To his surprise Tommy heard the sound of his door bell above Berlioz. He resentfully rose and went to his front door, more from habit than desire. He paused before opening it. He hoped it was Barbara because he desperately needed her but he equally hoped it was not as he could not break the news to her yet. With a deep breath he opened the door.

Barbara saw the glaze in his eye and the glass in his hand. She envied the ease at which he could drown his sorrows but not the affect it had on his psyche. "Hiya, I looked for you at the pub," she said evenly, trying not to sound as worried as she felt.

Tommy stepped back to let her in. "Wasn't in the mood," he replied gruffly.

Barbara walked up the hall in time to music that made her feel that the end of the walk would be her last steps. "What is that?"

"Marche au supplice or March to the Scaffold. It's the fourth movement from Berlioz' 'Symphonie Fantastique'."

"Well it doesn't sound particularly fantastic to me," she said bluntly as she picked up his remote and halved the volume.

"He wrote it about a man who takes opium to escape from reality because he is hopelessly in love. She's his ideal woman but completely unobtainable. He falls into a stupor and his dreams are full of her. She's represented by the idee fixe, that haunting melody that reappears throughout the work."

"It's depressing."

"That's the point Barbara. It is depressing but it is also powerful and beautiful. He also dreams they are at a ball where he dances with her but it ends tumultuously and he escapes to the countryside to restore himself. His soul is tormented and he cannot rest or find peace. He is scared by the depth of his loneliness and dread that she doesn't love him. Which brings us to this movement where he takes more opium and dreams he kills her and is condemned to death. He watched on as an observer as he marches to the scaffold and is guillotined. Hear that? That's where his head bounces down the stairs."

Barbara stared at him horrified then turned the music off. "You are not some restless soul madly in love with an unobtainable woman. Nor are you condemned to death!"

Tommy looked at her. "Aren't I or near enough? Sit down Barbara, there's something I need to tell you." He gulped down the remaining whiskey and refilled his glass. "Can I get you a drink?"

Barbara did not move and wondered exactly what he was going to say. When he had shouted out his warning that afternoon she saw that he was completely unaware of what he had actually said but she would never forget the honesty behind it. She only wished she could have responded at the time. That moment had passed and now she had to stop him drowning in self-pity. "No thanks. What happened to the man?"

"He goes to his own funeral and it is full of witches who dance macabrely and mock him."

"What a cheery piece! Why did he write it?"

"Unrequited love. He fell in love with an Irish actress, Harriet Smithson, who never responded to his love letters so he wrote this to impress her." Tommy studied Barbara's face. In the dull light of the lamp she was beautiful. It took all his effort not to embrace her.

"Yeah, well I don't blame her."

"Actually when she heard it and the story behind it she realised his talent and they met."

"And?"

"They were married."

Barbara stared at him. "Really? I thought she'd run a mile."

"Maybe she should have. It was an unhappy union and they eventually separated."

"Unrequited love that was built on nothing real. You can't force love where it doesn't exist Sir, you can't talk someone into it."

Tommy drained his glass and poured another. "I wish you had told me that before I pursued Helen!" he retorted bitterly.

Barbara swallowed hard. She had been thinking about her own unrequited love for him. "Sorry, I didn't mean that," she said contritely.

Tommy watched her carefully as she prowled anxiously around his lounge. "No, I know. It's just my guilt eating away at me again. I know you can't force it but you also can't hide it when it does exist can you? Look sit down please. I do have to tell you something and well...I avoided it earlier because..."

"I already know. I tried to find you and Hillier told me. He assumed you already had. Congratulations Sir. Your promotion is well deserved."

"And yours," he said shakily waving his glass, "I realised tonight that I've held you back."

Barbara shook her head and fought back tears. "No you haven't. I wanted to stay, to be with you. We make...made, a good team. I wanted that to last forever but of course it can't."

"I want that too. I couldn't tell you. I didn't know how and in a way I thought if I didn't then it wasn't over yet."

She could not look at him or she would burst into tears. "I should go."

"No, don't. Please." Tommy stepped forward to block her escape then did exactly what he had promised himself he would not do - he embraced her. He wrapped his arms protectively around her nestling her face into his chest then laid his cheek on her head. He had done that once before when she had been angry and scared and he had been so worried he would lose her. Now those same emotions were back. Tommy sighed contentedly when her arms slipped around his waist and held him close.

Being in his arms brought her sense of loss to the fore. Barbara held him as if she was never going to let him go. She did not want to let him go; did not want her life to change. She had bravely told him once that he gave her life purpose and meaning. They had a special bond but while she knew that would never change she was not going to see him often enough for it to matter. She would be off with her cases and he would have his own. At first they might manage to catch up once a week or so for a drink but then that would drift and shift and change. Eventually it would be the occasional call and maybe a drink at Christmas. Barbara let out an involuntary little wail.

With Barbara in his arms Tommy felt peaceful. It calmed his fears and doubts. She meant more to him than he had dared to admit but when she had said he was 'not some man madly in love with a woman' he had almost blurted out that he actually was that man. He had not wanted to admit it but he was in love with Barbara. Even though Berlioz had written the symphony based on his own opium-fueled unrequited love for Harriet he could easily have penned it to describe an alcohol-fueled, miserable detective who would have become drunk and sat dreaming of Barbara. Even when he had been mourning Helen it had been Barbara he had thought about more. When he went to Cornwall and rode up on the cliffs it was always Barbara that flooded his memories. His fantasies about taking her there, living there with him, had been dismissed as loneliness but he had known, underneath it all, that was what he wanted. He needed Barbara in his life. Not just as an acquaintance but by his side, as his partner. She balanced him and calmed his restless soul in a way no one else ever had or ever could.

He had feared she did not return his feelings. She had hinted once that she needed him but was that the same as love? Feeling her shake and hearing her mournful cry Tommy understood that she felt deeply for him. "They can promote us Barbara but we will always share something they don't understand. We will always be friends, I can't let you go."

Barbara thought back to his shouted warning - 'No! I can't live without you Barbara'. She pulled her head back from his chest and looked up into the deep brown watery eyes that smiled down at her. She responded with a tight-lipped sad smile. "Me either."

Normally her eyes never betrayed her deepest thoughts but she made no attempt to hide how she felt. It was that same look she had given him in her flat that night only now it was more certain and much less fearful. Lynley understood; they had just declared their love for each other, not as friends but as much, much more. He moved closer and gently kissed her. She responded without hesitation and Tommy's earlier gloom evaporated to be replaced by desire and the euphoria of blossoming love.

She had not expected his kiss but she welcomed it. Barbara wondered briefly if this was a good idea. It would change everything forever but then so had their promotions. Any thoughts that it was not real and was only because of the circumstances were forced to the back of her mind. She loved him unreservedly and faced with losing him she was determined to live in the moment and worry about the future later. She had often thought about what it would be like to kiss him but as his lips demanded more and as they deepened the kiss reality rapidly surpassed anything she had imagined. She blushed as her hands tore eagerly at his shirt and she ran the tips of her fingers across his skin. She dropped her bag off her shoulder and helped him remove her coat. If Tommy intended what she hoped he did she was not going to refuse.

Too lost in the love that her kiss exuded Tommy did not think about comfort or logistics. His bed would be a far more suitable location to make love to Barbara but his plush carpet in front of the fire would not allow them to overthink the consequences and change their minds. Barbara had undone his shirt and as he shook it off his wrists he knew she wanted this too.

Lit only by his desklamp and the fire the room had a cosy, romantic feel. As they sank to the floor and continued to shed clothes they slowly explored each other's bodies with hands and lips. It was effortless, unhurried and loving. Tommy had always thought that the type of desire he felt for Barbara bred a furiously fast-paced, high energy style of lovemaking but with her the opposite was true. He wanted to savour every caress and memorise how each kiss made him feel.

Her skin tingled and burned as he touched her. He had carefully avoided any pressure on her injured arm and tenderly kissed the bandage. He was considerate lover and Barbara smiled contentedly at the subtle preparations her body made for Tommy. She had no conscious control of the heat and passion that spread through her. She wanted desperately to pull him closer and welcome him inside her body as she had already welcomed him into her heart but she hesitated, recognising that although Tommy was ready physically he was not quite mentally prepared. She had seen the moment today when he had understood he loved her. It was much newer for him and he needed to be sure.

He marvelled at how they intuitively knew what the other would like without the usual first-time awkwardness. As they lay side by side kissing their bodies moved together without conscious effort. This was not just about years of unspoken curiosity or sentiment. He was about to give not only his body but also his heart and soul to Barbara. He paused to look at her. Her smiling eyes told him she understood the importance of this to him and she shifted her hips in a way that told him she was ready. This was not just a quick release of suppressed sexual tension, it was as real to her as it was for him. Tommy checked her eyes and she nodded. He kissed her lovingly as their bodies finally merged.

Neither of them moved and Barbara knew instantly that Tommy felt as she did, as if they had finally found the one spot in the world where they could be completely true to themselves. They did not complete each other. She hated that concept for the way it implied people were not whole without a partner. Yet being physically and emotionally at one with him made her feel tranquil. Every doubt and problem receded and for the first time in years she had a sense of equilibrium and belonging. This felt right like nothing else ever had for her. For the first time Barbara felt loved.

"Marry me," he whispered.

Her head nodded and her lips sought his eagerly before her brain had time to register what he had asked. He began to move and Barbara forgot the question lost in an ecstasy that she had never dreamed she could feel.

As they lay together afterwards Tommy watched the blue-tinged flames dancing across the logs in his fireplace. Barbara was snuggled happily into his chest. Her even breaths tickled in a way that started to stir his desires. As he thought about the gentle way they had made love his life made sense for the first time since his father had become ill. He had a purpose and someone who loved him as deeply he loved her. Barbara loved him as he needed to be loved. She supported him but challenged him. She would never be meek and mild but her loyalty would never falter. She had also accepted his way of loving with all-consuming adoration. He had overwhelmed Deborah with his intensity and had stifled Helen with his possessiveness and jealousy but Tommy knew intuitively that Barbara understood. You don't feel jealous and possessive when you know the person is unwaveringly faithful and loves you as strongly.

"Let's go up to our bed Barbara," he suggested. The floor had served his purpose but Tommy was secure enough in their relationship to know it would no longer be strange to walk naked together through his house.

"Our bed? I don't live here you know. I've never even seen your bed Sir," she replied with a grin.

"Two things we can rectify starting right now."