A/N1: this one took a little longer to write 'cause the deadline for the SwanQueen BigBang was pretty much breathing down my neck. I warmly recommend keeping an eye on the BigBang over on tumblr or AO3 because I sense that there is going to be some great stuff this round.


19.

"He still doesn't want to talk to me, does he?"

Cora smiled and shook her head. "He'll come around. He has to think this through first, in that regard he is very much like you."

"I suppose."

"He's your son Regina, he loves you, it was just a shock but he will never stop loving you."

Regina smiled briefly at her mother and tucked her scarf into the front of her coat. "I'll be back soon."

"Do you think she'll listen?"

Regina shook her head and pressed her lips together. "I don't know, but I at least have to try. Even though she might not want to hear it, I have to tell her my side of the story."

"It'll all be alright in the end, believe me, a mother knows," Cora said and pulled her into a brief hug before she was on her way out of the door.

The only thing she'd been able to think about the previous day was that she had to talk to Emma. No matter what Emma decided to do afterward, she just needed to see her and tell her how she felt. No more secrets, no more fear.

Regina drove straight to Granny's and walked into the diner with her head held high. She knew Emma usually had breakfast around this time, but there was no trace of her when Regina's eyes traveled around the diner. She walked over to the counter and waited for the older woman to notice her.

"Oh Madame Mayor, what can I get you?"

"Nothing. I just need to know if Em… Miss Swan has been here already."

"Oh no, she isn't here anymore. She came in yesterday and returned the key to the room on her way out of town. It's none of my business of course, but she looked like something awful happened."

Regina curled her fingers around the edge of the counter and breathed through her nose. "When did she leave?"

"Early in the morning."

"Thank you," Regina mumbled and turned away.

"Madame Mayor, are you alright?"

Regina nodded and waved her hand dismissively as she walked to the door and out into the street. She rested both hands on her stomach and took several deep breaths. Now was not the time to fall apart. She had to find Emma and fast. She dropped her hands to her sides again and started walking down the sidewalk with purposeful strides.

A bell above the door signaled her entrance as she walked into the small store. She'd never liked the stuffy smell and tried to avoid the pawn broker shop as much as possible, but this time there was no way around dealing with its malicious owner.

"Madame Mayor what an unexpected surprise," Gold said from his spot behind the counter.

"Save it," Regina answered, causing the man to raise his eyebrows.

"In a bad mood I see."

"I need you to find someone for me."

Regina came to stand on the other side of the counter and planted both hands onto its surface.

"Now why would I do that dearie?" Gold asked as he turned away from her to place a few objects onto a shelf behind him.

"I'll give you anything you want."

The words left a bitter taste on her tongue but had the desired effect. Gold spun back around and smiled brightly, giving her a perfect view of his golden teeth. Regina fought the urge to step back when he leaned over to the counter and into her personal space.

"Anything?"

"Yes."

"I think we have a deal Madame Mayor," Gold said with that little smirk of his.

By the time Regina made it out of the pawn shop, her skin was crawling. She didn't know what Gold wanted from her, but it would be one hell of a price to pay. It didn't matter though if he managed to find Emma in less than three days like he had promised. Not even her expensive lawyer would be able to do it that quickly.

Whoever Gold's sources were knew what they were doing and she was certain that he wouldn't stop even if it meant partaking in illegal activities. He knew how to get things done, she had to give him that.

Regina hoped that she could one day use that against him, but until then she had to believe that he could actually find Emma. She sighed quietly and glanced down at her watch. It was almost time to drive over to the hospital for her check-up. She bit down on her lower lip when she remembered Emma telling her she would accompany her to the appointment, only to make sure she was really alright.

On her way back to her car she stopped at one of the park benches she had pressured the council into placing all over the city and sat down. She leaned back and shoved her gloved hands into the pockets of her coat, bending her neck so that she could look up at the grey sky.

It was starting to get colder and soon fall would be over and Storybrooke would once again be covered in snow. She liked winter, the cold kept her awake in the mornings and she appreciated the warm indoors that much more after hurrying from her parking spot to town hall in the middle of a blizzard.

She was still looking at the sky, caught up in her own thoughts, when someone sat down beside her. She turned her head and looked at Aurora who handed her a cup. She took it with a quiet 'thank you' and drank the coffee.

"You're welcome. How are you today Madame Mayor?"

"I think I will be back at work the day after tomorrow," she answered.

"That's good to hear, but that wasn't what I asked."

Regina raised the cup to her lips again while she glanced at Aurora out of the corner of her eyes. "I'm… alright."

Aurora hummed quietly and turned her body so that she was fully facing Regina. "Before Mulan and I got together I was actually engaged to a guy named Frederik."

Regina cocked her head to the side. "Is that so?"

Aurora smirked. "I know you're wondering why I'm telling you this, but what I'm trying to say is that it is never easy. She was too scared to act on her feelings because she was afraid it would jeopardize our friendship. Meanwhile I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life."

"So what happened?"

"That, I will tell you once you've got your own story to share."

Regina's mouth fell open and Aurora laughed.

"You realize I am your boss."

"Not until the day after tomorrow. I'll see you at the office Madame Mayor."

Aurora got up and smiled brightly before wandering off in the general direction of town hall. Regina was still clutching her empty coffee cup, staring after her assistant. She knew she'd hired her for a reason.

She got up from the bench and tossed the empty cup into a nearby trashcan. She was getting cold and shivered as she walked back to her car.

After having failed in her attempt to speak with Emma, she had someone else to talk to. Henry had taken the news badly, which was to be expected. He'd always known that he was adopted, she'd never made an attempt to hide the fact from him, but finding out that he'd been spending time with his birthmother without knowing who she really was had hit him pretty hard. She hated it more than anything that she was causing him this kind of pain but she had brought it on herself and no one else was to blame for any of it. She deserved to be miserable.

She got home and avoided her mother's questioning eyes with a shake of her head before heading up the stairs to Henry's room. He was on his bed, lying on his belly and reading a comic, the one she bought him on their way back from the weekend trip. His head snapped up when she lightly tapped her knuckles against the open door. He rolled away and onto his side with his back to her.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Henry –"

"Go away."

Regina's heart broke a little, she almost felt the small splinter piercing her already aching chest. He'd never talked to her like that. She contemplated ignoring his dismissal but decided to leave the conversation for another day, when Henry was ready and when she didn't feel like her world was slowly but steadily collapsing in on itself. She quietly closed the door to Henry's room and returned to the kitchen where Cora was already waiting for her with a cup of hot tea.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Regina took a sip of her tea and let it burn down her throat before shaking her head. "Maybe in a couple of days."

"Of course, whenever you're ready. I just want you to know that I think you did the right thing."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"Sometimes we just have to admit to our mistakes and then work on not repeating them," Cora offered and Regina nodded.

Her mother's words were all true, but that didn't stop the doubts and insecurities from creeping in on her from every side.

What if Henry began to hate her? What if he decided to seek out Emma and to leave her, leave his home, to live with his birthmother instead?

It was very much possible that Emma never forgave her for keeping this secret.

She finished her tea and watched Cora ascend the stairs to have another talk with Henry. At least he had his grandmother to rely on and Regina was grateful for Cora's presence.

She walked over to the sink to wash the dirty mugs and looked to the side, gazing through the window into the backyard. Lost in her thoughts she only realized that hot water was pouring over her hands when they started to feel raw. She quickly cleaned the cups and winced when she dried her hands on a towel. She rested both hands on the counter on either side of the sink and leaned forward, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths.

She spent the rest of the evening sitting outside on her back porch with a glass of wine. Cora eventually joined her and they watched the sunset in silence. She wasn't ready to talk, but it still felt good to know that her mother was there. She'd taken a couple of extra days off work and would stay for at least another week. The perks of being one's own boss.

That night when Regina climbed into bed she felt like a weight was pushing her down. Her thoughts were dense and she couldn't focus on what was really important.

She knew she had to take things one step at a time or she would lose herself in the pain and darkness, waiting at the edges of her consciousness.

First she needed to get her paperwork in order so she could return to work the day after tomorrow. Then she would work on showing Henry that she'd never wanted to hurt him and that she loved him no matter how much he refused to speak with her. After that she was going to get information about Emma's whereabouts from Gold and talk to her.

That was as good a plan as she could come up with for the moment and she closed her eyes. Sleep evaded her for most of the night, instead she fought the hollow feeling in her stomach and the subtle ache in her chest.

The next day she basically holed up in her study and meticulously worked through every single folder piled up on her desk. It didn't distract her quite as much as she'd have liked but it exhausted her nonetheless.

She also wanted to give Henry space to think through this and sort out his feelings. Cora was right, he was much like her in that respect and his little mind worked in interesting ways when he was upset and had to figure out how to cope.

Regina smiled and her pen stopped scratching across the paper in front of her when she remembered picking Henry up from school almost a year ago. He'd been terribly distraught and after some coaxing told her that a girl in his class had called him stupid after he'd tried to give her his lunch apple. After that he'd worked all evening on a plan on how to get her to like him. Needless to say he'd made a new friend the next day.

Regina wanted to follow his example, she would think this through and then get Emma to listen to her, simple as that. Finishing up the paperwork took her almost all day and it was already past dinnertime when she leaned back in her office chair and moved her head from one side to the other to loosen the kinks in her neck.

Cora was in the living room, glasses perched on her nose, reading a book. She looked up when Regina leaned against the doorframe.

"I left some dinner for you in the kitchen."

"Thank you, I really appreciate it."

Cora inclined her head and smiled. "Of course."

"Henry is in his room?"

Cora nodded and Regina pushed away from the doorframe, turning to walk up the stairs. She needed to see him, even if he wasn't talking to her, to make sure he was alright. Cora took good care of him, of course, but she just couldn't go an entire day without at least seeing her little prince.

She stood in front of the closed door and pressed her palm against the small sign Henry had made in first grade that read 'My Room' in his scraggly sprawl. She smiled and turned her hand to knock quietly.

"Come in," came the muffled reply. Henry was probably expecting Cora.

"It's me," Regina answered loud enough for him to hear even with the door closed. She hesitated for a couple of seconds before pushing it open.

"I know it was you," Henry answered. He sat up in bed and closed a black binder he had been drawing in.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you have that quiet but impatient kind of knock," he answered with a shrug and Regina breathed out a sigh. He was actually talking to her, looking at her. She fought the urge to just gather him into her arms and hold him tight until all the problems just disappeared.

Henry scooted back on his bed and tugged his legs under his body. "I wanted to talk to you anyway."

Regina slowly stepped into the room and moved over to the bed to perch on the edge. She folded her hands in her lap and looked at him patiently.

"I talked to grandma about what happened," Henry said and scratched at his forehead, "and I think I kind of get why you didn't tell me."

Regina clenched her jaw to keep quiet. She pressed her hands tightly together, waiting for Henry to continue.

"I'm still mad, sort of, but I love you mom, you know that right?"

He looked up at her and Regina couldn't hold still for another second. She reached for him and he wrapped his arms around her neck as she pulled him into her. She cradled his head with one of her hands and pressed a kiss into his hair. "Of course I know that dear, and I love you, more than anything."

She held him tightly for a while until she eventually leaned back, her arms still around him. "And I am sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you."

"I know mom, but what about Emma?"

Regina took a breath and looked down at Henry. "What about her?"

"Are you going to ask her to come back?"

"You know she is gone?"

"She called me."

"Oh."

Regina blinked and Henry cocked his head to the side. "You do want her to come back right?"

"I… yes, I do."

"Alright, well I think we should start with Operation Swan Retrieval then," Henry said, reaching for his black binder without breaking her embrace.

"What are you talking about dear?"

"We need a plan to get Emma back of course."

Regina smiled at that and dragged her hand through Henry's hair.

"Of course."


A/N2: also there are more than 500 follows on this story, wow! so I'll make you lovely readers a deal: as soon as this story gets 300 reviews, I'll post the next chapter, even if that means neglecting the paper I also have to finish. needless to say I will of course stick to my regular posting schedule if the story does not make it to 300 reviews. I just wanna motivate you guys to share your thoughts, let me know what you think will happen, or what you'd like to happen. I can't thank everyone enough for the support!