Raised You Better
Annaleise Marie
cross-posted from livejournal
username: girlgotagun
Part Two
X
When they arrived at Bobby's, Dean bolted. The anger and aggression rolling through Sam had been a near constant on the ride back. It had been miserable, but it had allowed Dean the acclimate, to adjust to the tension and the invisible pressure at the back of his neck that accompanied it. It allowed him to quiet his hindbrain, tamp down the omega instincts, and form a plan with his less baser human conscious.
He ran past the rows for cars, past the large chained dog napping on the hood of the wrecker, and up the stairs to the front door. There wasn't a lot that Bobby could do by way of interfering with another Alpha attempting to stake his claim, but Dean knew that if he could stay close enough to a competing scent—as embarrassing as that may be—he could buck Sam's long enough to put a stop to all of this.
The older man turned when Dean came skidding into the kitchen, catching himself on the edge of the table as he heard the front door open and shut once more behind him, announcing Sam's arrival in the house.
"You're cuttin' it close, ain't ya, son?"
"Bobby I don't want—"
"Dean!"
All three of the hunters spoke at the same time and there was a beat as they each took in the other's words.
Sam was the first to speak, his anger directed at Bobby. "You've been helping him hide it from me?"
Dean squirmed, guilt setting in his stomach at the realization that he had dragged Bobby into this even more than he had anticipated. "Sammy…"
Sam rounded on him, eyes alight with fury. "Get upstairs. Wait for me. When I get up there I want you ready and presenting."
Dean felt the shock wash off of Bobby at this pronouncement, let his instincts latch onto it rather than Sam's anger.
"No!" He spat the answer, anger and hurt coursing through him. "No, Sam, I'm not doing that. Fuck you!"
Sam looked taken aback, his anger faltering for a moment as Bobby's scent swelled with pride, bolstering Dean on. "You wanna know why I hid it from you, huh? Wanna know how I dared? It was for you, Sam! It was always because it was best for you. I poisoned my body for years with those fucking suppressants so that nothing would come after you when you were too young to defend yourself, so that when you presented you wouldn't be distracted by me and get hurt or killed, so that you wouldn't have to stay with me, so that you could go off to college and live your goddamned apple-pie life! I did it all for you, and every time I thought about telling you I stopped myself because it was so goddamned selfish and you deserved better, Sammy!"
The words were flowing forth now, the years of pain and silent suffering fueling them. "And I did it happily, Sam! Raised you to be strong and protective and kind so that you could have anything in this goddamned shitshow of a world that you wanted. I beat down my own nature, my own needs, pretended that they didn't exist and that I wasn't damned near killing myself with suppressants to do it. All so that you could be happy and safe."
"Dean, I—"
"Shut up, boy." Bobby's voice was rough as he stared at Sam.
Dean continued, unable to stop now that he had gained momentum. "And when you came back I was so close to telling you; to being selfish for once and just telling you so you wouldn't go back to school and back to Jess and leave me again—and then Jess died. And you were…God, Sammy, you were a mess. And I was supposed to tell you then? Heap more crap on your life?" Dean swallowed hard. He looked down, unable to meet Sam's eyes as grief flashed through his eyes at the memory. "What you did, Sammy…"
There was a pause as he searched for words. He had never, even to himself, given voice to that nagging thought, that feeling that rolled beneath the surface of his fierce protectiveness and love of his little brother. "I'd've given you everything, Sammy." He was choking on his words now, his eyes burning as he fought to keep his voice strong. "You could've had it all; I'd've let you. You didn't have to try to take it…"
He shook his head, turning away as Sam sat, horror seeming to wash over him at Dean's words.
Dean took a deep, shuddering breath and opened his mouth to finally give voice to the what had been bothering him the most, since the night before. "I thought I raised you better than this, Sammy."
His words were met by silence as Sam's shoulders hunched, his head hanging down in shame. And then Dean's feet were carrying him back out of the house, to the Impala. He would find somewhere to ride out his heat before it got too intense, and then he would move on. Alone this time. For good.
He couldn't take care of Sammy anymore. His heart couldn't take it.
X
After that day in Bobby's kitchen, after Dean took off, after the bitter edge of disappointment in his voice at the kind of Alpha that Sam had turned out to be, after Sam's world fell apart…
"I thought I raised you better than this, Sammy."
You did, Sam wanted to force out around the lump in his throat. God, he had. Dean had done everything he could, and Sam had failed him miserably. Guilt twisted and clawed at him, shame washing over him and nearly making him ill as he considered what he would have done if Dean hadn't stopped him.
After that, Sam didn't see Dean for four years. The apocalypse came and went, the brothers working to stop it from different angles, their paths never quite crossing, no matter how many times Sam tried to catch up to the omega.
When it was over, when everything was righted and the world was back to spinning safely on its axis and Lucifer was back in the cage and the population slept without threat of the horsemen or demons or any of the nasty things that had been dragged back to Hell with the devil himself—that was when Sam finally saw Dean again.
It happened like the old adage swore it would; when Sam stopped looking, when he least expected it. He had been sitting at a coffee shop where he was supposed to meet Madison, a pretty beta he had been seeing, when something told him to look up. And there he was, across the street, climbing out of the Impala. Sam was half on his feet before he realized it, ready to go to him, to fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness, for a second chance to prove that he was the Alpha that Dean had raised…
And then the passenger's door opened and Sam felt like he had been punched in the gut, all of the air in his lungs suddenly gone, as an Alpha stepped out, turning to smile at Dean as he shut the door.
The new Alpha was a serious but gentle-looking man with vivid blue eyes and dark hair. He wore a plain business suit under a tan trench coat, his neat buttoned-up appearance in stark contrast with Dean's worn jeans and leather jacket. As Sam watched, he approached Dean, tentatively wrapping his arms around the hunter and pressing a light kiss to his forehead. Dean shifted, and Sam's eyes fell on the ridged scar at the base of his neck; the claiming mark.
He barely looked over as Madison arrived and took the seat next to him. She reached out, her hand covering his. "Who's that?"
He swallowed hard. "Someone I hurt really badly a long time ago."
She smiled sympathetically. "You could probably still apologize; make it right."
Sam felt his heart clench, watching as Dean and the Alpha disappeared into a shop. He shook his head. "No, it's been too long—I lost my chance to fix it a long time ago."
Madison was quiet, her gaze soft and understanding. "He looked happy."
"Yeah," Sam agreed, his heart swelling as he realized she was right; he had never seen his older brother look like that. "Yeah, he did."
The End.
I hope you enjoyed it. :)
