Sev's Diary 95/96 - Part Three
(SPOILER WARNING - BOOK FIVE)
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This Diary belongs to Severus Snape. If you dare to rifle through these pages you will become the biggest fan of The Boy Who Lived. There is no punishment more terrifying.
You have been warned.
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Dear Diary, This year is going to be torturous. And not the good kind of torture, like giving a pathetic Gryffindor a week of laborious detention for merely existing. It will be the bad kind of torture, which involves me having to devote my beloved not-teaching-students time to teaching a student. The worst student. I have tried to tell Dumbledore that there is no way I will be able to teach Potter Occlumency. Partly because I don't want to. But mostly because Potter is an argumentative, overconfident, horribly unpleasant child. Nonetheless, I will do my best to teach him – to prove his incompetence, if for no other reason.
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Dear Diary, Umbridge came to my office today and offered to help me brighten the place up. I certainly wouldn't voluntarily let her in, but she rudely pushed past me. She gamboled around the room, touching my things and chattering inanely about doilies and wind chimes and mood lighting. I cannot express my disgust that she is attempting familiarity with me. I told her very firmly that the only improvement that needed to be made in the room was one less person. Then glared meaningfully at her. She seemed to get the message.
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Dear Diary, Dumbledore had a final 'Pep talk' (his words, not mine) with me after lunch today. I tried a different approach with him this time, and proposed that perhaps Potter would be powerful enough to overthrow my Legilimency and be able to extract memories from my mind… and that could prove to be detrimental to Potters' well-being. I didn't say that if he saw into my past I would have to kill him, but merely implied that perhaps seeing the Dark Lord in my memories would not benefit the boy. Dumbledore agreed with me for once, but alas, I still have to teach Potter. He has lent me his Pensieve so I may extract some of my more private memories, which was the least he could do. Five more hours until our first lesson. I cannot wait till it is over.
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Dear Diary, As I expected, Potter is far, far too exceedingly hotheaded to be able to master Occlumency. On top of that he is stubborn, rude and completely disrespectful… although this is common knowledge already. I still cannot believe he dares to say the Dark Lords name, foolish brat. Nor can I believe that he tried to wheedle confidential information out of me – as if he's an honorary member of the Order! I must inform Dumbledore that Potter is becoming far too confident that he is invincible, and that not only does he know more than is good for him, he is trying to solve mysteries that are far beyond his concern. Also must confirm that this was a ridiculous idea, and that Potter is even worse at Occlumency than I envisioned.
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Dear Diary, Today I received an owl from mother detailing recent events in her love life – or, rather, that she has started seeing a lovely gentleman and I ought to come over for dinner and meet him one night when I'm not busy. I am always busy. Always.
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Dear Diary, Harry is not improving at Occlumency (nor at Potions, although after four and a half years of barely scraping through, any improvements now would be beyond miraculous) - yet Dumbledore insists I must persevere. I did report to him that Potter has been dreaming of the Department of Mysteries, and he seemed to think that it was of even more importance that I continue to endure these useless lessons. I deserve a pay rise.
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Dear Diary, The Death Eaters have managed to escape from Azkaban. The Dark Lord will be overjoyed, no doubt. I suppose I'll be expected to go to a big 'Death-Eater-Celebration/How-Shall-We-Take-Over-The-World-This-Time?' party. I hate these Death Eater events. Apart from having to wear those stupid masks (which are as uncomfortable as they are unfashionable), my dear cousin Bellatrix will no doubt follow me around all night pounding me with trivial questions – "Why are you following Dumbledore?" "Why haven't you been trying to find the Dark Lord?" "Don't I look fabulously thin now, after starving in Azkaban all these years?" How wretched.
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Dear Diary, Hagrid is on probation. How amusing. I think even Trelawney could have predicted that one. Although the times she's sober enough to string together a coherent sentence are becoming rarer as the days go by.
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Dear Diary, We had a Death Eaters Soiree this evening to celebrate the Dark Lords recent victory. As I suspected, Bella was all over me like a rabid Grimm with her mindless questions - "Why are you still at Hogwarts?" "Are you teaching the Dark Arts to worthy students?" "Can you make me up some more of your skin-paling astringent?"
I'm so sick of having to defend myself. It's always "Yes, I'm on the good side - Dumbledore trusts me, isn't that enough proof?" or "Yes, I'm on the dark side - the Dark Lord trusts me, isn't that enough proof?" Leading a double life is such a strain on my mental health - especially as my "peers" on both sides are blithering idiots who simply aren't worth my time. Honestly – skin-paling astringent? As if I have enough time to care about such vanity. Well, not for other people; I still use it religiously. But no one needs to know that.
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Dear Diary, I simply cannot believe Potter's audacity to publish "the real story". And in the Quibbler, of all places! I hardly think anyone will find his story any more credible now that is has been published there. But of course, Potter craves attention. Credit to him for being so… resourceful. Or rather, credit to his jungle-haired girlfriend, because no doubt it was entirely her idea.
Possibly the most peculiar thing about the article was the fact that Rita Skeeter wrote it – since when has she ever wanted to publish an article in a publication with such an infamous reputation? And, more to the point, when has she EVER wanted to publish an article that wasn't 60 fabrication? Very odd, to say the least.
At least I have another reason to give students detentions – although, admittedly they are far too devious to be easily caught in possession of Potter's article. But I've managed to find three so far, and intend to hand out several more detentions before the end of the day. Hopefully Potter has a copy in his bag.
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Dear Diary, Occlumency lessons are still incredibly tedious.
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Dear Diary, The unthinkable has happened – Potter managed to deflect my Legilimens (only for a moment) and saw… well, who knows exactly what he saw. But nevertheless, he saw far too much. I do not want that brat snooping around in my private, Potter-does-not-belong-here past.
More importantly (or merely on a different track, if you will), Potter's lack of practice and effort with his Occlumency has led him to see far more than he should in other areas as well – he has seen the Department of Mysteries, this I already knew. But now he has seen Rookwood, presumably through the Dark Lord's eyes. Who knows when this happened, or what it was about, but Dumbledore has to be blind if he cannot see that these Occlumency lessons are doing nothing! I'm sure he's seen even more than that. It's quite clear that Potter doesn't want to block these visions, these dreams… whatever he's seeing. He likes the attention, he likes being 'in the know', and quite frankly, it's going to kill him. Not that I mind, but Dumbledore might.
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Dear Diary, I forgot to mention in my last entry that Trelawney has been sacked. About time, quite frankly. It was all quite dramatic. Dumbledore insisted that she stay on living here at Hogwarts. Goodness knows why on Earth he would do that. Except that he does like to peeve Umbridge off. And he also likes to torture the sane people who work here with his ridiculous staffing choices. It just wouldn't be lunchtime in the staff room if Trelawney wasn't foretelling somebody's doom. At least Firenze wont be able to climb the stairs.
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Dear Diary, Potter has really done it this time. Oh, but the Prince of Brats isn't in trouble, certainly not. He just forced Dumbledore to take all the blame. So Dumbledore is gone, leaving us to deal with the consequences. Why the hell did he and his stupid friends continue with their little rebellion? "Dumbledore's Army", how ridiculous. Did he really think he could get away with it? Well, he did, in a sense – he's not in trouble. But Merlin's Beard, I cannot contain my anger at his foolishness. Hogwarts without Dumbledore… Umbridge is going to be unbearable.
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Dear Diary, Umbridge is not only unbearable; she is now also the Headmaster. So she's a hideously unbearable person with the ultimate power in the school. It's nauseating. Oh Merlin, what if she decides we have to have new school robes? In pink? With frills? There's no way in hell I could teach a classroom full of… pink.
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Dear Diary, She is revolting, but our house points have never looked so healthy. I am not in any way supporting her, but I would love to get that house cup back in my office. In fact, if Slytherin wins it, I shall pickle some especially 'cute' kittens in her honor.
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Dear Diary, I cannot believe Umbridge would ask me for Veritaserum! As if I would give it to her, just because she batted her bulging eyes at me! Or course, Dumbledore would have wanted me to keep up my appearances and stay on her good side, so in the hopes she will give it to Potter, I gave her a bottle of laxative potion.
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Dear Diary, I hate fireworks. All that noise and light and colour. I can't imagine why anyone likes them. But the look on Umbridge's sweaty face when she had to run around the school trying to get rid of them… priceless.
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Dear Diary, Potter is… oh the words escape me. His brazen disrespect for common decency never fails to surprise me. And today he made a horrendous mistake. To literally climb into my most private memories is completely unforgivable. I have put up with his incompetence and his impertinence for far too long. I have been sacrificing my time, my effort and my sanity to try and help the repulsive child learn to save himself from his mortal enemy, and he has plainly disregarded my superiority at every turn. I can't do anything about what he saw (save for wiping his memory… but… I must resist…) but God help me, I refuse to teach him Occlumency anymore.
At least he knows perfectly well what sort of a vile, egotistical person his father was. It would have been petty and childish of me to have just told him to his face – and he wouldn't have believed me anyway. But now he knows. And I hope he feels horrible. God I need a potion. And a new job.
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Dear Diary, Unfortunately I still have to teach him Potions, but I'm not even going to try and conceal my prejudice against him anymore. And lets be honest, there's no one left to stop me. Umbridge certainly won't.
Speaking of Umbridge, she approached me today and suggested I start putting a bit of colour into my wardrobe. She says that black is a terribly depressing colour and it's not very good for my health – makes the liver and kidneys 'sluggish'. I was too busy choking on my bile to respond. Today it's a bit of colour, next week we'll all be in pink robes. I knew this would happen.
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Dear Diary, Had Career Advice with the fifth year Slytherins today. Umbridge was there, of course. Draco wants to be a professional Quidditch player, what a laugh. Naturally Umbridge thought it would be a simply marvelous idea for him to get into the Ministry – oh, if she only had any idea what his father does when he's not smarming up to the Ministry… She's so clueless; it's actually quite pathetic.
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Dear Diary, Thank Merlin – Hogwarts has lost the Weasley twins. Only two to go… yes, I am counting.
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Dear Diary, I am so sick of students fainting and bleeding and throwing up in my dungeon. Why do they think it's a good enough excuse to get out of class? I don't care if they're dying; they are not getting out of Potions.
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Dear Diary, I can't believe Gryffindor won the Quidditch cup. Again. Is there no justice in this school?
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Dear Diary, The OWL examinations are upon us. As a precaution, several weeks ago I swapped all the Powdered Dragon's Claw in my store cupboard for powdered Doxy droppings - that'll teach any of the thieves who want to steal themselves good grades.
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Dear Diary, McGonagall is in St Mungo's. I can't believe Minerva sacrificed herself for Hagrid! It's completely insane. Dumbledore has gone, Hagrid has gone, Minerva has gone… I'm the only person in the Order at Hogwarts now. I don't know how I'm supposed to hold everything together when I'm terrified Umbridge will paint the staff room pink.
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Dear Diary, What a night it has been. I've been playing loyalty to three different sides this year – Dumbledore, the Dark Lord and the Ministry. Fudge finally acknowledges that the Dark Lord is back, so at least I don't have to deal with the Ministry anymore. Dumbledore has his job back, not to mention his reputation. Potter will no doubt make a come back from his infamy as an eccentric liar, and become more popular than ever. Two of my adversary's are gone – Umbridge has completely lost it, and Sirius is dead. I'm not going to gloat over either, I'm not the sort of person who takes pleasure in death or insanity, nor would I wish them upon anyone. All I will say is, pity it wasn't Potter.
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Dear Diary, Minerva is back, and just as shrewd as ever. I thought she'd be concerned about the whole Dark Lord thing, but as soon as she arrived she was commanding the place again, making sure her proud house was winning the cup. Again. If Dumbledore wasn't completely biased towards Gryffindor, they would never get away with all they do. It's bloody favoritism.
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Dear Diary, School is finally over for the year. Thank Merlin. I now have two months to do whatever I want with my time - as long as I'm sucking up to Voldemort or Lucius or reporting back to the Order…
I'm not going to get sentimental or philosophical, or say that now the Dark Lord is out in the open that things are going to change, and nothing will ever be the same. I'm not here to analyze this war, I'm here to fight in it - and to fight in it, I have to continue to convince everyone I'm on their side.
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Here ends Part 3
A/N: I'm not sure whether or not I'll write Sev's Diary 96/97. Frankly after book six I'm not even sure if I like Snape… it's all very confusing. But I felt I really ought to finish 95/96, as it's been almost two years since I last updated…. Sorry!
