Rick watched Lori lead Daryl away from the corner of his eye. He wanted to tell her to screw off and leave Daryl alone. But he knew that overreacting would only cause more problems for himself and the group. The last thing he wanted and they needed was a fight between him and Lori causing extra tension and drama when none was necessary.
His urge to keep Daryl next to him at all times would only make Daryl annoyed at the smothering feeling and Lori suspicious. Rick hadn't lied when he told Daryl he didn't think of Lori as his wife anymore. Along the same lines, he didn't care if Lori found out. He didn't care if anyone in the group found out about his relationship with Daryl.
But at the same time he had a sneaking feeling that Daryl did mind, very much so. He seemed to shy away from the very idea of anyone knowing. Rick had never figured Daryl to be the kind who was big on public affection. Despite Rick's reassurances that he didn't feel like he was still married to Lori. Daryl didn't seem convinced, often acting like he was a one night stand or something worse. It bothered Rick deeply, but he had no idea how to breach the issue. He toyed with the idea of just blurting out 'You know you're not a one night stand right?' but he doubted Daryl would respond to that statement well. Hell who would? The probability of the hunter taking it the wrong way was incredibly high.
Rick rubbed his eyes a sigh working its way past his lips. It felt like he was losing control. Though he questioned when he ever truly had control. Not when they were at the quarry, not at the farm, and certainly not now. The scraps of control he had was in forcing everyone to stay together and safe. But that wasn't the control he wanted, he longed to grasp. Though the control he wanted seemed impossible in the face of their current situation.
As the minutes passed Rick's nerves grew and grew. He had hoped that Lori would only steal Daryl from him for a minute or two. To talk about food or supplies. But that didn't seem the case, since he didn't see the hunter sauntering back into the room with his usual grace and light steps. Rick bit his lip wanting desperately to leave the dinner prep to go and check on things. But he could just see the looks on Lori and Daryl's faces when he busted the door down. A reproachful disgust at his inability to butt out of situations that didn't involve him.
Rick's mind started to play awful tricks on him conjuring images of Lori and Daryl locked together, her lips on his. Her throaty moans as Daryl worked her towards release. Daryl's skilled hands and small smirk gnawed into his brain. Rick's hands clenched at the thoughts. He wasn't sure what bothered him more the idea of Lori with Daryl or Daryl with anyone who wasn't him. Rick swallowed forcing the images from his mind, reminding himself that Lori and Daryl weren't like that.
It was him, Rick who wasn't satisfied with what he had. He wondered if Shane were still alive would he just hand Lori off to him? Had he fought so hard to keep her simply because Shane was trying to take her? She mattered to him on the farm hadn't she? Then what changed? When did he start realizing she wasn't what he wanted? Was it after Shane's death? After the competition was gone? Was he only interested in Daryl because he was something new and exciting? A new conquest, something to keep his mind focused on, something outside of their cruel reality.
Rick shook his head. No, Daryl and Lori, they weren't conquests. People, they're people. He reminded himself. Shane…Shane saw people as conquests, things to be taken and claimed. He wasn't like his former best friend. He had loved Lori but things changed. The heart changes. Just because it changed to focus on the aloof, mysterious, powerful, and amazing hunter didn't mean he was only interested in the chase. That's something that teenage boys did. Rick wasn't a teenager and he had better control of himself even at that age. At least better control than other horny boys had when they were young and in their prime.
But damn if Daryl didn't make him feel like a horny teenager sometimes. The way the hunter would smirk his gaze sharp as he looked at him, nearly set Rick's pulse racing every time. Watching Daryl hold his beloved crossbow like it was the most important thing to him tore at Rick's heart. The way his muscles (which looked like corded steel) would flex during simple tasks made Rick's pants grow tighter every single time. He couldn't help but wonder if Daryl did it on purpose. Just to drive him out of his mind. But Daryl wasn't like that. Daryl was too concerned with protecting everyone to even think of doing such teasing little things to his leader.
At the same time, Rick knew Daryl had concerns about their relationship, it was obvious in his every response. Obvious in the ways he'd glance at Rick when he thought no one was looking. Obvious in the way he'd focus on Rick's voice during their time alone. Hell even in the way he fixated on Rick getting off instead of himself showed his dedication to his leader. Daryl looked towards Rick, always for his approval. Rick couldn't decide if it was flattering, cute, or tragic. Perhaps a strange mix of all three.
Daryl treated their relationship like it was made of glass. Like Rick was only interested in Daryl for the moment, that he could and would get bored of it quickly. It torn Rick's guts out hand over fist but he couldn't figure out the right words to reassure the hunter. Hell Rick had his own concerns over their relationship. It didn't seem right to be trying to convince Daryl of something he hadn't figured out himself.
Rick had hoped they'd be able to work it out together, figure out where they fit best where they needed to work on fitting. Like a puzzle made up from the two of them. Rick had thought Daryl could tempter his impatient side while Rick could prove to Daryl how important he was to the group.
But Daryl seemed content to let Rick decide how far to take their relationship. Like he didn't consider his thoughts or feelings on the nature of their relationship mattered in the long run. It was something that both distressed Rick and didn't surprise him in the least. That was simply who Daryl was. He was willing to sit back and let people he considered better suited to running things do just that, run things.
Not that it made Rick feel any better about the situation. He'd always been taught (and believed strongly) that relationships only worked when both partners worked towards the same goals. That relationships could only thrive as long as the partners had equal share in the relationship. He wanted Daryl to feel comfortable with their relationship, their bond but more than that he wanted to know how Daryl felt about things.
Sure the man was incredibly more open than he had been when they first met. The old Daryl didn't want to share anything with the group, let alone Rick himself (especially when one considered their incredibly rocky introduction to each other.) Daryl seemed more inclined to keep to himself than to share. Back then he had rarely offered anything outside of an insult towards the group. Which in retrospect wasn't really that surprising, it might have been caused by Shane's chokehold or as Carol had told him, the group effort in keeping him away from them as much as possible.
Rick sighed and wiped his hands on a towel. He considered working on cooking the food now but Glenn, Maggie, and T-Dog were all out looking for supplies in one of the nearby houses. They wouldn't be back for a few more hours. He'd rather have the food warm when they got back.
Rick pressed his hip against the counter his eyes trailing towards the ceiling where Lori's room was. Where Daryl was. Rick rubbed his eyes trying to work the tension out of them. When he thought of where Daryl had started when their first met to where he was now the change was incredible. The hunter wasn't nearly as comfortable with his position in the group as Rick would like. But if one considered how Daryl was when they first met he had changed by leaps and bounds. He was actually willing to step up into a role of leadership… well as close to leadership as the hunter would be willing to take at the moment. Rick considered it a victory. With Daryl the smallest improvement meant a lot.
Rick thought of the first time he'd met Daryl, the man's bright blue eyes looked almost feral, even the way he walked reminded Rick of a caged panther pacing looking for a way out. Even in wide open areas Daryl tended to pace back then like he couldn't find enough room to escape. He really did remind Rick of the panther he'd seen when he was a child. So powerful yet trapped unable to realize it's true ability. Daryl was like that. He felt trapped and unhappy when they were at the quarry, at the farm.
It's only after Rick had started hunting with the man that he realized Daryl's true ability, his strengths that shined in the woods. He was in his element not with people but on his own hunting, surviving. It was being with people he found confusing and complicated. Daryl seemed to understand his place in the world when he was in the woods. Like things made sense there. Almost like there was an order out there that only he could see.
The end of the world seemed to agree with Daryl, or he adjusted to it better than the rest of them at the very least. Rick couldn't decide if he thought it was a good or a bad thing. He bit the corner of his thumb. Daryl had adjusted well because he was used to it. Fighting every day to survive. While the rest of them floundered without their everyday comforts. Rick couldn't deny that he was grateful (beyond grateful) for Daryl's ability to adapt and help the group through the rough adjustment period (especially considering food or lack thereof) but at the same time it set Rick's brain aflame in rage that Daryl had to live a life that was so unjustly harsh and cruel to him.
But when Rick considered Daryl now, his pacing wasn't nearly as bad as it had once been. He seemed a little more comfortable with the group setting. Now if he could just get Daryl to be more comfortable around him, then everything would be perfect. Or as close to perfect as he could get.
"Hey Rick." Beth interrupted his thoughts softly. She smiled shyly at him when she walked into the room.
"Hello Beth." He responded unlike Maggie who was more outgoing Beth in contrast had always struck him as a timid yet gentle and kind girl. Her personality helped keep her family strong and her nature lifted the group's spirits over the long months. Despite this Rick couldn't help but treat her gently. Maggie had turned into quite the fighter but Beth still seemed to shy away from it whenever she could. She took after Hershel wanting to heal more than harm.
"Is that dinner?" She asked curiously leaning close.
"Yeah Daryl got it."
"Squirrel stew tonight, I imagine." She mumbled looking at the skinned meat like it was going to start dancing. Rick glanced at it too, there was less than he'd thought before Daryl skinned it. Hopefully someone had found a can of pineapple or something to stretch the meal out a bit. Otherwise it would be another night filled with hunger pains. "Do you want me to start cooking it?"
"I was planning on waiting for everyone to get back."
"I think they finished for the day. Maggie gave me the food they found. Should we add some to the squirrel?" She looked up at Rick expecting his response to tell her exactly what he expected from her.
"Yeah go ahead and do that." He mumbled giving Beth a slight wave as he started heading towards the door. "I'll go check on things." She nodded, working her hair back so she could start dinner.
Outside was Maggie and Glenn sorting through the supplies and putting them into the cars. Carl was leaning casually against the bumper. His eyes on the horizon watching for any dangers.
"Hi Rick." Glenn greeted cheerfully. He nodded at them and touched his son's shoulder, giving his approval at his dedication to keeping everyone safe.
"How'd it go?"
"Not bad. Found some food and a few knives figured Daryl could look them over. See if they're any good. If not we could use them as kitchen utensils." Maggie shrugged.
"Good, at least we got something from it. Beth's started dinner."
"Awesome I'm hungry enough to eat a walker." Glenn joked, Maggie and Carl chuckled at his joke. But it fell flat to Rick. The issue of food was constantly coming up. There just wasn't enough. There never was. Daryl had been keenly aware of this problem long before the rest of them. He'd tried his best to keep the group from realizing how much they struggled for food on a day to day basis. But it was starting to trickle down to all of them. Everyone was becoming aware of the constant food shortages and hunger pains.
Rick glanced towards the house. He stared at the window where Lori's room was located. Had they finished talking yet? Daryl would come find him right? Rick chided himself realizing how much he was worrying. Daryl would hate it if he knew how much Rick stressed when he wasn't near him. How he'd grow annoyed if he knew that Rick wanted to keep Daryl at his side at all times. The hunter would chafe under that kind of smothering attention.
Rick however felt like he couldn't breathe in his skin without Daryl next to him. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. Daryl… Daryl kept him grounded. Kept the little itches of fear and anxiety from taking him over. Some days Rick felt like he was losing his mind. But Daryl. Daryl kept him sane.
"Hey dad?" Carl asked flicking his gaze quickly towards his father.
"Yeah?"
"Can we talk?"
"Sure." Rick nodded immediately. He turned to Glenn and Maggie. "Need me to send someone out here to keep watch?" They both shook their heads.
"Carol's stocking the other car with T-Dog. We'll be okay." Rick nodded.
"If anything-"
"We'll give the signal." Maggie said forcefully. Her gaze firm. Rick nodded once more before following Carl around to the back of the house. Where it was a little removed from everyone. He clearly didn't want to be overheard. Rick mentally prepared himself for whatever his son was worried about. Carl scuffed the ground with a toe his hand kept falling to his hip. Checking that his gun was still securely in place. A nervous habit he'd devolved over the months. Rick said nothing giving his son time to collect his thoughts. He knew it was better to wait than try and force the boy to talk.
"You won't laugh?" He asked his cheeks warmed slightly.
"Never." Rick returned without hesitation.
"I…" Carl licked his lips. "How do you know when you like a girl?" He averted his eyes trying not to meet his father's gaze. Rick blew out a breath he'd been holding. He'd hoped to avoid this sort of talk for a while longer. He'd had the big 'talk' with Carl back at the farm, it had been rather awkward and fumbled through but at least that had been taken care of. Carl had taken the information well but Rick had neglected to go over the emotional element of relationships. Mostly because he had hoped that there wouldn't be any need for it just yet. He had hoped Carl wouldn't have time to develop a crush. Which considering his newfound relationship with Daryl made that idea ridiculous. The heart grows fonder quicker during times of great peril. He rubbed his neck.
"Well you just sort of know it." Carl scowled at his answer, clearly displeased with his lack of an adequate response. "I mean it feels different for everyone. Everyone feels love differently." Rick tried to elaborate. Carl seemed to appreciate that answer more.
"How do you feel it?" He asked his cheeks now rosy but he was staring at his father around the brim of his hat. Rick wondered how to answer that question. He tried to remember how it felt with Lori. How he'd fallen in love with her. But he only felt small fragile emotions that seemed to dissolve when he reached out to touch them. They felt like they were from a lifetime ago. He thought about just saying something dreamy and romantic like in a children's movie. But seeing his son's earnest face made him reconsider. Carl was old enough to handle the truth he decided.
He couldn't really describe how he felt falling in love with Lori anymore but he could describe what it felt like to fall for Daryl. How the feelings built slowly like water against stone. It started as admiration (occasional annoyance) that turned to trust and friendship which built into something deeper something that moved beyond friendship before he even knew what was happening. Sure there was the sexual attraction all good relationships had those kind of feelings. However, the thing that really mattered most to Rick was the emotional side. The warmth that Daryl created in him. Carl was staring at him waiting expectantly for an answer. Rick cleared his throat and licked his lips.
"Well it usually starts with friendship."
"Does it always?"
"No." Rick shook his head. "You can fall in love with anyone without really having any idea who they are. But then you run the risk of not really knowing anything about who you're getting together with."
"Did you ever do that?"
"I tried not to." Shane was more into the casual flings than Rick himself ever was.
"So after you become friends you just what, get married?"
"Not exactly. Love is a strange thing. You might fall in love with them in less than a month but there are other times when it might take years of being friends before the relationship grows and develops into something more. So marriage isn't always the next step. You might love someone but that doesn't mean they're good for you or feel the same way you do." Carl worried his lip taking all the information in.
"Then what does it feel like?"
"Being in love?" Rick scratched his chin. "A little like a warm summer day. It warms you from the inside out. It feels like there's a heat inside of you that only grows when you're around the person you love. It feels like things are empty inside if you haven't seen them in a long time. Almost like things aren't right with the world if you aren't together." Rick felt his cheeks burn slightly as the realization of what he'd just said hit him. He wasn't usually the overly emotional or sappy person. He realized he sounded like a school girl gushing over the cute football jock. He resisted the urge to groan.
"So then you fall in love and that's it? It's all rainbows and butterflies?"
"No." Rick mumbled. "That's why falling in love and being in a relationship is so complicated. There's always problems. You overcome one issue just to run straight into another. No matter how much you love and trust someone there will always be fears and doubts, it's a part of being human. There is going to be times when you hurt each other so badly you can hardly breathe."
"But if you love someone you're not supposed to hurt them, that's what it means to love someone." Carl said using a child's logic. Rick sighed, he hated having to be the one to tell Carl the harsh reality of things like this.
"When you love someone you just have a shorter blade to stab them with. If you love a person than you can hurt them so deeply, because you know the things that hurt them better than anyone else. Even small words can wound deeply because it comes from someone you love."
"Because they love you, your words hurt them?" Rick nodded.
"It hurts because it comes from someone they love. Because people you love, their words hurt more than anyone else's." Carl looked upset by this revelation but Rick thought it was important his son knew that falling in love didn't automatically mean you'd be happy. Sometimes it seemed to cause more harm than joy. It might just be his naïve hope that things would eventually reach a point where his son could have a normal life. Where falling in love with the right person was Carl's biggest concern. Rick would trade anything to give his family and friends that kind of life again.
"Sounds like falling in love isn't worth it." Carl mumbled running his fingers absentmindedly down the butt of his gun. His eyes were dark as he glared at the ground.
"Sometimes. But other times being with someone covers your weaknesses." Carl looked up skeptically. "They can make you a better person. But more important than that the right person will make you want to be a better person for them."
"Did you become a better person by falling in love with mom?" Rick froze. Did he? He wasn't sure anymore.
"I like to think it did." He answered honestly; Carl seemed satisfied by the answer.
"Rick, Carl dinner." Carol called out the door. Rick nodded but he stopped Carl from leaving just yet. He stared into his son's eyes.
"Was there anything else you wanted to ask?" Carl chewed his lip thoughtfully.
"No." Rick nodded and moved to walk away but Carl grabbed his wrist before he could get too far. "If I have more questions can I talk to you later?" Rick smiled at his son's bashful expression. It reminded him of Carl's true age.
"Anytime. I always have time for you." Rick gave Carl a quick squeeze to the shoulder.
"Good." He whispered. "It would be embarrassing to ask mom." Rick chuckled as he led his son back towards the house.
"Yeah that does sound pretty embarrassing." Carl grinned as they entered the living room. The group was already sitting in a tight circle. Rick and Carl squeezed in and took the plates they were offered. A small grouping of squirrel meat and beans stared up at Rick. It looked like a feast compared to some of the meals they'd had before. Rick glanced up and noticed Lori sitting opposite him. Not where she normally sat, next to his spot. His eyes trailed over the faces of the group. He realized with a start that there was something missing from the group. No sharp blue eyes staring back at him. No awkward shifting against the wall. No quick hands silently slipping extra portions to those around him. No Daryl.
Rick licked his lips wondering if he was just taking his time getting down the stairs? Or had he decided to keep watch upstairs? Rick ate quietly trying to stop himself from glancing up every few minutes to check if Daryl was walking through the doorway. The urge to blurt out the question of where the hunter was, almost overpowered him. He got lucky that Carol ended up asking the question that was eating away at his mind.
"Have you seen Daryl?" Carol asked putting her spoon down. She glanced up shyly. Rick wouldn't admit it but he was more than a little relieved she asked. He didn't want to be the one to ask, it seemed too whiny and overly concerned. Though the knowledge that the hunter wasn't there was eating him up inside. Everyone shook their heads looking at each other for an answer. The look in their eyes clearly showed the group thought that it was another moment when Daryl wanted to escape and spend some time alone in the woods like he'd been known to do on occasion. It was only Carol and him who seemed to realize that Daryl not being there was strange.
Rick flicked his eyes over to Lori, looking for an answer from her. She didn't meet his eyes too busy eating her meal.
"Lori?" Rick asked. His eyes growing dark as he fixed his gaze on her. She looked up her own eyes cold.
"What?"
"You were the last person who saw him." Rick tried to keep the accusing tone out of his voice but the way she clenched her spoon told him he didn't manage it properly.
"I haven't seen him. I don't know where he is." She snapped. The whole group grew quiet as the silence became oppressive.
"I just…" He tried again after a deep breath.
"I told you! I don't know where he is!" Lori said forcefully. "Why don't you check the woods! He probably stormed off." Carol closed her eyes her lip trembling. Rick clenched his jaw trying to force the anger to slow in his blood. But he was barely able to.
He knew Daryl. Sure Lori wasn't wrong in her words. Daryl had stormed off before (more than once) and spent a few hours in the woods. They were all used to it. But it had been a long time since he'd done it. At least he'd tell someone before leaving. It wasn't like him to just disappear completely. He had more sense than that. Rick couldn't help but feel like it just wasn't something Daryl would do anymore. Not without a really good reason.
The group ate in silence. None of them willing to break the awkwardness. Carol looked disheartened by the news that Daryl had stormed off. Probably wondering if it was something she'd done. Rick just felt anger rolling in his gut. He couldn't shake the feeling that Lori wasn't telling him something. He learned the hard way that trusting his gut was usually one of the best ways to navigate life. It was something he'd learned to believe in when he was on the police force. But even beyond that he'd learned to trust his gut in their uncertain world. That his gut feeling had actually saved the group from several difficult situations, like the CDC to name one. Not that he'd ever tell them that.
A lump grew in Rick's throat. He couldn't swallow and couldn't taste the food on his tongue. He slid his plate over to Carl and stood up. No one said anything when he walked out of the room. Rick took the steps two at a time as he rushed back up the stairs. He started in Lori's room. There was no sign of the hunter anywhere in the room. He wished more than ever that he had Daryl's tracking abilities. The hunter would have no problem finding anyone in the group. Rick rubbed his temple trying to think. Did Daryl really leave?
The door slowly opened behind him. Rick turned on his heel hoping it would be Daryl giving him a slightly annoyed look for his overly concerned mother hen attention. Instead of the hunter's bright blue eyes greeting him it was Lori at the door. She didn't look particularly pleased that Rick was in her room.
"Can I help you?" She asked, her voice ice.
"Where is he?" Rick returned his hands clenched at his sides.
"I told you I don't know." Lori groaned shaking her head. "Why is he the only thing on your mind? We have so many things to worry about. Why waste time and effort worrying about him and his little tantrums?" Lori muttered her body closing in on itself. She glared at Rick her eyes full of hate.
"Because he's important."
"To you or to the group?" She hissed venom in her tone.
"What?" Rick asked. His blood running cold. He could feel fear hit his gut, it coiled deep in his body choking him. "What did you do?"
"Nothing." She muttered.
"Where is Daryl? Where?!" Rick yelled his eyes wild at her dark gaze. "What did you do?!" He grabbed her by the arms. Lori's eyes widened as Rick squeezed her hard enough to leave bruises.
"Rick please." Lori whispered. Her eyes filling with tears. "That hurts."
"Tell me what you've done." He hissed not loosening his grip.
"I told you." She whispered trying to pull away from her husband. "I didn't do anything."
"Then where is he?" Rick insisted demanding she gave him the answers he wanted.
"Why does he matter to you? He's not your family. I'm your family. Carl's your family." Lori moved closer to Rick. Her full belly stopping her from pressing completely against him. Her lips pressed against his throat trying to move up. Rick resisted the urge to fling her away from him the only thing stopping him was the feeling of her bulging stomach against his chest. The knowledge that pushing her away could harm the child inside her belly, calmed his boiling blood. He released her and pulled away. Rick's eyes dark as he resisted the urge to rub his neck.
He remembered at one time how the feeling of Lori's soft gentle lips on his neck drove him wild. But right now all Rick could think was it wasn't the chapped slightly hesitant lips of his hunter on his throat. There was no stubble against his neck from her and that struck him as wrong. The whole thing was wrong. He felt heated when Daryl put his lips on his body. But with Lori there was nothing. Not a feeling of heat or cold he just felt empty at her didn't know how to feel about this revelation in his mind. Relief, sadness, joy, and pain all warred inside of his chest.
Rick didn't have time to sort through his feelings. He needed to find Daryl. He wanted nothing more than the hunter's company. His advice. Daryl would be able to help him sort through his own feelings. That much Rick was certain of. Daryl's presence alone would be able to quell the storm of emotions in his mind.
"He's a part of our family. Everyone is." Rick said softly. Lori held herself. Keeping her arms wrapped tightly around her body. She looked wounded by his words. The tears that had been building in her eyes started to trickle down her cheeks.
"You treat him different than the others." She accused softly.
"What are you trying to say?"
"Please…" She begged her voice wavering. "Please stay here tonight. With me. It's where you belong." Rick bit his lip trying to work out his thoughts. His mind in such disarray. Was Lori telling him the truth? Did Daryl leave? She wouldn't lie about something like this would she? Rick's whole mind was in a frenzy, he couldn't think straight. His intuition wasn't usually wrong but one couldn't blindly trust their gut alone. Rick worried his lip.
"I…" He swallowed his mind muddled. "I need to go." He managed to squeeze out.
"Why?" She cried her eyes impossibly large. "Why do you have to go to him?!" The way she spat out him made Rick's body freeze. He turned to her, Lori's whole face was dark as rage filled her.
"What?" Rick breathed. His whole body felt like it was in a vice.
"I know Rick…" She hissed. He pulled back slightly. He said he didn't mind if Lori knew. It was still true but he had just hoped that she wouldn't find out until he was prepared to explain it to her. "I mean him of all people?! Why?! Why does it have to be that inbred redneck?!"
"Don't." Rick growled lowly. He clenched his jaw so hard it hurt. "Don't call him that."
"And what would you have me call him?!" Lori screeched her face pale with hate.
"How about Daryl?" He shot back. She snorted and crossed her arms pulling away from Rick. "How about the man who gives up his food so that you can eat more?!" Rick hollered. He hardly ever raised his voice but the way Lori was acting made Rick yell. "I get that you're mad really I do. You have every right to be angry. But get mad at the right person, you should be mad at me not him. Daryl didn't do anything." Lori shook her head; she clenched her fists her knuckles turning white with rage. Her whole body tense with aggression.
"Liar! He ruined everything! It's all his fault. Don't stand there and try and tell me that he isn't to blame."
"I'm telling you that he didn't do anything." Rick tried again.
"Rick please I know you. You'd never do something so wrong." Rick felt like he'd be physically slapped by her words. "What did he do? Did he blackmail you? Guilt trip you into doing what he wants?" Each word Lori said felt like a kick to the gut. Rick wasn't able to breathe right.
"He would never do something like that." Rick whispered hoarsely.
"He did it at the quarry didn't he?" Rick was shocked by Lori's hatred. "That's why you went after Merle in the first place isn't it?" How long had he missed it? How could he have not seen her rage towards Daryl? When did it start? This couldn't be something she just developed after finding out about him and Daryl being together, no this was a deep wound left to fester over time.
"How long have you felt this way?" He spoke his voice almost pinched shut by his horror.
"Ever since we first met." She sneered.
"He's done so much for us."
"You can't be that naïve Rick." Lori rolled her eyes at Rick. "Daryl has only ever worked to protect himself. He's never cared about us or the things we need."
"That's not true." Rick returned quickly. "Daryl's sacrificed more for this group than most people would ever be willing to give up."
"You don't know the first goddamn thing about him do you?" Lori hissed her eyes going to slits. "When you were in that shoot out with Hershel and Glenn, I asked him. Practically begged him to go find you. He refused! Daryl didn't give a damn that any of you were in danger. He only cared about himself. Staying out of harm's way and on his own where he could hold his own personal bitch fit."
Rick resisted the urge to recoil slightly. His stomach clenched, he'd never heard that Lori asked Daryl to go and find them. Things had gone out of control by the time they got back. What with Randall and all that drama. The first thing Daryl had done was to 'interrogate' the young man. Rick had never asked but he knew somewhere deep inside that Daryl had done more than talk or threat him. That he'd tortured him for the information he'd wanted.
Rick wanted to shake Lori's words out of his head. To remind himself it didn't matter how Daryl acted on the farm he'd changed even during that short amount of time. But the feeling of pain at this reveal made his gut curl into a ball. Rick knew there had to be an explanation. Even if there wasn't it didn't matter. Daryl didn't have to watch over him that wasn't his job. "Just stay here. We can talk this out." Lori whispered all the anger and energy leaving her voice.
Rick closed his eyes thinking for a moment the only thing that was rolling around in his head was Daryl. He couldn't think outside of fear and worry for the hunter. If Lori knew did she confront Daryl? Did she do something to punish him by telling Daryl to leave? He couldn't be certain but he did know that he wanted to see the hunter more than anything.
"I…" Rick shook his head and opened his eyes. He met Lori's gaze. "I can't. I just can't." He rubbed his temple trying to work his headache out.
"Rick please!" Lori begged tugging on her husband's sleeve. Rick shook her off.
"No! I won't talk about this anymore. We are not done with this though." Rick growled. "I'm going to find Daryl." Lori made a soft sound in the back of her throat. "I'm going to ask you one more time. If you have any love for me you'll tell me the truth. Did you do anything to Daryl?" Lori glared her eyes slits.
"No."
"Where is he?" He eyed her darkly.
"I told you I don't know!" She hissed before deflating the anger leaving her bones. "Let's work this out. We can work this out. We've worked through harder stuff than this."
"No." Rick hissed. "You aren't listening to me. There's no point in talking. I'm going to find Daryl, that's final. But this isn't going to just go away Lori. Don't delude yourself in thinking that. When we do talk this out whatever happens it's over and done with. Be prepared for that."
"Rick." Lori sobbed as he left the room. He couldn't stand being in that room for a single second longer. It felt like things were crashing down around him. Being around Lori confused him. Things he thought he'd worked out managed to fall apart in his head. Her presence managed to take the things he thought he knew and flipped them on their head. He needed Daryl right now. It felt like he was drowning and Daryl was the closest shore. Rick stumbled to the hunters room. He felt faint like his body was falling away from his control. Rick struggled to keep on his feet as he tripped over his own legs.
"Daryl?" Rick called softly. The room dark even darker as Rick's vision tunneled out. "Daryl? Are you here?" He whispered sliding to the ground. He glanced around and realized the room was empty no sign of the hunter anywhere. Rick put his head on his knees. "The moment I really need you, you aren't here." He lamented. "Daryl." Rick let his eyes drift shut. He wanted to escape just run away from everything that had happened, at least for a little while. Rick wanted to wake up in Daryl's arms in the woods again. Had they really been happy and enjoying themselves just this morning? How did everything go so wrong? What happened? Was it his fault for not telling Lori that he wasn't interested in her or was it his fault for looking at the hunter when the man deserved someone who didn't come with a shipload of baggage.
Rick's arms trembled slightly as he tried to keep himself from falling apart. It felt like walkers were reaching into his mind and ripping his sanity out bloody handful after bloody handful. Rick tried to yell but his voice was consumed by the blackness inside his body. Rick collapsed unconscious on the floor.
Happy Christmas, Happy Holidays all that fun stuff! Thought I'd get that out of the way. I was hoping to have this posted earlier but the servers have been down for most of today! Sad day. But hey they're working now so here this chapter is. So yay it's like a Christmas special walking dead release (too bad there's no presents in the form of Rick and Daryl making out, maybe next year?)
Also massive huge thank you to everyone who favorited and followed this story. Even bigger huger hugs and thanks to everyone who commented it really helped keep my spirits up during the long hours of finals! I can't say how much it means to me to have people comment on this story. Now that finals are over I should have more time to work on this story (which is all I really wanted to do while studying ;P) Sorry it took so long to post this one I kept having to scribble stuff down while trying to study. Probably not the best way to study but meh.
Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter! I'd love to know (it's been a while since it's been from Rick's pov huh?) Hopefully I'll see you all in the next chapter which is a return to Daryl's pov! Until then have a great holiday and enjoy today!
