Just as quickly as it had begun, the world stopped spinning. I opened my eyes to find myself kneeling in the mouth of the portal leading to the Shivering Isles. But it was dark, empty, silent. The Gate was gone. I was back in Cyrodiil again. Alone.
"No," I gasped, desperately running my hands over the walls around me. There had to be a way back. Jyggalag, Sheogorath, whoever he was, still had my mother. She was still back there. I'd left her alone again. "No, no, no!"
My fingers clawed uselessly against the stone and I wept. I'd failed her again. She was trapped in the Isles in a never-ending nightmare she'd never wake up from. It was all supposed to be for her. Everything that I'd endured in that wretched place. The torture, the horror, the pain. I'd done it all for her. I was such a failure!
Jyggalag's parting words filled my head. I would never die. He said I would never die, and I had little doubt that he had the power to ensure that I wouldn't. The one promise, the one last hope I had left had been ripped from me in an instant. I would never see my father again, or Baurus, or… or…
I made a choked sound at the realization and buried my face in my hands. Tears flowed heavily through my fingers and ran in hot, wet trails down my arms. Renewed grief ripped through me with icy fingers.
My last and only chance to see Martin again, gone. Just like that.
"I take it back!" I cried, my voice breaking. I desperately prayed that the Daedric Prince could still hear me. "I take it all back! Just please, please don't do this to me! Anything but this! Anything…"
My pleas were met with nothing but deafening silence. I sobbed harder. My forehead touched the cold ground as I curled in on myself to try to stem the pain. It felt like someone had reached inside of me and ripped everything out until I was left empty and bleeding.
I lay there for a long time, just sobbing and shaking. My tears ran out and the remnants dried up on my cheeks. Lowering my trembling hands, I pressed my palms flat against the stone and carefully pushed myself to my feet. I stepped out into the sunlight, shielding my eyes from the abrupt brightness.
Outside of the mouth of what had once been the Gate, a guard stood at the ready. Bright flashes of afternoon light glinted off steel as he pointed a sword at me. He watched me warily, as if waiting for me to attack. I stared at him.
"The Gate's closed," I said. My voice was utterly flat. His wary look was replaced by one of surprise.
In the stunned silence that followed, I passed by the guard and made my way down the hill. Each step I took away from what was left of the Gate was slow, pained, and heavy as numbness settled into my bones.
"Open your eyes, darling."
"No."
I felt Martin's arms tighten around me and I struggled against him. Not again. Not again…
"Please, Mara," he said soothingly. "It's all right."
I pushed hard against his chest with my hands as I tried to escape, feeling tears welling up from behind my tightly shut eyelids. "I won't do this. Stop tormenting me!"
"Mara–"
"You're not real!"
"I'm here, love. Truly. Just open your eyes."
My chest heaved as I tried to bite back my angry sobs. I did open my eyes. Slowly, hating myself for my weakness. I blinked. There was nothing but a cold and empty bed in a cold and empty house in a cold and empty world. My shaking hands clenched into fists against the covers and my nails dug painfully into my palms. My eyes squeezed shut, but failed to hold back my tears of anguish. I would never, never see him again. Not in that world, nor in the next. Martin was lost to me forever.
I screamed until my throat was raw.
A/N: Again, guys, thanks so much for sticking around. Seeing that you liked this was what kept me going through a second book.
I have a oneshot planned following this, so be sure to keep a lookout for it.
