Chapter Four – Sleep.
Edward's POV. Occurs sometime during the first half of Eclipse.
My sense of time had improved over the many nights I spent with Bella. I was often able to tell what time it was whether it was pitch black at 9 in the evening, or pitch black at 4 in the morning.
I listened while she slept, to her regular deep breaths, Charlie's loud snoring, the wind and rain as it often pelted her window. And, in the early morning hours, I listened to Bella as she spoke subconsciously into the darkness. Whenever she spoke my name, a soft warmth crept through my heart and the rest of me thereafter; it was a subtle reassurance that she loved me. Obviously, I knew this already, but it was still nice to be reminded. After all this time, I still found it hard to believe that someone as extraordinary as Bella could love such a creature as me.
I thought, again, of my human years, and how I didn't remember much about them. I certainly didn't remember sleeping, or dreaming. There was no point wondering what I'd dream about if I was able; Bella was all that mattered to me now. Ever.
As I sometimes did, I wished I was human. Just for a moment. To remember what it would be like to be able to escape the world, just for a few hours, to forget everything, and just… drift. Of course, there were other reasons I wished I was human, too, primarily because in that case Bella would never have to become a monster.
I never wished Carlisle hadn't changed me, though. I would never be able to thank him for that. If he hadn't changed me, I would firstly not still be here, and Bella would have never entered my life. I would also probably still be the naïve, full-of-himself teenage boy I was in 1918. But I wished, if pointlessly, that I could somehow have become a vampire for the last eighty years just so I could still be alive now, and then I could miraculously change back and be with Bella, as a human.
I sighed, almost silently. Such foolish things I longed for, when I should really be wishing on more important matters, for example that Bella managed to keep herself away from newborn werewolves long enough to keep me sane.
Bella's body started to shift, and she said my name once. The warmth spread through me, as it always did, and I caressed her face softly. She seemed to smile, and then started to sleep deeply again. Sometimes, I was so glad that she could sleep.
