Sev's Diary 95/96 - Part Two
(SPOILER WARNING - BOOK FIVE)
oOoThis Diary belongs to Severus Snape. I warn anyone who thinks it is a good idea to read this that you could not be more wrong. If you do not take this warning seriously, you will have the rest of eternity to regret your mistake whilst floating in your very own pickling jar.You have been warned.
oOoDear Diary, Received owl from Mother today. The old bat wants to come up to Hogwarts to see where I live and work. Sent a reply owl saying I've been fired and am moving to Madagascar in two days to pursue a career in annoying-relatives- assassination.oOoDear Diary, The Gryffindor Trio never cease in finding new ways to explore their stupidity. Take their Hogsmeade trip last weekend for example. Instead of using the opportunity to restock on brain-rotting sweets and juvenile practical jokes, they decided to gather a group of peers together and go to the Hogshead. Why? To organise a not-so-secret rebellion against Umbridge, of course. Why they chose to conduct such a meeting in the Hogshead is beyond me. Everyone knows students only go there to engage in the illicit purchase of alcoholic beverages. So naturally everyone's suspicions were immediately raised when the rag-tag group of idiots ordered Butterbeer. What better way to ensure the rest of the bar would listen in on their conversation?
Needless to say, word got back not only to the Order, but to Umbridge as well. All school groups etc have been disbanded. Of course the Slytherin Quidditch team were granted permission to reform straight away (it's reasons like this that I have not cursed the horrible witch to oblivion yet). As for Gryffindor. . . well, let's just hope Minerva wont miss having the cup in her office.
Dear Diary, I cannot find words to describe how much I loathe Umbridge. Yes, she is delightfully unfair in her attitude towards Potter and she does favour Slytherin, however I cannot possibly respect anyone who wears such hideous robes. And of course there's the whole let's-be-disgustingly-stubborn-and- not-believe-Dumbledore thing as well. That's rather annoying too.
She "inspected" my class today. And by "inspected" I mean completely disrupted it. If I am forced to teach those pig-headed Gryffindors how to follow simple instructions (a task which is infinitely harder than it sounds) then I would prefer not to have to do it under the annoyingly close watch of Miss Fluffy Kittens herself. I cannot believe the audacity of the witch, suggesting that my curriculum was not appropriate. She seems to have forgotten who the Potions Master of the school is - it certainly wasn't the one wearing pink fur-trimmed robes. I could go on for days about her offensive personality, but quite frankly I would rather forget about the woman for the evening and relax with the latest Potion's Today.
In other news, am not sure what got into Longbottom today, but must say it makes a change to take points off him for fighting in the school corridor rather than for just being a blithering dunderhead. Not that that will ever get old.
Oh Merlin, Severus. That was just sick. Sick, disturbing and completely inappropriate. Must go and distract self and never, ever think about Hagrid's love life again.oOoDear Diary, Am still disturbed.oOoDear Diary, Weasley Snr fell asleep on the job and is now at St Mungo's. I don't understand how anyone can fall asleep when they're trying to stop the Dark Lord and his minions from taking over the bloody world. I guess we all have different priorities.
Interesting how Potter saw it all. . . perhaps Dumbledore should teach him Occlumency. Will suggest it to him tomorrow.oOoDear Diary, No. Bloody. Way.
Sometimes I wonder if I should leave Hogwarts and go back to the Dark Lord full-time. Sure, I'd have to do the whole killing-innocent-people thing again, but it beats teaching Potter Occlumency. I refuse to do it.oOoDear Diary, Dumbledore says I have to or he'll tell everyone about catching me humming the other week. He is an evil mastermind. I resent that.oOoDear Diary, Well, I'm not going to make it fun for him.oOoDear Diary, Dumbledore says I have to be nice. I told him I'd try and be nicer than the Dark Lord, but I wasn't going to make any promises.oOoDear Diary, Today was officially the worst Christmas ever. The rest of the staff got hideously intoxicated on egg nog (except Sybill - I suspect she was already drunk on cooking sherry before she even made it to the feast) and became even more obnoxious than usual. Minerva kept dropping her fork in my lap. Rolanda fell asleep under the table between the main course and pudding. After the awful dinner, Dumbledore tried to entertain me with a slurred rendition of a Yuletide song he had rewritten (something ridiculous about a Snidget in a Pine Tree) and Poppy cornered me with a piece of mistletoe. Disgusting behaviour, I'm utterly ashamed to work with these people. Sorted Poppy out with a swift jab in the ribs with my wand, then made a hasty retreat to the sanctuary of my dungeons.
I really hate Christmas.oOoDear Diary, At least Potter isn't any more pleased about the new Occlumency-teaching arrangement than I am. The look on his face when I told him the terrible news was priceless - if nothing else, at least I successfully banished his post-Christmas joy.
Also had delightful argument with Black - found it most enjoyable to taunt him about his lack of involvement in the Order. It's so unbelievably obvious how much he hates being so useless. It was incredibly easy to hit the sore spots. Managed to get quite a few witty insults into the conversation. Pity no one there was intelligent enough to appreciate them. My oral duelling talents are wasted on such imbeciles. Of course, nothing I could have said would have been more effecting than doing the one thing Black cannot do - leaving the building. With that alone, I totally won today.oOoHere ends Part Two.
Stay tuned for the third and final partof Sev's diary 95/96 - read as Snape suffers through Potter's Occlumency lessons, continues to despise Umbridge's fashion sense and deals with the death of one of his least- favourite people. Pity it wasn't Potter.
The part in the third diary entry with Trelawney was borrowed (with permission, of course) from The Transfer Student by LuciusAndSnapeRock, which I thoroughly recommend. The exact extract is:
"Hello Severus. You're sending out a tense aura. Is something troubling you, dear?" asked Professor Trelawney as she swooped down on him.
