Sev's Diary 95/96 ~ Part One

(SPOILER WARNING - BOOK FIVE)

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This Diary belongs to Severus Snape. These pages have been coated with one of Longbottom's potions. The disastrous result of its contact with your skin cannot even be imagined. You have been warned.

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Dear Diary, Summer usually brings me temporary alleviation from the pestilence of children. Unfortunately, this summer I am not so lucky. Now, I'm not complaining about being in the Order and doing my duty, I would just prefer if that did not involve dodging nosy red-headed children. Why the Weasley brats have to stay at the headquarters, I don't know, but you can be damn sure that as long as they are there, I will not stay any longer than I have to. Weekly reports are as much as I can handle. There is enough threat on my life at the moment - I most certainly do not want to spend what could be my last days being surrounded by fiery headed little eavesdroppers.

The only thing that could be worse is if Potter was here. Thankfully he is not, and if what Dumbledore tells me is true, then he is having an even more miserable time without the Weasley degenerates than I am having trying to avoid them. Which almost makes up for it.

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Dear Diary, Now, really. Why does Lucius insist on hiding his wand in that elaborately constructed pimp stick? I'd say he was trying to make up for other. . . inadequacies, but there are potions for that. As far as I can tell he just likes brandishing it around and hitting his servants with it. Having said all that, it is a fine piece of construction - but really. He ought to save it for special occasions.

I can't believe I'm writing about Lucius' stick. I've really got to stay home more.

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Dear Diary, It would figure, wouldn't it - someone finally gets around to doing something about Potter, but instead of killing him (or at least getting his soul sucked out) they manage to get him brought to the headquarters. Can no one do anything right these days?

Still, at least there is a slim chance that Potter will be kicked out of Hogwarts for his "bravado". I will be able to handle seeing him every so often at the headquarters if the knowledge that I never have to teach him again is kept at the back of my mind. I may even incorporate colour into my wardrobe (mother would be proud). I believe I may have a pair of dark green socks somewhere.

On second thoughts, let's not go overboard here.

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Dear Diary, I really wish Dumbledore wasn't as infatuated with the boy as the rest of the blinded world. If Potter couldn't save himself from the wrath of the jury, then I don't see why Dumbledore should help him. It's time Potter learnt to stick up for himself instead of letting everyone else run around after him and save his neck every time he gets into trouble. The boy is obviously trying to ruin his life, why is everyone making it so hard for him?

In commemoration of the day's events, I have burned my green socks.

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Dear Diary, After a rather eventful summer of subterfuge, I am once again resigned to teaching the magnificent art of potions making to ungrateful juveniles. How pathetic my life is - instead of spending time with the only person worthwhile of my company (myself), most of my life is occupied by Death Eaters and Students. I am so sick of sucking up to Lucius Malfoy, just to gain pitiful tidbits on what all the other Death Eaters are up to. And now that the school year has started I have to suck up to his brat as well.

Dumbledore really doesn't appreciate all that I do for him.

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Dear Diary, I honestly cannot comprehend what Dumbledore is playing at. Why must he be so stubborn? The only reason this school is stuck with Umbridge is because of his obstinacy to hire me. I've been applying for the job for the past 14 years. I know more about the Dark Arts than Umbridge knows different floral patterns. Who better the teach Defence Against the Dark Arts than me?

Unfortunately Dumbledore still thinks that it will "bring out the worst in me". Will just have to work doubly hard at damaging the minds of my pathetic students.

We'll just show him what my worst can be.

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Dear Diary, What a useless bunch of failures the Gryffindor OWL's class is this year. Thankfully none of them will manage to pass their Potions OWL (I'm surprised they even remember their own names most of the time) so I will not have to endure their disrespect in future classes.

Unless Dumbledore finally gives me the Defence Against the Dark Arts position, in which case I'm sure I will be able to survive another year with the delinquents until I fail them out of that subject as well.

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Dear Diary, Not only has Umbridge waddled into this school and stolen my coveted teaching position from under my nose, she is also trying to take away my title of Hogwarts Most Loathed Professor. Just who the hell does this woman think she is? The worst thing is that I must keep up appearances around her and pretend that I fully agree with what she intends to do here. Just sitting next to her in the staffroom listening to her blather on about kittens and floral arrangements and what a wonderful Minister of Magic we have makes me want to retch. Literally. I had to hastily excuse myself during a particularly revolting monologue about her new Defence Against the Dark Arts teaching schedule to rush myself down to the dungeons and breath in the dankness and quell my nausea. She is honestly the most nauseating woman I have ever had the misfortune of being an acquaintance of.

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Dear Diary, Made the youngest Creevy boy cry today. It felt good. Very good.

Shame it wasn't Potter.

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Dear Diary, Potter's outburst during his first Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson of the year is all around the school. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if he has even less common sense than Longbottom - only Potter would have the arrogance to think that he is the only one in the world who can possibly convince Umbridge of the truth. It's pathetic - why on Earth would she believe an ignorant little so-and-so like him? She wouldn't. But Potter persisted until he received a weeks worth of detention. Will he ever learn? I highly doubt it.

Still, why am I complaining? Having Umbridge keep him in detention for a week saves me the hassle of thinking up new reasons to give him detention. I could never like the witch, but at least we agree somewhat on the Potter issue.

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Dear Diary, How Potter has managed to survive 15 years without wandering obliviously onto a busy Muggle road is beyond me. I have never met such an imbecile – to manage to get a 'D' on a very simple potions essay is something I previously thought impossible. Even Longbottom didn't get that bad.

That 'D' takes a special class of idiot. The Potter kind of idiot.

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Dear Diary, Hogwarts High Inquisitor? Umbridge? Merlins beard, Hogwarts is becoming more abysmally wretched everyday. There is no way that fat, frilly toad will be inspecting me and my classes. I refuse to have her disrupting my lessons and befouling my dungeon.

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Dear Diary, Dumbledore says I have no choice. Curses on the lot of them.

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Dear Diary, The highlight of today was definitely handing back Potters completely abysmal essay. His face was priceless. And just thinking about what his bushy girlfriend will say when she finds out makes it even more worth my while. There is no way Potter will make it into my class next year.

Unfortunately may have to put up with that unbearable suck-up Granger. But hopefully she will be less willing to take my class if her pathetic Potter and Weasley are not in it. I can only dream.

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Here ends Part One...

Next chapter. . . Snape's feelings towards Umbridge's inspection of his class, Occlumency lessons, his Worst Memory, Sirius Black and more...