A muffled curse.

That was the first thing Dipper heard fly out of the English teacher's mouth as he changed his position, still holding his grasp on Mabel but trying to appear more innocent.

"It's rude to barge into a teacher's closed classroom without locking, you know." Mr. West said in an agitated tone to Dipper.

Dipper simply stared blankly at the teacher for a second or two before he could speak again. "Is that really the issue here?"

"The issue here, Dipper Pines," Mr. West started, suddenly reaching into his pocket and whipping out a sharp blade to his side, "is that if you don't turn yourself around in the next ten seconds, I'm going to cut your sister's throat with this blade. Trust me, that is much worse then what I was originally planning on."

Mabel's face quickly lost all of its color. The girl looked like she was about to hurl, and the teacher hadn't even moved the blade from his side yet.

Despite Mr. West's threat, Dipper stood his ground firmly. "I want answers. First off-"

Mr. West cut off the boy by moving the blade slightly up from his side and turning it towards Mabel, causing her to let out a high-pitched yelp. "Oh, so you don't value your sister's life that much, eh? How about I make this more of a show? If I stab her in the stomach, you can watch her intestines spill out slowly."

Dipper heard the yells of girls from behind him trying to open the door. Some of them were asking to help, and Dipper thought about opening the door for backup for a second.

No, Dipper quickly thought to himself, this is my battle and mine alone.

"Well, now every girl out there has seen you threaten a student." Dipper stated. "If you cut Mabel anywhere, there will be evidence and plenty of witnesses which tie it to you. Not only that, but there's the definite proof from that video camera you've got running in the background. You'll be locked up for a really long time. Did you really think this through?"

The teacher paused for a second, pondering a response. He simply let out a grunt and slightly lowered the blade, making Mabel regain some of the color in her face.

"Now, you're going to answer my questions, and I'm going to decide what I should do with you." Dipper commanded. "What are you?"

Mr. West rolled his eyes. "Um...hello? Did you not see my fangs? Do you think I'm the bloody tooth fairy? I'm a vampire, you twit!"

"I could do without the sarcasm, thank you very much." Dipper shot back. "So, you were planning to bite my sister? What would that have accomplished? Turning her into some sort of...vampire slave?"

"Well, the vampire slave market is actually running quite well right now." Mr. West stated. "However, I was thinking more of along the lines of making her my personal vampire maid."

The teacher began to whisper cringe-worthy statements in Mabel's ear. "I would tell you to clean something, and you'd clean it. I would tell you to cook something, and you'd cook it. I would tell you I want a part of my body touched, and you'd touch it."

He pulled Mabel's hair back a bit and whispered in a lower tone. "But it'd all be grand. You'd never have to go to school ever again or find a traditional job, and you'd come to crave your nightly reward of our bodies heating together in ecstasy."

Mabel jumped and placed her hair back. "No way!"

"Okay, there's no way I'm going to let you slide." Dipper said firmly to Mr. West. "So you can either let go of my sister and leave town right now, or I can call the sheriff and-"

Slam!

Dipper felt a sudden pressure against his gut, and before he knew it he was lying on the ground, throbbing in pain. He'd been blinded by a cheap shot from the English teacher, who laughed to himself as he saw the boy fall, while Mabel looked on in horror.

"You think you're the first person to find out about this?" Mr. West asked, placing his shoe-clad foot on top of Dipper's head. "Think again, kid. You say that there are witnesses. Well, they won't remember a thing that's happened once I use this baby."

Mr. West pulled out a strange miniature device from his left pocket. It was silver and had one glowing red button on it. "It's called the Golden Wiper. I can use it to alter history and delete events that have happened in any way that I want to. I'm going to remove all trace that Mabel Pines ever existed, or that anyone saw me on this day, and you won't even know I've done it."

Dipper tried to move again, but the teacher firmly kicked Dipper's head and applied more pressure with his foot, causing him an excruciating amount of pain. He was simply trapped with no escape.

"It was nice playing this game with you, kid." Mr. West said with a chuckle. "Bill warned me about you, but I knew in the end that you were going to be a piece of cake. Your sister's going to make a nice maid for me."

Dipper felt his throat tighten as Mr. West reached for the device, still holding Dipper down fiercely to the ground. Was this really the end? In a minute or two, was he going to remember having a sister at all?

Suddenly, Dipper managed to catch a glimpse at his sister. She was making some sort of hand signals indicating him in a particular direction - Dipper couldn't tell where at first, but finally was able to make it out.

His sister's binder was sitting behind him. The teacher noticed Mabel making hand signals and briefly took his attention off of Dipper to wrap his hand around her throat, which bought Dipper enough time to open the binder.

The first thing that immediately popped out of the girl's binder was a miniature-sized bag of Funyuns, one of Mabel's favorite snacks. At first, Dipper was confused as to why Mabel was having him get her a snack in the middle of this. However, his brain was finally able to make a connection after a second.

Funyuns...onions...vampire...

As the teacher removed his hand from the girl's throat to try and snatch the Funyuns from Dipper, he used the opportunity to grab the Golden Wiper out of the distracted vampire's other hand. He had the lead now.

"Don't you dare." Mr. West commanded, holding the blade up to Mabel's throat. "I'll kill your sister. You can't undo death with that thing."

Dipper paused for a second, his eyes examining the blade. He suddenly got a cheeky grin on his face. "Go ahead then."

"What?!" Both Mabel and the vampire exclaimed in shock at the same time.

"You heard me." Dipper stated, still seeming confident in his words. "If you can kill her with that thing, then be my guest."

"W-well, all right, then!" The vampire stuttered loudly, still taking back by the boy's words. Just as he said he would, he ran the blade across the girl's throat, killing her instantly in a bloody mess.

Or...rather that was supposed to happen.

Instead of being dead, Mabel sat unharmed, opening the eyes she had originally forced closed to avoid being one of those weird corpses with the eyes open. She simply looked puzzled at the teacher, who let out a sigh of defeat.

"It took me a while, but once the lighting got right I could easily catch your bluff." Dipper said. "That's a toy blade!"

"Don't you da-" The vampire started. It was too late for protest - Dipper tore open the bag of Funyuns and flung one right into the vampire's mouth.

As the onion taste hit the teacher's senses, something major changed in the blink of an eye.

KABOOM!

The vampire teacher stood no more - an explosion of pink sludge suddenly filled the room, splattering all over the walls and desks. Dipper and Mabel simply stared at each other for a second.

"Well...first thing's first, we're using this to get that cleaned up." Dipper stated, clutching the Golden Wiper in his hand.


A/N: Oh gosh, you guys, sorry it's been so long since I updated. Between the holidays and finals, I just got so caught up in day-to-day life that I suffered a massive case of Writer's Block. However, tonight I finally sat myself down, after drinking three cups of coffee, and forced myself to use some of that caffeine in a productive way! Yay!

Hope you all had a good holiday season - anyone get any good Gravity Falls merchandise? There was a T-shirt I wanted, but for some reason small sizes seemed to sell out particularly fast on the website that had it.

I also hope you all enjoyed this chapter after my long delay. To be honest, it went totally different then even I had planned it to before winter break and all that. Next time we get club signups, more about that girl from before who was ordering Dipper around at the coffee shop, and a mysterious message in the mirror...

As usual, you'd really make my day if you gave a review of this chapter. See you all hopefully very soon!