The feast left everyone happy and content. For a moment everyone seemed to forget the troubles outside the room. But before too long Rick's eyes got that faraway look in them. Daryl recognized that look and realized what was coming. A part of him wanted to let everyone enjoy the moment at least for the night but the other part of him realized that this had to be done. Reality wouldn't wait until they were ready for it.
Rick cleared his throat as he stood up.
"Listen there's something we need to discuss before it becomes too late to talk about it." Rick started slowly trying to lead them all into it slowly. The room grew hushed and scared. "We know that we're all infected." Rick said softly. The group was still raw about that and Rick knew it too. "But we need to decide what to do if something like what happened to Jim happens again." Rick licked his lips. "We need to decide what to do if one of us is bitten or is going to turn." The silence that followed was deadly. They each responded differently to their leader's words. Glenn and Maggie gripped each other tightly. Carol stared hard at Daryl trying to decide how he felt about the issue. Everyone didn't seem to know how to react. It was T-Dog that spoke first.
"I don't want to turn into one of those things." He said followed by the group nodded. It was until that point something that they'd never agreed upon verbally. Even Carl was nodding Daryl noticed. The idea of dying didn't bother Daryl. He had spent most of his life next to death. Almost like death was a neighbor, constantly looking through the shades at him and the whole Dixon family. But the idea of coming back? Killing the group? That bothered him. The worry that the group would just leave him behind on the side of the road like they did Jim also unnerved him. He'd rather be put down than slowly lose his mind like Jim had.
"Then we need to come to a decision. Together." Rick said turning to lock eyes with each member of the group. He paused on Daryl and stared at him hard. Daryl gave a quick nod showing his support in his own way.
"What do you think we should do?" Lori asked watching her husband closely. Daryl repressed the urge to roll his eyes.
As her relationship with her husband and son had grown strained over the months, she had tried to pacify Rick by agreeing or leaving every choice surrounding group safety up to him. It always made Daryl want to gag in annoyance. Sure, he could appreciate the times when it's just best to agree and go along with the flow. But that wasn't what Rick needed. He needed his wife to give opinions that he might not consider or think of on his own. Daryl's mother had once told him it was her role as a wife and mother to be the conscience that they usually avoided listening to. Why Lori never tried anything like that was beyond him. It always seemed like she would let Rick do whatever he thought was best then turn around and berate him for those same choices.
Like at the quarry when she volunteered Rick to go back to Atlanta (though the man seemed determined to go before Lori said anything) yet admonished him for making the plans to leave. Maybe Lori thought she could gain her way back into Rick's graces by following him without question. But she was the only one who could talk to Rick and help him see flaws in his plans. By doing nothing, she put the group at risk. At least that's how Daryl saw it. He wouldn't find himself arguing with Rick often (there never seemed to be a point to it. Rick was a much better leader than some hick from the woods would ever be.) the only times he would was if it revolved around something that Daryl considered his (very small) area of expertise, like hunting.
Lori wanted to repair her relationship with her family. That much was obvious but Daryl couldn't shake the feeling that everything she was doing was wrong. That all her good intentions were hurting more than helping.
Daryl dragged his eyes away from Lori who was rubbing her stomach absentmindedly. Her eyes had that hollow look they'd had for the last few weeks. The whole group had a similar look that screamed prey to the hunter. The look that said they were just waiting to be preyed upon it was the same look rabbits got when a fox corners them. It seemed more predominant in Lori than it did in the others however, perhaps her pregnancy left her feeling more vulnerable? That was the only reasoning that Daryl could come up with.
Rick's eyes had darkened at Lori's words. Before he could say anything Hershel spoke.
"It isn't just about becoming one of them. What if one of us turns and attacks the people we care about?" The group grew even quieter if possible. Becoming a walker was a terrifying reality alone. But hurting the people you loved was worse somehow. Everyone clung harder to each other at the thought.
"That's right. There's a lot to consider about this. We have to decide together." Rick reasoned. His eyes slowly fading back to their calmer blue. "I once said we don't kill the living…" Rick trailed off. Daryl remembered that one well. It was Rick's second time pointing his gun at his head. But surely Rick realized things had changed? They couldn't just say it was the same anymore. Once dead those 'dead' didn't stay that way for long. Not that Daryl didn't appreciate guns pointed to his head but it would be nice to avoid it in the future should something like what happened with Jim happened again. The officer was as good with a gun as Daryl himself is with his crossbow.
"But if they're bitten it's only a matter of time right?" Maggie asked. Hershel's eyes grew tight. While the Greene family realized now that the walkers were dead and there was no bringing them back it still seemed to be a painful realization at times for Hershel. His desire to protect his family and the group was stronger than any painful memories. However, the day would probably come when he didn't even blink when killing walkers. It was the reality they lived in now and you either get used to it or you break down. Hershel felt too strong for the latter at least to Daryl anyway. After reality painfully reminded Hershel of its violent nature the man had been solid.
"It seems that way." Rick agreed.
"Then maybe the kindest thing we can do would be to…" Carol started but her eyes grew large and watery at the prospect of continuing. Daryl licked his lips and continued where she left off.
"Put them out of their misery before they turn." Like he had with Dale. Carol looked at Daryl appreciatively when he had finished for her. No one wanted to be the one to say it. It was obvious from the way they all gaped at him. But sometimes things had to be said even if that meant saying it himself.
"Daryl's right." Glenn murmured softly. Maggie squeezed his hand tightly in response. "I would rather be put down than risk hurting anyone." There were nods around the room. Rick bit his lip but his eyes were troubled.
"Then we all agree?" He looked around the room at each of them. Everyone nodded to Rick's question.
"If someone doesn't agree now is the time to say something." Rick added. No one spoke up, everyone seemed resigned to this idea. It wasn't a pleasant one but a necessary one. To Daryl at least it was somewhat of a comforting idea but that wasn't a sentiment that the group needed to know right now, he realized.
"It's a pact between us then?" T-Dog asked.
"It's a pact then." Rick agreed with the group's assent. "If one of us gets bitten we don't let that person turn into a walker. We'll put them down before they turn." The silence that fell was heavy and oppressive. It was Carl who ended up breaking it.
"Is there any more food?" He asked looking shyly up at Daryl. He felt the hopeful eyes of everyone on him. He thought about telling them no so that they could have more in reserve, but the group needed this. They needed something to keep their spirits strong after such a difficult pact. He would work out how to stretch whatever was left into a few more days. He would make it work.
"Yah there is." He cleared his throat and unfolded his long legs. "I'll get it." He told Rick who was about to follow him out.
"You sure?"
"'Course." Daryl grunted. He shut the door behind him and quickly walked down he stairs. When he hit the bottom, black spots danced in front of his eyes. Daryl gripped the side of his head tightly. He shook his head sharply and staggered to the kitchen. "Not now." He grumbled under his breath, he didn't have time for this now.
Daryl piled the meat onto the plate and moved back to the stairs. The black spots continued to shift in front of his eyes but through sheer force of will he managed to make it up the stairs and bump his elbow against the door. Carol opened it and smiled softly at him.
"Thank you." She said gently taking the plate from his hands and leading him into the room. Daryl nodded slightly before turning away quickly and moving back to his corner. The spots continued to plague him but got slightly better when he sat down. He didn't dare close his eyes for fear of passing out entirely. It was only when the roaring in his ears grew painfully loud that Daryl wondered if just closing his eyes for a moment wouldn't be too bad of an idea.
It was in that moment when Daryl was thinking of putting his head against the wall and resting his eyes that Rick mentioned needing someone on watch now that it was getting dark. Daryl dragged his head up to see that everyone was looking around the room hoping for a volunteer so they could enjoy their meal and the good feelings it brought just for a little longer. Daryl wanted to sigh and just say find someone else but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The group was stretched to the emotional and mental limit. He still was far from his breaking point (one of the few benefits of his childhood) and he figured he could go a few more hours without real rest until someone took over the watch for him.
"I'll do it." Daryl mumbled. The words felt slightly slurred around his tongue. But nothing his accent didn't cover up he figured. The breathe of relief that filled the room at his words was almost physical. While he was on watch they could eat and talk and try to find their own reasons to keep pushing forward.
Daryl had volunteered for the night watch but getting up was another matter entirely. His body screamed in distress when he tried to stand. His muscles were beyond fatigued. It was only after he'd actually had food in him that the exhaustion hit so strongly. Though he'd be damned if a little lack of sleep took him down. Gritting his teeth he stood and ignored the slight wobble of his knees. Sleep could come later, Daryl thought to his weary body. It complied to his wishes but still struggled to keep going. By the time he was outside the door the spots were back with a vengeance. His hearing was going out in waves and it felt like a fever was rushing to meet his skin with every step he took.
Daryl shook his head again trying to will the spots and dizziness away but that only made the hallway swirl faster. Like his consciousness was being sucked down a drain Daryl suddenly couldn't feel his fingers like he was separate from his body. He tried to steady his shaking body against the wall but his eyes rolled up into his head and he slide down the wall slamming into the floor below.
Daryl returned to a semi alert state minutes later. He couldn't see well. Everything felt dark and far away. His hearing kept fading to mumbles. Daryl felt hands prodding here and there along his neck and face checking his temperature and his pulse. He tried to pull away but his body felt like hot mud cemented to the ground.
"Exhaustion." Hershel muttered somewhere on his right. "He's going to need some decent sleep. No watch duty for a while." Hershel touched under Daryl's neck feeling his pulse. "Slight fever too. Strange, most people's body temperature would be lower from spending too much time in the cold. Mild hypothermia would have occurred with anyone else."
"Are you sure it's just exhaustion?" Rick asked from Daryl's left.
"I don't see any bites or scratches. If that's what you're asking."
"It's not. If something like that happened Daryl would have told us." Rick said forcefully.
"But not about the obvious exhaustion he's suffering from?" Hershel's voice sounded exasperated.
"He probably didn't want to. Either he didn't think it was a big deal or that we had enough to worry about without any extra problems added on." Rick grumbled under his breathe. It was then that Daryl realized that Rick was holding him up where Hershel could look him over. Conscience thought returned in a flash and Daryl struggled to get out of the officers arms.
"'M fine." He slurred trying to push himself up. His cheeks felt hot as Rick's arms tightened around his chest trying to keep him still.
"Stay still." Hershel instructed harshly and pushed him back down. Daryl glared daggers at the two men. The normal harshness of his glare was lessened by the fact that the room started spinning when he opened his eyes. "We'll need to move him to a bed." Rick nodded above him.
"Put someone else on watch too." Rick said as he hooked his arms under Daryl's armpits and started to haul him up. Daryl weakly struggled to push the man off but before he could get anywhere Rick had him on his feet and had thrown Daryl's left arm around Rick's neck. While Rick placed his arm around Daryl's hip. He could feel his face brighten at the closeness of their bodies. The last time this had happened he'd fallen unconscious almost immediately due to the gunshot he took to the head from Andrea. He almost preferred that to being alert enough to feel Rick's body heat sink into his side but still be too weak to walk on his own. Rick's hands were so hot they almost felt like they were scorching his hip and wrist with their touch. It made the fever race through his body even faster.
Rick started to pull Daryl's body along the hallway but Daryl kept trying to push his arm off of him.
"Get off." He grumbled trying elbow Rick to get him to let go. The closeness was starting to overwhelm him. The black spots continued to dance as he moved however. Daryl wanted Rick to let go of him but doubted he could make it more than two feet without falling down.
"Stop struggling." Rick whispered in Daryl's ear. His breath puffed against his neck. Daryl couldn't stop the shiver that went through him. Too close too close too close. His mind whimpered desperately as he tried to break free. Rick's hold on Daryl's hip kept hitting one of the many massive networks of scars that littered the hunter's body. Each touch caused a flash of pain as the side became alight with oversensitivity. Daryl tried to shift out of Rick's hands. The feeling of fingers rubbing around his scars caused flashbacks of his childhood. Of his father rubbing the barely healing wounds raw when he was displeased with his son.
"Don'." Daryl gasped as his breathing became labored.
"Daryl hold on we're almost at the bed." Rick said softly, obviously misunderstanding his panic. Rick's breath hit against a small mass of scars hidden under Daryl's hair near his ear, caused by a bottle smashing against Daryl's head when he was ten. Daryl trembled trying to escape but his body was too weak to make any true bids for freedom. "Here, I'm going to set you down okay?" Rick gently started to lower Daryl onto the bed below them. The moment Rick let go Daryl shoved himself against the wall waiting for his panting to return to normal breathing. The spots continued to shift in his eyes and he felt a distinct sense of wrongness as his stomach shifted. Daryl quickly slammed his eyes shut and waited for the feeling to pass.
Slowly his heart rate fell and his stomach stopped churning like a boat at sea. When he felt strong enough (and safe enough) he gently rolled onto his back to take the pressure off of his right hip which still ached with being touched too much.
A soft knock and Hershel opened the door to glance at Daryl on the bed before turning to Rick.
"I've told T-Dog and Carol to take watch tonight. Is that alright?" Hershel told Rick.
"Yeah that's perfect. If they want to shift out come and get me okay?" Rick said keeping his eyes on Daryl.
"I'll check him over in a few hours but right now all he really needs is rest." Hershel addressed Rick but kept his eyes on Daryl. Daryl rolled his eyes and turned away he didn't need or want everyone fussing over him. He wanted to tell them to go away and leave him alone but couldn't figure out how to make his mouth work just yet. Hershel nodded once at Rick and shut the door behind him.
"Daryl?" Rick asked moving closer to the bed.
"What?" He growled.
"Why didn't…" The officer trailed off. "Do you need anything?"
"New crossbow arrows, more gas for the bike, and a cheeseburger with a beer." Daryl smirked at Rick. "Ever'one needs somethin' doesn' mean ever'one gets it."
"Funny. I was being serious."
"I'm fine. Little tired is all." Daryl shrugged.
"Then I should let you get some sleep." Rick said starting to move away and towards the door.
Daryl didn't know what impulse caused him to grab the hem of Rick's shirt.
"Stay?" He whispered softly. "Just for a minute?" Daryl felt weak and whiny for asking Rick to do something like that, Merle would smack him upside his head for acting like a little bitch. But the other man smiled and pulled a chair closer without question. The silence that followed made Daryl shift uncomfortably. He licked his lips before turning to the man. "How have ya never been huntin' before?" He questioned. Rick seemed almost surprised that Daryl was still awake. Daryl didn't have the heart to tell him that he had a hard time sleeping around others. His sensitive hearing made things almost painfully loud for him.
In truth, Daryl didn't want to sleep. Not while his mind was still replaying the pact over and over. Not while he could still feel tingling in his scars. Not while he could feel childhood fears and traumas whispering at the back of his mind. He could practically hear his father's voice against his ear. His teeth ripping into his spine as he mocked Daryl. The last thing Daryl wanted to dream about was walkers killing the group or his father breaking the door down to destroy everything he'd worked to protect.
"Would you believe that I've only been fishing twice my life?" Rick interrupted Daryl's thoughts. The man smiled softly when Daryl gave him an incredulous look. "I hated fishing as a kid. I never had the patience for it. My dad would be throwing fish back for hours and I could never catch a single fish. I did catch the back of my shirt once trying to act all cool in front of my dad's friends and their daughters." Daryl snorted at that image.
"Was it as bad as in the movies?"
"Worse." Rick grinned back. "I actually managed to tug so hard I fell into the river and lost my shirt and shoes all in the same blow. I think I spent the rest of that trip hiding in the car. For some reason falling and nearly drowning in a river doesn't impress the ladies much."
"I think I would have been impressed." Daryl half smirked at Rick.
"Oh yeah? Which part?" Rick quirked his eyebrow.
"The part where ya actually caught somethin' even if it was just yer shirt. Takes skill to catch somethin' so elusive."
"Ha ha. You're so clever." Rick rolled his eyes at Daryl. "I thought Hershel told you to rest." Daryl shrugged.
"Tell me more. Did ya ever go huntin' other than fish?" Rick didn't comment on Daryl's avoidance of sleep. For that, the hunter was grateful. He didn't want to explain how nightmares often clogged his brain when he was tired.
"A couple of times." Rick shrugged. "It wasn't nearly as bad as fishing. Mostly some guys from the police force getting drunk and shooting guns at trees. Too much noise to really get any true hunting in. I did on occasion catch some actual game like deer but that didn't happen often. I guess I never really had time for that kind of thing. Too busy with work or my family." Rick licked his lips. "Daryl? Can I ask you something?"
Daryl didn't want to answer questions right now. Anxiety was seated too deep in his mind for him to be thinking completely rationally. But he nodded anyway, he couldn't ask Rick to stay and then force the man to be quiet. That was too weird in Daryl's mind, like some creepy stalker watching you sleep.
"Why didn't you tell us or at least me that you weren't feeling good?" Daryl shrugged. "I mean what if you were bit. You'd tell us right?"
"'Course I would!" Daryl glared at Rick. "Like hell I'd even come back here if I got bit! I wouldn' put ya'll in danger like that. Ain' right and it ain' fair to ya'll if I came back after being bit." Daryl was furious that Rick would even suggest otherwise.
"I know… I know. I'm sorry. I just… The looks that Lori was giving I had to ask." Rick shook his head. "I shouldn't have asked. I know you wouldn't put us in danger like that. It's not who you are." Daryl sighed.
"I guess ya had to ask. If I were in yer shoes I'd ask too."
"I'm sorry." Rick said again.
"It's fine." Daryl glanced up at Rick, his eyes were tight with gloom and guilt. "Least ya didn' shoot me first." He smirked at Rick. Rick chuckled.
"That's true. Not sure how many shots to the head a man can survive."
"Let's not test it to find out yah?" Daryl quirked an eyebrow.
"No let's keep you away from bullets." Rick agreed. "Daryl." Rick said drawing the hunter's attention back to his eyes. They were sharp and commanding. "Next time I want you to tell me if you're feeling sick or tired. We can't have you passing out on us when we need you. I need you at your best and that means you can't hide stuff like this from me." Daryl grunted and gave a shift of a shoulder. "Daryl?"
"Fine." He grumbled.
"Daryl."
"I said fine!"
"I want your word." Rick said locking eyes with him. Before Daryl started to say that meant nothing, Rick continued. "I want your oath."
"Shouldn' have told ya 'bout that." He muttered.
"Please?" Rick's blue eyes were pleading, begging in that way that seemed patent to him. Daryl sighed.
"Fine…"
"Fine?"
"I give ya my Dixon oath that I'll tell ya when somethin' is wrong."
"With you. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. The whole damn package." Rick added staring at him hard.
"Yah yah. Whatever. Yer not my mom ya know."
"Someone needs to keep an eye on you if you're intending to work yourself to death."
"Fine. Ya got my oath. Ain' that good enough for ya?"
"Yeah." Rick sighed, and his eyes seemed considerably less troubled than they had a few minutes before. "Why don't you get some rest? I'll have Hershel check on you in a few hours; otherwise you're off the clock for the rest of the night."
"I should go and salt the meat. That way it'll keep." Daryl said starting to sit up. Rick put his hand on his shoulder gently.
"Daryl, I'll handle that." Daryl stared at him. "Okay I'll ask Hershel to do that. He lived on a farm he knows what he's doing. I need you to rest. We'll handle things until you're rested okay? We need you better. The group's not the same without you." Daryl swallowed. He didn't know how to respond to that idea, did they need him because he kept them fed or because he kept them safe? Daryl desperately wanted to believe they needed him but his father's fingers at the back of his neck touching his scars made him remember his place.
"Lower than dog shit." His father hissed at his spine.
"Sleep well Daryl. Holler if you need us." Rick said shutting the door behind him. Leaving Daryl alone with his father's words and the scars that kept burning with memories. Sleep seemed miles away but the moment Daryl put his hands over his ears and listened to the sound of his blood rushing through his body he was asleep.
By the time, Hershel checked in on Daryl hours later, and found his fever had gone down. The childhood terrors and malicious voices retreated for the night. Daryl was able to sleep without dreams or thoughts of death for the first time in a long time.
I'm super sorry this took so long to get out. It's been a really busy week for me. Hopefully it won't happen again. Wanted to say thank you to everyone who's taken the time to review really makes me so happy! I can't thank you enough! I'm glad there are other people out there like me who enjoy both the slow build and this pairing! I always worry that people don't like this kind of story (or my writing style) so the reviews make me feel a lot better about my story/writing skill. So again thanks and along with that if you feel like reviewing again I'd love that too! See you all in chapter 6!
