NOTE: This has taken a while, due to a passing in the family. I didn't really have the motivation to type anymore, but after a while, I decided that I would go ahead and continue. I owe it to you guys anyway. Here's the long-put-off chapter fifteen, and although it's short, I promise you'll actually like this one.
Chapter 15: The Calm Before the Confusion
Elsa sat in a dark room, the only thing illuminated to the point of being visible was her and Anna, adjacent from her in the same room. And there she lay, with her red locks flowing down her still body like waves of water reflecting the colors of autumn. Anna lay in her bed, in all her beauty and purity that she embraced was brazen upon her figure still. Her perfect, freckled body lay motionless there, and the pool of blood surrounding her in her white satin sheets complimented her paleness. Anna clung to the knife she had used to slice across her wrists, and even in death, she looked like she was happy. Elsa reached out and started to cry at the image of her sister; a drop of the red liquid fell to the floor from the blade.
Smiling in fear. Smiling in disbelief.
Smiling in death.
"ANNA!" Elsa screamed, jolting her head forward, panting and huffing as she looked around to find her sister. Elsa's eyes started to adjust to the amount of light available, which wasn't much at all. As she tried to regulate her breath, Elsa came to realize just where she was and why exactly it was so dark.
Elsa had awoken in her car at 5:42 in the morning.
The blonde rubbed the tiredness from her eyes. Fuckin' bad dreams. Just what I need right now. Elsa looked over in the passenger seat and made notice to the pile of tissues that was crumpled and thrown there the night before. The girl chuckled, remembering now what her actions were prior to her falling asleep. I cried myself to sleep last night. Elsa shook her head as she thought to herself, partly in disbelief, but majorly due to knowing that she might as well just give up on being the strong figure. If you really think you're gonna stay strong for Anna, and then fall asleep bawling your eyes out the day after, then you might as well give up now so it'll be easier on you later.
"Some big sister I am." Elsa pushed her head into her hands, letting out a deep sigh as she did so.
Elsa looked back up from her hands and made notice of the flakes of snow falling to the ground. She shivered, realizing that her body temperature wasn't what it was accustomed to. Hmm. Maybe if it snows enough, Anna and I could go ice skating or something to get her mind off of things. Elsa smiled, still watching flakes fall as she gathered her keys and buttoned her jacket to head to her front door. And maybe it can give my weary mind a break too.
Elsa felt the coldness of the metal doorknob on the skin of her palm as she twisted it, opening her front door to her house. she stepped inside, closing the door softly behind her. Elsa shed her large jacket, folding it messily and giving it a short toss onto the back end of the couch in the living room, just feet away from her. Then came off the shoes, which were a struggle in and of itself, causing Elsa to strain and inevitably sling a shoe across the room, followed by her hoodie, and then her shirt. All clothes that were taken off were given the same treatment as her jacket: sloppily folded and tossed to the couch. Elsa struggled to get her jeans off and even had to prop herself, almost falling over without using the end table as a crutch. There the girl stood, in underwear and socks, still sleepy and worn out from the day before. Finally, after effectively freeing herself from her clothes, Elsa felt the warmth of her house radiate from her fireplace against her skin, causing her to feel even drowsier. The warmth was pleasant, but Elsa couldn't help but feel something else. Something that wasn't physical, such as heat.
Elsa felt alone.
Not a noise was audible, and even though it was just becoming the time of day for people to wake up and go to work, everything seemed quiet. No birds sang their songs; no dogs howled or barked. No cars made their way to and fro. There was just Elsa, standing alone in their house, her sleeping sister upstairs.
And for all the good the warmth did on Elsa's body, no physical thing could make her shake the feeling of loneliness. It was always there, in the back of her mind, but now it was strong as ever, creeping into more than just a thought, but an all too real certainty that she was indeed alone. Anna kept her mind off of the notion, and did a very good job of doing so, but with her asleep and the house quiet as ever before, Elsa felt like she wanted to cry, and felt tears well up behind her eyelids.
"No," Elsa whispered to herself, gritting her teeth. "I refuse to cry. I'm not alone. I never will be…"
"I have Anna. And I intend to always have her."
Elsa yawned, gazing upon her sister has she slept. Anna's bedroom door was cracked open, so Elsa opened it the rest of the way, checking in on her. Anna lay there in her bed, her hair a mess but still remaining cute as ever, back turned to Elsa. The blonde smiled and started to walk off when he noticed that Anna's wastebin was out of place. Usually it was under her armoire, but for some reason it was just a foot from Anna's bed, making Elsa raise an eyebrow in suspicion. Carefully, Elsa tiptoed her way into Anna's room, keeping an eye on the redhead as she made her way ever closer to the wastebin, finally getting close enough to see what was inside.
Elsa was taken back at what she saw.
Blood. There was blood on napkins that were crumpled up and thrown on top of whatever was underneath.
Elsa had little time to think before Anna rolled over, almost causing Elsa to let out a yelp, before realizing that it was just Anna turning in her sleep, nuzzling her face into the pillow under her head as she moaned quietly in her slumber; bringing up her hand to her head as she rubbed her freckled face.
Elsa watched Anna take deep breaths, gazing upon her stomach as it expanded and flattened with each intake and exhale. Elsa saw how toned Anna's stomach was, seeing her abs contract every now and then. But Elsa's gaze moved on from Anna's undeniably cute stomach to her arm, now placed in from of her face, and continued moving her eyes upwards until she reached Anna's wrists. Elsa threw her hand over her widely opened mouth in shock.
There on Anna's wrists were relatively fresh gashes, dried blood coated around the gapes, moving back and forth across her skin like lines on a highway.
Elsa took a shaky step backwards, and quietly ran out of Anna's room into her own, jumping onto her bed and covering herself up as she ran her hands through her hair, bringing them to her face as she shook her head.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Anna no please…
Images of the dream Elsa had flashed through her mind like lightning, making the blonde wince at every gruesome image that entered into her head. The blood. The knife. Death. Everything she dreamt seemed to be coming to life.
Anna… Why?
Elsa's eyes opened back up, the smell of pancakes penetrating her nose and making her instantly hungry. The blonde reluctantly raised herself up, stretching her back and giving a small grunt of approval as her back popped several times. Elsa tried rubbing the tiredness from her eyes, but failed to achieve any form of being wide awake. Despite every voice in her head telling her to stay in bed, Elsa got up out of the covers and stood beside her bed, trying to gain complete control of her senses before taking another step. Elsa drudged her way to the bathroom in the hallway, turning on the cold water and splashing it into her face. The girl gasped as a cold shock went through her entire body, forming chill bumps on every inch of her exposed skin. Elsa turned off the sink, cold water still dripping from her nose and eyes, and grabbed the small towel that lay beside the faucet. After thoroughly cleaning any remaining wetness, Elsa took another deep inhale at the savory smells that were prominent throughout the entire household.
Elsa smiled, laughing under her breath. Yep, she cooked bacon. Best. Sister. Ever.
Elsa donned some pajamas and a loose shirt that was still in the hamper in the bathroom after making sure that they were suitable enough to wear, and strode down the staircase to find Anna slaving away at the range, clad in purple and white plaid pajamas with a longsleeve Bring Me the Horizon shirt on, humming a tune as she flipped a pancake high enough into the air that Elsa held her breath in anticipation of whether or not the flapjack would actually make it back to the pan, or hit the ground below her. Almost effortlessly, the younger redhead caught the pancake in the pan, giving a slight smile and a happy giggle at her feat.
Elsa smiled, pushing back a strand of hair from in front of her face as she watched her sister. Gotta love that laugh. She could get away with anything if she just used that. Anna finished up her cooking and put the pancake on a plate with one already on it, stacking it atop the other. Anna then took some melted butter and put a tablespoon on the top pancake, and then poured an impressive amount of syrup to finish off the platter. Anna turned, and made her way to the table with the plate, just as blue eyes met each other.
"Morning Els," the redhead called out, "c'mon! I made yours just the way you like 'em."
This is why I love you, Anna.
Elsa practically ran to the table, unable t hold back a slight girlish giggle at the way Anna looked at her. Elsa pulled a chair out, and plopped down, grabbing he sliverware. The blonde licked her lips and was about to dig in when she felt the warm hand of her sister on her shoulder.
"Gonna say grace?" The redhead asked, halfway smiling.
Elsa scoffed, letting a half-jokingly, half-serious smile slide across her lips. "C'mon sis, you know better than that." With that, Elsa cut a crude line across her pancakes, splitting them in half.
Anna scooted a chair backwards before sitting her own plate down in front of her. "Yeah, yeah. I know. I just wish sometimes you would go to church with me."
Elsa, her mouth full of buttery, syrupy goodness, covered her mouth as she contined to scarf down her breakfast. "Ahm too bewsy right now," the blonde muttered before swallowing, "doing… Anything else."
Anna slumped in her seat at her sister's response. Looking over at her older sister, Anna out a barely audible sigh, causing soe of her low hanging strands of hair to dance in the gentle wind.
The two ate in silence for a while, and Elsa was thoroughly enjoying herself. The pancakes that she stuffed her face with seemed to give her a sense of energy that she hadn't felt in a long time. Elsa devoured the last heavenly piece of her breakfast before moving on to her bacon strips, which she dunked into her leftover syrup before gulping down those as well.
"Jesus, Anna, you sure know how to cook up some-"
Elsa looked over to see Anna taking her plate to the trash. Elsa watched her with careful eyes, and picked up on a hint of sadness. Immediately, the blonde darted up out of her chair, catching up with the redhead as she was just about to leave the kitchen.
"Hey, rabbit! What's wrong?" Elsa said, gently turning her sister around. "You didn't even let me compliment your amazeballs breakfast."
Anna shrugged. "It's nothing."
Elsa squinted at her sister, letting her hand come up to her sister's cheek. "Oh come on. We both know you can't lie to save your life. Just tell me what the matter is!" Elsa met her sister's gaze, and felt Anna's cheek become increasingly warm as she swirled her thumb lightly over Anna's freckled skin. "If you can't tell your own sister, then who can you tell?"
Suddenly, Anna broke free from Elsa's hand, turning around as she crossed her arms and let her head drop downwards. "I… I just want you to sometime come to church with me! I-I mean, I'm not trying to force you to believe in anything you don't want to believe in, because I'm not one of those believers who, like, slash atheist's tires or anything… Not that I'm calling you an atheist! I'm just saying that maybe you haven't found anything you want to believe in yet. It was hard for me at first, and, well, it certainly seems like I'm not the perfect person to make an example of, but sometimes, when I feel like no one is there for me, I can turn to that… Wait, that sounds bad. I know your always there for me, but there's some things that I can't really tell you sometimes. I mean, things I'm not really ready to tell you, anyway… God, I should shut up. I'm sor-"
Anna was cut short by arms being wrapped around her shoulders and a short, gentle kiss from soft lips on her neck that sent shivers down the redhead's spine and left a redness on her cheeks.
"I'll go with you to church, Anna. I owe you that much."
Anna's jaw dropped. "Really?"
The younger girl felt Elsa nod.
Anna grabbed her sister's arms, nuzzling them close to her body as Elsa laid her head onto Anna's shoulder, pressing her cheek against Anna's. "What do you owe me for?"
Elsa smiled and kissed her sister's cheek. giving Anna the pleasure of feeling Elsa's sweet lips against her skin once more.
"For being the best thing in my life." Elsa watched as Anna chewed on her bottom lip, her cheeks now noticeably red. "Plus you made some killer pancakes today, so there's some bonus points."
Anna giggled, patting her sister's head. "Which means you get to clean up, blondie." Anna smiled as Elsa groaned, following her into the kitchen. "Don't worry, I'll help you, you lazy turd."
Elsa lay on the couch with her legs over in Anna's lap; the redheaded girl sitting upright. The TV was on, and it was early enough to where "The Price Is Right" was making its daily run. The two sisters always watched the show with their parents, even back when Bob Barker was still the host. Anna would always get a sense of amusement from watching her dad try and guess the prices of everything and end up over or underguessing by a significant amount, causing him to mumble to himself and shy away from speaking out loud.
"I hate washing dishes," Elsa said, sighing. "I really do."
Anna smiled and slightly tickled Elsa's foot, getting a short "eep" sound to emit from the blonde as she tensed up in reaction. "You're lucky you have me, then."
You don't know how right you are. Elsa smiled up at her sister, but quickly faded as she saw that Anna's sleeve was ever so slightly pulled up enough to where she could see that Anna had put on a band-aid over her wrist. Elsa sighed, remembering the discovery from last night, and the feelings that were brought on in rejoinder.
Elsa sat up, and crossed her legs as she faced her sister, reaching over to grab the remote beside Anna's leg, switching off the TV.
"What the heck, woman," Anna teased, "they were on the final showcase!"
Anna tensed up when she realized that this was no time for teasing as soon as she saw Elsa's eyes. They were cold, almost grey as they searched Anna's. The younger girl had never seen a more distressed look from someone's gaze, but immediately knew that something was wrong with Elsa from the first glance. Anna swallowed hard, not knowing what to expect.
Oh great, now she's gonna tell me she's getting deployed to Korea or something, or that she has to go to drill for like a month or-
"Anna, you'd trust me with your life wouldn't you?"
The question caught the redhead off-guard, causing her to furrow her brow and cock her head sideways just a smidge. "of course I would, Elsa. Why? What's going on?"
Elsa took Anna's hands into her own, rubbing the soft skin of the younger girl's palm.
Oh forgive me for this if it doesn't work, Anna…
Elsa grabbed Anna's sleeve and pulled it upwards, fully exposing the bandage used to cover up Anna's self-inflicted wounds.
"This is what's up."
Anna pulled back lightning quick, pulling her sleeve back down. "H-How did you know?!" Anna cried out, looking at her sister with hurt in her eyes.
Elsa let loose with all her pent up emotion, lashing out in a flurry of concealed feelings. "I saw the cuts last night, Anna, and I'm worried sick! I went to bed crying because of that! I lost my dad, and my mom is in the hospital, and all I have left on this planet is you! you are the one thing that I have to have! There is nothing in this world that I would let hurt you, but what am I supposed to do when the one that's hurting you is you?!"
Anna felt tears roll down her cheeks. "I don't know, but I didn't mean for you to worry about me! I love you, Elsa! I would never want to do anything to make you worry about me!"
Elsa looked at her sister with pleading eyes, tears starting to form from her blue-grey gaze. "Then stop doing that to yourself! Stop hurting yourself! Stop whatever is causing you to feel that you need to do that, and I can help! Just tell me and I'll help!"
Anna stood up out of her seating position. "There's no way you can help what's causing this! I'm just trying to get it all figured out myself so I can-"
Elsa stood with her, only inches away from her sister. "That's the problem! Usually, I'm the one too stubborn to let anyone in, but for once I'm trying to help you out here! Please let me help!"
Anna turned away and started to walk off. "No, Elsa! This is for your own good!"
"Anna, please!"
Anna turned around, her cheeks ablaze. "No! You can't help, Elsa!" Anna started to trudge off again, fists clenched tightly.
"Why?! Why can't I help?! Anna, tell me wh-"
Anna cut her sister off short by grabbing her by her shirt, pulling her in to her embrace, locking lips with Elsa as she closed her eyes tight, squeezing a tear out that found its way to Elsa's cheek. Elsa felt her younger sister's soft lips on her own, and the world around them faded into nothingness. The two sisters remained locked in place for what seemed like forever before Anna pulled away, leaving Elsa open-mouthed, and dreamy eyed.
"Because," Anna huffed, "you wouldn't understand." Anna turned on her heel and made her way to the staircase.
You wouldn't understand.
AN: Okay so you guys deserve a little break from the depressing stuff, so I threw in just a tad of fluff in there to keep you all happy. There'll be more of it too, I assure you. Also, this chapter hasn't bee able to be put up for a while due to a passing in the family, so I'm terribly sorry for the lack of motivation I've had. I'm already determined to stay consistent with my posting from here out, I swear. :) Thank you to all who follow this story. You guys are great. Have an awesome New Years! - FHDB
