*all is quiet in the SSBB Summer Production room*
*all the lights are off, and everyone is gone*
*a thin sliver of light shoots across the room as the main door slowly opens*
*the author quietly sneaks in*
Maybe they didn't notice I was g-
*a Paralyzer whip snaps around the author's neck as he's pulled violently to the floor. The lights flip on, and all the Smashers are standing over him, fuming*
Link: Hey there, PAL.
Ike: *shakes Ragnell at author* Mind telling us where you've been for the past few months?
*shrugs*
Doin' stuff.
Samus: *cracks knuckles* Not good enough.
*author suddenly breaks down in tears*
MUHBLURBBLURB AHM SO SORRRRY WAHMBLAH I WAS SOOOOOOOO BUZY I DIDN'T HAVE TIME SOBBITY SOBBITY SOB
*author is subsequently beaten to death by Smashers.*
*R.I.P. Mohawkman2233. Cause of Death: Laziness*
Yeah, yeah, hilarious. I'll talk about this later.
STORY!
After the boy awoke, Link brilliantly discovered that he could be calmed by allowing him to chew on the end of a USB drive. Everyone just kinda went along with it.
Soon enough, the boy was ushered to one side of the room, Palutena readying herself at the terminal once again. Everyone moved to their respective positions.
"Alright, maybe we'll have better luck with this one. HERE WE GO!"
Thrusting her hand back into the ethereal fish net, she dug around furiously, her face filled with determination. Everyone tensed, now that they knew what erratic dangers could arise out of the summoning circle.
Palutena's face lit up in an instant.
"GOT 'EM!" She screamed like some fisherman.
She yanked her hand back as hard as she could, the net flailing behind her, as if the ball of light she gripped was reluctant to let go.
Another burst of light blinded everyone in the room.
When the blast had faded, and everyone unclenched their eyelids, opening to the sight of what appeared to be a teenager of somewhat small stature. He was built tough, like a tank, with weighty-looking muscles bulging on his skin. His hair was trimmed neatly to a patch of short spikes on his head, and he was garbed in a gym outfit. Neon green boxing gloves took the place of his hands.
The echoing squeak of the summoned teen's shoes as he danced around in a boxer stance filled the room. After an unseen mind game of chicken, Pit reluctantly crept up to the boxer.
He looked human enough. Hopefully he could understand English?
Pit warily tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey…buddy-?"
"HUP!"
A flaming right straight was send blazing into the angel's unprepared face, knocking him back a few yards and into the wall. Everyone watched in confused terror as the boxer began to haphazardly punch into the air, shouting the most bizarre sounds imaginable.
"SUPITIHUPBIDAPHUPDITIBAPBIGATAPUDIPADITAGASUP-"
SHKSSSSHH!
The boxer crumpled to the floor as Samus fried him with her Paralyzer.
Ike looked up irately at Palutena, who was laughing out loud.
"Maybe next time we can get someone SANE, please?"
She waved him off.
"Yeah, yeah, just get him off the platform."
It took both Ike and Link to drag the boxer out of the summoning circle. For someone so short, he was ridiculously heavy. He was also quite resilient. They hadn't gotten him halfway across the room before he woke up and started punching ballistically again.
Ike staggered away after getting a few hooks in his stomach.
"Can't we communicated with him at all?" He shouted exasperatedly.
Link paused.
"Hang on a minute," he said, "I've got an idea."
Everyone watched bewilderedly as Link marched right up to the boxer, who was now furiously punching the wall. Link gathered up a huge breath into his lungs and shouted at the teen:
"HYUP! GHAAH! EYYAAAAAH!"
The boxer immediately snapped to attention.
"HUP! TAKKATA GUSSIP!" He replied.
"SHOU! EYYAAAAAH! GREAH! HEEEAR!"
"SUSSIPA GATTA BUSSIPA GA!"
"HEEEEYYAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
"WOOOOOAAAAAAAAH!"
When they both seemed satisfied, they turned around.
"Sorry about that." Link stated quite professionally. "He says his name's Little Mac. I've explained our situation to him, and he says he'll do his best to help us out."
Little Mac waved.
"Nice to meet you all."
"I LOVE YOUR BODY!" Peach suddenly shouted.
The room went quiet for a bit.
After everyone recovered from the shock of whatever the hell just happened, they all reoccupied their position, Little Mac pacifying the childlike Mega Man by continually opening and closing the cap on the robot's chewed-up flash drive. No one cared. The room was a lot safer now, anyway.
Palutena did her usual spheal, and into the net went her hand.
It took her much less time to find this little ball of light than it did the others. Yanking it out of the net, a brilliant blaze of light singed the room.
When all had died down, there was another short teen standing in the middle of the summoning circle. His hair was a bleached gold color, and his face was well-chiseled. A large scarlet sword rested on his back.
Well, in truth, the most prominent thing was the fact that he was wearing nothing more than what looked like a pair of spandex shorts.
Peach and Zelda squealed. Palutena and Samus held back nosebleeds and gave each other a thumbs-up.
Chibi-sweatdrops formed on Ike, Link, and Pit's heads. Pit coughed.
"I swear I don't think it can get any worse at this point-"
"I'M REALLY FEELING IT!" The blonde shouted in an oh-my-god-that's-a-sexy-British -accent accent.
Peach passed out.
After all that went down and Peach woke up, the party was glad to find that the teen did, in fact, speak English as his first language. They discovered his name to be Shulk, a boy who lived on a titan in the futuristic past or some shit, nobody really paid attention because he was wearing like no clothes. The sword on his back unfolded into a lightsab-EHEM, I MEAN BEAM SWORD, which could change up his strengths and weaknesses. He agreed to help out after a little persuasion and some begging from Peach.
Ike started giving her weird looks.
Soon, everyone was back in their positions, Mega Man now chewing on the end of the Monado, Shulk's sword, and Little Mac and Shulk playing rock-paper scissors. Little Mac kept losing because he could only play rock or paper. Palutena threw her hand into the next and fished around, furiously gripping the ball of light that was unfortunate enough to be snared in her clutches.
About a minute or so of Palutena fighting to yank the ball of the net got everyone just the least bit worried. Pit furrowed his brow and spoke up.
"Lady Palutena? Everything alright?"
"Hgg…Y-yeah, this one's just a bit resistant to-"
She was cut off as an enormous hand made of the same light as the dimensional net exploded out of the summoning circle, flailing around wildly as it grabbed at Palutena.
The Smashers sprang into action, now anticipating at least a little chaos with every summoning. Samus and Link snared the fingers of the massive hand with their Clawshot and Paralyzer whip, limiting is movements. Ike delivered a furious overhead strike in order to weaken it while Zelda swiftly casted a calming version of Naryu's Love.
With a dull THUD, the hand collapsed to the floor.
Palutena cautiously pulled out the rest of the sphere while everyone caught their breath. Another brilliant flash filled the room.
When all had subsided, everyone's breath was taken from them again at the sight of a blonde, her beauty rivaling Samus's, garbed in a light green, glossy dress. Her eyes were brilliantly illuminated, and a crown was perched delicately within her golden locks. She gently grasped what looked like a Star Rod in her right hand. The room was dead silently as everyone took a moment to admire her b-
"ROSIE!" Peach squealed quite loudly. The blonde was startled by the voice and quickly turned to the source, a sense of relief washing over her face.
"Peach!" She spoke in a goddess-like voice as the two embraced each other. "It is so good to see you again."
Pit addressed the elephant in the room.
"So…do you two like…know each other?"
Peach looked at him like he was born yesterday.
"OF COURSE! This is Rosalina! Y'know, "The Queen of the Stars"! She's only like the most important goddess out there!"
Palutena spat a few choice words under her breath.
Rosalina glanced around the room. Her face dropped a little.
"Where is Mario? Is he here with you?"
Peach shook her head. "I'm afraid that's a long story."
Palutena strode up to the cosmic ruler.
"Well, I've never met a goddess who presided over space. It's nice to meet you." She extended her hand politely. "My name is Palutena, and this is my palace-"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever seaweed head." Rosalina retorted. "Listen up. Don't ever try to summon me without prior notice again. Next time you'll get more than a hand from me."
Palutena quietly withdrew her hand, a chilling smile on her lips. Pit shuffled an inch or two away.
After an explanation had been served and Rosalina had been brought aboard (these guys were all really willing to help for some reason), everyone readied themselves at the summoning circle. Rosalina was having quite a time using Gravitational Pull on Mega Man's X-Buster pellets and making them dance around the room. Little Mac had stepped up his game and was now playing bloody knuckles with Shulk, which the blonde was fool enough to accept. Shulk's cries of pain fell on deaf ears as everyone focused on what Palutena would pull out of that circle next.
"Alright, everyone ready? Here we-"
"Hey, Palutena? We're out of pickles again…" Came a sulky voice from the hallway.
Pit and Palutena froze. Slowly everyone's head turned to the doorway, where none other than Dark Pit stood, wearing nothing but his boxers, gripping an empty pickle jar in his hand.
"…am I… interrupting something?" He said as he glanced around the room.
Wild squeals filled the chamber. He was just like Pit, only…cooler. His wings and hair were a deep shade of angsty black, his eyes a dark tint of purple. He had an atmosphere of "I don't really give a shit" around him, not to mention he was pretty cut.
Peach collapsed onto Palutena.
"Who is that?!" She half-moaned into her ear.
Palutena sighed.
"Everyone, this is Dark Pit. He's some unfortunate baggage we picked up on one of Pit's missions some time ago."
"Hey!" He shouted irately. The goddess waved him off.
"Whatever, just put some clothes on." She snapped her fingers, and a brand new pickle jar popped into Dark Pit's hand.
"I don't have to say thank you." He sneered.
"Yes, yes, I know. You don't have to say that every time." She returned.
Clearing her throat, Palutena repositioned herself at the control panel.
"Alright, now that that's out of the way…" She raised her hand to reach into the net.
"NOT SO FAST!" A thundering, all-too familiar voice echoed in the room. Everyone tensed up. They all knew that voice.
It was Master Hand.
The doors and windows slammed shut. The summoning circle dissipated and the control panel was subsequently fried. Lightning cracked in the room as a large orb of energy began to take shape. A fierce wind was stirred up in the room, tearing violently at the Smashers within. Everyone hit the dirt and prepared for the worst.
In a blinding flash, everything was over. The wind had died down, and the energy orb has vanished. However, in its place was the intimidating presence of Master Hand. Everyone readied their weapons.
Well, everyone except for Dark Pit, who had no clue what was going on and had the misfortune of still being in the room. He was still in his boxers and was trying furiously to get the door open.
Master Hand bellowed his frightening laugh.
"A clever little trick, Miss Palutena. I supposed you thought you were avoiding me entirely by simply exploring the dimensions of different fighters. And for a minute, you were. But you made your mistake with Rosalina. She is from Mario's dimension, after all, even if she is not in the same galaxy."
He glanced around the room haughtily, receiving cold stares in return.
"So what of it? What do you intend to do with this rag-tag group of twelve?"
The tensed scowl on Palutena's face morphed into a grin.
It was some time later that everything had been arranged. Palutena and her army of twelve were now standing in a small pocket dimension which she had created to serve as her team's briefing room. All was quiet as Palutena-
"WHY AM I STILL HERE?!" Dark Pit whined quite loudly. "CAN I PLEASE GO PUT ON SOME CLOTHES?!"
"Oh, shut up. Palutena snapped at him. "We're shorthanded, so you're going to help."
She cleared her throat as Dark Pit pouted. Everyone was seated before her, sorted into assembly chairs. Palutena walked up to a small podium she whipped up in front of them.
"Alright everyone, here's the plan."
She pulled up a holographic diagram of Smash Manor's main grounds, shaped like a board game. Everyone looked to it with interest.
"Luckily for us, Master Hand has chosen Smash Manor as the turf for this battle. This means that some of you will at least have some knowledge of the lay of the land. Master Hand is using brainwashed Smashers, so they will all be limited to Master Hand's personal intellect. The goal of this game is to defeat Master Hand, or at least, his copy."
A small image of Master Hand appeared on one side of the board. Some Smashers gave each other worried looks.
Palutena smiled warmly.
"Don't worry, his power will be greatly reduced. He is a King in this game, after all."
She cleared her throat.
"The same will go for me. I will not have the majority of my power at hand, and I will not be able to move very well. It is your job to protect me."
A small image of Palutena appeared on the opposite side of the board.
"Now, Master Hand has a full set of pieces. The way pieces work is I will assign each of you a specific Chess type, and you will gain powers according to that piece. We currently only have twelve pieces, myself included, so we will be at a disadvantage. We will have to fight smart in order to win."
She looked up.
"Any questions?"
Silence.
"Alright then, Pit. Step forward."
The angel stood obediently and walked to the front of the room. Palutena waved her staff over her head and whispered a small enchantment.
A brief image of a horse flashed over Pit's head.
"I have assigned Pit the role of Knight." Palutena stated. His speed and dexterity will be increased dramatically. Pit, if you would demonstrate."
Pit nodded and began to sprint around the room at an invisible pace, throwing up a gale-force wind as he dashed. He returned to Palutena after a brief minute.
The Smashers climbed back into their chairs indignantly. Pit smiled.
"Alright then, Ike." Palutena spoke. "Your turn."
The mercenary slung Ragnell over his shoulder and stomped up to the goddess. The same enchantment, the same flash, but instead of a horse, a brief image of a castle appeared over Ike's head.
"I've assigned Ike the role of Rook. You will be able to perform near-unstoppable forward charges and will have your personal strength increased tenfold. If you would-"
"COOL!" Shouted Ike, ripping the podium out of its floor screws and hurling it into the wall with a great CRASH!
Silence. Palutena sighed.
"…yes. Thank you."
Ike smiled and sat down.
"Zelda, will you come forward, please?" The goddess said.
The princess stood quietly and strode up to the front. Palutena executed her ritual, and a small cross appeared over Zelda's head.
"I have assigned Zelda the role of Bishop. You will gain a holy aura that will gradually heal all nearby allies, and will have your magical prowess increased greatly. If you would demonstrate."
Zelda nodded and threw a blast of Din's Fire at the wall. A deafening BOOM filled the chamber as massive chunks of foot-thick concrete was sent flying. Zelda embarrassedly put a hand to her lip as she looked back at Palutena, who had drywall in her hair.
"…thank you. You can sit down."
Zelda did just that.
"Next…mmm…Samus will you come here?"
Samus stepped forward and received Palutena's incantation. A brief image of a crown flashed over her blonde hair.
"I've assigned Samus the role of Queen. She will have all of her stats exponentially increased and will be able to revive one piece per match. You don't need to show-"
"COOL!" Samus yelled, ripping out a massive slab of the marble flooring and hurling it to the other side of the room.
Palutena grabbed her ear.
"THAT'S ENOUGH, thank you." She hissed.
Samus hurriedly returned to her chair.
Palutena addressed the remaining Smashers.
"Alright, the most important thing will be to get the main pieces established. So if you all would form a line-"
"OOH! OOH! Do me next! I wanna be a Knight!" Link shouted. Palutena sighed exasperatedly. She waved her staff towards the overly-exuberant Link. A brief flash of a circle appeared over his head.
"Oooooh…what's this?" He asked excitedly.
Palutena smiled.
"That's a pawn. You get a very small boost in all areas and can become any piece you like, granted you make it to Master Hand's Chamber."
Link's grin shattered.
And so they were assigned. Little Mac became a Rook, Rosalina became a Bishop, Shulk became a Knight, and Mega Man, Dark Pit, and Peach became Pawns.
"Why do I have to be a Pawn? Why'd Pit get to be a Knight?!" Dark Pit scowled.
"You're just jealous." Pit sneered.
"Alright then, looks like everyone's ready." Palutena stated. "Are there any final questions before we go?"
"Yeah," Link spoke up, "what do you want us to-"
"Perfect!" Palutena shouted. "Off we go!
"Nayru dammit!" Link spat as the room was filled with a brilliant light, and he Smashers were all whisked away to their playing field.
I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Did you guys miss me?
Alright, first off, I'd like to sincerely apologize for the fact that I haven't updated since last summer. But don't you DARE think that this story is dead.
CUZ IT'S NOT.
I just got really lazy for about a month and then forgot about the story entirely. I swear that it won't happen again.
But enough about me. It's time to talk to the newcomers!
How ya doing guys?
Little Mac, Shulk, Rosalina, and Dark Pit: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH FECES IN HERE?!
Dark Pit: AND WHERE THE HELL AR MY CLOTHES!?
…
Alrighty, time to answer some reviews.
Brody DBro7: Here's Little Mac for you! And no, I'm not putting Goku. I don't think I'll add Mii's either.
TheDustFire: Glad I could keep you entertained! Please keep reading, and thanks for putting up with my BS!
Veeza: I have not watched Friends, but I will be sure to put in more fluff as the story continues.
ROFL Industries: WHOA THAT'S A LOT OF REVIEWS
the flamist: Glad you enjoyed it. People wave it off as gross, but the plot's actually kinda cool.
combativeThinker: Yes, I think I should change it.
CAPTAINOBVIOUS11: Here it is!
Chamomile Calico: Well at least someone besides me does.
Oh, and, by the way, one guest pointed out how I fake you guys out of story updates by just updating that anime list on my profile, so…sorry. I'll stop doing that.
Also, Smash Bros Wii U is one of the coolest games I have ever played. They have done so many things right.
Thank you all for your patience and I give you my word that the next chapter won't take nearly as long.
Mohawkman2233, signing off!
