Daryl left after finishing helping Carol finish preparing dinner; he then proceeded to hide away in his room. The house was smaller than the others they'd been lucky with before. This house had only two bedrooms. The Greene family (plus Glenn) took one room. The Grimes the other. Leaving T-Dog, Carol, and Daryl to try and figure out how to work the leftover rooms out. T-Dog took the couch in the living room. While Carol got the small playroom that they moved the other couch into.

That left Daryl with the study. Sure there wasn't a bed in the room but it did have one thing the others didn't. The room was surrounded with deep dark red mahogany bookcases filled with (big surprise) books. Daryl wasn't opposed to sleeping on the floor if he had the books in exchange.

Though admittedly he didn't sleep too much when he was in the room. Too busy trying to decide which books to take with him. The small selfish voice in the back of his mind wanted him to take them all but he refused to waste space on such luxuries. Though it did leave him with the problem of deciding if it would be better to replace some of the ones he'd picked up earlier in the winter with a whole set of new books. He had a hard time with that idea however, many of the books had made it through some pretty tough days, bad weather, almost being used as fire wood to name a few. Through the constant moving (even the times he'd been forced to leave them behind) the books still managed to find their way back to his possession, usually with the help of the group chiefly Rick. At this point he'd grown rather attached to them.

The group had shared a laugh over the childlike way his eyes grew huge at the look of the room. They shared an ever greater laugh when they realized he didn't know how to let any of his current books go. Although later that evening Maggie, Beth, and Carol all came to see him and said they'd be willing to take one or two of the new books for him. He didn't admit it then but that gesture alone made his heart warm. Daryl did end up sneaking three books in each bag… not that he was going to let them know until they had to unload them.

But at this current moment Daryl didn't find his room comforting or entertaining it like normal. Instead, he shut the door and slid down the wood to collapse on the floor. How he'd been able to keep acting like everything was normal was beyond him. He knew he shook the whole time with Carol and even worse when he said he was tired and going to bed early. The shock of Carol finding out and the adrenaline of Rick's hands (and lips and tongue) on him had taken its toll on the hunter. He barely managed to get up the stairs his legs were shaking so bad.

Daryl pressed his palms into his eyes until spots danced behind his lids. He breathed slowly in and out waiting until his body calmed and the panic attack he almost suffered left his system. The whole day left him feeling exhausted. Daryl rose shakily to his feet. He fell into the padded leather chair like a drained battery. Completely out of juice and all used up. He rested his head on the desk for a moment before cracking an eye open. On the desk was the book he'd been going through yesterday trying to decide if it was worth keeping or not.

The hunter dragged the book closer to him. Even dead tired Daryl didn't feel right just taking it easy and taking a quick nap. Even injured he felt useless and pathetic not being able to help the group, like he was just a drain on resources. Daryl opened to a random page and started reading '…What wounds I saw upon their limbs, recent and ancient flames burnt in!' Daryl flipped through the book a few more times '…There darted forth a serpent, which transfixed him. There where the neck is knotted to the shoulders…' but the language was weird and beyond confusing.

He kept having to flip to the back of the book just to understand what the hell was going on. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, he'd never read the classics in school never really had the interest to. He'd been too busy trying to stay alive with just himself to rely on against his father's wrath. But now that the world ended Daryl deeply regretted not finding the time to read all the books that used to overwhelm him. At the very least the classics would probably be easier for him to understand if he'd tried a little more when he was younger.

Daryl contemplated putting the book back but the image of Dale popped into his mind. Would he have thought this was an important book? Daryl thought hard hoping for some sort of a sign.

"It's a book about Hell." Dale said peering at the book in front of Daryl.

"Dale?" He mumbled.

"It might be appropriate considering the state of things." Dale shrugged a small almost teasing smile on his lips. "I mean you could pick worse, like that one you got with the romantic overly generic characters." Daryl smirked.

"Sunset lovers is a great book." He replied cheekily. Dale glowered at the hunter.

"Clearly you're worse at this than you thought." Daryl couldn't help but agree.

"Yer not wrong about that." His body deflated slighting in the face of the elderly man's words. He would have made good choices but Daryl never knew what would help people feel hope. Daryl closed his eyes feeling crushed by his failure.

"You should keep the book." Dale said at his side, a soft hand on Daryl's shoulder squeezing lightly.

"Oh yeah?"

"Well you should be familiar with the place you're going to be damned to." Daryl's eyes snapped open at that. "You're a murderer aren't you? Murders go to Hell." Dale hissed as his nails dug into Daryl's shoulder the other hand clawed at Daryl's face wracking bloody welts down his cheeks. Daryl struggled to push out of the chair but the nails felt like knives pinning him in place.

Dale's eyes were cold and dead a walker snarl coming from his mouth. Blood and guts boiled over from his mouth splattering on Daryl's stomach. His flesh sizzled from the burning of the guts. "All Dixon's go to Hell, Daryl!" Dale screamed clawing at the hunter's eyes. Daryl trashed trying to fight him off. Dale held Daryl's jaw open as he snarled more guts bubbling in his mouth before coughing them up into Daryl's mouth. The hunter screamed as he felt his throat burning from the inside out.

"Daryl!" The hunter jerked awake, his whole body trembling with nerves as sweat beaded on his forehead. Daryl panted trying to remember where he was. His hands were shaking as he struggled to compose himself. A hand on his shoulder almost had him jumping out of his skin. Daryl couldn't even think clearly enough to remember to go for his knife. "Hey it's okay." Rick murmured softly pulling back slightly. He watched the hunter like a hawk as he calmed down.

"Sorry." He mumbled, Rick shook his head.

"You were having a nightmare." Rick explained. "I tried to wake you up, guess it didn't help much." Rick gave a small smile before it fell quickly as he looked at the hunter in concern. "You kept crying out like something was hurting you." Daryl pressed his head against his palm trying to kill the pounding ache behind his eyes.

"Thanks."

"Of course." Rick nodded, he bit his lip seeming to consider his words for a moment. "What were you dreaming about?" Daryl didn't say anything, how could he? Killing Dale had been one of his greatest signs of loyalty to Rick. If Rick knew he still on occasion felt the heavy weight of the colt in his hand and remembered the look Dale gave him before he pulled the trigger, how would Rick feel about that? Rick would think he regretted doing that for him. He would think that Daryl wasn't loyal or worse couldn't be trusted with the difficult jobs. He didn't want that, couldn't live with that. Daryl could handle the tough stuff. It was his duty to Rick and the group to do the things that would otherwise dirty their hands.

"Dixon's go to Hell." Dale's words returned to the hunter making him tremble.

"You said Dale's name." Rick whispered. Daryl's eyes widened slightly. Rick was watching him with an unreadable expression on his face.

"I…" Daryl couldn't find his tongue. He wanted to beg Rick to forget what he'd heard.

"Daryl?" Rick whispered, he touched the hunter's shoulder again. Daryl jumped at the contact. He didn't mean to but he recoiled from the touch. The officer noticed and drew back quickly. "Sorry." Rick mumbled, his eyes full of sorrow. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Daryl looked up incredulously could he really just get away that easily? Rick didn't push the issue instead giving a slight nod.

"Thanks." Daryl whispered.

"Sure." Rick still seemed hurt like Daryl had struck him. He acted almost skittish like he was ready to bolt out of the room at any moment. Before he could Rick noticed the book on the desk. "Oh hey, I read this in high school." Rick said picking up the tome. He flipped through it looking at some of the pages with a smile warming his face. "Oh this was always my favorite." Rick said shutting the book. He looked at Daryl hard as he started to recite. "'Midway upon the journey through our life. I found myself in dark forest for the clear path had been lost." Rick smiled and quirked an eyebrow at Daryl. "Not bad huh?"

Daryl nodded, genuinely impressed. Rick's voice had dropped lower and was somehow more authoritative when he was reciting, it sent shiver down Daryl's spine and a heat burning low in his stomach. Had someone like Rick read all the books when he was in school Daryl probably would have paid more attention. Then again, maybe not since he probably wouldn't have been able to get over how hot the man had sounded just now. Rick opened the book again flipping to the front. "Whoops, looks like this one has the older translation. I guess mine is a bit more modern. Probably made it easier to read though." Rick shrugged before putting the book back down on the desk.

Daryl glanced at it, after his nightmare he had been intending to leave it behind but after hearing Rick's voice like that…might be worth bringing along. Though he doubted he would ever read it, he might be able to convince Rick to read some more to him. "Oh that's right!" Rick exclaimed. "I brought you dinner." Rick smiled placing a plate in front of the hunter. Red canned beans and some stringy meat probably rabbit dyed red from the beans. Daryl had to force the retch back into his chest. The food looked much like the guts he was forced to swallow in the dream. He could still feel the fire in his lungs and taste the coppery burn on his tongue.

"Thanks." Daryl murmured he gave a weak smile to Rick. "But I'm not hungry. Why don' ya give it to Lori or Carl." Rick's eyes narrowed at that suggestion. His face grew dark.

"You're too skinny as it is Daryl. You can't keep giving up your food to everyone else." Daryl was a little shocked with how mad Rick became. It was like a switch suddenly turned on in the man. A switch labeled rage.

"Ya think I'm too skinny?" Rick nodded forcefully.

"I could feel your ribs today." Daryl shrugged.

"We've all lost weight. Can' really go down to the store and buy food anymore can we?" Daryl didn't see the problem. Sure he took smaller portions than the rest of the group. But he was used to be going without decent meals. The rest weren't. Daryl knew he could handle the empty feeling that gnawed at your gut, better than they could. Plus Lori was eating for two. Carl and Beth were still growing and needed to eat more to stay healthy. So Daryl didn't mind having little to eat. Rick glared and pushed the plate under the hunter's nose. "Eat." He growled. The smell nearly made Daryl nauseous.

"Told ya! Not hungry!" He spat forcing the plate away from him.

"Do you want me to force it down your throat?" Rick glared and pushed the plate back in front of Daryl.

"I want ya to try!" Daryl growled his eyes narrowing, a snarl on his lips. Rick glared back in response. Daryl was ready for the inevitable fight that was barreling towards them. Daryl's body rigid waiting for the first blow. Rick sighed and deflated like a balloon losing all its air.

"Fine if you won't eat this, will you let me find something else for you? You need to keep your energy up." Daryl blinked taken completely by surprise. The complete diffusion of the situation was surprising to say the in the least. He didn't expect Rick to back off so quickly or easily. He was expecting an explosive argument at the very least.

"I…What?"

"If you don't want this can you try eating something else?" Rick restated, he had a calm look in his eyes as he waited patiently for Daryl's response. Daryl in turn felt like this was some sort of a trick.

"Yeah… I guess?" Daryl mumbled hesitantly. Rick nodded placated with this compromise.

"There's some food in my bag downstairs. I'll give this to Lori and Carl, you help yourself." Rick said taking the plate and heading out the door before Daryl could even move. He blinked waiting for something to happen. But Rick didn't burst back into the room trying to shove food down his throat, making Daryl think maybe it wasn't a trick?

He slowly pulled himself up and went to the door. He eased it open. There was no sound, Daryl crept down the stairs to the kitchen. He found the bag that Rick normally carried around, inside there was a few energy bars, dried meat, and several cans of beans and pineapple. Pineapple happened to be Daryl's least favorite canned food, that he always tried to give to the others. The texture was what he imagined brains to taste like. A few bottles of water were in the bottom but not much else.

Daryl sighed and took two of the energy bars and one bottle of water. He ripped a piece of the dried meat before heading back upstairs. Daryl was halfway through the first energy bar when he pushed the door open. Rick was already inside waiting for him. He eyed Daryl closely checking to see what the hunter had picked out to eat. "Well at least you didn't grab just the water." Rick smiled satisfied with Daryl's choice.

Daryl didn't response and continued to chew the hard bar. Sure the energy that came from the bars were great but it took several minutes just to break off a small piece. The thing went down like boulders. Rick watched Daryl settle back into his chair, a small smile on his lips. "It's a little trick I learned when Carl was younger." Rick mumbled. Daryl titled his head, silently asking what he was talking about. "The whole getting you to eat thing. Carl was a picky eater when he was younger, Lori used to scream at him trying to get him to eat. But it never seemed to work. Children don't respond well to yelling in my experience. So I came up with the idea of having him pick something he'd watch to eat instead. Which I'd then help him make. Anything was on the list expect for junk food." Rick smiled he had that distant look again. "Lori used to say I'm too indulgent of Carl's desires. But at least I got him to eat, so does it really matter how I did it?"

"Are ya tryin' to say I'm a picky child?" Daryl mumbled around his second energy bar. The words came out slightly slurred, as he forced them around the bar. Rick grinned back at him clearly he thought that exactly. Daryl glowered. "Not a child." He grumbled.

"Of course not. But I got you to eat didn't I?" Daryl huffed taking a long gulp of water. It helped to work the remainder of the bar down his throat.

"What else did you want to bother me 'bout?"

"Am I bothering you?" Rick asked innocently.

"I'm getting' the feelin' that yer waitin' to tell me to brush my teeth or go to bed on time." Daryl mumbled the way Rick kept looking at him was like a young mother trying to keep her kids in line.

"No I would never do that." Rick smiled sweetly. Daryl glared at him. "But since you brought it up…"

"Oh let's hear it." Daryl groaned.

"I thought we'd have a sleep over." Rick mused, his eyes bright with delight.

"A what?" Daryl questioned perplexed.

"You know like we did as kids. Though if you don't like the name we could go with something more manly like camp out." Rick gave a playful smirk to Daryl who was still staring stone faced. "What? Do you not like the idea?" Rick asked suddenly growing self-conscious and uncertain.

"No it's not that…I just…" Daryl bit his lips as his cheeks flushed. "Never had a sleep over before." Rick blinked his mouth hanging open slightly.

"Holy shit, you serious?" Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "Wow…just wow." Rick mumbled then gave a quick laugh. "Too bad the world's gone to hell or I'd have us do this right. Make some popcorn, order pizza, get beers, and watch horror movies. But we'll have to make due I guess." Daryl glanced up, Rick was smiling warmly no pity in his eyes.

"What do ya usually do at sleepovers?" Daryl asked nervously. He'd never been to a sleep over, his father never let him. Saying he wasn't good enough to go. That Daryl was nothing but trouble and he didn't want to hear everyone bitch about Daryl when he inevitably messed up.

"Well when I was a kid we'd tell ghost stories, build forts, and watch movies. Things like that." Rick said stroking his chin as he thought. "Then when I was a teenager we did stuff like play truth or dare, spin the bottle, and seven minutes in heaven. That kind of thing. " Rick shrugged. "It's been a damn long time since I've had a sleepover. After a little while it seems strange to have sleepovers with someone you aren't in a relationship with." Daryl nodded taking everything Rick had said in. Even though he wouldn't be doing any of those things himself, it was still interesting to hear about what Rick did when he was younger.

That and finally hearing what went on at sleepovers. No one would tell him when he was younger. Like it was a pact, that only people at the sleepover was allowed to talk or know about what happened at the sleepover. Like Las Vegas only for kids. "This will be fun!" Rick smiled his whole face glowing. "We'll tell stories, play spin the bottle."

"Don' ya need more than two people for that?"

"We'll make due."

"I'm not makin' out with the chair if it lands on that." Daryl grumbled crossly.

"Noted." Rick laughed. "I brought pillows and a blanket."

"We could build a fort." Daryl rolled his eyes. Just cause he'd never been to a sleepover didn't mean he wanted to play at being ten years old again. That just wasn't in his nature. Though he couldn't quite bring himself to tell Rick that. The man was clearly excited about the idea of giving Daryl a proper sleepover. Rick pulled the blankets and pillows against the wall behind the desk.

"Where's your pillow?" Rick asked giving the room a quick once over.

"Don' have one."

"Then where have you been sleeping?"

"Whichever corner I wanted." Daryl shrugged. Rick's eyes grew wide and horrified.

"You sleep on the floor?"

"Sometimes in the chair." Daryl mumbled feeling embarrassed as Rick grew more flabbergasted.

"You're serious aren't you?" Daryl nodded a little perplexed as to why Rick would think he was lying to him. "Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Daryl shrugged again.

"Didn' seem important."

"Everyone else has a bed or couch. You didn't find it strange that you're the only one without anything to sleep on?"

"Not really." Rick squeezed the bridge of his nose tightly. His eyes fluttering closed for a moment.

"Look it doesn' matter." Rick glared at Daryl, clearly he'd picked the wrong words to defuse the situation. "What do we do at the sleep over now?" He tried again to distract the man in front of him. Rick sighed and seemed to let the issue go for now.

"Well it's really up to you. We could tell ghost stories-"

"Or walker stories." Daryl interjected.

"Or that." Rick nodded his head towards Daryl, "Or we could play spin the bottle or something similar."

"Do parents really let their kids go to parties knowin' that's goin' to happen?"

"I imagine most parents don't think it's going to happen at the party their child is going to. Or they hope they've raised their child well enough to make good decisions on their own. Never really had to worry about that with Carl. World ended before I had to be concerned with teenage hormones from him."

"Sounds like a recipe for disaster."

"It can be." Rick smiled wistfully. "But you can't control your children, (no matter how easy it would be for you as a parent) children need to be allowed to make their own mistakes." The officer's blue eyes suddenly looked very melancholy. "Well they used to. Now mistakes can get them killed. Mistakes can get everyone killed." He sighed closing his eyes for a moment. When Rick opened them again the excited spark was back. "We could always play the classic truth or dare." Daryl shifted an eyebrow. "It's when you pick between truth or dare-" Daryl scowled and held his hand up to halt Rick.

"I've played that. Just how redneck and sheltered do ya think I am?" He asked slightly offended. Rick smirked teasingly showing he meant no harm. "'Sides I always played dare and dare with Merle."

"No truth?"

"Merle always said that truth was boring and only cowards did truth when they were too scared to do the dares."

"I see…" Rick looked concerned by Daryl's revelation. "Well I don't think I could really match you in a dare or dare contest so why not the tamer truth or truth?" Daryl shrugged and leaned back in the plush leather of his chair.

"Why not? It's a party after all." He smiled slightly already resigned to letting Rick have his fun.

"Why didn't you tell me you didn't have a bed or anything to sleep on?" Rick asked clearly deciding he was going first. Not that Daryl minded but, his first question could use some work, the hunter thought bitterly.

"Ya still goin' on 'bout that?" Rick's expression didn't change. "Feels like ya wanted to play this 'game' just so ya could bug me about stupid stuff." Daryl grumbled. He sighed when Rick continued to stare at him harshly. Daryl realized he couldn't get out of this one with a distraction. "Like I said it wasn' important." Rick made a sound low in his throat obviously distressed by the hunter's answer. "Cause we have more important stuff to worry 'bout. Certainly more important than who gets a pillow or not." Rick's eyes were razor-sharp but also fragile like a blade so sharp it shatters.

"You shouldn't have to be in this kind of situation." Rick said softly.

"Better me than someone else." Daryl said dismissively. Rick looked crushed by what the hunter had said. Though the hunter couldn't understand why. "So it's my turn right?" Daryl thought for a moment trying to figure out what to ask. Before he could Rick spoke up.

"Didn't you promise to tell me if something was wrong with you?" Daryl bristled at the question. Rick gave him such a fierce look clearly telling Daryl he wasn't going to back down from this question no more than he had the last one. The man could be remarkably stubborn when he wanted to be. Not nearly as bad as a Dixon could be but he was damn close.

"First, pretty sure it's my turn." Daryl grumbled counting off with his fingers.

"You can have two in a row." Rick said not missing a beat.

"Second, I don' see why this is such a big deal. It's not like I'll lose a limb from sleepin' on the floor. Third, and most importantly I didn' promise ya anythin'." Rick's eyes grew huge and almost watery at Daryl's words.

"But…" Rick bit his lip and breathed through his nose, collecting himself. "What about the Dixon…" He trailed off without finishing. Rick looked up at Daryl, his delicate blue eyes searching the hunter's face for some sort of answer. Rick looked uncharacteristically vulnerable. Daryl sighed and scratched the back of his neck.

"Look I gave ya a Dixon oath. That I won' deny. But ya said if something' were wrong with me. Like I got sick or somethin' that's not what a missin' pillow is goin' to do to me. It doesn' even register as inconvenient in my mind. That's why I didn' tell ya. Didn' see the point. If it had been somethin' that bothered me I'd have told ya." Daryl stared back into Rick's eyes. He could feel the man's gaze probing his every muscle, trying to figure out if Daryl was lying. He wasn't, so the hunter kept his gaze firm like he was staring down game. The way they stared each other down made Daryl's insides squirm.

"That's just semantics." Rick grumbled. "You should have been a lawyer." Rick gloomily glanced down at the floor. "Is that really the truth?" He whispered hesitating for a breathe.

"That's the rules of the game isn' it? 'Sides I don' make a habit out of lyin'." Rick smiled thinly.

"No you don't. But you do dance around the truth from time to time."

"I don' remember dancin' around anythin'." Rick chuckled which warmed Daryl's heart.

"Alright." Rick nodded finally satisfied. "What are your questions?"

"Ya said that ya had some crushes on guys before." Rick nodded. "But ya never made any moves towards them right?" Another nod. "Do ya know what it means to do even be with a guy?"

"What do you mean, like sex?" Daryl nodded his cheeks warming slightly but he wanted, no needed the answer. The idea that Rick might not know exactly what he was getting into bothered Daryl deeply. "Yeah I mean I've never done it with a guy. But…" Rick flushed brightly as he bite his lip. "A girlfriend, I had before Lori she didn't like having sex like most girls…she um…" Rick seemed to lose himself as he tried to speak through his embarrassment.

"She liked it up the ass?" Daryl said plainly, Rick looked immensely relieved by the hunter's bluntness.

"Exactly." He sighed, the slight panic that had started to grow in his eyes retreated rapidly. "So I'm not totally oblivious when it comes to that sort of stuff." Daryl nodded though internally he was surprised that Rick had been willing to try something that seemed so far out of the norm for the man and his picture perfect life. "And you?" Rick asked glancing at Daryl embarrassment still making his face glow.

"I told ya. I've been with men and women."

"Yeah but you didn't tell me how far you got with them. I could say I've been with men because I was dared to kiss my best friend when I was seven. Another story for another time." Rick dismissed the questions buring in the hunter with a wave of his hand.

"Look." Daryl mumbled rubbing his eye trying desperately to explain what he was talking about to the man before him. "I've been with both. Not often but enough to know what the whole ordeal entails." Daryl murmured.

He left out the fact that those relationships were either too brief for him to really consider anything but a distraction during a very dark time in his life. Or that he was too wasted and screwed up to really consider what he was doing but more often what was being done to him. Daryl didn't see the point in telling Rick any of this, nor did he think telling him how the last time he'd been with another man, Daryl had blacked out woke up in pain and completely alone with most of his money missing. All that would do is complicate things further, he concluded.

"So if I pushed you down right now, you'd be fine with it?" Rick's frankness was almost startling.

"I'd criticize yer choice of location." Daryl joked halfheartedly but Rick didn't return the sentiment. Daryl bit his lip. Sure he wanted this, he couldn't deny that but… the time and place couldn't be worse in Daryl's mind. The group was too close together in this house. Even Glenn and Maggie had the tact to move off to an area where they wouldn't bother anyone else. Rick should be especially concerned with the closeness of the group but it didn't even seem to register on the man's radar. The idea of Lori or worse Carl hearing and finding out, that would devastate them.

Then there was the worry that this would be just like all the other times. That this would be a use him and leave him kind of deal, like all the other times Daryl had let it get physical too fast. That worry crowded in the back of Daryl's mind constantly whispering to him when he thought about them together. Though he wondered if the whole 'could die at any second' problem they faced on a daily basis would naturally accelerate the pace of a relationship? Daryl wasn't certain. How could he be sure it wasn't a 'last person alive on Earth' kind of deal.

"You haven't said anything." Rick murmured his eyes growing scared as he crumbled slightly. "If you don't want to all you have to say is that you don't." Daryl shook his head.

"It's not that."

"Then what?"

"I just…" Daryl moved his lip forcefully. Hoping the sting would give him an answer that could explain exactly how he was feeling. "I just… don' want to do somethin' I'll regret later."

"You'll regret." Rick echoed, his bright blue eyes conveying the hurt easier than his face ever could. Rick looked like Daryl's words cut him deeper than an arrow to the gut ever could.

"Somethin' we'll both regret." Daryl tried to amend but the damage had clearly been done. Even while Rick nodded it looked like he could barely stand. The nod was almost broken in appearance. Daryl couldn't think of how to mend the problem he'd created. He could almost physically feel the cold spots as Rick pulled away from him. It ached keenly to realize he'd wounded such a strong man just because Daryl couldn't figure out how to talk right.

Merle had been correct about him being unable to coexist in a group. At least not without hurting them first. "I…" Daryl closed his eyes trying desperately to figure out how to fix this. He couldn't find the words they kept slipping through his tongue like a snowflake melting the moment it hit his lips. Such a failure, always ruining the only things that bring the smallest and only slices of hope and joy to his life. He thought sinking deeper into depression and misery. Rick's warm hands touching his scalp, jerked him back to reality. Daryl fearfully met Rick's eyes, he expected anger, disgust, and hatred to be plain in the officer's eyes. Instead the only thing visible in those blue eyes was concern. "I…" Daryl tried again, trying his hardest to force the words from his mouth. To try and explain how he never meant to screw things up, yet always managed to do just that.

"It's okay." Rick responded gently. He ran his hands down Daryl's cheeks. "It's okay." He repeated while Daryl continued to struggle to speak, to think, to breathe. "It's alright Daryl. It's okay." Rick kept his gaze strong as his hands held Daryl's cheek and the back of his neck gently. Letting the hunter know he was there but not trying to overwhelm him with the closeness of their bodies. "I'll wait until you're ready. Until we're ready." Rick correctly softly when Daryl whimpered at being singled out. "You're right about regretting it. If we rushed this, it would only make things harder. It would make this whole thing feel like a one night stand." Rick chuckled while Daryl's insides quivered like a pit of snakes at the idea of yet another person leaving him behind. "Sometimes I need you to remind me to slow down, to think things through." Rick traced Daryl's cheekbones while the hunter gasped trying to remember how breathing worked. In and out. Not panting gasps with too little oxygen.

"I'm sorry." Daryl breathed unable to break away from Rick.

"Shh." Rick whispered stroking Daryl's neck tenderly. "I told you, it's okay. We're still figuring this out. There's nothing to be sorry for." Daryl couldn't quite bring himself to believe that. He felt like he had done nothing but hurt the man who had given him more than the whole Dixon family ever did. Rick gave a smirk. "Though hopefully you won't stop me from kissing those devilishly handsome lips you've got." Daryl gave a choked out laugh.

"Devilishly handsome?"

"Mmhmm. Sexy and with very cute lips." Rick grinned watching Daryl closely, evidently trying to make him smile.

"Ya got tennis balls for eyes."

"Maybe you're right." Rick stretched his back before plopping down to the floor. "Come here." He waggled his fingers at Daryl. The hunter cautiously took Rick's hand and was jerked to the ground where the pile of pillows was resting. "See this is nice." Rick mumbled against the top of Daryl's head, holding him tightly, where Daryl was pressed against Rick's chest. Rick breathed evenly enjoying their proximity. While Daryl struggled to stop his nervous squirming. He didn't do a very good job apparently because less than a minute later Rick was chuckling and letting him go. Daryl quickly settled at the man's side instead. "Well…I for one am tired of truth or truth." Rick mumbled. Daryl chuckled.

"Yeah." They took a moment just being close to each other before Daryl could feel Rick glancing sideways at him. "What?" He asked after the fifth time catching Rick looking at him.

"Nothing, just imagining you, skinny dipping." Daryl almost suffocated on his laugh.

"What?" He gasped out barely able to breathe.

"Think about it." Rick grinned widely, something dangerously close to lust filling his eyes. "You alone in a pond naked in the moonlight. Wadding through the water as the light hits all your sharp corded muscles. The wind blowing through your hair. You're at peace, there's no problems and you're enjoying being naked under the night air." Rick licked his lips like he could actually see a naked Daryl in front of him. "You'd be like those guys in the romance novels." Daryl snorted. "Maybe you'll make this happen for me sometime soon?"

"Sure if ya want a half frozen hunter instead. I'd be more popsicle than man if I did that now. The water is freezin'." Daryl laughed.

"Okay then spoil sport maybe when it gets warmer. We could make a whole role playing game out of it. Like one of those silly myths where the hunter spies the beautiful… handsome." Rick quickly corrected when he saw Daryl's scowl. "Man in the water."

"In that case, ya should be the one in the water. Cause ya aren' a hunter. That would be me."

"That's fine too." Rick's eyes were bright with excitement and his breathing was elevated. "Something along the lines of 'oh mister strong hunter please help me! I'm too tired to get back to shore. Won't you save me?'" Rick said in an overly exaggerated high voice as he threw his arms up dramatically. Daryl couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. Rick glared in mock offense. "You're no fun."

"Sorry I prefer what we've been doin'."

"What making out?" Daryl shrugged.

"I guess ya have grown on me, but only a little." He grinned smugly. Daryl could feel his body warming as Rick pressed closer. The anticipation of getting a chance to work out some of the nerves from earlier started to cloud his mind. The blood in his body started to heat as he licked his lip. Daryl's mouth suddenly feeling very dry. Rick seemed to be thinking along the same lines. He pressed in where he could watch Daryl.

The almost predatory gaze in his blue eyes was both frightening and thrilling. It sent a flush of fire down his body to rest low in his gut. Daryl licked his lips while Rick studied them almost hungrily Daryl smirked. His own eyes alight with lust.

"If ya wanna make out that badly all ya have to do is ask." Rick's eyes widened but he hesitated, instead fiddling with his hands. He kept glancing up at Daryl's overly chapped lips, clear concern for Daryl evident in his blue eyes. "Oh for god's sake." Daryl growled and yanked Rick to him. Their lips crashed together messily. The soft gentle kisses quickly exploded into a fight for dominance. Daryl's tongue probed Rick's mouth. Rick in turn tangled his tongue with Daryl's, the sensation of their mouths so intimately attached made Daryl's toes curl. Rick moaned softly into Daryl's mouth. His eyes already glazed over with excitement as he clawed at Daryl's hips. Daryl panted in response to the pleasure pain that Rick's nails created.

Daryl pressed his hands under Rick's shirt. He could feel the blood pounding in his brain. The idea of stopping or slowing down was the furthest thing from his mind. All he could think of was the tension from before and how it needed to be bled out from his system. Daryl didn't normally consider himself overly confident in this sort of situation but the way Rick's eyes were nearly dark and radiating pure heat made Daryl's own body respond with similar a fire.

The heat from Rick's chest warmed his hand. Rick shifted his stomach as Daryl traced his fingers up. Unusual boldness taking over him as he observed Rick's obvious exhilaration. "Like that?" Daryl whispered when they broke apart for some quick panted breathes. Rick nodded, his cheeks slightly flushed. Daryl moved his hands around Rick's hips. He shuddered as the hunter moved in teasingly feather light brushes across his chest.

"Daryl." He groaned throwing his head back when the hunter brushed a finger against his nipple. The muscles in his chest tightening in reaction to the sensation.
"Sensitive spot?" Daryl questioned twisting the nipple slowly. Rick let out a soft whimper before he clenched his jaw tightly trying to control himself. Daryl continued to alternate between twisting the nipple one way and rubbing it in a circle the other. Rick's whole body was trembling with each movement. His eyes nearly rolling back into his head at the sensations shuddering through his body.

When Rick started to shift his legs trying to gain friction, Daryl couldn't help the prideful smile at knowing he was the cause. "Take off yer shirt." He breathed into Rick's ear. Rick seemed dazed and only responded when Daryl pulled his skilled hands away from Rick's body. A soft whine was all Rick managed before struggling to try and pull his shirt off. It kept getting tangled in his long arms as he shifted hastily to be freed from its confines. Daryl laughed softly as he helped his leader out. A small smile ghosted Daryl's lips when he saw Rick's smooth skin.

Creamy and nearly flawless save a huge scar around his left side. Daryl gently fingered the scar tissue. He traced the outside of the scar. The bullet wound had clearly left a small indent in the officer's chest with tiny rivets of scar tissue radiating from the wound. It looked like a tiny lightning burn only centered around the place that the bullet went through Rick's chest. He looked up at Rick waiting to hear him cry out in pain at Daryl's touch, but it never came. Instead Rick was observing Daryl curiously. "Doesn' it hurt?" Daryl asked tracing around the raised edges.

"No. It tickles a little maybe but that's about it." Rick mumbled taking Daryl's free hand and rubbing it lightly. Daryl marveled at the differences between them yet again. Rick's scar didn't burn like Daryl's did whenever anyone touched them. It didn't stand out like it was a fresh wound, unlike Daryl's which persisted no matter how long it had been since he got them. Rick seemed to be enjoying Daryl touching it, while Daryl hated having his scars touched or even looked at. Daryl licked his lips as he recalled a long ago memory, when he nearly slept with this pretty girl he'd liked, Roxie. She was trying to be sweet before they actually got around to doing it and had kissed a group of his scars. The agony that burned through him at her touch had left Daryl writhing on the floor. Roxie screamed how sorry she was as she slammed the door shut behind her, leaving Daryl to pass out on the floor where he woke up a few hours later, alone.

"It really doesn' hurt?" He asked Rick uncertainly.

"Really it doesn't. Feels good." Daryl licked his lips once more before leaning in. He pressed a tender kiss to the raised flesh. Rick trembled in his arms as goose bumps broke over his arms.

"Holy shit." Rick panted.

"Hm?" Daryl mumbled against the skin.

"It's never felt like that before, like you just shot electricity through it."

"Did it hurt?" Rick shook his head.

"No felt good. Crazy good." Rick blushed when he'd stared at Daryl for a moment too long.

"What?" Daryl mumbled meeting Rick's hot gaze. "What's up?" Rick shifted his eyes looking very uncomfortable.

"Just wondering…" Rick bit the edge of his nail.

"Wonderin'?" Daryl prompted.

"Would you…" Rick swallowed and his cheeks darkened considerably.

"If ya don' talk to me I can' help ya." Daryl mumbled as he licked the corner of the scar. Rick's whole body trembled at that move.

"I would if you didn't keep trying to distract me." Rick bit off a groan as he struggled to speak

"Sorry." Daryl chuckled pulling back, letting Rick catch his breath for a moment. Rick's face was flushed and his hair was a mess from where he'd grabbed his head to try and stop himself from moaning.

Daryl decided he liked the look on Rick. He didn't look like the whole world was resting on his shoulders. For once Rick looked at ease and relaxed. Well more worked up and desperate but close enough.

"If I ask you something will you not make fun of me?" Rick asked softly. He was breathing hard and his eyes had darkened considerably.

"Sure." Daryl mumbled stroking Rick's hips absentmindedly. Not noticing the little trembles, it caused in the man above him. Rick hesitated again biting his lip. "Just tell me." Daryl sighed tweaking Rick's nipple roughly to try and get him to talk. Rick gasped his body going rigid. "Oops sorry." Daryl responded cheekily.

"No you're not." Rick glared as he closed his eyes. His panting had gotten harsher when Daryl had touched his nipples. "Do that again?" Rick whispered breathlessly. Daryl glanced up noticing how Rick still had his eyes closed but his cheeks were distinctly redder as embarrassment flooded him.

"Guess ya like this huh?" Daryl whispered blowing a breath out across the tender flesh. Goosebumps broke out on Rick's arms when Daryl repeated the action. He paused waiting for Rick to respond.

"I hate you." Daryl chuckled at Rick's words.

"No ya don'." Daryl murmured bringing his mouth down and running his tongue over the skin around the nipple. Rick's body jerked, he gasped his fingers digging into Daryl's shoulders. Daryl locked eyes with Rick as he brought his lips to the nipple and sucked. Rick nearly screamed at the contact only managing to hold back as he bit his wrist to mask the sound. Rick whimpered looking down at Daryl as he continued to run his tongue in a slow circle around the rosy tip. "Hm got all hard, like a girl does." Daryl breathed against Rick as he twisted the free nipple with one hand.

"Shut up." Rick growled his eyes barely able to focus on the hunter before him. Daryl smiled and attacked his chest again this time biting roughly. "Hey!" Rick cried his fingers digging into Daryl's scalp pulling hard.

"Sorry." Daryl's eyes showed nothing but humor at the action. But the bitten part of Rick's skin did look painful almost enflamed. "Sorry." Daryl said actually meaning it this time as he kissed gently trying to sooth the pain away. He kissed again on the other side showing some affection to the neglected nipple. Rick's legs kicked out trying to hold himself still. Daryl pressed his hand down hard keeping Rick's hips from jerking up.

"Please." Rick half begged his eyes shimmering with pleasure and agony.

"Not yet." Daryl mumbled. Rick groaned throwing his head back as Daryl continued his slow torture of Rick's nipples. He alternated between twisting, kissing, sucking, and very gently biting. Daryl's actions quickly drove Rick half insane. He was panting harshly like he couldn't breathe and his fingers kept digging into Daryl's scalp dragging him back down to his chest whenever Daryl tried to move back up to kiss Rick's throat or lips. "Sorta spoiled aren' ya?" Rick couldn't even find his voice long enough to respond.

Daryl sucked the right side of Rick's chest switching off between sucking using his teeth to pull the nipple slightly and licking around the edges. While Daryl's other hand went and rubbed circles around Rick's left nipple not allowing either side to feel left out. Rick couldn't contain his little moans and gasps anymore as he kept tightening his hold on Daryl's hair. Daryl in turn could barely hear outside of the sounds Rick was making and the rushing in his blood. His whole body was feeding off of Rick's pleasure causing the hunter's body to tingle in heat. Daryl could feel his pants tightening just like Rick's which were already looking incredibly painful.

Rick sat up suddenly pushing Daryl back slightly. He started to work at Daryl's shirt.

"Take it off." He panted in the hunter's ear giving it a quick nipple. Daryl grinned starting to take his shirt off. Lust and excitement singing in his veins. "Unless you want me to finish without you." Rick growled biting at Daryl's throat. His tongue tracing a line down the hunter's pulsing tendons. Daryl pushed his back out and started to wrestle his shirt off before he had even finished undoing the buttons a soft knock resounded on the door.

It was the only warning Daryl and Rick had before the door eased open. Daryl dove under the desk pulling himself into a tiny ball only a second before the door opened. He started to quickly do his shirt back up as Rick jumped to his feet his breathing intense. His eyes still had the blown out look of a man almost on the edge of release but one who was denied at the last second. Daryl could feel the blood pounding around his body screaming for him to continue while cold dread filled his gut. Had someone heard them?

"Daryl?" A soft voice called as Carl peeked his head inside the room. "Dad?" Carl's voice sounded confused as he found his father standing in Daryl's room without his shirt on. Daryl didn't even want to know how Rick planned to explain this. He glanced up at the man standing slightly behind the desk. Despite everything Rick looked calm and in control, almost like it was perfectly normal for Rick to be in his room without a shirt on. The slightly messy hair and flushed face seemed like a second nature. Though Daryl noticed, Rick pressed the majority of his hips against the desk to hide his excitement.

"Hey Carl, what's up?" Rick asked he sounded completely normal. Almost like the last few minutes when Rick was nearly pulling Daryl's hair out, didn't actually happen. Daryl couldn't believe how quickly the man could turn a switch like that. Daryl's body still felt overheated and beyond uncomfortable with how everything was clinging to his body. His pants were especially tight and nearly painful. Though knowing Carl was in the room, did wonders killing any kind of mood his lust-filled mind had tried to create. In fact, a cold sweat quickly replaced the feverish one, as Carl took a step towards the desk.

"I was looking for Daryl." He mumbled standing right next to the desk Daryl was hiding in. Daryl knew if Carl found him under the desk there was no explaining himself, he wasn't as good at keeping calm as Rick and the claw marks in his shoulder wouldn't be easily explained.

"I haven't seen him." Rick said nonchalantly.

"Well technically I was looking for him to see if he'd seen you."

"Oh? And why's that? Did something happen?" Rick grew serious as he took a step towards Carl. The masked heavy breathing shifted instantly as Rick became all business.

"No not really. Mom wanted to know when you were coming to bed." Even without looking Daryl could feel Rick grow colder at the mention of Lori.

"I see." Rick said coldly. "I'm planning on sleeping here tonight. Daryl and I were going to go over where we can hit next for a supply run." Rick lied easily. It was almost unnerving how easily Rick could lie. Though considering how he'd lied about Jenner's last words, it probably shouldn't have surprised Daryl. Still he couldn't help but wonder if Rick lied to him too.

"Really?" Carl's voice grew excited and hopeful. "Do you want me to stay? To help?" Rick smiled and pat his son on the shoulder.

"Thanks for the offer Carl but I need you to keep your eye on your mom." Carl sighed at Rick's words. "I'll let you know if we come up with any new plans. I promise."

"Alright." Carl said solemnly.

"Goodnight Carl."

"Night dad." The door opened but before it closed Carl turned back around. "Tell Daryl goodnight too."

"You bet." Rick smiled and the door finally shut.

"That was too close." Daryl panted uncurling himself and sliding out from under the desk. He rolled his neck working the kinks out.

"You didn't have to hide you know."

"Yeah I'm sure yer son wants to walk in on us doin' that shit." Daryl grumbled.

"He's not stupid. He knows what sex is. Well he didn't earlier but I had 'the talk' with him at the farm." Rick chuckled awkwardly. Daryl rested against the wall. His body still tense from the sudden interruption. "I guess that means you don't want to continue?" Rick asked looking a little disappointed, Daryl responded by glaring. Almost getting caught by Carl had killed any passion and excitement that had been boiling in his blood. Even his boner was unwilling to cooperate thanks to the sudden shock from almost being caught. Daryl wasn't what Merle had once called an exhibitionist and had no interest in doing anything in front of others especially children. Rick sighed. "Probably a good idea. Don't want to rush things right? Plus… having my son walk in… Not exactly the perfect romantic mood setter." He groaned sitting down next to Daryl. "Still sucks, I won't say I wasn't enjoying that."

"Better people don' find out." Daryl mumbled sliding down the wall to join Rick on the floor again. "It would make things a lot more tense around here."

"Well let's hope we can keep a secret better than Glenn and Maggie." Rick shrugged his discarded shirt back on, realizing that the moment for passion and lust had passed. Secret, suddenly Daryl remembered Carol in the kitchen. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten for so long!

"Carol knows." He whispered biting his thumb.

"What?" Rick asked bolting upright.

"She knows, told me herself." Rick's eyes were wide. Maybe he never really considered what he'd do when others started to figure out what they were doing, Daryl thought. Maybe Rick had hoped to keep this whole thing a secret. Like it was another thing in the list of secrets that the group didn't need to know.

"How?" He breathed in disbelief.

"She said she saw us together, like in front of the house or somethin'." Rick nodded processing the news.

"I see." He ran his tongue over his lips. "Was she okay?" Daryl shrugged.

"A little sad I think."

"Yeah I bet." Rick mumbled. "She's always had a crush on you, you know." Rick glanced sidewise at Daryl, a tiny smile on his lips.

"She told me that." Daryl murmured. "How did you know about her crush?" Rick chuckled.

"It was obvious. The way her eyes followed you. The way she trusts your opinion above everyone else's. It's just in the way she acts towards you, like you're standing in a place above the rest of us." Rick had a small thoughtful look on his face. Daryl felt his face burning at the words; he couldn't believe someone could possibly feel that way about him. Rick touched Daryl's hand gently. "I guess I can relate with her."

"What? Ya can' be serious." Daryl gasped his face burning even hotter at the idea that Rick felt anything like that for him.

"Of course I am. The first time I saw you I couldn't take my eyes off you. At first I thought it was because of what happened with Merle, that I was worried how you'd react. But now I know it was something else. Something drew me to you. I couldn't help but want to get closer to you."

"What thin'?" Daryl asked trying to figure this out. His face was still fiery from Rick's words but it didn't stop his curiosity from building.

"I'm still trying to figure that out." Rick's eyes stared hard into Daryl's trying to touch the deepest part of his being. "When I figure it out I'll tell you." Daryl mulled the thoughts over as Rick rested his head against Daryl's. "Are you okay with her knowing?" He asked quietly watching the hunter's nervous twitch of his legs every once in a while.

"Yeah. I mean… it was a surprise but yeah I think I'm good with it. I just… can' see her and me together. She needs someone…" Daryl struggled with the word he was looking for. Stronger, nicer, better? Any way he cut it he wasn't good enough for such a sweet, loving, and strong women. But the same could be said for Rick. He wasn't good enough for either of them. Rick stroked Daryl's wrist tenderly.

"Do you think she'll tell?"

"Nah. There's no reason to and it's just not who she is." Daryl said without hesitation.

"Then that's all that matters. I really don't care if the others find out, but you're right about waiting until the time is right. The last thing we need is everyone getting worked up over nothing." Rick laced their fingers together. "This is between us after all." Daryl nodded. Rick pressed his head against Daryl's again and let his eyes slowly drift shut. Daryl pulled the blankets up around them one handed before letting the warmth at his side and the slow even breathing of Rick lull him to sleep as well.

By the time Daryl woke up the next morning Rick had already left. But not before he tucked the blanket around Daryl's shoulders, to keep him warm while he slept. The hunter was both touched and a little (but only a sliver) bit annoyed at the overly concerned mama hen nature that Rick showed towards him. Daryl rose and cracked his back before gathering his bow and leaving the room. He was halfway down the stairs when a voice called to him.

"Daryl?" Lori's voice floated over to him. The air seemed to drop ten degrees. "Can I talk to you?" She motioned him to her room. Daryl gulped but followed silently. He tried to school his face into an expression of neutrality but Daryl could feel his fingers twitching nervously. He didn't know what to say. What can someone possibly say in this situation? Could he really explain this?

When Daryl was in the center of the room he heard the unmistakable click of the lock sliding behind him. He knew as sure as he knew that walkers would kill you for simply being alive, that he was in big trouble.


First off thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! I hope I'm starting to be able to write good sexy scenes! *crosses fingers* Like I said been a very long time since I've done this sort of thing. Hopefully it was enjoyable and hot! If you have time please review and let me know what you think. I'd love to hear if people enjoy where the story is/if I'm actually able to write anything sensual or if I need to try and kick it up in the next chapter.

Second, oh man! This chapter got away from me! It's way longer than I wanted it to be. But I didn't want to cut it up and make yet another chapter where there's still no smut... though to be honest there isn't that much in this chapter either. I said before I'm going for the slow build up. I mean the smut too. But I do know where it's going to be in the story so that's good! It's close I promise. I might have to up the rating for this next chapter... So that's always fun. *hint hint* rating going up = way more smut. If the scene in the story bothered you it's only going to get worse (better in my mind. bring on the smut) so if you don't like that kind of thing stopping here might be a good idea.

I hope everyone has a great Halloween and have been enjoying The Walking Dead season 4. Please review if you can! See ya'll in the next chapter!