A/N: Happy Halloween! Sorry I took a little longer to post this chapter, I had a trip last weekend and will have another one coming soon. Oh! And due to the newest episode of OUAT I edited chapter 4 a tiny bit when he's explaining why he became a pirate. Thanks again to those of you who follow me and favorite the story. Please do not be afraid to leave me a review! If you leave reviews then I'll get more motivated to write knowing what you guys really think lol.
MsRose91: Thanks for continuous support!
MarcieD: I'm glad you like it! Thank you for the motivation!
NatalyaEnkou: Hehe, I hope you like the upcoming chapters!
Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time, except for my own original characters.
Days had passed since Clarissa and the pirates departed from St. Terrance. They had embarked on a journey to locate whatever it is the map leads to and according to Killian they were close to reaching it. She was finally beginning to feel like a part of the crew. Some crew members had even begun warming up to her. She still had to do chores, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. Whenever she finished with her errands, Clarissa spent her days reading books from the Captain's wide collection that he graciously allowed her to use.
"It's not polite to stare you know…" Clarissa turned her head with a smile and caught a glimpse of the pirate looking in her direction. She was on the upper deck, sitting on a crate with her back against the railings.
Killian stood behind the wheel of the ship, navigating the Jolly Roger toward their next destination. It was true he was staring at her; it was becoming hard to even keep his eyes off her. In a ship full of men, she was the nicest thing to set his eyes upon. When she got the map from St. Terrance, she had also earned his respect and the crew's. He was learning that there was more to this girl than he had originally thought.
"How can I not stare at a young maiden's beautiful face?"
There he goes again. Not a day goes by without some sort of compliment or innuendo being thrown at her. Clarissa had gotten accustomed to the Captain's charming comments, yet every time they still managed to have an effect on her. She constantly tried her best to hide her redden cheeks or racing heartbeat from him. He was a flirt; surely he would be this charismatic with any other woman, not just her. She did not want her feelings played with. Not that she could ever have feelings for him…
Hiding away her cheeks, she looked back down at her book, refusing to respond. Silence followed, but it did not last very long.
"Do you care to try a hand at the helm?"
Clarissa looked back up at him, "I know nothing of sailing."
"Oh once you get your bearings, it's as easy as pie." He motioned for her with his hand. "Come on."
With a smirk, she closed her book and gave in. She couldn't deny that the thought of steering the ship had crossed her mind a couple of times. Clarissa walked up the small flight of stairs that lead to the quarterdeck. Killian took a step back as she seized her spot in front of the wheel, gripping it.
Using his hook, Killian engraved the letters P and S onto the wood. "Now, the left side is called 'port' and the right side is called –"
"Starboard." Clarissa piped up.
"Very good." He smiled at her, "Now go two notches to port."
Clarissa stood still, not understanding. Port is to the left, but how much is two notches? "Um…"
"Like this…"
A sudden warmth engulfed her as Killian came to her aid from behind. She could feel his hot breath wash over her neck while he reached his hands around her, placing a hand on the wheel. Smoothly, he turned the wheel to the left and Clarissa could slightly feel the ship beneath her feet turn in that direction.
"Thanks." She said softly.
Upon turning her head to face him, she was greeted by a pair of striking blue eyes. Killian was a mere inch away from her face causing something inside her to stir. Her breath got caught in her lungs and for a moment she swore she was going to faint from his sudden proximity. Being so close to him brought back strange feelings; like how being under his gaze made her feel like she might burst from within. Clarissa's face grew hot; this time there was no way of hiding her burning cheeks. She was good at masking certain emotions when necessary; but she had never once had to conceal ecstasy. She could hardly remember the last time she felt it, if ever.
A rational thought finally pulled her back to reality and so she took a step away from him. "I um, should get back to reading."
"Wait,"
"Yes?" She said it so quickly, in an almost expecting tone. However, she didn't quite know what she was hoping for him to say.
"My private quarters have been getting rather filthy as of late. Could you give it a good sweeping?"
Clarissa sighed. "Aye Captain." Why do I feel disappointed?
Shaking her head at the nonsense she was thinking, she walked down the steps and grabbed herself a broom plus other cleaning supplies. Below deck Clarissa strolled down to the stern of the ship where Killian's room was. She opened the door and frowned. He certainly was right about his room being dirty. The room was covered in a combination of dirt and dust. It must have been about a month or more since someone cleaned it. I better get started.
Dust flew into the air as Clarissa brushed the floor with her broom. It got so bad that she even had to open one of the windows in order to be able to breathe. To clean his dining table she used a wet rag and scrubbed down every inch until she saw her reflection on the wood. Next came his desk which was overflowing with scrolls and maps. She figured the best way around it was to place the items on the floor so she could clean the desk without anything getting ruined.
While Clarissa carefully gathered the documents and placed them one by one on the floor, she couldn't control her thoughts from wondering back to the incident above deck. Her face instantly heated up. Why am I feeling this way? Especially toward him. He is a pirate. He took me as his prisoner. I shouldn't be so drawn to him…Yes, he is very handsome, but I can't allow myself to feel this way. Although she kept repeating that to herself, Clarissa knew there was no way to stop the inevitable. She was attracted to him. Intensely. The tension between them was growing more day by day. She couldn't help herself; she was a young woman with wants and desires, desires she didn't know existed until now. However she prayed there was nothing more to it then that. Just attraction, nothing else.
Continuing with the task at hand, her fingers wrapped around a scroll and lifted it off the table, but before she could place it down she noticed there was a sheet of paper hiding underneath it. Holding it with both hands, her curious eyes scanned the paper. What made this piece stand out was the fact that it was a drawing. A drawing of a woman. The sketch of her face was so simple yet so divine. The artist did a good job at capturing her beauty. Who is this? Could this be the other woman Garrick mentioned?
"What are you doing?"
The severity in the voice caught her off guard. Clarissa snapped her eyes over to the door where Killian stood. He was angry, she could tell just by his body language. His fist was clenched, pupils dilated with nostrils flaring. The situation reminded her of when they where talking at the pub; how he suddenly went from being charming to malicious. It was like déjà vu.
"What gives you the right to go through my things?"
Clarissa quickly placed the drawing back onto his desk. "I wasn't snooping I swear! I was just moving –"
"Silence!"
His shout did not maker her falter. "I'm sorry, but just let me explain –"
"I said silence!" he cut her off once more, "Get out now."
She stood her ground, watching him. "No, I did nothing wrong here."
In no sooner than a second Killian made his way across the room and positioned himself in front of her; towering over her small stature. He noticed how her eyes widened, her bravery being drained from her face. She was cornered against the desk, having no way to escape. It was like he was in a trance, having no real control over his actions. He was blinded by anger and guilt.
"I am the Captain of this ship and you are to obey every single order I command." His voice came out low and deadly. Clarissa held her tongue for she felt threatened by his assertiveness. She let out a small gasp when she felt something cold touching her neck. Killian's hook glided dangerously up her neck. "I can have you walk the bloody plank for poking your nose where it doesn't belong. You'd drown within minutes, swallowed up by the sea."
She was frozen with fear, believing he could actually perform such a cruel act. "You're scaring me."
Her shaky voice was barely above a whisper, but Killian heard it. He instantly detected the fear in her tone and it managed to penetrate his trance. The rage he had once felt immediately disappeared and so he backed away from Clarissa's trembling body. Shame consumed him as he realized what he had done. He had overreacted and released his pent up frustration on an undeserving girl.
"Go." He muttered while keeping his eyes on the floor.
Clarissa exhaled, finally able to breathe again. "What?"
"You can go." Killian repeated slightly louder. This time he lifted his eyes and gazed at her. Within the deep pools of cobalt she found grief, but it only lasted a moment because he turned around and headed for the opened windows that she had previously opened. "Sorry."
She blinked at him, wondering if she actually heard him apologize or if it was just her imagination. Nonetheless, she bolted to the door ready to leave, not wanting to be in the same room with the man that had just endangered her life. She clasped her fingers around the door knob, but before she stepped out, something made her stop. She couldn't get the image of his sorrowful eyes out of her mind. She glanced back at him. Killian was resting his arms on the window sill, body hunched, not taking his eyes off the ocean. He was hurting.
Why can't I do what any normal person would do; take his offer and run? She felt sympathy for him; she knew she wouldn't feel right if she just left him in pain like this. It wasn't in her nature. She remembered what Mr. Smee once told her. He's been through a lot. Clarissa gathered her courage and stepped away from the door, advancing in his direction while putting together the puzzle pieces in her head. She could only come up with one explanation.
"Did you love her?"
To Killian's surprise, Clarissa had not fled the room like he expected. He was astonished at how the blonde girl even dared to stand so close to him after what he told her. She's sure a brave little thing. Hazel eyes stared at him curiously waiting for the question to be answered.
With a heavy sigh, he replied. "Yes."
Clarissa's eyes softened; finally understanding the reason for his behavior. He lost someone he loved. That's a heavy burden on anyone's shoulders. She leaned on the sill next to him and mustered up a consoling smile.
Instinctively she reached out and rested her hand on top of his; wanting to comfort him. "Tell me about her."
It was a simple gesture, but to Killian her touch created ripples of warmth. He couldn't remember the last time his rough hand was touched by such gentleness. "Her name was Milah. We fell in love and ran off, sailing the seas together. She was beautiful and had a taste for adventure, like you." He spoke softly as memories of her refilled his head.
"What happened to her?" Killian sucked in a salty breath, not really wanting to reveal her demise. As if Clarissa read his mind, she gave his hand a tender squeeze. "It's alright; you don't have to tell me."
"I just haven't been the same without her. She was my everything and I lost her…" Killian was shocked at how easy it was talking to her. He hadn't spoken about Milah in years. Who would want to listen to the problems of a troubled pirate? She does.
"Well it's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all."
"Why do you say that?"
Clarissa shrugged her shoulders, "I just think that its better to have been with someone you loved because even though their gone, you still get to keep the wonderful memories you've shared. Love makes you happy and although it causes heartache, it also makes you stronger. If you've never experienced love then you just feel…empty. You'll never know what it feels like to have someone make you feel special or someone that makes you incredibly ecstatic."
This made Killian arch an eyebrow, "Have you ever been in love Clarissa?"
A blush lingered onto her cheeks. "N-No…"
"What do believe it's going to be like?" he smirked inquiringly.
"I guess amazing, passionate, and soul consuming? I've seen it happen with others around me. Love is magical. It's even so powerful that it has the power to break curses. I believe it is the greatest thing you'll ever learn; to love and be loved in return."
Killian let out a hearty chuckle making Clarissa look at him with scrunched eyebrows.
"What's so funny?"
"I like the way your face glows pink as you speak of it."
She pouted her lips. "Why must you always do that?" He's back to his usual, joking self. Good.
Oh how Killian loved teasing this woman, but he knew he would never want to see her truly suffer. "You should go get some rest love."
She tilted her head, "How come?"
"We will be arriving at our destination at dawn."
