After I slammed the bathroom door shut I heard Zack come and knock trying to get in. I think he stayed there for about ten minutes, trying to get in, but I never opened the door.
I think I stayed in there for about three, four hours until I finally came out. Mom was already asleep so I tip-toed into the room and gently opened the door. I made sure Zack was asleep before I went in, closing the door and climbing into bed.
I walked down the alley quickly. I knew they were after me; I just couldn't escape them fast enough. As I was almost at the end I felt the hands grab me, yanking me back. I felt their nasty, dirty hands all over my body. Then one leaned in close to my ear and whispered, 'You're gonna like this kid,' as he yanked my clothes off.
I jerked up in the bed breathing heavily. I looked over at Zack, but he was still asleep. Half of me was disappointed, but the other half was glad. I didn't want to bother him with my stupid nightmares anymore because deep down I knew that he truly didn't care. He just thought he had to care because he was my brother.
I also didn't want to wake him up because even though he didn't care about me, I cared about him. I saw the dark circles underneath his eyes that have been there for two weeks. I knew he was losing sleep over me waking him up every night, just because I couldn't control my stupid nightmares and to go to him like a baby.
I knew there was no chance of me getting back to bed after a nightmare without Zack helping me. So I got up and went into the bathroom locking the door behind me. I wasn't going to make the same mistake again of leaving it unlocked.
I popped out another blade from one of mom's razors. I knew that as long as I didn't make it too deep I could get away with cutting this time.
I pushed up my sleeves to my elbows. I took the blade and quickly drug it across my arm. I repeated that act four or five times before moving to my other arm. When I was satisfied with the cuts I made I wiped the blood away and pulled my sleeves back down.
I pocketed the blade and walked back into the room. I looked at the clock and it was still only five thirty in the morning. I walked over to a book on my desk and opened it to page 50 before placing the blade in there and putting the book back down. I knew no one would find it in there. Mom didn't look though my stuff; even though Zack did he would never pick up a book.
It had been about a week since that morning. I had become addicted to cutting. I cut every morning when I woke up after a nightmare which was usually around 3 in the morning.
I was losing sleep and people could tell. I had huge bags under my eyes like Zack use to have. Since I had stopped waking him up they disappeared from his face. He would occasionally ask me if I had nightmares anymore and I lied saying they stopped.
I forced myself to eat just so everyone wouldn't bug me about another thing wrong with me. Everywhere I went people were asking me if I was okay, if there was something wring at home, or stupid stuff like that. So I just stopped talking to people.
I could tell mom was worried about me, but she didn't know what so she just didn't bug me about it. Zack would corner me every now and again and try to talk to me, but I just brushed him off. I didn't need anyone anymore. I was fine on my own.
The next day as I was about to walk out of the room Zack locked the door and pushed me down on the bed. "What's your problem?" I yelled at him trying to get up.
He just pushed me back down before saying, "You are Cody! I'm worried about you. You don't sleep you barley eat, you don't even talk unless someone forces you to!"
"Well what did you think was gonna happen? That I was just gonna get over it like that? Well I'm not!" I yelled at him.
"Then get help! If you can't deal with it you get help! I've tried helping you, but you won't let me. I know you're still having nightmares, I hear you at night."
"I don't need help; I'm fine on my own!" I said getting up and about to leave.
Zack grabbed my arm and I bit my lip trying not to scream from the pain he was putting on my cuts. "Cody, please! I'm begging you, let me help you! I don't want to see you destroy yourself."
I didn't face him, I knew that if I did I would give in. so I just kept facing the door, jerking my arm from his grip and walking out the door, leaving Zack in his tears.
