NOTE: It's getting now to the point where some complications are going to take place. I realize that so far my story hasn't been all that of a tragedy, but that's going to change in the upcoming chapters. Some characters should reappear later on, as well. Thanks to everyone who has read so far, and I hope you enjoy this new chapter.
Chapter 9: Angst
Anna lay in her pink, silk bed sheets, with a pillow under her head at the foot of her bed, large enough to span over for her sister to use as she laid beside Anna. The two sisters had a blanket over them, sharing the warm covering with each other as they nibbled on white-yellow puffs from a bowl they sat between the two; both watched the movie intently, Anna more so than Elsa as the older sister struggled to grasp the concept of the film.
"Okay, wait," Elsa said, looking over to Anna. "Annabelle is totally hitting on Simone. Is this a lesbian romance movie?"
Anna felt her face become hot, and her cheeks began to flush as she nodded her head and giggled nervously at her older sister.
Elsa raised an eyebrow, and threw a handful of kernels into her mouth as she directed her attention back to the television screen. "That's interesting. I've never seen a romance like this before."
Anna laughed again, and reached over to pat her sister on the back. "Well, now I can feel accomplished for showing my sister her first lesbian love movie." Anna was taken back when her palm rubbed against her older sister's back, her fingers reaching to a skimpy bra strap that was loose in the back.
"Yeah," Elsa chuckled, "there's always that to feel accomplished about."
Anna realized that she was staring at her sister's toned back, but only too late, as Elsa turned around to meet her sister's gaze.
"What is it?" Elsa asked, smiling.
"Uh…" Anna broke her stare from Elsa's back, and directed her attention to her sister's eyes, which were a dark metallic color due to the lighting of the room, struggling to find the right words to say without coming across as creepy. "I just, uh, never knew you took your shirt off, is all," Anna stammered, removing her hand from Elsa's back.
Elsa turned over on her side, giving her sister a full look at her breasts, held in place from her bra, but with a considerable amount of cleavage being shown still. "I got hot under the blanket, so I took my shirt off while you went to pop the popcorn, but now I feel pretty warm. You don't mind do you?"
Anna did all she could to keep from looking down to her sister's pale body. She could just imagine it though, as she had seen it before, and those thoughts crept into her brain as she shook her head, keeping a lock on her sister's eyes. "I don't mind at all, sis," Anna said to Elsa, inducing a smile to the older sister.
"Good," Elsa said as she rolled back over onto her chest. "Then you can rub my back again, because that felt great."
Anna's cheeks were ablaze. She's gonna be the fucking death of me.
Anna placed her hand on her sister's back, feeling the warmth radiate off Elsa's toned back to her palm. The younger sister ran her hand down to Elsa's lower back, stimulating chill bumps all down the older sister's spine. Anna heard Elsa purr, and shift her arms to under the pillow where she lay her head.
"Your hands are kinda cold," Elsa said.
Anna laughed nervously, still softly stroking her hand over her sister's pale skin. "Sorry, I don't know why."
Maybe it's because you've got a thing for your sister, and you're fucking petting her.
"It's alright," Elsa sighed, "it doesn't bother me."
Anna let her hand glide over her sister's back, becoming more and more confident in her motions with each passing second. She would sometimes scrunch her fingers upwards while still sliding her palm over Elsa's skin to let her feel Anna's glossy fingernails touch over Elsa ever so lightly. Anna could feel her sister purring, and felt herself enjoy the moment more and more with each pass her hand made on Elsa's lower back.
Suddenly, the older sister raised her head, facing her sister to where only Anna could see her eyes and nose, resting her mouth on the pillow below her. "Don't stop there," Elsa said, sleepily, "you should get my upper back too."
Elsa motioned for Anna to undo the back of her bra, which resulted in an stunned younger sister. Anna looked at the strap that held the bra in place on Elsa's back, and went forward with trembling hand as she grasped the back end of her older sister's bra.
Anna felt her skin crawl, and could definitely tell that she was becoming increasingly aroused at the thought of what might unfold with her and her sister in that moment.
No. This is wrong. She's your sister. You're actually getting wet just thinking of her, you sick fuck.
Anna popped the loops on the back of Elsa's bra, causing the straps to fall off of her body on opposite sides. Anna dragged her weak hand across Elsa's upper back, feeling Elsa's throaty moan of approval and pleasure as Anna let her fingernails softly glide over her skin.
Stop! This is wrong! You're disgusting for thinking this way of her! She's your sister! Just stop!
Anna felt Elsa move, and broke from her trance to look up and meet her older sister's eyes.
"What's wrong?" Elsa asked, a sense of concern in her voice.
Anna looked down at her hand, resting on Elsa's back.
"You stopped and was just staring," Elsa said, "are you uncomfortable with this? You didn't have to do that if you didn't want to." Elsa let her head fall back down, keeping a glance on Anna all the while.
Anna shook her head. "No, it's not that at all! I just…" Anna looked away, bringing both hands down to her lap. "I don't know."
Elsa fixated her bra straps so she would still be covered, and raised up and put her hands on Anna's shoulders. "Anna, you can tell me anything. You know that right?"
Anna shook her head, letting out a long sigh. "No Elsa, I can't tell you this," the younger sister said, "not without changing anything."
Elsa was taken back. She took her hands off of her sister, and let her shoulders drop. "What do you mean you can't?" Elsa asked, her voice a little irritated. "I was away for a long time while you were at school, but I'm doing everything I can to be the bigger sister here!"
Anna turned around quickly, an upset look plastered on her face. "I know you are," the younger sister said, using her hands to talk almost as much as her voice, "and I don't want to lose that! Ever! You mean a lot to me and there's nothing I wouldn't do to keep it the way it is with us now!"
Elsa raised both arms and huffed, keeping a lock on Anna's eyes. "Then why can't you tell me what is wrong? I've noticed something has been upsetting you for quite a while now, but I didn't want to bring it up," Elsa said, "but now it's so apparent, and it's obviously something pretty serious since you won't even talk to ME about it!"
Anna shook her head again, tears welling in her eyes. "You don't understand!"
Elsa stood up out of the bed, and bent down to pick her shirt up off of the ground. "No, you're absolutely right Anna," Elsa spat, an aggravated tone easily intelligible on her voice, "I don't understand! And I don't know why you won't tell me!"
Elsa walked towards the door, swaying her hips with as much emotion as her voice had carried.
"Wait, Elsa!" Anna reached out for her older sister who already had one hand on the doorknob. Elsa turned around and looked at her sister with a burning stare that left Anna speechless.
"Tell you what, Anna," Elsa said, "when you figure out how to actually tell your sister something that obviously means a great deal to you so she can help you through it, come let me know."
Elsa turned the doorknob, and opened Anna's door. "I've got drill in the morning. Night."
Elsa walked out, shutting the door behind her, leaving Anna alone in her dark room, barely illuminated by the television screen that was playing the final moments of their movie.
"Yeah," Anna said quietly, letting her head droop and her hair fall over her face, "goodnight."
Anna threw herself backwards in her bed, the covers surrounding her as she lay motionless, an arm outstretched off of the side of her bed; the other sprawled across her stomach. She rolled over to her side, grabbing the spare blankets that Elsa had left and covered up.
I'll tell you when I know how to.
Anna's alarm clock beeped loudly, the obnoxious noise bouncing off the walls, causing the whole room to be engulfed by it. Anna lay in her bed, sprawled across her bed like a ragdoll, arms and legs stretching out all over her bedspread. She pushed her eyes tight, covering her head with a pillow.
Yeah, fuckin' great. I forgot to turn off the damn alarm for Elsa.
Anna raised her head up out of the not-so-noise-cancelling shelter she made from her feather pillow, and pushed a hand on top of the snooze button, finally ending the alarm. Anna sat up and stretched, pushing her arm high into the air as she pulled it behind her head with her free hand. She looked out of her window, shaded halfway by her drapes that made the sunlight shine through her room with a purple hue, giving a splash of natural color to the walls of the younger sister's room. Anna brought her hands down to her lap, fixing her wristbands back onto her wrist on her right arm.
Just go talk to her. Maybe everything will be okay. She let out a hopeful sigh, and hopped out of bed.
Everything will be okay. It has so far.
Anna started to walk down the steps that led downstairs when she heard her father let out a snore that almost seemed to rattle the very railing of the staircase, reminding Anna of how early it was.
Fucking Elsa and her goddamned earlybird tendencies. I should still be asleep right now.
Anna carefully made her way downstairs to hear Elsa fixing her own breakfast. The younger sister let out a deep breath as she let the tension in her shoulders go.
Just apologize and everything will be fine. It's always been like that.
Anna approached the kitchen, where she saw her sister in her ACUs, eating a toaster-cooked Eggo waffle drowned in syrup and butter, staring at her food as she quickly consumed the breakfast she prepared. Anna smiled at what she was seeing, her eyes transfixed on her older sister.
Okay, the fact that she looks adorable in uniform definitely doesn't help this situation in the slightest.
Anna smiled as she passed her sister, opening up and reaching into the pantry, pulling out a box of Apple Jacks. She made her way to the fridge to grab some milk, helping herself to a clean bowl that lay on the kitchen counter for her breakfast meal. Anna then went to the table, pulling out a chair.
"This seat's not taken, is it?" Anna asked jokingly.
Elsa just shook her head, not saying a word, her eyes never leaving the spot where they had been all along. Anna put on a fake smile.
"Good," she said, setting her meal down on the table and taking a seat adjacent to her older sister at the table, "'cause everyone knows this is my spot. Right, Elsa?"
The older sister sat for a long moment until she finally bobbed her head up and down for just a second, and went back to finishing her breakfast.
Anna stared at her sister, not saying a word. Elsa sat and munched away at her waffle, looking up at her sister for just a moment to take a drink of her milk.
"What?" Elsa asked as she directed her eyes back to her breakfast.
"Why aren't you talking to me?" Anna asked, irritation prevalent in her voice, "all I wanna do is talk to you."
Elsa sat her silverware down and looked up at her sister, wiping the corner of her mouth with a napkin.
"Actually," the older sister began, standing up to take her empty plate to the sink to wash off, "I'd say you like to do quite the contrary of talk to me."
Anna felt her cheeks fire up with temper as Elsa made her comment, turning her back on Anna to walk to the sink. Anna brought her hands down onto the kitchen table forcefully, scooting her chair back with her legs as she stood up quickly to retaliate to her sister's comment.
"All I want is for you to understand," the younger girl said to her sister, "I just want things to be how they are now!"
Elsa turned around and looked at Anna, a scowl clearly strewn across her face. "The way things are going right now is shit," Elsa said in a stern voice that ran cold through Anna's ears, "especially when my own sister won't tell me what the hell the matter with her is! I care for you, and I just want to help you!"
Anna stepped away from the table, letting her sister get a full view of the sleepwear that she had not changed out of yet.
"You know," Anna said, using her hands to talk almost as loudly as her voice, "I'm starting to wonder why you care so much. Why don't you just let me fight my own wars? Huh? Because pretty soon you're going to have your own battles, and I sure as hell can't be there because I'm not in the fucking military!"
Elsa was taken back; a sinking feeling was no more present in her chest. It felt more like a black hole to her now, taking in everything good and never letting it return.
"I don't know Anna," Elsa retorted, hurt clearly ubiquitous in her voice, "maybe I care so much because, let's see here," Elsa brought a hand to her chin, mimicking a thinking motion, "oh yes, YOU'RE MY FUCKING SISTER! Maybe that's why I care! Maybe I just want you to be happy! Maybe I don't want you to have to fight your own battles, especially when I'm right fucking here!"
Elsa rambled on, causing Anna to sink back in her skin as she felt every word that Elsa spat at her like a haymaker of regret and lamentation.
"I know I was gone for three years of your high school life," Elsa continued, "but by God I'm here now! So that's why it upsets me when you won't let me in, especially when all I want to do is help you."
Anna felt her eyes become increasingly damper, knowing that her sister just wanted to help, even though she was the source of the problem.
No. You're the source of the problem. Just tell her, Anna. Just tell her how you feel about her. There doesn't need to be anyone else's feelings hurt because you can't tell your sister that you want her.
"But I don't think you can help me with what is running through my head all of the time," Anna sniffed.
Elsa threw her hands up in the air. "Then why am I fucking wasting my time then?" Elsa walked past her sister, grabbing her large duffel bag off of the counter as she strode past. "I gotta go. Maybe you can figure whatever it is you're going through without me, since that's what you like to do anyway."
Elsa walked out the door, slamming it with force on her way out.
Good job genius. You couldn't have just told her. That would have been way too easy.
Anna threw her breakfast in the trash without even taking a bite, putting the milk back into the fridge. She sniffled, but didn't let a single tear fall, although the dams that were her eyes were close to overflowing. Anna walked from the kitchen to the stairs, passing her parent's room as she went. Her mom was out of bed, and making her way to the kitchen from her bathroom.
"Good morning, rabbit," Anna's mom said.
Anna stopped and smiled at her mom, giving off a false sense of happiness to greet her mother.
"Morning, mom," Anna said with a smile, "what's got you up so early?"
As if on cue, Anna's dad let out a guttural roar, causing both the women to laugh.
"Forget I asked," Anna said.
"What are your plans for today, sweetie?" Anna's mom asked.
Anna thought for a moment.
Well, it's not like I have Elsa coming home to look forward to.
"I dunno, I might go over to Rapunzel's or something."
Anna's mom gave her an inquisitive look. "Um, that's going to be hard sweetie."
Anna raised an eyebrow at her mother's statement. "What do you mean?"
Anna's mom tilted her head, keeping an eye lock with her youngest daughter. "I mean," her mother stopped mid sentence, putting her hand on her daughter's shoulder, "Rapunzel is doing the same thing Elsa is doing."
Anna stormed up the stairs, rage emitting from each stomp as she made her way to her room. As she reached the top of the stairs, she could feel the heat from her cheeks make its way throughout her face, engulfing Anna in a sense of anger, rage fuming off of her skin. She opened the door to room, pulling hard and swinging the door open wide, making the purple drapes in the opposite side of the room quiver, inducing a dance of color in the room. Anna walked in, closing the door behind her with force, leaning back on the door as she sighed deeply, thoughts swaying in her head like a palm tree in a hurricane.
Why? Why does everyone I care for either avoid me or hate me now?
Anna looked over at her end table by her bed, and saw her phone. She then looked over at her clock and saw that it wasn't time for drill just yet, and quickly made her way to her end table.
Anna laid down on the bed as she went through her contacts, scrolling down as she approached the R's. Finally, she found her cousin's name, and tapped on the call button, bringing the phone up to her ear. Anna tapped her fingers impatiently against her leg as the dial tone rang out from her phone's speaker. Finally, Anna heard a click, and an all too familiar voice come from the other side of the connection.
"Hello?" Rapunzel's voice was somewhat irritated, and Anna heard honking in the background.
"Hi," Anna said flatly, "it's Anna."
Anna heard a laugh from the other side of the line.
"Yeah I know it's you," Rapunzel said, still keeping her aggravated tone at a very clear level, "I have caller I.D. silly. It's all the rage these days."
Anna rolled her eyes at Rapunzel's attempt at humor.
"Look, I'm gonna be straightforward with you here," Anna looked over to her drapes, now motionless as there was no air fluctuation in the room, which then became apparent to Anna's body as it spiked in temperature. "How long have you known my sister was in the military, and when the hell were you going to tell me that you were too?"
"Well, fuck you too then!" Rapunzel's voice seemed to penetrate Anna's eardrum, causing a slight ring as she pulled away from the phone.
"Punz, what the hell?!"
Anna heard a slight gasp from the other phone, and brought her phone back up to her ear. "Oh god, I'm so sorry Anna! I'm in thick traffic and it's driving me insane!"
Yeah, I think I'm losing my mind too.
"But seriously," Rapunzel tried to get back on topic, bringing Anna back to attention, "your sister told me that she was going to handle the situation."
There was a long pause; neither girl spoke.
"Looks like that plan turned to shit. I'm sorry, Anna. We should have told you."
Anna felt the temperature in her body rise at the apology that was just placed in front of her.
"It's fine," Anna said, her voice being as cold as a blizzard, "it's not like you totally meant to leave me out of everything and go join the army without letting one of your only cousins know that you and her sister will be gone for months on end without any contact or face time. Seriously, it's fine."
There was a pause on the line for a long time, every second falling like molasses.
"Well," Rapunzel broke the silence, "fuck you too."
Anna rolled her eyes. "Traffic again?"
Anna heard a hard laugh from Rapunzel.
"No cuz," Rapunzel replied, "that one was for you. Next time, try not to put yourself above your country, alright?"
Anna took the phone away from her ear as she heard three beeps, looking at the screen that showed Rapunzel had hung up. She sat there, looking over at her drapes and they remained motionless, being still in life just as Anna felt in that very same moment.
Suddenly, Anna stood up from her bed and threw her phone against the wall, colliding with such force that it let out a sickening crack, and fell to the floor with a heavy and deep thud. Anna pulled on the collar of her shirt, gritting her teeth together tightly as she whimpered and sniveled to keep from screaming. She threw her head off to the side with a huff, looking over at the photos that she had pinned on the wall of her and her sister.
Many were just of their childhood, but others were more recent, being pictures that Anna had developed off of her phone. She saw a picture of her and Elsa in a wagon, round about when Anna was four, and Elsa was seven. Following that, a photo of them dressed and ready to go for the concert that Elsa surprised Anna with. The day where Anna realized that Elsa was her hero. The day Anna made Elsa promise that it would always be the way it was then. Anna's eyes closed tightly at her memories.
You promised. You fucking promised me, Elsa. You told me that it could always be like that. Always. You said always. Now, you're gone away pissed at me because I'm too chickenshit to admit how I feel about you, and the only reason why is because I don't want to lose you…
Anna let out a muffled laugh, followed up by a streak of a tear rolling down her cheek.
Well, maybe it's too late for that now.
Anna was snapped back to reality as her phone let out a distorted ring, and she made her way over to it, picking it up carefully.
Fuck. So much for my indestructible comment.
There was a spider-web fracture all across the screen, allowing the screen to still function, although causing Anna to squint to see who was calling her.
It's Andayla? Oh my God, my old party-animal! I haven't heard from her in months since she left for her grandparent's house.
Anna carefully pushed answer, and tapped the speaker icon, as to not hold her glass shard ridden phone screen against her face.
"Hello?" she asked.
"Oh my God, hi!" Andayla's voice squealed over the phone, causing Anna to smile just a little. "Dude, long time no see," Andayla continued with her greeting, "how's it going?"
Anna felt her eyes roll, but continued with the conversation.
"Good," Anna replied, giving off a false sense of happiness to ensure that she wouldn't have to explain everything she was going through at that moment, "how about you?"
Andayla let out a coy laugh, "Oh, I'm fine and dandy, my friend," Andayla had a sultry sounding voice, almost enticing to Anna as she recalled the adventures and good times that had been shared between the two girls, "I'm fine and dandy."
Anna chuckled, "and what makes you so 'fine and dandy' today?"
"Well," Andayla started, "maybe I'm visiting some family nearby, and maybe I found us a party tonight, and maybe there will be some weed there, and just maybe I can hook you up with some. Sound like a deal?"
Anna diverted her attention away from her phone, looking over to the pictures again, studying them.
Do I really wanna go down that path again? I've been clean for years now. Elsa made sure of that…
Anna felt her eyes close heavily, and let out a drawn out sigh.
You know what? Fuck it.
Anna put the phone's microphone close to her mouth, making sure Andayla could hear her.
"I'm game. When and where?"
"I'll come pick you up at eight," Andayla said, her voice chipper and excitable, "I didn't know you still smoked, Anna. Makes me proud."
Anna shook her head, "I'll see you at eight." She hung up, carefully tapping her finger on the "end call" button.
Yeah, I didn't know I still did either.
