It was close to a week and a half before Daryl returned to the group. While he was gone the weather got worse and Glenn and Maggie reported three different herds getting closer to the house. Rick couldn't leave not after promising Daryl they would stay but as their safety grew precarious, the idea of leaving or staying started to eat away at Rick.

Everyone in the group had their own opinion on the matter (none very helpful) it ranged from leaving immediately to staying to questions of why he even let Daryl leave in the first place. The last was a bitter pill for the officer to swallow. He tried to stop Daryl from leaving but the man was bound by his own set of rules and personal codes. The end of the world didn't change that about him. In fact, it seemed to make him even more determined to do what had to be done. Rick could no sooner stop a wildfire with a squirt gun than he could Daryl.

"I'd rather take the fire." Rick mumbled to himself keeping his eyes on the tree line. After Daryl had left the group's paranoia returned almost triple fold. Leaving Rick to do the majority of the night watch alone. He hadn't really understood what Daryl meant to the group until the first night that he was gone. Things just didn't operate the same without him. He hadn't realized it but Daryl's mere presence had a calming effect on the group. They didn't have to worry about food. Or getting lost. Or being ambushed by walkers. Or doing night watch. Every time Rick made a list in his head about the things Daryl did for the group the list got longer and longer. Every time he kicked himself for letting their most valuable member go.

A pain in his hands drew his eyes away from the woods for a moment. Without realizing it he'd been biting his fingernails again. Over the last few days Rick had bitten his fingernails almost down to the beds. They bled and ached often but the internal stress persisted. Lori had expressed concern the first night after seeing the bloody nails and said the last time she saw him bite his nails like that had been before Carl was born. Rick blew a breath out slowly trying to calm his nerves.

"He'll be back." Rick mumbled to himself. "He'll be back." Those words stayed with him for days. For days he kept his eyes on the woods. When the days turned into a week the whole group seemed to be waiting with baited breath. Suddenly Rick could catch everyone glancing out the windows several times a day. At first Rick was concerned that it was more paranoia from them but he quickly noticed that everyone was looking for their missing redneck.

The officer had thought that he was the only one who missed Daryl so keenly but to see how his absence ate away at the whole group created a warm feeling in his chest. "He'll be back." Rick sighed. A soft hand touched his arm.

"You're right." Carol whispered softly. Things had been tense between them since they left the farm (he was certain she was still upset about the fact that he kept Jenner's words a secret from them) but their concerns over Daryl the past few days helped to bridge the gap a little. Carol joined Rick at the window where they could both look out on the world and more importantly the forest surrounding the house. She looked stronger than she had the first time Rick had met her. Her shoulders were solid and her blue eyes were stronger than they had been before. It was a look that suited her.

"I shouldn't have let him go." Rick whispered. He knew Carol would be willing to join him in his 'let's hate Rick' party that he was throwing for himself. That's what he needed or maybe felt he deserved. Someone to tell him how awful and how much of a failure he was so he might one day build himself up from that low point. So he could become better for himself and everyone around him.

"You could have." Carol agreed. "But he would have left anyway." She looked at him with a gentle look in her eyes. Rick felt like a child again seeing his mother's nurturing eyes. Carol was kind of like that to the group, a mother to them all. "At least this way he left knowing we're behind him. That we're waiting for him to return to us here. Makes the difference between him feeling like he failed us by leaving or that he is returning like a child who's about to get scolded. Instead he'll return with the feeling that we want him to come back here. That he's doing us all a favor by putting himself at risk." Carol smiled at Rick. It had been her that helped Rick gather the supplies that he gave to Daryl before he left. She had realized before anyone that he was going to leave and had the supplies waiting for Rick to deliver to Daryl. Rick returned a small smile to her.

"I don't think he realizes his worth." Carol nodded her head at his words.

"No he doesn't. It's hard to feel self-worth when you've spent your whole life being told how worthless you are." Carol's eyes got a scared faraway look that made Rick's jaw clenched, he hadn't known Ed for long but if he had he probably would have beaten him like Andrea said Shane had back at the quarry when the group had split to go back for Merle. Physical abuse towards ones own family was unspeakably evil in Rick's eyes. Having seen many cases of abused women and children when he was still an officer of the law was agonizing for him. Especially when he knew that he couldn't help them. They were often only able to help when the women explicitly asked for help and more often than not they couldn't do very much except suggest leaving the abuser. It was frustrating and painful to see such abuse and be unable to help in any real way.

"Did Daryl tell you?" Rick had seen the man's scars after he'd been shot. But he had a felt a twitch of recognition in the back of his head at the quarry. That feeling ate at him when Shane released Daryl from the chokehold he had him in it had been something in the man's eyes that clicked with Rick. His eyes were feral as he panted on the dirt. But under that look there was something that reminded Rick of the children from those abuse cases. They shared that haunted, broken, desperate look.

"He didn't have to." Carol shook her head. "I know what it looks like." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "Just like you do." Rick nodded slightly. Even before the scars Rick had known. If his eyes hadn't tipped Rick off it would have been the way Daryl held himself. It was different from everyone else. The world went to hell but they still held themselves much the same as they had before all this. Everyone held themselves like they were friends, survivors, equals. But Daryl held himself like he felt that he somehow wasn't as good as the group, like he didn't deserve to be in the same area as them. Like he didn't merit a place at the group's side. It was something Rick doubted Daryl recognized in himself. Something buried deep inside the dark part of the hunter's mind. Something that was probably beaten into him. It made Rick's body shake with rage. No one deserved to be treated like that and Daryl who despite his rough exterior was still kind at heart didn't deserve that treatment. Carol shivered slightly in the fading light.

"Are you cold?" She shook her head and wrapped her slender arms around her body.

"Listen Rick… I have something to confess." Rick nodded to show he was listening. "I wish I could say this to Daryl but if I did I'd be scared of him trying to distance himself from us again." Rick nodded again. At the farm Daryl had distanced himself from the group for only a week but it was long enough that things had started to derail. Had things not fallen apart all at once Rick would have gone to try and talk sense into Daryl himself. But he had to find Hershel and deal with Randall and that ended up leaving Carol to try and convince their damaged and withdrawn hunter to rejoin them. Regardless of how Carol felt about him, Rick would always be grateful to her for getting Daryl to return to them.

Had she not made the effort Daryl probably would have continued to drift away until he either left them or the group themselves wanted him gone due to his regression back to the violent irrational man Rick had met at the quarry. He would have regressed to Merle's level. But that hadn't happened and with Carol's help he returned to the group. He pushed beyond his childhood trauma and reservations to become the man he was meant to be his whole life. He did things that surprised them all, Rick especially. Without asking for anything in return Daryl did the hard things that Rick himself could not. Daryl returned and (undoubtedly without his knowledge) tied the group's will to survive with his own undefeatable strength. However once again Daryl treated himself like he wasn't worthy of being in their presence. But Rick (and he suspected Carol) worked hard to reassure Daryl that he was more than worthy of being with them. Worthy of being at Rick's side as a second.

"When Daryl and Merle originally join us at the quarry, I wanted them both gone." This surprised Rick. His eyes widened slightly when he looked at her. She had been Daryl's biggest fan for longer than even Rick himself had been. "I mean Merle is understandable to a degree." She chuckled in a self-deprecating manner. "I mean he was self-destructive to a degree that he probably would have killed us all in some way or another. Plus things were hard enough without another violent man around…like Ed."

She trailed off after saying her husband's name. Rick wondered if she was thinking of Ed or the more painful subject of her daughter. Sophia was a raw wound for him as well. An injury for the whole group, one that would probably never heal completely. "But Daryl… I mean I never tried to get to know him. I doubt that any of us really did. The only one who really ever talked to Daryl was Shane and that was only to tell him to get more food. That's all everyone saw them good enough for. Getting food for us. I don't think we ever thanked them. I know I never thanked Daryl. He did so much for us and we all saw him as nothing but background noise with a racist loudmouth for a brother. I want to say that it was because I was too busy trying to adjust. Or that I was trying to keep Ed in line. But that's not true. I managed to get to know the others pretty well but Daryl he was an outsider. I didn't trust him and especially not Merle. I grouped them together like they were the same class of man. Men that the world would be better without." Carol looked at Rick her eyes were brimming with tears. "But Daryl kept trying. He brought food without complaint. When Merle was gone usually off trying to show that he was the better hunter. Daryl would try to fit in."

"The odd shape trying to figure out where it fits inside of the puzzle." Rick added to which Carol nodded.

"Exactly. I think deep down he wanted to make it work. Wanted to get along with everyone but we all rebuffed him. None of us wanted to talk to him. We'd avoid eye contact. Avoid talking to him. I think we just wanted him gone. And Daryl he realized it maybe not totally but instinctually he knew. So he stopped trying. Stopped hoping to fit and instead allowed himself to be used and pushed to the outside. Like that was all he was good for. Instead of trying to fit in, he became ill-tempered and quick to lash out. But I know how hard it is to be completely disregarded as a human being. How painful and the kind of scars it can leave. But I did that to him anyway. It's not really that big of a surprise that he would lash out when we treated him like that. I'd always say he's violent that's why I didn't want him around but truthfully maybe we pushed him to respond violently towards us."

"I hurt you first so I can't get hurt by you, kind of deal?" Rick asked and Carol's eyes grew larger and tears started to trickle down the side of her face.

"Yeah. That's exactly how it feels when I look back at how we all acted towards him." She seemed to curl in on herself at that moment. The shadows engulfed her body.

"But he stayed with us and helped us. He could have left after Atlanta or the CDC. But Daryl stayed, so maybe that was his not so obvious way of giving us all a second chance?" Carol smiled slightly at Rick's words. "Or knowing him he'd say 'Didn' have nothin' better to do.'" Rick said trying to mimic Daryl as best as he could. That got a laugh out of Carol before she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Yeah that's probably exactly what he'd say." Carol finally relaxed. She seemed better after talking to Rick about what happened at the quarry like some great weight had been lifted from her slender shoulders. It was one of the many things he didn't know about the group's dynamics before he found them. "You know I heard Glenn tell Carl that the reason Daryl is taking so long is because he has to make the dough for the pizza himself." Rick chuckled.

"He's still on about that?" Carol grinned.

"Yeah, he is. Boy Daryl was mad when Glenn mentioned Daryl needing to get pizza."

"If I remember correctly he said that Daryl needed to 'hunt' some pizza, like it was a wild animal and Daryl hadn't been looking hard enough." The pair laughed together and for a moment things seemed okay like the dead weren't walking around. Like they weren't starving. The moment broken when Carol's stomach gave an angry growl. Rick reached into his pocket and pulled out the granola bar he had. It was one of the last ones they had. Rick made a mental note that Glenn and Maggie would need to go out for more supplies soon. He handed it to her.

"Thanks." Carol whispered peeling the wrapper away like it was the most precious thing in the world.

"Can you believe that less than a year ago we'd just call Domino's and have them deliver a pizza to us."

"Or drive to the grocery store."

"Or go through drive thru and get a Big Mac."

"Took a lot of things for granted then." Carol mumbled and Rick nodded in agreement.

"Yeah we all did."

"A lot of bad things have happened in this world. But bad things were happening before the dead started walking." Carol said her eyes locked with Rick's. "Even with all the bad there's still some good in this world." Rick scoffed.

"Really? When you find that good thing let me know will you?" Carol was quiet for a moment.

"Sometimes we have to hope that things will get better. This world is hard enough without a reason to keep hoping for things to get better. You need a reason to live especially now." Rick sighed. Hope seemed like such a distant thing at this point. Something gone and extinct along with BBQ's and trips to the supermarket that don't require a gun for protection. All that mattered was keeping the group alive. Hope could come later. After everyone was safe. "Well…" Carol sighed touching Rick's arm. "How about that for good news?"

She pointed out the window. Rick moved closer and could see at the edge of the tree line was the slow moving figure of Daryl Dixon and strung across his shoulders was a large buck. Daryl's crossbow was in his left hand while the right held the buck steady on his back. Rick smiled and felt peace return to his mind almost instantly.

"You're right. That is good news." Rick and Carol smiled together as Daryl made his way back to them. Things were already looking up as the whole house rejoiced with the knowledge that Daryl was back.

"Hope restored." Carol nodded to the front door as the group made their way to meet Daryl on the front steps. The excitement and joy seemed to explode through the group and Rick agreed with her. Hope did seem a little closer for the moment.


That's the end of chapter 3! Thanks like always for reading and if you have time write a review. Hope to see everyone again in chapter 4!