So, when the sun goes down, the clock strikes one in the A.M., and I have a Midterm Essay due in a couple days, you know what I do?

I WRITE FANFICTION!

Decided to speed up the update as much as I could. Hope you guys like it!


Link was a WRECK. Only about fifteen minutes after Marth's glorious flight dazzled the inhabitants of Smash Manor and after Master Hand had voiced his tirade, things were finally starting to settle into the Hero's particularly thick head. Ike and Marth had both been "punished" already. Who knew how long it would be until he was next.

He sprawled out on his bed, beads of sweat beginning to form on his forehead. He wiped his brow in anxiety, eager to find something that could take his mind off the present situation.

He didn't exactly get what he wanted.

Without warning, four alloys of individual colors materialized in the room, letting out an impolite blast of radiance as they did so.

Link jumped and tumbled off the bed.

THUNK!

He groaned and pulled himself back up to the bedside, staring daggers at the alloys across the room. Master Hand's magic was too flashy for his taste.

Pit landed on the balcony, perched on the railing like a mockingbird.

"Oh, I see we have guests." He remarked, smirking light-heartedly to Link.

Only a cold stare in reply.

The alloys jolted bit, then suddenly began moving about the room, like marionettes jumping around on their strings. While the alloys were nothing more than mindless entities Master Hand whipped up in order to help train the inhabitants of Smash Manor (as well as to prevent the place from completely falling apart), they really were the creepiest things. They each had a distinctive style of either Mario, Kirby, Zelda, or Captain Falcon, and you could easily determine which by simply looking at their figure and mannerisms, if their color didn't define their type anyway. Seeing a robot imitate one of your friends, and succeed in doing so to a T, was irrefutably unsettling. The monochrome eye that pulsed in the center of each of their bulbous heads kept hidden where their attentions truly lied, meaning that they could be looking in a different direction from you but have you dead in their sights, and you'd never even give it a thought.

But perhaps the absolute creepiest thing about the mechanical manifestations was that they were nothing more than Master Hand's playthings. Nothing more than his mindless puppets.

Ones he could turn on you in an instant.

The angel and the hero continued to watch bewilderedly as the alloys stumbled about the room, presumably inspecting the chamber for anything suspicious. What they considered suspicious was beyond the two spectating teens, as with the variety of interesting characters that resided at the Manor, you could find anything from spare grenades to dead Pikmin hidden away in the rooms.

Pit sighed. He glanced disdainfully to Link.

"I can't believe that we're seriously-"

Almost instantaneously, the four alloys jolted sharply, harsh mechanical screeches reverberating from their mechanized insides. They began to shake violently, small streaks of electricity bouncing off their figures. The eye in each of the robot's heads began to blink furiously.

Pit and Link's heads snapped back to the drones, caught off guard by the noise.

Immediately, the alloy shaped like Kirby began to bust out into an impeccable breakdancing routine, sending his little frame spinning around the room like a top on a table. The one shaped like Zelda fell to her knees and started ripping out pieces of the carpet, screeching some gibberish in garbled tones.

The one shaped like Mario proceeded to hump the TV.

Taken aback, Pit and Link exchanged glances of utter shock and befuddlement as the alloys continued to trash the room. Taking the initiative, the angel sprang into action, rushing over to the Zelda-shaped alloy and grabbing her by the wrists.

In response, she swiftly bicycle-kicked Pit into the ceiling and continued her duel with the carpet.

After witnessing that unexpected occurrence, Link decided to join in on the fun. Grabbing the Master Sword from his bedside, he rushed the alloy with a spin attack, slicing off its arms, and the majority of its torso.

The blue, sizzling fragments of the mechanical Zelda crumbled to the floor.

The green alloy's eye suddenly flashed red, staring straight at the Hero. The robot lunged for the Hylian with a surprising burst of speed, ready to attack-

-and was swiftly axe-kicked by Pit, who had removed his head from the paneling above.

A small whine, and the alloy shut down.

The Mario-shaped one was still furiously humping the TV. Pit plugged an arrow into its head.

Link knelt down, examining the green alloy beneath his feet, while the other fell to the carpet with a clatter of metal.

"What the hell was that?" He stated, not exactly sure what to be looking for as he scrutinized a piece of the robot.

Pit didn't reply, but shifted his gaze around the room a couple of times.

"Wait…where's the fourth one?"

As if on cue, a loud crash rang out from the bathroom. Startled, the two teens rushed across the room and flung the door open.

They were greeted with the sight of none other than the Captain Falcon-shaped alloy, having an electrical spaz attack in the bathtub, squirming and twitching like a squirrel on speed. The entire room looked like a tornado hit it. There was shaving cream and toothpaste lining every inch of the walls, toilet paper clogging up the sink drain, and the shower curtain was in tatters.

The boys didn't have a second to register the train wreck in front of them before the spastic alloy suddenly leapt to its feet, and with and ear-piercing mechanical screech, angrily pointed a finger at Link.

It then proceeded to dance the Macarena. Pit buried a blade in its head.

Link glanced at the angel with and utter sense of confusion. Pit only shrugged back.

The Hero turned on his heel, stopping cold as soon as he saw the bathroom mirror.

Splattered out in blood were the words: "YOU'RE NEXT."

Link screamed and backed up a few feet. The noise caught Pit's attention, and he followed his gaze to the harrowing sight.

He smirked. Walking up to the mirror, he dipped his finger into the crimson liquid and tasted it.

Before Link could hurl, the angel turned to the Hero and smiled.

"Cherry toothpaste."

It wasn't but two seconds later that an army of alloys appeared in the room, swiftly grabbing and subduing both teens in full nelsons from behind. Pit winced as his wings were crushed up against his back, he and Link marched out to the main compartment of their room.

…where Master Hand was most impatiently waiting.

Link gulped.

The Hand's voice could have very well registered on the Richter scale.

"I would never have expected the culprit to be right under my nose, and biding his time in the room of one of the perpetrators." He stated ominously.

He turned to look at the subdued Hero.

"You're lucky we caught him in time. Any longer, and I'm sure you would have been attacked as well."

Link and Pit exchanged glances of confusion.

The angel drew a breath.

"Wait…me?"

"Yes, YOU." He replied quite curtly.

Link began to speak.

"Master Hand, no, Pit's isn't the-"

"Oh? And what evidence would you have against me?"

Again, Link gulped.

"Er-"

"Since you don't seem to understand, allow me to make the situation clear to you, Hero of Time." Master Hand said, adopting a very snooty, middle school principal-like tone. "I was alerted that some of the alloys that I had sent to observe the Smashers were under attack. I follow the source of the distress signal and find myself here, in the room of one of the culprit's targets. The only other person in the room with the target is Pit. Who else does that leave for suspicion?"

"But that's not what happened!" Pit exclaimed.

"Silence." Master Hand boomed. "I've had it up to here with you and your antics."

Pit shrunk about two sizes.

"But he's not lying!" Link returned. "The alloys malfunctioned and attacked us!"

"Impossible. MY alloys don't malfunction." Master Hand retorted.

The overwhelming extremity leaned in towards Pit, succeeding in scaring the living shit out of the little angel.

"I suppose I should have known that the one running around punishing yesterday's culprits would have been someone with a strong sense of judgment. And who better to judge someone than an angel?"

Link felt a scoff welling up in his throat, but he managed to hold it down.

"Master Hand…" he stated rather calmly, "…even I have to admit that that's faulty logic."

"That's enough out of YOU, as well." The Hand asserted. "It's thanks to you and your lot that this issue came into being in the first place." He turned from the angel.

"What I don't seem to understand is why you would go to such lengths to defend him. You're the one he's targeting. You must value him greatly."

Link scowled.

"But-"

Master Hand interrupted him.

"ANYWAY," he exclaimed, turning away quite rudely, "the culprit has been apprehended. My work here is finished." He snapped his gargantuan fingers, and immediately the alloys restraining Link released their holds.

The unprepared Hero stumbled to the floor.

Master Hand coughed and waved a finger to the remaining half of his alloys, beckoning them to follow. The androids jolted to life, and suddenly began marching behind the hand, dragging the angel along with them. Pit offered no resistance and simply hung his head.

Link gritted his teeth and rose off the carpet.

"Wait! He's innocent, dammit!"

It was no use. Master Hand and his surrounding army had already vanished.


Sheik drew the blinds closed while Crazy Hand cracked his knuckles, the hand settling back down into his gargantuan leather loveseat.

Red was pleased to find that the turtle from the day before had been let down from the ceiling. Unfortunately, now it was missing its shell. The trainer decided not to seat himself upon the sopping mass of unsettling green flesh that was waddling around the room, so he once again took a seat upon the floor.

Yes, they were back in Crazy Hand's room. They had been so since a few seconds after Master Hand had delivered his little soap-box warning. The disturbance had allowed Red to remove the rope that he used to gain access to Marth's room and conceal it in the roof tiles of his own dorm, promptly sneaking off to Crazy Hand's abode before the new batch of alloys could be summoned to inspect the rooms. He had arrived to find Sheik already in the room, discussing things with the deranged extremity.

"Well, that should suit our purposes quite nicely." Crazy Hand stated, the soft teal aura of his activated magic beginning to die down around him.

He turned to Red.

"You continue to impress me, my friend. Asking me to remotely take command of the alloys in Link's room and cause them to go haywire has not only cleared your head of suspicion, but nearly everyone else's as well. My brother will be content with his capture, and I know for a fact that Pit will show no indignation about being falsely accused."

Sheik sighed.

"The notion had its risks, however. I'm just glad that you could interfere with the alloy's control signals in the first place. If we hadn't asked you to silence the ones that were sent to our rooms, our entire operation could have been compromised."

The hand waved a finger.

"Nonsense! My brother and I share the same power. Anything he can do, I can do better."

He took a breath.

"Though I must say, I am entirely pleased with the outcome. I never expected you to punish Link as you did. Instead of a traditional prank, you're going to torment him by having him watch his friend suffer for something that HE was the cause of. I'd say that's worse than any prank we could throw at him, wouldn't you agree?"

Red only gave a dark smile and a small nod.

Crazy Hand seemed to accept that as he began once again to rummage around in his desk drawers.

"Alright, then, I believe some compensation is in order for all the trouble I've caused you…ah! Here it is."

Red stood from the floor and walked a few paces up to the hand's desk. What would it be this time? A rotten piece of a sandwich? A dead bird? The shell of the sad excuse for a turtle that was writing around on the carpet?

…he'd actually be okay with that last one.

But no, Crazy Hand coughed up the one thing that no one would have ever suspected.

He handed Red a small envelope, pinched between his titanic fingers.

The trainer was almost disappointed to find actual, legitimate money inside.

And a ton of it, too.

Red looked back up at the hand with a bewildered look in his eyes.

Crazy Hand scoffed.

"What? I may be some disinterested, otherworldly god to the eyes of you mortals, but that doesn't mean that I have no conceptual understanding of real-world currency."

He arose from his chair and hovered towards the window, opening the blinds that Sheik had just closed.

The ninja sighed.

Crazy Hand stared out the window and began to speak once again.

"Well, I believe that makes this operation a success. I can't say that I'm elated that Pit will be receiving the blame for all this, but better him than us, correct?"

He turned.

"Thank you, Red. This mission wouldn't have been possible without your ingenuity and resourcefulness. You have my thanks."

Sheik crossed her arms.

"You've proven yourself worthy of the title Sheikah. You have my respect."

That meant the world to Red. If he was any better at expressing his own emotions, he might have actually blushed. Instead he just kinda sat there with an awkward little smile plastered onto his face.


Word got around Smash Manor fast that Pit had been discovered to be the culprit. Link was also quick to explain the situation's circumstances to everyone he could find. The Smashers were allowed to leave their rooms once again, and the alloys were all collected by Master Hand. Ike was actually out of the infirmary faster than anyone expected, coming to his senses before the day was even out.

Marth wasn't so lucky. He was still out cold.

And so it was, that only a few minutes after they all were cleared of suspicion, our group found themselves within the workplace of Dr. Mario, encircling Marth's hospital bed, talking to one another.

"That doesn't make any sense." Ike attested, rocking back and forth in one of the chairs aligned along the wall. "There's no way Pit could have been the one to do all of that. He was at the table when I was knocked out, right?"

Link groaned, lazily poking at Navi with the Master Sword as she swirled about the room.

"I don't have a clue. Take it up with Master Hand; he seems to be pretty ambitious to give the kid the hatchet."

Zelda shook her head.

"But it's not good for the Manor in general if we have a host who's so quick to punish people without solid evidence! That's not what a leader is supposed to do!"

Ike's expression twisted a bit. Always the responsible one. She reminded him so much of Elincia it almost made him uncomfortable.

Samus cracked her knuckles. You could tell she was looking for a fight just from the glare in her eyes.

"Bullshit's what it is." She stated rather bluntly, agreeing with Zelda in her own little way. "What the hell is Master Hand thinking, anyway? He's just a kid."

"Well, technically he's over a thousand years old." Link returned.

Zelda paused.

"Does that make him a pedophile?"

"SHUT UP!" Samus shouted, alarming the princess. "I'm sick of people accusing Pit of things he'd never do!"

Everyone looked at the huntress. Well, except for Peach, whose eyes were super-glued to the unconscious Marth in the bed below her, whom she knew had nothing on underneath the thin hospital blanket above him. His regular outfit had been sullied with peanut butter, and the rooms had been sealed off at the time of the incident. Why no one had bothered to lend him some regular clothes by now was still unknown…

"Samus, calm down," Ike spoke, "it's not like anyone else is blaming him. Last I heard, people were pretty ticked off at Master Hand for letting his judgment go off on that sucky logic."

"Besides, honestly, what's he going to do? Have any of us actually ever been punished by Master Hand? What does he do to people he actually catches?" Link stated, trying to stay a bit more upbeat.

A few small plops resonating from the doorway announced Kirby's entrance into the infirmary. Everyone's heads shifted and inevitably lowered to behold the little pink blob, clutching a stack of flyers in his nubby little arms. He did his best to lift them towards the collection of Smashers.

"Poyo." He squeaked.

Zelda knelt down and picked up a flyer. She brought it to her gaze, scanning it and reading it aloud.

"Attention: All Smashers are cordially invited to the public castigation of the perpetrator of the recent obscene occurrences: Pittavian Thompson Icarus. The event will begin at 4:00 P.M. and may continue for as long as needed. The offender will be strung up on ropes in the yard, against a crucifix of my own design. He will be open to heckling and rotten vegetables will be supplied for projectile purposes. Refreshments will be provided."

She looked a little farther down on the page.

"Though this is optional, those who fail to show up and participate will meet the same ends as the offender."

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Ike shouted.

"Oh my God!" Samus yelled, snatching the paper out of Zelda's hands and reading it herself.

"That sounds terrible!" Peach exclaimed, taking a flyer off of Kirby's stack, soon followed by Ike. Kirby seemed to tremble with each flyer that was taken away from him...

A small smile curled onto Link's face.

"Pit's middle name is Thompson?"

Nobody paid him any mind.

"THIS is what Master Hand does when he punishes somebody?" Samus raged. "It's like medieval torture!"

"What's like medieval torture?" Marth slurred a little dizzily, finally coming to.

"PIT'S GETTING CRUCIFIED!" Samus screamed at him, taking no initiative to fill him in on anything else that had occurred.

"What?!" Immediately, he jumped out of the bed and snatched a flyer off of Kirby's stack.

The soft flutter of the blanket behind him was almost deafening in comparison to the utter silence that suddenly filled the room.

Marth wasn't expecting the coolness of the breeze from the air conditioner to feel so…unhindered.

Peach and Zelda passed out, crumpling to the floor.

Samus held her nosebleed and raised a gun to Marth's head.

"Blanket. NOW." She hissed.

Marth paused, looked at Samus, and flashed a big, toothy grin. Swiftly he wrapped himself up in the sheet, toga style.

Again, he took a look at the paper.

"So wait, Pit's the one who did it? That doesn't make any-"

Ike shook his head.

"Master Hand based the conclusion off some shitty evidence. He's just happy to have found someone to blame. What with the ballroom collapsing and now this whole fiasco, I think he's started to see himself as a little inadequate."

Link coughed. "Whatever the case, he's taken this a bit too far." He stood from his chair and walked over to Samus, whose livid eyes were burning a hole into the poor piece of paper before her. He put a hand on her trembling shoulder.

"Easy there, Sam."

"Piss off." She growled back at him. "None of this would have ever even happened if it wasn't for you guys and your dumbass prank!"

Link drew back a little bit.

Marth dove in to save him.

"Samus, we didn't know what we'd be getting into when we did it. It was a harmless intent. There's no use worrying about it now. It's in the past."

She groaned. The evil scowl on her lips melted into a reluctant grin.

"You sound like an old woman."

Marth smiled.

"That aside," he continued, "we've got to go to that…er…assembly. If we all testify against Master Hand's sentence, then he's got to let him off the hook, right?"

Link groaned.

"I highly doubt that it's going to be that simple, but it's all we got right now. Come on. Let's go."

Samus glanced at Marth.

"But we're getting you some clothes first."

He laughed.

Ike lifted the two unconscious princesses off the floor and heaved them over his shoulders. The group started on their way out, stopped by Kirby, who hadn't moved an inch from where he stood before. He was sweating buckets, trembling like mad, his eyes locked onto the flyers in the Smashers' hands.

Link furrowed his brow. He knelt down.

"Hey…Kirby? You alright bud?"

In an instant, Kirby's mouth flew open. A massive vortex of spiraling wind enveloped the Smashers, snatching all of the flyers out of their hands. Immediately all of the papers were sucked into Kirby's gaping maw, gulped down in a flash.

Kirby ran in a few circles and then finally scrambled out the door, squealing all the way.

"POYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYOPOYO!" Echoed down the hall.

Silence for a few moments.

"Hey guys?" Marth said, his voice a somewhat lessened.

"Yeah?"

"…I'm gonna need another blanket."


WAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Hello again, my beloved viewers!

Yes, the justice system in this joint has gone to complete shit. BUT, that's just the way things go.

First off, I'd like to say sorry for skipping out for so long. I believe the last time I updated was in March, and it's already nearing the end of May. So I'm sorry for any of you who may have thought that I (and more importantly, the story) was dead. But the good news is, IT'S SUMMER AGAIN! The actual time when this story is supposed to take place! Sheesh, it's almost been a year since we got on this crazy ride, and we're already at the sixteenth chapter! Does that mean by next year, we'll have more than 30? Boy, I sure hope so!

All my thanks goes out to all you guys in the audience who continually use threats to keep me writing. It makes me feel like I'm doing something great. I honestly never thought this story would get as far or nearly as popular as it did, but it did! Thank you all for your continued support, and I hope you guys keep it coming!

Link: JUST CUT OUT THE MUSHY BULLCRAP AND GET TO THE AUTHOR'S NOTES ALREADY!

Pit: (is strung up on cross) Help!

Alright, alright… ONTO THE AUTHOR'S NOTES!

Now, one of the main issues that's been staring me in the face for a little while. Yes, everyone, I know that it is FARORE, not "Fayore." But I didn't realize it at the time I wrote it. Plus, since all those chapters are almost a year old now, I'd have to resubmit the word document in order to edit the text, and that sounds like a ton of work, so…I'M NOT GONNA DO IT! *crosses arms and pouts*

Just know that I know that it's wrong, and I'm sorry.

(The same thing goes for Sheikah, which I started off spelling it as Sheikiah)

Man…dem alloys…good for comic relief…

It was fun as hell to write that scene, so I hope you guys liked it!

I've noticed recently that there are a ton of guests who keep checking out this story…is that my veteran viewers spreading the word…? You guys are pretty sweet!

Speaking of guests, Moblinkebab, thanks for the kind words! Glad to have another Zelda fan viewing my stuff! (If I can even call myself that, I misspelled Farore's name…)

BUT, on a more serious note, Turquoiseluv134, I'm sad to hear that you're leaving Fanfiction. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, and I hope you have a happy life.

…I also hope I got this out in time for you to read it, otherwise it'll be pointless.

Now, I have a little question for you guys. What do you think I look like? This is just a little something I thought up one day. I don't think any of you have actually even seen a picture of me, so I'm curious as to how you think I look. (And don't bother checking my profile page, cause I took that section down.)

…(and those of you who DO remember what I wrote, PLEASE don't say it. I want this to be fun.)

I'll mention whoever gets the closest and whoever I find the funniest in my next chapter. Just write a review with your description whenever you feel like it, but it's got to before my next update! (Which will be soon, by the way, now that summer's here!) Just do it if you want to, I was just a little curious.

Moving on, yes, this chapter was a little shorter than normal. I was so excited, I had this chapter like halfway done, and then school let out yesterday. I worked all night on it so I could get it out by my first day of summer (some of you may have already been out). I hope you all enjoyed it!

Well, that's about all my fingers can take. I'm gonna go play Skyward Sword.

Link: You're not gonna make me faceplant off my bird again, are you?

Link: YOU FUCKER YOU TOTALLY ARE!

BUT IT'S SO MUCH FUN!

Well, gotta go! Peace!

-Mohawkman2233