity's voice shook the complex.

"No one is to leave this building under ANY circumstance. Meals will be delivered to you."

Satisfied with the disdainful groans emanating from the dorm building, Master Hand turned and faced the peanut butter-filled pool, watching as Pit finally managed to pull the Prince out.

From Master Hand's bird-eye view, he could see something written in massive letters in the brown muck.

A message scrawled across the pool. It read: APATHETIC.

He sighed and floated away.

However, if he had paid close enough attention, he could have spotted a flash of movement near Red's window…

…like a rope suddenly being pulled into the shutters….


There we go! All done.

Yes, it has been a while since I've updated last, but I had exams and this new term started and I'm completely swamped…I'm sorry. These updates are really starting to get fewer and farther between.

Onto the Author's Notes!

I think Samus is developing somewhat of a tickle fetish with Pit. It's fun as hell to write those scenes, so I hope you guys are having fun with it on your end as well.

Hermes is an ancient Greek god, the son of Zeus and some other chick (Zeus was a player) and was the messenger of the gods. I guess you could call him the Greek representation of an angel. Makes sense in Pit's case.

Speaking of, how'd you guys like the part where I had Pit running relay? Fan-art request for any of my viewers who can draw: Pit running love letters from Link and Zelda over balconies or some other romantic location.

And while I'm on the subject, did I see a little Pit/Zelda in the works…? On the balcony…? Maybe…?

Nah, must've been my imagination.

Well, I guess I'll wrap it up here. Glad you guys put up with my procrastination long enough to catch this chapter. The next one will be out as soon as I can write it up! (84 years in the future)

As always, fav, follow, review, vote, all of the above, or none of them, in which case you should just sit at your computer and feel happier for reading something.

Don't worry, folks! Summer's on the way!

-Mohawkman2233