A/N: Here ya go Beth, the next chapter...but first, an address to those who might be wondering why I'm doing this.
I'm a self-indulgent writer when it comes to fan fiction, I admit that. I write what I feel at the time, whenever my whims dictate that I should. That's why some fictions get more love and attention than others, any why sometimes these seemingly obscure pairings pop up from time to time. I'm not asking the FFN community to love this, because I know 90% (likely more) would never search for "Mai/Shizuru". However it was precisely because 1 person, 1 very good friend wanted it so badly that I nodded my head to it.
This friend is unquestionably more important to me, and more fundamental to my works, than most will ever know. I owed it to her to write this, as this was a mutual desire to explore outside of average pairings. It suits us at this time, and, if it suits me, I do it…simple as that.
So, for those that enjoyed the first chapter, and don't mind the obscure, self-indulgent ways that Beth and I find our enjoyment, here's the second chapter…for those of you that find this pairing irksome, don't torture yourself by reading things you know you will not enjoy. It isn't pleasant for anyone when you do that.
Lilies and Lilacs
Part two of three.
There was something distinct about the sterile smell of a hospital, and no matter what Natsuki tried to do, she couldn't expunge the scent from her clothes, especially not her leathers that seemed to absorb the scent that tortured her. She would wash her leathers time and time again, but the stink of the place she hated most wouldn't ever leave her.
Natsuki considered this as a whiff of antiseptic drifted beyond her nose, making it crinkle in objection. She rubbed at it, trying to force the passing annoyance away from her very being as soon as could be afforded.
In doing so, she also admitted that failure to escape the scent would likely make her ill. Hospitals were bad, because her memories were equally unwelcome, and just as intrusive to gut as the smells themselves. She wouldn't admit that aloud if she could help it, but, with Mai and Nao around, she never really had to. Maybe, they were her only luxury, and she would put herself through hell to afford them.
To help them pay for their emotional struggles that seemed endless.
"Stupid…" Nao groused from beside her. "You don't have to sit here." Absently, she shoved another potato chip into her mouth, crunching on it with the same bored expression she had with all the others before it. "Go find something to do."
"The same goes for you, Nao." Mai said, though her eyes never left the small television, and the movie playing on it. "You don't have to sit here all day either." They'd seen it before, countless times. A comfort in the old film that flickered in front of them. Every line repeatable, every scene something they could so easily describe. "Takumi and I can amuse ourselves for a few hours."
"Tell that to him..." Nao groused, lime green eyes lifting to the young man who had dosed off in the middle of the afternoon. "There isn't shit to do, and you know it." Reaching into the bag and noticing it was empty, she cursed again. "Isn't shit to eat, either."
"Natsuki, maybe you should go get us something to eat from the cafeteria." Mai said, pulling her wallet out of her purse. An old line, rehearsed and well practiced.
"Order what?" Natsuki mumbled uneasily, also bored as she crossed her arms over her chest to brush away the irking feeling in her gut. "Lunch time rush, and you know how gross that stuff is."
"Then go get something from down the street." Nao growled. "A damn pizza, or something." Her bad temper was soften by the worry in her gaze. "Just get the hell out of here and go get some air."
"Fine." Natsuki said, gathering her helmet and gloves from the corner of the room. "Cheese okay with you?"
"Meat lovers on half, or your dead." Nao smirked, causing Natsuki to roll her eyes as Mai handed the tall biker a few crisp bills.
Natsuki didn't complain about the routine that had set in so solidly, that even she was hard pressed to find her way out of it. She just did the same thing she did every day around lunchtime, when the smell of disinfectant grew to be too strong. She went in search of food, fresh air, and some time alone. She gathered her thoughts, while the two women in her life sat worriedly, waiting for answers that continued to elude them.
Her girlfriend, Nao, was a short woman with an acidic temper and raunchy taste in humor. In spite of Nao's bravado, she was stuck there keeping an eye on her mother, who was unfortunately stuck in a coma. Their mutual friend, Mai, was in a limbo with her little brother, waiting for him to be given a new heart that might never come…and amidst all of this, Natsuki herself struggled to offer support, the only way she knew how.
If they wanted a pizza, she would get the pizza.
It was only after she left the room that Mai sighed deeply, slouching in her chair as she rubbed her face. The bottled water at her side was cool to the touch. She unscrewed the top and drank deeply from the clear bottle. "I thought she was going to lose it." Mai said quietly.
"Dumbass almost did." Nao agreed bitterly, getting herself more comfortable. It was a continually difficult task in the plastic chairs. "You're not looking too good either."
"I'm used to it." Mai said then with a smile, but truth be told she was exhausted. "I do this all the time, just like you, so it's only natural that I might look bored or something."
It was the 'or something' that Nao took issue with but didn't press the issue. "Whatever." She groused, a disbelief coloring her voice deeply. "If you keel over, I'm going to laugh my ass off."
"Yeah…" Mai smirked sleepily. "I know."
That was all she knew. That unwavering dependability of Nao and Natsuki were the only safe bets in her life. The only bets she ever made, if she were honest. Akira was a close third, but chose distance over nearness, space over huddles, and withdrawn logic over emotion. Akira was a voice of reason sometimes, a cool and easy mind other times, but, for Mai those things were not dependable…
Regardless of whether or not Mai agreed with Akira and her methods, Takumi needed that aloofness to get him by….to prove to himself that his wife could do with, or without him…and yet, chose him because she loved him, and for absolutely no other reason.
…
The unfortunate truth is that when every day is the same, it muddles.
One day after another, the same events stagnate into the realm of the mundane. It becomes difficult to find same joy in watching the sun rise after a routine of well over two decades sets in. The first one will always be the best, and the last one will forever be forthcoming. Surely there are some differences to be found, but they were natural progressions that were to be expected in her life.
The taste of the tea that she sipped had matured along with her. From teabags and toast with jam as a young girl, to her mother's brew and a muffin as a teen, to finally her own iconic blends with a balanced breakfast. It seemed as if her morning had aged with her. That wasn't exactly a bad thing, but, it was entirely predictable.
Her life was intrinsically a matter of time and place….puzzle pieces that simply seemed to have fit together upon their first try. The luck of the draw, she assumed idly, though that alone conjured disturbing thoughts that her own merit wouldn't have been good enough. That, if she had been a person born to a family of lesser means, her own goals and drive would never have gotten her by. That, she would be worthless to the greater good.
It was a silly thought to have, but one that she toyed with all the same.
Like it or not, she was privileged, and such a thing offered more in the way of an identity, than her own personality at times. That was simply the way of it, indisputable, and comfortable.
Looking down at herself, she had to admit, she exuded such a careless attitude. Right down to the housecoat and slippers that she wore, it was as if the problems in the world could never reach her. The mere idea that she could possibly be so inept was one founded on biased opinion.
Shizuru could never be so blissfully unaware of the injustice that a person's life could become.
In fact, as she sat out front regarding the sky above, it was her concern for life's injustice that troubled her. "Good morning, Reito." She greeted as her good friend came up the pathway lined with gravel and steppingstones. Some were for decoration and rested upright around tress and birdbaths, while others were embedded with many brightly colored gems for feet to rest upon. "Are you here for the pleasure of my company, or did your wife refuse to make you breakfast again?"
"You know me so well." He laughed as he took a seat beside the woman. "My wife took the morning to go to the country club, you know how it goes."
"I do." She lifted her plate to him, offering a scone she had yet to partake. "I still don't see how she manages."
"A rare breed." Reito replied with a shrug. "She loves it."
Shizuru lifted an eyebrow, but said nothing, choosing then to sip deeply from her tea. "Pardon me a moment." She went into the house to gather more hot water from the kettle, preparing more tea, and collecting finger snacks. It took a short time, but it was dearly needed to push away her dour expression. Finally, with her tasks done, she went back outside, tray in hand. "Forgive me for not expecting your visit." Shizuru said as she settled herself back down into her chair.
"You don't wish company at all you mean." He said without worrying about offending his friend, his prying a natural thing between them. "You've gotten that air about you." In fact, he was often known for disturbing the serenity that surrounded her on any given morning. "Did you get into a fight?"
"I don't fight." Shizuru said pointedly, crossing one leg over the other, her eyes focusing on the fluttering of the birds that took to the feeders in the trees.
"A disagreement then." The man corrected himself. "I can think of no other reason for the wrinkle on your forehead."
"Perhaps I am just getting old." Shizuru said, causing Reito to give her a disappointed look. It was his disbelief that made her relent that she was troubled. With a subtle shrug and a sip of her tea, she carefully smiled at him. "Or, perhaps, as you say, I had a disagreement."
"With your father." Reito surmised, knowing there were very few people that Shizuru would spend her time arguing with.
"Gossip mongering doesn't suit you, Reito." Shizuru said quietly, but nodded all the same. "Truth be told, it's unflattering."
"I'm merely concerned." He held up his hand in a good natured surrender. "You've been troubled as of late."
"Troubled?" Shizuru shook her head, shooing away the mild surprise she felt. "No, I'm far from troubled." She said slowly, tasting the word on her lips. She could feel the off-putting flavor of the word on her tongue. It was too dry for her liking, too discourteous and lacking. "I'm far more contented than I should be, and that's probably the issue that my father takes."
"I see." He said then, a fib and little more. "Well if you aren't troubled, I'm no longer concerned."
Shizuru nodded, and wordlessly held up her hand. "I sense dishonesty, so I'll put you at ease." The waggling of her fingers, and what one of them seemed to lack sent Reito's lips into a smirk.
"Oh, it's that again, is it?" He made note that Shizuru had likely turned down another engagement and knew to ask about it later. When she was more apt to divulge the gritty details of how she broke yet another man's heart. "I thought your father had learned his lesson years ago, but obviously not."
"Yes, that…and he's always been quite stubborn." She said with a soft laugh. "It's simply that before, I didn't rightly care." She sipped on her tea again. "Up until recently, I was happy to allow myself the conceited notion that I didn't need a lover in my life."
"You've changed your mind?" He asked, a tinge of surprise in his voice, and he grew serious. "There is a man you fancy?"
"Oh, come now, don't be daft." Shizuru muttered unhappily, rolling her eyes at him. "I never have been very fond of men, you know that."
"You're fond of me." He shot back, mirth dancing in his soft brown eyes. "You never have been able to resist my charms."
"That's because your charms end where your good sense begins." At least such a truth was a comfort as she leaned on the armrest, her chin tucked into her palm. It was an honest stance she took when there was no air to keep up, or anything to hide, dignity included. "Reito, you've not tried to slip into my bed with me." She told him pointedly with a soft but assured grin. "We remain such close friends, because you've made yourself comfortable with the fact that I've no interest in you as a suitor."
"True." He nodded. "Then, if the notion hasn't changed, what has?" He asked, finding that the frown she gave him was something he didn't like. She seemed to be weighing her options, considering what she could say to him…or, even if she should say anything more at all. "Is it something worrisome?"
"Perspective." Shizuru said slowly. "The mindset that companionship is not entirely unwanted as I grow older." She closed her eyes, feeling as though doing so hid some of her emotion on the matter. "Humans are deplorable creatures Reito." She murmured, and he knew that she was talking largely about herself. "We take comfort in absurdly fleeting truths." She told him, as she returned her gaze back to the world directly in front of her. "I don't mind that, but, being reminded that I am just as fragile as everyone else...well, it weakens my desire to stay solitary."
"That is where I lose you." Reito grew quiet for a moment, unsure of how far he should press the issue. "Was it not because you felt yourself weak, that you decided upon celibacy?" Reito asked her as he gathered their now empty cups. "I thought being around others was too much for you?"
"Women." Shizuru corrected. "Being around other women, tempts the most basic of temptation." She went on to say after a moment. "It is too much." Shizuru agreed then with a sigh. "Yet this life I lead, while acceptable, is perhaps not enough."
"Because you are lonely." He said, his assumption one that earned him a flick of her eyes in consideration.
"Hmm am I?" The crimson in her eyes met his brown with objectivity, and then they skittered away from him outright, going from a downward gaze to peer at the floor...and then an outward one again, lingering. It was as if she was trying to process what insight she had just found. "Or am I simply bored?"
He tried to smile, to gift some sort of comfort to her. "I believe everyone is subject to loneliness, at one time or another."
"That is only a small part of it." She told him, feeling as if that was not enough. "Everything is meticulous, expected, and unwavering in every sense of the word. Perhaps I should be happy about that." She explained to him, feeling as if the way she put her feelings were inadequate. "My life is assured. My future was always promised to be a successful one. Even if I end up doing little more than sit home all day long, a vast fortune sits in my lap."
"Then what would be enough?" He asked her. "That is what you've yet to tell me…what would be enough to make you happy?"
"I don't know." It was with a nod out to the sky that she turned met him eye-to-eye. "I've been lucky, Reito. There's no two ways about that. There are people that I know that will never be so fortunate."
"I recall our youth quite a bit differently." He said then, but didn't argue any further than that. It wasn't his place, and this morning was not the right time.
"Speaking of youthful indiscretion, Mikoto's not doing very well with flowers." Shizuru said then, the abrupt change in topic unlike her, but she never had been a morning person. Simply a creature of habit, who like the good daughter she had been raised to be, followed routine even when it didn't serve any point. "You might do well to remove her from the class."
"She's fond of you." Reito shrugged. "I keep her there because you're kind to her."
"She's young." Shizuru noted. "Far too young to be expected to excel in something so abstract." In fact, the girl's youthful innocence bothered Shizuru to no end. There would come a time when her age would catch up to the girl, and, Shizuru was not all together sure that Reito would be able to properly raise his sister when such a time came. "Mikoto should be learning arithmetic and history, not calligraphy and flower arranging."
"You were younger when you were placed into the arts." Reito said then, his insistence on the matter something he didn't care to explain. "That isn't a good excuse."
"It is much less an excuse, and much more a very good reason." Shizuru told him. "Reito, she's a mere girl. She's not able to grasp many concepts due to how stunted she is, her mental growth will take time."
"My grandfather was a very strange man, but one thing I know well, is that he had high hopes for her." Reito said with a smile that buried his long standing resentment even deeper. "However, I'll admit his views on her upbringing were rather…ill informed, I would think."
"You are ill-informed." Shizuru told him. "Your grandfather was an entirely different breed of ineptitude."
"It was a sickness of the mind, I believe." Reito nodded. "Age does that to a person."
"Is that why you saw fit to bring her into your home?" Shizuru asked, but suspected the answer. They were siblings, and Reito had left young, making a name for himself when he had nothing. He wanted the same for his sister, but doubted she would ever have his success. They were merely different people, with different outlooks. "Is it truly a thing of guilt?"
"There was simply no one else." Reito shrugged, unsure if guilt was the right word…however, it was, as he felt, a family obligation. "Mind you, in retrospect, I'm sure she would have been just as contented to live alone. She fancies animals over humans anyway."
Shizuru had laughed about it…shrugging off Reito's observation in some small but important ways. Women were women, men were men, and as often as she disliked to make that distinction for the type of lives they lived, the divide was far greater than gender. It was the mindset of being seen and not heard, versus the question of lineage and the ability to take an inheritance.
Twenty years ago, there would have been no question what the answers would have been…but, Japan was changing.
Men were less willing to work long corporate jobs, or even to settle down into an arranged marriage. Those that were willing, found themselves unhappy in their daily grind, and, as studies were beginning to show, the men would much rather stay home with the children. It was an interesting, if not absurd ideal, Shizuru noted, until she realized women were not the same either. They wanted those highly prized positions of comfort, and, the much sought after "Three Highs" that most women murmured about in their youth.
It was something much more than just the type of man they could snag.
Women wanted the power now, and, Shizuru herself was not exempt from this new, not to mention popular ideal that a female couldn't only excel in the workplace, she could raise above a typical position. Women actually wanted to take a leadership role upon their shoulders, the male ego be damned. Shizuru was not as fanatical as some of the self-empowered women that she knew, but, she had to admit, there was a particular amount of pride found in clout.
It was a thought that consumed her, even as she stood before the class giving a lecture that night.
"What you see before you is the dogwood blossom." She had said, feeling it an inadequate flower, but it was a common one to make note of. "Landscaping enthusiasts and florists alike speak highly of the trees and bushes that this flower stems from. We will focus on the dogwood tree, and that means our lessons will be taken outside tonight."
As the class gathered their outdoor materials, she looked over to the table and sighed. So, she chooses to be absent again, I see. According to the class roster, Mai Tokiha should have been in that empty chair at the center table, but Mai was nowhere to be found. She had at least called in this time, saying she wouldn't make it, but Shizuru partly felt as if that hadn't been enough. How can I be of help when she doesn't seem to want it? Shizuru asked herself before shaking herself free of her musings.
In the end, it didn't really matter, she couldn't do anything for Mai in the middle of the class, and agonizing over the issue at hand would do very little to solve anything. However, to deny the fact that the red head was on her mind at all was a troubling state of affairs.
…
One phone call would be all it took to find out the answer to her pressing question, and though it didn't come as a surprise, Shizuru wasn't exactly sure that she could find an explanation for what she gazed upon. Without making any noise at all, she considered the dark room in front of her, and the six chairs pushed together to make three rows, one person laying there awkwardly in each. Mai looked the most comfortable, with a pillow and blanket, but she could not say the same for the other two, who rested side by side.
Shizuru supposed this was a common sight to behold for Akira, who merely seemed frustrated. "Thought so...you see, there's your missing student." Akira sighed as she shook her head. "I knew when you called and told me that she wasn't at class that she'd be up here."
"This happens often?" Shizuru pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "That can't be comfortable."
"They're masters at it." Akira bit out as she walked further down the look hallway, she needed some coffee herself, after having spent her evening giving private tutoring to those who needed it. "Those three have one common bond, and through it, they're an inseparable force…but, it also means that I can actually say with absolute certainty there's always at least one woman sleeping in my husband's room." Then Akira shrugged. "It's a comfort mostly, I like knowing someone's up here when I can't be."
"It doesn't bother you?" Shizuru said then with an upturned eyebrow.
"How could it?" Akira laughed. "It's been happening since before I knew him…that's the trouble with redheads, they don't listen to reason." With coffee in hand, Akira settled in to wait for the next doctor to check on Takumi and get the latest information on his condition, and gestured for Shizuru to do the same. "The nurse even gave up on kicking them out, gives you an idea of how stubborn they really are when it comes to avoiding the hospital policy."
"Shove it up your own ass, Akira." Nao muttered sleepily as she came out into the waiting area. "And if you're going to be so fuckin' loud, go somewhere else."
Akira crossed her arms and sighed. "Case in point." She said as Nao took a seat across from them, yawning. "Do you know anything?"
"The nurse came in a while back, bitched about his blood pressure, and all that happy shit. Blockages are still the same, they could bypass the crap out of his heart, but with the hole where it is, it won't do much good. He's still on the waitlist, of course, but his condition isn't bad enough to bump him up any higher than he already is." She explained toothpick in hand as she cleaned out her pipe. "Mai was already passed out though, so we didn't wake her."
"She needs rest." Akira shrugged. "I'll make sure she gets home safely."
"Leave her there." Nao said then. "Won't do much good if she just comes back down when she wakes up."
Akira shook her head. "Takumi worries."
"Jesus he's such a damn baby." Nao muttered, still half asleep as she rubbed at her eyes. "Mai can look after herself, she's been doing it for years." After fixing her pipe she wagged it in the air. "Smoke?" Both women denied the offer, so Nao just shrugged. "Suit yourself, but anyway, don't get all pissy if Mai doesn't wake up. I gave her a little P.M. crap when she wasn't looking."
"You drugged her?" Shizuru asked, shocked and a bit outraged. "How could a person do something like that?"
"Cool it there buttercup, I'd never hurt Mai, and I know what I'm doing." Nao said, dragging her eyes along Shizuru's form long enough to ascertain all she needed to know. Shizuru was beautiful, but she was an outsider, and one to be kept at arm's length. With that she stood, waving a hand over her shoulder. "Akira, if your day goes tits up tomorrow let me know, I'll sit in with Takumi."
"Yeah. I will." Akira said with a nod. "Thanks." Having heard all that she needed to, Akira gave Shizuru a knowing frown. "Acidity aside, Nao's not all that bad." Akira didn't wait to talk to the nurse, having heard all that she needed to know. Instead, she fell back on her training, scooping the sleeping Mai into her arms. "Mind making a pit stop on the way home?"
How could Shizuru refuse a question like that? With a nod she agreed. Mai would stir uneasily for a little while, but not long enough to wake up, and even once they got to Mai's apartment, the woman was not calm and restful at all. The scene was troubling, but it was also one that drew Shizuru in. A mystery that had yet to be unraveled.
Although it was anyone's guess if probing for the answers would lead to good results. There was every possibility searching for an answer would only lead to more discomfort.
A discomfort, perhaps, that should not be taken so lightly. Shizuru thought then, as they climbed the stairs. Nor at all searched for by a person such as myself. It would be too unkind to do so. Akira was far too used to this, too practiced in the way she meandered through Mai's apartment in the dark, placing her atop an unmade bed, covering the redhead without a second thought. However as troubling as it all was, there was nothing more jarring about it than when Akira asked her to stay.
The mere suggestion a pressing retort to the confusion that Shizuru suspected lingered in her eyes.
…
It hadn't ever occurred to Mai that Shizuru might genuinely be worried about her. It was a silly thing to assume, especially with Akira murmuring like a little birdie into Shizuru's ear. As a general rule, most people didn't help Mai unless she asked for their help, and, that was a rare thing indeed. Something that only fell onto the shoulders of a very select few. It wasn't that she didn't trust others with her problems, it was that she didn't want her fears weighing everyone down.
When she began to wake up, it was a disorientating experience at first.
What in the…oh, I'm home. The first thing she noticed as she stirred was that the pillow her head rested upon didn't smell sterile, but rather, it carried the smell of her laundry detergent. The second thing she noticed was that she was in her own bed. Huh, I must have fallen asleep at the hospital again. She reminded herself, sitting up and rubbing her forehead, sleepily looking at the clock. Wonderful…now I'm going to be late for work too.
Life was a blur sometimes, Mai had to admit.
Time crept up on her more often than not, and so did her own weariness. Truth be told, she only slept easily in the presence of another, and even though she would never admit it, her single bedroom apartment was unusually cold without someone else there. Then again, one look at her upbringing, and almost anyone could tell the reason why.
When Mai woke up, she wasn't very surprised to find that she was in her own apartment. Natsuki would often put her in a cab and carry her home after she finally let sleep take her. One look at the clock, and Mai cursed. It was already middle of the next day, and she flung the bed sheets off her of. "Natsuki, you should have woken me up!" Mai said, bursting out of her room only to be caught unaware. "Uh…you're not Natsuki…" Her mind frazzled to a halt.
"No, I most certainly am not." Shizuru said quietly. "Nor do I have any idea who she is."
"A friend of mine…" Mai began slowly, annoyed that she had been caught unaware. "She has a gift for disappearing." Mai said, peaking into the living room, but any telltale mess that Natsuki might have left behind wasn't to be found. Even the blanket was neatly folded, leaving no indication it had been used. "She probably left me here." Mai said, holding her head in her hands and taking a breath. "I need to call Akira."
"Takumi's fine." Shizuru told Mai. "His exam showed that nothing has gotten worse."
"That also means no improvement." Mai yawned with clear dissatisfaction. "How did I get home?"
"Akira brought you home." Shizuru said standing over the stove top, cooking breakfast. "She told me you tend to fall asleep like that quite a bit. She asked me to stay here until you woke up." There was a very clear question left between them, the air thick with it.
Mai just sighed. "Emotional stress, the doctors say."
"Are the nightmares included in that?" Shizuru could tell that her prying came close to the edge. The question pushed almost enough to be considered crossing over a very carefully defined line. Mai's dejected frown spoke as much. The way she sagged heavily on the nearby wall concerned Shizuru. "Mai, is it safe to assume that?"
"Who knows?" Mai answered, when Shizuru led her to the table and put some juice in front of her. "It's been like that ever since I can remember." If it were Nao or Natsuki, Mai wouldn't have hesitated, nightmares a shared struggle in sleeplessness shared between the three of them. The problem was, Shizuru stood on the outside of that protective, understanding barrier. "I really don't want to worry about it."
"You should get more rest." Shizuru insisted. It was probably obvious to Mai, but saying it made Shizuru feel better, as if she could then brush away any feelings of responsibility, having given the woman a fair warning. Still, even after giving voice to the simple truth, Shizuru found that it wasn't enough. "You should also consider trusting others more, Akira surely does."
"It's not about trust." Mai rubbed at her eyes, and sighed deeply, as she tried to force the haze from her brain. "There's just so much to do, so there's no time to be tired." In fact, she knew she had to get ready for work, and pushed herself up, walking back into her bedroom. "I'm going to be late for work."
"You're taking the day off." Shizuru said with a shake of her head, fetching Mai again. "Akira's orders." She gave Mai a quick once over, and mentally agreed. "You're in no condition to be standing over a hot grill all day."
"I'm fine, Shizuru." Mai shook her head. "Besides, working is the only thing I know how to do."
"Then perhaps you should learn to do something else." Shizuru said, placing a plate of food on the table near Mai's untouched glass of juice. "Please, come sit down and share a meal. I may not be a proper homemaker, but I'm able to provide sustenance at the very least."
Having a feeling she wasn't going to be able to talk her way out of it, Mai sat down and began to cut into the omelet in front of her. "I'm not making this a habit." Mai said, considering the fluffy egg before putting it to her mouth. "I need the money, and believe it or not, I find cooking relaxing."
"I'm starting to believe you find several things relaxing that would instill panic in others." Shizuru said quietly, not fond of orange juice, but she drank it instead of tea, thinking the caffeine wouldn't be good for Mai. "Perhaps you might consider that such stress could be part of the problem."
"In case you haven't noticed, my life is full of problems." The admittance left much to be desired, and with yet another forced smile, Mai pushed away the discomfort that bubbled from within. "At least when I keep myself busy, I don't have to think about it."
…
Mai had shrugged when Shizuru accused cooking to be a stressful thing to do. If it caused others panic didn't matter, as long as it kept her busy. The more morbid thoughts she could avoid in a single day, the less worried she was for her brother. Less morbidity equaled a happier day, and a more restful night. It was the sort of thing that carried over, and although Mai never knew such a thing as a good month, or a good year, she'd like to think she had plenty of good days, and enough okay weeks to get by.
For as long as she could remember, she'd been accepting of that.
If she couldn't work, she could at least spend her day up at the hospital, and that's where she eventually ended up, baked goods in hand. It wasn't a surprise to see Nao crashed out along three chairs that were pushed together, her legs fitting under the arm rests in a well-practiced way. Natsuki wasn't much better, having pressed herself along the thin windowsill where the air duct forced unreasonably cool air into the room.
The darkness was to be expected, the beeping of the monitor a usual and steady sound. Mai shook her head, leaving the box near the sleeping duo before going to stand by the bedside of a woman who just wouldn't wake. They were used to this, the waiting was not a strange concept. It wasn't absurd to put your entire life on hold for that one faintly distant hope.
Whether it be for a heart, or for someone to wake up from a coma, it didn't matter. Waiting was always the name of the game, and calmness was a virtue that even with an endless supply, it dwindled all too quickly. It was easy, too easy, to become like Nao, where life held no other value than the four walls that contained her mother.
In fact, Mai considered that just maybe God would have been kinder to just let the woman die…at least then, Nao could move on…she could find a new light in her life again.
…but, as things stood, waiting, for both of them, was truly the only option worthwhile.
Mai didn't stay long, and instead went to go spend time with her brother. For what it was worth, the young man had grown used to amusing himself while trapped in bed for most of his day. Sure, he could go for walks at his leisure as long as someone was with him, but instead of pacing about with nothing to do, he had grown to love card games. They were his hobby to the extent that he even hosted such events, when he was feeling well enough.
Today was one of his good days, and in high spirits he shuffled the deck he hand in his hands. "Sis, there's got to be something better you can do with your time." Takumi said after the fourth game of go fish in a row. "Go shopping, or something. I mean you haven't taken a day off in a long time, you should make the most of it."
"There isn't any place I would rather spend my time." She told him only out of truth and little more. "So, what'll it be, another around, or do you want to call down to the cafeteria for something to eat?"
"Sis…" The young man said slowly, eying his older sibling doubtfully. "Don't you think there's something fun you'd like to do…somewhere else?"
"No, there is nothing else I would rather be doing. Now then, if you'd like we could split a juice from the vending machine." Mai offered trying to change the subject, but her brother's knowing gaze continued to burn into her with unrelenting worry. "Or if you're bored of cards, we could rent a movie." When he didn't ease his stare, she picked up one of the hospital pamphlets that came to Takumi's room weekly. "I think there may be bingo going on in the common room soon as well, you like to do that too."
"Mai, it's okay." Takumi said quietly, the covers becoming interesting to him as he gripped the soft fabric in his hands. "You don't have to stay here all the time." She wouldn't meet his gaze, and that bothered him more than he wanted to admit outwardly. A feeling of guilt turned within him. Knowing that he was the reason for the constant stress in her life made him bite the inside of his cheek to steady himself. "I'm not going to die on you, if you turn your back for an hour or so."
"I-I know that." Mai murmured, feeling her brother poke at the rather fragile fears that Mai had kept under lock and key since the death of their mother. "It's just easier to be here, where I can see it. I need to know that it's true."
Takumi rolled his eyes and reached into the cubby in his bedside table, pulling out a few bills. "Maybe something refreshing to drink then. I'm not very hungry." He said handing them to her. "You should get something for yourself though."
"Right…" Mai nodded, taking the bills and going down to the common room located by the elevators. There was a line at this time of day, as usual. It seemed as if most of the patrons who liked to have something to drink with their meals waited in line for this one single machine. Probably because everything in it was both low sodium, and on the list of heart healthy drinks. She had no sooner stepped up to the machine, pressing a few dials for lemon flavored water that Akira finally stepped out from beyond the double paneled doors.
"I thought I might find you here." Akira said with a yawn, looking fairly beat up. "Have you been visiting long?" She had not changed out of her Keikogi from practice, and her unkempt appearance meant it wasn't a class held at the dojo itself, but likely in one of the more remote areas. The smell of the forest a welcome one.
"I got here a little before noon." Mai said, checking her watch. She'd been there for a few hours. "Takumi doesn't want lunch yet, but I wanted to get some liquid into him."
"He had a late breakfast with me before I went to work." Akira reported, taking a lazy stance on the white painted brick left exposed in the common room. "In any case, I stopped by the cafeteria and picked him up some turkey breast and a fruit cup. I figured if anything, he'd at least eat the pineapple."
"Good luck with that, his appetite has been lacking." Mai said, worried that her brother may actually be getting worse. "He hasn't so much as picked up a vegetable all day, not even toast and jelly."
"Well, it's to be expected. The nurse came in this morning. There's this new medication for blood pressure pumping through his body, and you know how Takumi is with med changes." Akira noted the roll of Mai's eyes, the soft gulp and sigh that kept Mai from cursing under her breath. "He'll be fine, he always is."
"I wish he would have told me." Mai murmured as they walked back to the room.
"Takumi's a guy." Akira said, as if that was the answer to all of his problems in his life when it came to his health. "He doesn't want to worry you…besides, we both know you keep such detailed records of his medicine that you probably know more about what they give him than he does."
"I didn't think to look at his drip today." Mai admitted, beating herself up mentally for not following her normal routine. "He probably wants to spend some time alone with you, so I'm going to go check up on Nao and Natsuki." She handed Akira the water that Takumi had wanted, and forced herself to smile. "I'll be back later, okay?"
"You always are." Akira muttered with a smirk. "We're going to get a game of doubt going at about five in the common room, so meet up with us there if we aren't in here."
"Doubt, huh?" Mai asked. "I haven't played that in ages."
"Neither has he, and he thought it might be fun." Akira said as she nodded at Mai. A sort of an unspoken 'see you later' response that she did with most people. "Oh, tell Nao she left her pipe in Takumi's room again."
"Yeah." Mai agreed as she headed back to the room Nao's mother rested in. "I'll let her know." Down the hall in a small private room Natsuki and Nao were sitting in their usual spots. Natsuki up against the window with earbuds in her ears, and Nao by her mother's bedside reading another book. "Hey guys." Mai said standing in the doorway uneasily. "How is she?"
"You have eyes." Nao muttered simply enough as she got up from her chair, and kicking it over to Mai so the woman had a place to sit. "You were gone after I got back for a smoke last night, told Akira to leave you be, but she doesn't listen for shit."
"Neither do you." Natsuki said with a laugh. "I knew I should have just carried her home."
"Hell, news to me if you asked for a good girl." Nao said, laying herself across Natsuki in her usual way. "So, what's the skinny on Akira?"
"Nothing that I know of." Mai shrugged. "Why, is something wrong?"
"Nao just thought that she have something on the side..." Natsuki said then, giving Nao a glare. "You know, someone that we might not know about?"
"What…? No, of course not." Mai shook her head. "What gave you that idea?"
"According to Nao, there was some woman here last night with Akira." Natsuki shook her head, not entirely sure herself. "I was asleep."
"Yeah, but I've never seen her before either." Nao nodded. "Thought she might be getting a little lonely, not that I don't get it. Takumi isn't exactly good for a lay right about now."
Natsuki rolled her wyes, while Mai was the first to form a disgusted answer. "That's beyond wrong, on so many levels." She knew there was no point to try to talk sense into Nao, so instead, she just sighed. "Her name is Shizuru, they're good friends, but that's all they are."
Nao nodded, but she had a hard time believing it. "Look, don't sweat it, I was just wondering."
"Nao, we should get some air." Natsuki told her gently before looking to Mai. "Hey you mind keeping watch? I wanna go back to the house and grab a change of clothes, a shower, and some food that doesn't taste like it came out of some doctors ass." Then emerald eyes dropped to lime green ones. "Nao needs to see some daylight too I think, she's been camping out on those chairs for two nights in row now."
"Yeah, I can sit here for a few hours." Mai said as she picked up the book. "She likes this one, right?"
Nao didn't show any gratitude, but she didn't need to. "Chapter nine, second page." She got off of Natsuki's lap, dragging the tall biker along with her. "Come on, let's blow. I want to get back before shift change."
Mai took a breath and began to read the words in the novel nice and slow, feeling as if doing so might coax the woman to wake to the sound of another's voice. That was the theory, anyway, though Mai was starting to be skeptical of it. With one hand holding the paperback, and Nao's mother's hand in the other, she began what she knew to be the loneliest visitation she ever took practice in, hoping that just once something would trigger the woman.
That something would call to her, and summon her from this horribly long sleep.
…
Life had funny ways to drop little reminders where a person had a habit of least expecting it, and Shizuru was often left unamused by such displays of irony.
There was a spider perching on one of the little wooden slats of her closet. She left it there to loiter around for a little while, even if she wasn't fond of the ugly black thing that twitched every so often. Shizuru could have just smacked it with one of her shoes and ended the creature of her ire then and there. Instead, however, she simply avoided it, wishing to overlook the unsettling crunch she knew killing it would make.
She hoped it would flee from her sight during the darkness of the night, but it didn't, and killing it began to seem appealing in the morning.
Instead, she got a piece of paper and a glass jar, coaxing it inside, and scowling at it the entire time. Without even waiting to watch it make its escape, she merely left the large open mouthed canning jar on the stoop in hopes that the aggravating little creature would find a new home someplace else. She figured if she gave it a day or so, it would be out of her life forever.
The day came and went by without much hassle, her routine unaffected.
The next morning, however, she woke up to see that instead of fleeing, like a smarter animal might do, the spider had taken residence in the jar. Spinning a thick web and staying there, it perched seemingly all too happy not to be removed from its new cubby hole….and Shizuru was most assuredly not going to try and upheave it any further than she already had, wishing not even to touch the jar, if she could avoid it.
Unhappily, that morning she shared her tea with the little monster, as they had to both share the porch that wrapped around the front of the house. She eyed the jar as she sipped her tea, sighing in annoyance. It was dismal, when the stubbornness of something as small as a bug, got the better of her. Perhaps it was because the annoyingly insistent creature was the closest thing she had to a pet, but even that only served to make her bitter.
She thought for not the first time of acquiring a house cat, thinking it might be nice to have some form of company, even if it wasn't a human.
"What's this?" Reito asked, coming up the path and taking a seat beside his good friend, enjoying the same warm tea and quiet conversation they shared every morning that he wasn't kept busy. "I never knew that you thought so fondly of insects."
"It's a good thing I'm not afraid of it, or it would have met its demise long ago." Shizuru sighed, gazing at the growing arachnid. "I still have half a mind to crush it, just to get my jar back."
"You would, wouldn't you?" Reito smirked, knowing she actually hated spiders. "I would ask how your day has been thus far, but such a distasteful response serves as an adequate answer." He said then, bringing the tea to his lips. "I have a meeting with a client, so I can't whittle away the hours today, but, I thought you might be interested in joining my family for dinner tonight."
"Tonight isn't ideal." Shizuru said, a distant thought keeping her occupied. "Besides, knowing you the way I do, you and my father are likely in cahoots."
"That obvious?" Reito said as he gracefully accepted her decline, thankful he hadn't arranged for a blind date yet.
"Your wife has a particular viewpoint." Shizuru said with a shrug. "I don't fit that ideal."
"No, you most certainly don't." Reito laughed then. "Regardless, I should insist that you join us."
"If it so eases you, I do have plans for dinner already." Shizuru said softly, averting her gaze.
"A dinner date?" Reito pried.
"Hardly." Shizuru gave him a stern look. "She's married."
"Pity." Reito jibed. "Just when I was about to inquire all the personal little details."
"As if I would speak them." She returned with a laugh. "Scoundrel, stop living vicariously. You have a gorgeous wife who loves you dearly."
"So you've noticed." He sipped more tea before replying to his coworker, and pocketing his phone. "I always knew you had impeccable taste."
"Well, I do have eyes." Shizuru shook her head, astounded that he would think otherwise. "Akira's a good friend, and that's a trust I'd never betray." Shizuru went on to say as she averted her gaze from him. "She knows of my preferences, of course, but she's not exactly adverse to the idea of women…she merely found happiness with a man first." Her eyes began fixing on that infuriatingly happy spider that bungled about in the jar as if no one minded its presence. "I'm going to be trying a new little eatery I've not yet had the pleasure to try, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that I enjoy the company."
"The pleasure of sharing a meal with others, even if only a good friend, is not something to begrudge." He assured her before checking his watch. "Well, I must be off, but I meant what I said." Reito said with an honest smile as his cell phone beeped at him, a new text message received. "You are coming to dinner sooner or later."
"Later being the operative word." Shizuru murmured under her breath as she bid Reito a farewell.
The thought of someone actually being interested in her was laughable at best. At least, that had been what her life had proven after every trial and error. She was not overt in her sexuality, and didn't particularly shout it from the roof tops. Perhaps that was why befriending females often led down two very difficult paths. One was that their views of life didn't agree with hers, and they simply stopped being friends…or the latter happened, and a connection was built.
Connection was a thing to fear, as friendship could often lead to unrequited feelings…ones best left buried.
What woman truly seeks another woman for warmth? Unless perhaps, the relationship itself is one that niggles at the back of the mind like a vermin best left ignored. Shizuru thought to herself as she sipped at her tea again, noting out of the corner of her eye that the spider had left the confines of the jar, having selected the top corner of the doorframe as its new perch. And that, my annoying little house guest, is the crux of the entire issue.
…
It was just dinner with a friend…that's all it was, and all it ever had to be. No preamble of excuses needed or given, and no question of weather or not this was appropriate to be asked. There would also be no answer to be given. Just dinner...just a meal...It went no further than that, no motives, no conclusion…nothing of the sort.
Just. A. Dinner.
It wasn't a way to spy on, impede, or otherwise harass that friend's sister-in-law. Shizuru had promised herself that much, chanted that much. She wouldn't go digging any further than she already had, and she wouldn't press things best left untouched. She wouldn't make idle assumptions about Mai's being, or assume that the carrot top was pushing herself too far…
Because even if she was...and, it was a rather large if...one that trumpeted about like an angry bull elephant in the room...regardless, it wasn't any of Shizuru's concern. Mai didn't seem to want the help that others desired to give her.
At least, that's what Shizuru told herself…but that wasn't true either…because Mai was lonely…and Shizuru had to admit, so was she.
It was a few hours after Shizuru stopped fighting with herself, that she met Akira at their destination. The diner was a modest size, not in the best condition due to age, but it was clean and very homelike. In that, Shizuru found a small hint of comfort as they sat at the table. A young, brown haired waitress took their order, and when she left, Shizuru was finally able to let out a sigh she didn't realize she was holding. "I don't understand why we had to eat here of all places."
"Might as well, a person has to eat." Akira said as she leaned back in her booth, rubbing her eyes. "Takumi likes when I check in from time to time, so that's why. I decided we might as well kill two birds with one stone." She looked over the counter and into the open window of the kitchen, seeing Mai bustling about. "Besides, she's a great cook, you'd be foolish not to like it."
It was now or never, and something had to be said. Shizuru took a breath. "I do not think it is wise to continue seeing Mai in the manner I have been. In fact, I'm starting to think I should keep my distance." She had hoped that Akira wouldn't pry, as generally they shared that common bond. It was what made Akira respect others on much deeper levels. It just so happened that such respect also granted a wealth of information by default, trust being a thing of solidarity.
You were either given it completely, or denied it outright.
The tomboy took a careful drink of water, and with her usual bored expression, she shrugged. "Do what you think you have to do." Akira said after assessing the situation. "Either way, you'll be back to your old tricks…the girls that fawn over you do it because you give them good reason to."
Shizuru relented that it was probably true, she did flirt a bit to fill the void, even if nothing had ever come of it. "I just doubt that said tricks should include your sister-in-law." In fact, Shizuru had made a point not to flirt with her, and that was perhaps her own undoing.
"I don't see why not." Akira seemed to consider something, but what exactly that was, Shizuru wasn't entirely sure. In fact, the clock ticked by slowly while Akira formed what could only be a very thorny piece of evidence. "Mai's good at playing games. You both share that trait. That was part of the reason why I chose you, Shizuru." Not that it really mattered one way or the other in the grand scheme, but Akira had hoped for better results. "I figured if anyone could see through that facade of hers, it would be you."
"That, Akira, is not at all the problem." Shizuru replied then. "Rather, I find that to be the easy part…but, as one says, it's easy to become too invested…too close I should say, to warrant being comfortable." She bit her lip then. "It's because I don't play with her, that I am concerned. What we know of each other is not built up of fun and games...but rather, delicate topics best left alone."
"Want my advice?" Akira asked as their shared meals came.
"I didn't realize you were so willing to dole it out." Shizuru smirked. "It's unlike you, really."
"You both play a good song and dance, but that's all it really is." That was the cold truth of the matter, and try as Akira might, she couldn't give any warmth to that little problem. "I'm not entirely sure that either of you do it for your good, but it feels more like it's some sort of thing you have to keep up." She cut into the steak in front of her considering the red meat in a predatory way. "If it doesn't suit you, it isn't worth the time to do it."
Shizuru flicked her eyes to the counter area, where Mai could be seen in the back moving about, from griddle to sink, to counter and then back to the griddle again. Not worth the time, or not worth the emotional investment? Shizuru asked herself. That was the better question, laced between things best left unjustified. Shizuru nodded to Akira. Crimson eyes returning to the woman well trained in the masteries best suited to reading the intention of others. Alright, I'll admit that. Well played, Akira.
"I'm not entirely positive I should dignify your observation with a response." Shizuru said, but the smile on her face let Akira know the truth. No true harm had been done. Not that the woman of sharp mind and tongue would have been bothered either way. "Appearances come with the lifestyle. It's a territory all of its own, I fear."
"Hmm." Akira nodded. "Still a territory, it can still be overcome."
"I would like to think not everything I encounter in my life is an enemy." Shizuru replied, making sure to keep the statement calm and simple.
"Yet everything remains at arm's length?" Akira shook her head. "I don't want you to give up on Mai. In fact, if I were you, I'd weigh my options a little differently."
"Yes, you would, your adept at that." Shizuru said softly. "You also live on the edge of your knife. The teachings of your father, and your grandfather before you, dictate that unflinching mindset. Unfortunately, I am not so lucky to have that kind of faith in my own upbringing." A forced smile, a barely there admittance would be more pronounced between them, the unspoken confessions leaving a ripple of discord. "You must forgive me, but this is one gamble I simply do not have the luxury to participate in."
"I knew you'd end up liking Mai." Akira murmured then. "For what it's worth, that's not really a bad thing."
No…it wasn't inherently bad, Shizuru could admit, but she doubted it was particularly fortunate.
…
It was probably a bad idea when she really thought about it. In spite of that, she couldn't deny that there was some part of her starved for an emotional connection. That it had found nourishment in the obscurely uneasy interactions with another person was odd enough. However, to find that kinship in one just as unable to navigate a healthy balance between life and personal duties left a rather uncomfortable truth to swallow.
There was a rare dependency that lingered somewhere within her heart, that dire need to be depended on by another. The aching need to be needed.
The realization had had brought Shizuru to want to deny herself such a comfort. To force away the hope she had, that someone else might actually take an interest in what she had to say. That such an interest could become something else entirely…a bond, perhaps, that carried into something more. A feeling shared, even if left unvoiced and never spoken.
To deny herself, was the selfsame as denying the very thing that so frightened her.
She was not good with women, or, rather she was not good with finding a safe boundary line with the other woman. She could feel comfortable with boundaries, but Mai was the type to obliterate them. It was either too close for comfort, or too far to really care one way or another.
Mai was such the person that the line seemed to be an uncontrollable mix of both. Too close to be a mere acquaintance, too far away to really understand the nature of who she was…and, what that would mean.
Shizuru was not daft by far, and knew well enough to know that Akira would not set her up to fail…however, that did not assure that Shizuru would find success either. There was no guarantee.
No matter how one looked at it, to even consider sitting outside of Mai's workplace after hours was a breech in privacy. It was a seemingly simple plan, one even instigated by Akira herself, and yet even so, Shizuru felt an inherent wrongness in her very presence in the parking lot.
"Would you like a ride?" She had offered when she saw Mai exit out the rear door.
"No, it probably isn't on the way to where you're going." Mai said, even though it was already dark out. "Besides, the hospital is only five stops by tram, not long at all really."
"I don't care if it is or not, the tram station is still three blocks away." Shizuru told her, opening up the passenger side door. "I don't think I like you walking around at night on your own. I know a few others would easily take issue with it."
"Well, if you're sure it wouldn't be an imposition." Mai said quietly as she fidgeted with her purse before nodding to herself. "I suppose I could take you up on the offer." She climbed into the car, buckling herself in. "You really shouldn't worry about me so much."
"I shouldn't." Shizuru agreed, feeling as if putting a comfortable distance in her words would ease the inward tension she felt. The admission wasn't enough, and would never be gratifying on its own. "…but, I do." Shizuru finally added when she realized that Mai expected something more. "And to be perfectly honest, I'm not all together willing to figure out why exactly that is." Then with a shrug as she drove, she offered Mai a quick glance. "Call this an indulgence on my behalf, and think little more of it."
Somehow, even saying that was inadequate.
