Alright! Time for sum JUSSSSTIIIIIICE!

Well? What did I tell you? I said the next update would come soon, and here it is! It's a tad short, but that's just the price you pay.

Pit: *is still on cross* Somebody get me down!

Everyone: Don't worry, Pit, we're coming!


It wasn't long before the entire population of Smash Manor was out on the front lawn, assembled in a disorganized blob awkwardly awaiting the commencement of the distasteful event. The group showed up just as it hit about 3:57, the princesses coming to in the commotion.

You could feel the contempt thick in the air.

Marth flipped his hair out of his eyes and tightened the collar of his newly-donned garments.

"Samus, you're a veteran Smasher, has something like this ever happened before?"

"What? I've been here as long as she has! Am I not good enough to ask?" Link snapped.

Marth brushed him off.

"Once during the first tournament." She replied, still steaming, but a bit more stable. "Bowser tried to overrun the Manor with his shitty turtle goons in an attempt to capture Peach. Master Hand flushed them out in an instant, then got rid of every lighter in the entire Manor."

"Oh…that's what that was about?" Link cut in. "I just thought the ninja turtles had been invited to Smash Bros…"

"Samus, the correct term is Koopa Troopas." Peach informed.

The huntress growled at her. The princess withdrew affrightedly.

"Why'd he do that?" Marth continued. "Doesn't make any sense."

"He did that so whenever someone needed something lit, like a candle or a campfire or something, Bowser had to use his fire breath on it. Master Hand didn't just leave it at odds and ends, either. He actually whipped up an enormous firewood oven and had Bowser light the thing for no reason. It looked like it was hell for him, too. He started looking like a heavy smoker after the first couple weeks."

Marth's eyes widened a couple sizes.

"Yeah, Master Hand may seem like the responsible coworker to you teacher's pet types, but he can be a real dick when he wants to." Her eyes narrowed, enforcing her point.

A large flash in the center of the yard grabbed everyone's attention. As it subsided, Pit could be seen in some manner of pulsating chains, his wings in a pinch lock from Master Hand, who was floating behind him. His face was twisted in pain. The whole scene looked like a hand of a heartless kid trying to squash a newborn bird.

Samus gritted her teeth.

"Like now." She hissed.

Master Hand allowed a few more sets of chains to materialize around the angel before releasing him from his titanic fingers. He lifted his…er…hand to the assembled Smashers.

"Welcome, my friends. I am pleased to see you all have come here for the honorable purpose of discouraging evil and purging it from this poor, unfortunate soul." His voice had a triumphant tone to it, making him seem all the more pompous.

The air suddenly seemed to get a few degrees hotter. Marth looked down to Samus.

If the prince was ever to see the very incarnation of anger, he was probably looking at it right now. There were visible steam lines fuming off her seething blonde mane. Even Ike took a step back.

The crowd seemed to explode all at once, shouted heckles and jaunts bursting forth and hammering Pit. All manner of things began to fly in his direction, from green shells to Pikmin, from old Smash coins to fireballs. The group of six kept quiet, but instead glanced around disbelievingly at the people that they had thought to be their comrades, now shaming Pit for something that they knew that he didn't commit. Was Master Hand's influence truly this powerful? Or was it just the fear of ending up the same way as Pit that was driving them to this?

Master Hand's overpowering voice dominated the crowd's.

"Well, no sense in delaying what's due. LET THE EVENT COMMENCE!"

In an instant, Pit's chains disappeared, reshaping themselves into a small pillar behind his back. Immediately, the pillar grew to an immense size, shooting up into the sky. Two extensions branched off from the pillar as soon as it reached a certain height, spreading out into a cross shape. Pit's body followed the free-forming material up as if he was glued to it, and his arms followed the branches that shot out from the sides. Soon, the cross's size was secure. In a flash, the crucifix fully materialized, evolving into an intricate structure with elaborate vine-like protrusions jutting off from every which way. A single red gemstone sat encrusted in the cross's tip, beginning to pulsate with an eerie crimson color.

Master Hand snapped his fingers. Several ropes suddenly appeared around the angel.

"Pittavian Thompson Icarus, this is the end of the line." He stated powerfully. "Do you have any last words before I let the masses do their damage?"

The angel seemed to awake from a daze. Slowly, he lifted his head to the crowd before him, a sense of life fading back into his little frame. His eyes quickly surveyed the gathering…

…until they locked onto Samus's.

The huntress was caught unprepared by the sudden linkage of their gazes. His eyes seemed to delve into hers, connecting them with an invisible, inseverable thread. He seemed to speak with his gaze, conveying an imperceptible message that only Samus could decipher.

The huntress choked up for an instant.

Master Hand laughed.

"Some say silence is a virtue, Pit. I'm glad to see that you at least have one of those."

He turned to the crowd.

Suddenly, every Smasher found an old cabbage materialized into their hands.

"YOU MAY BEGIN!"

And they flew.

Pit was battered with the putrid projectiles as they began to soar from the crowd, followed by the ear-piercing cries of anger and shame that emanated from nearly every present Smasher.

"MONSTER!" Popo yelled.

"Learn to show some respect!" Meta Knight shouted.

"MY CABBAGES!" Crazy Hand screeched, appearing out of nowhere.

Marth looked around him. Everyone had lost their minds. Even people like Lucas and Kirby were flinging food, albeit at pathetic lengths, to heckle the angel. Zelda was sobbing into Link's chest, Navi curled up on his shoulder. Ike was holding a hand over Peach's eyes. Pit was shamefully absorbing everything the crowd had in store for him, taking every bruise from the disgusting projectiles. The whole scene was a terrible one. His eyes slowly floated down to the rotten cabbage, still clutched within his trembling fingers.

What…what the hell is this? Has the whole world gone insane?

Like stained glass shattering in the silence of a church, everyone froze at the sound of a gunshot.

Marth didn't even need to look. He knew who it came from.

All eyes turned to a fully armored Samus Aran, smoldering arm cannon raised high into the air.

Pit slowly lifted his head, and if you didn't know any better, you could have sworn a tiny smile crawled across his lips.

Master Hand was shocked. Appalled, even.

"Miss Aran? What is the meaning of this?" He demanded after a few seconds of silence.

No answer. Not even a flinch. The huntress just stood there, motionless, like a statue.

"Miss Aran? Answer me!" Master Hand shouted, adopting a more aggressive tone.

"…shut your goddamn mouth."

Gasps.

Master Hand jolted back a little bit, infuriated.

"Wh-WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!" He thundered, shaking the very ground.

Marth's were as wide as billiard balls.

"…Sam…?"

Samus gave a little smile, invisible under her helmet, and switched to the setting that read: "Super Missiles."

"I said…"

She snapped the cannon up at Master Hand.

"SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH!"

With a mighty blast, an enormous rocket was sent screaming out of Samus's barrel, pointed right at the startled glove. He was able to get a force field up just in time.

BOOM!

The ensuing explosion shook the area, sending a cloud of dust awash over the Smashers. Samus took that opportunity to dash to the cross and space jump up to Pit, searing off the ropes with her welding laser. You could hear Master Hand roaring in the background like some sort of livid animal.

As soon as all the ropes were cut, Pit collapsed into Samus's arms, tears in his eyes.

"Easy there, kid. I got you."

"Thank you…Samus…I knew you'd…" He whimpered, barely conscious. Samus held the little angel a little closer.

"Don't thank me yet. We're not quite out of this."

Slinging him up princess style, she dropped back down to the ground. She spared no time in making her escape, as the dust cloud surrounding them was beginning to dissipate. Kicking her boots into a forward thrust, she bolted away as fast as her legs could carry her.

Master Hand forced a magical wind over the yard, dispelling the dust.

However, not before the huntress had made a clean getaway. Neither she nor the angel was present.

After the chaos had calmed, an atmosphere of tension descended upon the Smashers. No one in the crowd said a word. All eyes turned warily to Master Hand, who was becoming eerily silent. The Hand lowered himself to just above the ground, causing those nearby to take a careful step back.

Marth coughed nervously and took a step forward.

"Sir?" He leaned forward, placing a hand on the extremity's thumb. "Sir, are you alright?"

The Hand didn't budge. He only gave a small reply.

"Marth, my friend, you're of royal blood. Have you ever heard of total war?"

The prince furrowed his brow.

"Of…of course, sir. It's when an entire country has devoted all of its resources, energy and people to the cause of defeating an enemy, correct?"

"Very good. I'm glad to see such knowledge in young men."

The Hand snapped his fingers.

A blistering shock ran up Marth's spine. The prince spasmed, gritting his teeth, finding himself unable to move his body under the searing pain.

"AUGH!"

Master Hand cackled.

"Unfortunately for you, I won't be needing it.

Marth's arms and legs immediately went numb, swiftly followed by the rest of his body. His vision faded into nothingness, enveloped into a sea of black. A sighing breath left him as he passed into unconsciousness.

The crowd gasped, completely floored at Master Hand's actions.

But he hadn't even started his act yet.

Before the prince's body could crumple to the ground, Master Hand caught it with his telekinesis. He lifted Marth back up to his feet and swiveled him around, facing him towards the crowd.

The prince's unconscious figure opened its eyes, revealing an eerie green tint that had never been there before. The body was released from the telekinetic hold, and began to walk on its own. Master Hand moved Marth's figure around like a marionette on strings, contorting his own fingers to spark motion in the prince.

Sonic hurled.

Master Hand's voice was a lot deeper than normal.

"Now, everyone, stand still. This won't take but a minute."

With a thunderous noise, the Hand unleashed a massive wave of psychic energy dead set on the gathered Smashers. It roared like a freight train as it rushed at the crowd.

Zelda managed to get a force field out to cover herself and those in the nearby vicinity just in time, nearly shattering under the immense amount of power Master Hand had released. Ike, Peach, and Link jumped behind her, terrified at the sight of their surrounding comrades turning into what could practically be considered zombies.

Master Hand growled.

"Now, now, princess. There's no need for that."

Another tsunami of an energy wave was sent screaming in their direction.

Knowing that the diamond-shaped shield would falter if it took another hit, Zelda instead kicked up Farore's Wind, sending a ribbon spiraling around her and the three behind her.

Before the wave could make contact, the four had been whisked away.


DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Yes, yes, I know, super short chapter is super short, but it was such a good place for a cliffhanger that I just couldn't help myself.

ONTO THE AUTHOR'S NOTES!

Alright first, wow, has this story gotten serious. When I first started, I just thought it'd be a bunch of derpwad archs that had no real meaning and were always really funny and light hearted.

BUT APPARENTLY IT DIDN'T TURN OUT LIKE THAT

I promise, guys, when this arch is out of the way, we'll go back to funny stuff like fire extinguishers and Crazy Hand.

Oh yeah, by the way, Samus is no longer in a wheelchair. I'm not sure if you noticed or not, but she most definitely did not space jump up to Pit on the cross while still in a freaking chair. That would have just been weird. So disregarding whatever senses of flow and coherence that the story may have had at one point, I decided that she's now magically better.

...sorry, guys. I'll do better with stuff like that next time.

And, another thing that's staring me in the face: the relationship between Zelda and Sheik. To clarify my standings: Zelda knows that she can transform into Sheik. They are inherently the same person. HOWEVER, Zelda has no memory of what Sheik does with the body that they share whenever the ninja takes control. The same goes for Sheik.

On a happier note, I hope you guys are ready for some more Pit/Samus fluff! Boy, we haven't had any of that in AGES! I'm excited, can't you tell?

Oh, and I'm sure a little Link/Zelda fluff will be thrown in as well, as I'm kinda on a Zelda kick right now.

Did you guys get the "My cabbages!" reference? +50 awesome points to you if you did.

Oh my gosh! I almost forgot: the "What Does the Author Look Like?" nonsense. I got a lot more submissions than I was honestly expecting in the short time that has passed since the last update.

So the viewer who got the closest was RedheadRenegade, who said: "I always pictured you having dark brown hair, blue eyes, and an adolescent face, basically, a bit like Pit from Uprising. Just a guess, though."

Yeah. He basically hit the nail on the head.

The viewer who had the funniest idea was AngelSock, who said: "I imagine you have a Mohawk because of your name, though I'm leaning more toward a semi-long haircut if that's not the case. Light/fair skin and tall. On a less serious note, I see you as the type to wear Pikachu hoodies and those ridiculous anime sunglasses, the triangular ones. Ya know, Pokemon style! I imagine you make lots of facial expressions even when you aren't doing anything.

I do, and it makes life much more entertaining.

...

You also seem like you would just not wear clothes in general. Nakedness is just the most comfortable way to go and you seem like you enjoy comfort :P"

…that made me happy. Good job, AngelSock.

Alright, all laughs aside, hold onto your hats, ladies and gents, because the story's about to get SERIOUS.

Link: I thought you said it had already gotten too serious!

…er…

Link: JUST HOW FREAKING SERIOUS IS THIS STORY GOING TO GET

Well, I think I'll cut it off there. Peace!

-Mohawkman2233

Link: ANSWER ME YOU LITTLE-