Daryl was running, he knew that he was. His legs were pounding against the ground as he tried to push forward on each step for an extra burst of speed. His lungs were burning from the lack of oxygen. He wasn't inhaling, he didn't have the time to inhale. Despite all the signs of him running, Daryl felt like he hadn't moved an inch. It felt like he was trapped in some shitty movie where everything was in slow motion even though he was mentally screaming to go faster. The hunter realized that he just couldn't make it. Daryl wished he had his brother's longer legs. Even in the chaos the hunter remembered how Merle was always the fastest between the two of them. Daryl could never best his brother in races. His longer and stronger legs always led him to victory over his smaller younger brother. While Daryl excelled at accuracy and stealth, Merle triumphed at physical prowess.
If I were Merle I'd be there already, the hunter thought bitterly biting his lip trying to will his limbs to grow longer. He realized the man who was even more desperate to reach the prison than himself had pulled ahead. If it was the few inches Rick had on him or just pure adrenalin, Daryl didn't know.
He could hear screams and gunshots beyond his range of vision. The hunter willed himself not to look up knowing it would only distract him. He wanted so desperately to be as rational as his mind but his heart was gripped in agony and helplessness. The thought of his friends being hurt because he wasn't there to help them, killed him. The path seemed to stretch on forever and Daryl couldn't remember it ever being this long. It felt like a cruel joke, like his own personal hell where everyone he cared about was in danger and he kept running endlessly trying to reach them but never making it in time.
Suddenly Rick yelled about the lock, Daryl cursed inwardly realizing Glenn had the keys on him. Dropping his bow and turning in one solid movement the hunter caught the keys tossed by Glenn before turning and throwing them to Rick. He would have almost been impressed with the whole move had he not been convinced that this had cost them precious seconds that would end in the life or death of their group. The three men pushed past the prisoners and Daryl found himself mumbling,
"Come on!" desperately as if the urgency of his words would get him into the fight sooner. Rick's hands were shaking badly as he tried to fit the keys into the lock. Suddenly without warning the gunshots cut off. Daryl's blood was colder than a witch's tit in winter. Was no one shooting because they'd killed all the walkers or because they were all… No! He shook his head, he refused to believe everyone could be dead. Finally Rick got the lock off and the men sprinted up the hill followed by the prisoners. Daryl didn't have time to force them to stay. If they so much as tried anything he'd shoot them, no questions asked.
The scene in front of the prison was a disaster. Dead walkers, half dead ones, and still hungry wandering ones littered the area. Daryl moved automatically to finish off the still standing walkers. Shooting one with a bolt and stabbing another. He could hear Rick talking to Hershel his voice frantic but the hunter's mind was struggling to make sense of the words. It sounded like T and Carol had gone a different way from Maggie, Lori, and Carl. But other than that he didn't hear much over the sounds of hungry growls.
Suddenly a loud blaring started screaming in his ears. Daryl nearly dropped his bow and fell to his knees at the sound. He barely caught himself remaining shakily on his feet. His legs trembled from the pain in his ears. It nearly had him reeling and dizzy from the way it assaulted his overly sensitive eardrums. The hunter noticed the forest coming alive with walkers drawn in by the sound. If they let that continue for long they'd be overrun.
Rick started shooting the speakers lessening the pain in the hunter's ears. He noticed that the last one took his leader two shots where it would normally only take one. It showed how rattled the man was. If Rick was so rattled Daryl knew he'd have to be the steady one. Keep Rick grounded while his nerves were completely frayed. Rick rounded on the prisoners demanding answers. Daryl pointed his crossbow at the men as well. He couldn't be certain but by his count Rick was out of bullets and was threatening the men with just a heavy piece of metal. Daryl didn't want to risk the men taking Rick's bluff. His finger on the trigger ready to strike if they so much as breathed the wrong way.
Oscar said that the backup generators must been turned on and someone turned the alarms on. Worse the main gates could be opened leading to a whole horde of walkers. Rick reloaded his bullets and ran off to block C. Daryl was the first to follow his leader's desperate pace. The C block was full of walkers and everyone moved to kill them. Daryl and Glenn took the main room while Rick took the actual cellblocks. Glenn shot one but by the time he'd killed his, Daryl had already taken down two. By the end Glenn's two kills were matched with Daryl's four and they took the fifth out together. By the time Rick returned he was covered in blood and was shaking slightly, clearly he hadn't found Lori or Carl. Rick reined his fear in and had the five of them separate to look for the missing members of the group and shut down the generators. Daryl didn't need to be told what to do, he followed Rick automatically. Oscar also trailed behind them. The hunter hoped that Glenn would be alright with Axel alone. But didn't have long to worry before Rick pressed onward.
They moved rapidly killing any walkers that cross their path. Daryl wished he had words to reassure Rick but nothing came to him. He wished he could promise the man that his family would be alright but Daryl knew that was just empty words. There was no promise he could make. No oath that would protect them now. As they kept moving the sounds of Rick's gunshots echoed off the walls drawing more and more walkers to them. More than they could take down at once. They started sprinting towards the door where the backup generators were kept.
"Daryl get the door!" Rick yelled not even pausing for a moment in his search for the generator. Daryl shoved his body against the door, Oscar right next to him. His eyes were wide and scared but he kept his larger body firm keeping the door shut with the hunter. "How do you shut these down?!" Rick yelled from around the corner.
"I got it!" Daryl yelled pressing his weight into the door more. Oscar ran to help Rick behind the machines while Daryl struggled to keep the entrance closed. His feet slipping against the ground trying to find purchase to keep the door closed. He heard a scream behind him and what sounded like something heavy hitting metal. Daryl desperately wanted to look behind him but his feet kept slipping on the ground and the hungry walkers were heavier against the door than he ever expected they could be. His body was slipping down closer and closer to the ground, but every time he thought he had a handle on it a walker would slam full body into the door. When you're dead you don't care about how badly it screws up your shoulder apparently.
He could hear Rick yelling and struggling behind him. But he couldn't see. Had Oscar attacked while he wasn't looking?! More yells and bodies slamming into metal behind the hunter painted a messy picture that he couldn't piece together properly. He couldn't tell if Rick was winning or losing. A shot from the Colt echoed around the room but Daryl could hear Rick's struggling and growling from behind him. Whoever shot had missed. Shoving his shoulders into the door the hunter's legs were trembling almost giving way under him. God how he wished he had his brother's strength. Merle was bulkier than him and could have kept the door closed, no problem.
"Don' think 'bout what ya don' have." Merle suddenly whispered in his ear. His brother's left hand busy stroking Daryl's crossbow. "Think 'bout what ya do have." Daryl's eyes widened. He couldn't win with strength there were too many walkers he'd exhaust himself before they gave up. Instead he breathed out and threw his body back to grab his crossbow and shot the first walker that ran through the door. He dropped the bow and plunged his knife into the eye of the second walker, shoving it outside into the pile of walkers and slamming the door shut again. A hollow thud rang out behind him, he couldn't hear Rick struggling anymore. Daryl found a long piece of metal that he shoved into the door and the wall locking the door as best as he could for now. Before turning around to help Rick. As he rounded the corner he heard Andrew talking quickly.
"It's our house! Shoot him!" A single gunshot rung out throughout the room and Daryl clenched his knife his eyes bright. His heart exploded in pain. Rick was dead, he had to be. They'd shot Rick. He'd lost the only person who ever mattered to him. He'd betrayed his oath to himself, to Lori, to everyone. Rick was dead and it was all his fault. Suddenly his teeth were bared and his body was alight with rage. He'd stab every single one of them! He'd kill them all! Hell would be a welcome retreat after what he would do to them.
Daryl turned the corner his knife tight in his hands and his body wound up ready to stab Oscar right in the face. He'd miss the vitals to make sure he'd have a chance to make the man suffer. Oscar wasn't moving Daryl noticed but he suddenly turned the Colt around and held it out. Daryl's eyes snapped over to the corner before snapping back to Oscar only to need to return again. Rick was standing there bloody, shaken, but alive. Behind him was Andrew shot in the head by Rick's gun. The hunter's hand trembled looking again at Rick. He couldn't tell what his leader wanted him to do. The hunter could easily take the man down, Rick knew that. But instead Rick stepped forward and took his gun, he stared at Oscar before giving a very slight nod of thanks.
Suddenly Daryl felt like he'd been drained of everything. His body felt weak as his trembling fingers put the knife away. He'd nearly killed Oscar even though he hadn't hurt Rick. The blind rage he'd felt scared him. It was something his father would have done. But Daryl hadn't often felt that kind of hatred and vengeance in him. He would have not just killed Oscar but tortured him. Daryl gasped his vision growing foggy under the revelation. He'd always hoped he'd managed to get away from his father's and brother's murderous rage. Clearly he hadn't, he'd inherited the worse Dixon trait just like all the others. The blaring alarm died down as Rick turned the generator off.
"Let's go." Rick said as they started to walk away. Daryl couldn't move. His body wouldn't let him. Rick paused and glanced at the hunter. He licked his lips clearly trying to decide if he should leave him here and continue without him. Daryl almost wished he would. That way he could try and pull himself together in peace. "Go find a weapon, something sharp." Rick said to Oscar who nodded moving to the far side of the room. Daryl and Rick were suddenly alone or as alone as they could get in the room. "You okay?" Rick asked, Daryl nodded but his whole body was shaking. He tried desperately to bring air through his mouth into his lungs. His limbs felt heavy and the damn shaking wouldn't stop. "Hey hey." Rick whispered gently touching the hunter's back. His shaking increased all the more at the heat from the man's palm. Rick pulled Daryl to him and gathered him into his arms, taking Daryl's trembling body against his as Rick ran his hands over the man's back. His right hand he kept tight on the hunter's slender neck keeping him from trying to pull away.
Rick seemed to refuse to let Daryl escape while his body and mind were clearly in such shambles. "It's okay. It's alright." Rick breathed as he let Daryl attempt to bury himself in Rick's chest. There was only a slight difference in their height not enough that Rick towered over the hunter but enough that he could wrap himself around his hunter.
Daryl seemed to be trying to escape into the safety of Rick's arms. "Daryl are you okay?" Rick whispered. The hunter clenched his fists into Rick's clothes. He shook his head, the tickling sensation against Rick's throat from Daryl's messy hair made him shift slightly. The realization hit Rick fast like he'd gotten shot again. "Daryl." Rick said gently and titled the man's face up. The hunter tried to hide behind his bangs. "I'm okay." Rick said firmly. Daryl twitched at his words, the trembling stilling for a second before it returned with a vengeance. "Daryl." Rick tried again.
"I'm sorry." Daryl breathed his words trembling almost as bad as he body was. The hunter tried so hard to explain himself, to help his leader understand him. "I'm-" Rick silenced Daryl's attempt to continuously apologize with his lips. He pressed them together and the hunter found a whimper building in his throat. He tried to bring them closer. Daryl longed for the closeness and the heat that they had last night.
The irrational voice in his mind screamed at him to rip Rick's pants off. To reconfirm that they were both alive. Anything to stop the tremor that was eating at his rational thoughts. Rick pulled back and the irrational voice in Daryl howled, it felt like he'd lose Rick if there was any distance between them. Rick had no such voice inside of him and instead pressed his forehead to Daryl's. The hunter panted trying to focus, trying to get himself to just stop shaking. Rick's warm hands on his cheeks helped to ground the man. "I'm sorry." Rick gave an almost wary smile but it still held an easy look to it. More than that it looked alive and healthy. Or as healthy as one could expect given the state of the world.
"You have nothing to apologize for."
"I almost let him get ya." Rick shook his head his fingers brushed against the bones in the hunter's cheeks.
"No you didn't. You were going to kill Oscar weren't you?" Daryl could barely remember how his hands had clenched so tightly on the hilt that his muscles ached from the tension. He could however remember the rage and the hate that coursed through him replacing his blood with the feelings of murderous intent.
"He never should have gotten a chance to aim anythin' at ya." The hunter buried his face in Rick's neck smelling that warm scent of sunlight and clean rivers that clung to Rick's skin. He let the air mix with Rick's scent in his lungs. Keeping the feeling of Rick's warmth alive in his bones.
"You kept me safe just fine. You can't be two places at once no matter how badly you seem to think you should be able to." Rick chuckled the heat from his laugh warmed Daryl's trembling limbs.
"If he had killed ya…" Air caught in Daryl's throat. The image of Rick's face exploding into bloody messy fragments stuck to the roof of the hunter's mouth like glue. Or worse Daryl could see himself moving trying to force the colt up and away from Rick. He could see how he'd struggle with Oscar, to fight the man almost double his size. How the hunter would manage to sink the blade into the man's burly chest but the sound of the gun exploding next to his ear would be deafening. By the time the ringing in his ears would have cleared, it would be too late. Rick would be on the ground coughing up blood.
Daryl tried to free himself from the mental images in his mind but he couldn't. If Rick had died, Daryl doubted he'd be able to hold himself together. He hadn't realized how deeply he'd tied his mental sanity to the man in front of him. In desperation Daryl pulled Rick to him and clashed their lips together. He slipped his tongue into the man's mouth. Hoping to force the fear and realization how close he'd come to losing his sanity along with Rick from his mind. Rick let himself be pushed against the wall while Daryl pawed at his back.
Rick returned the embrace and kiss with gusto both men pushing towards the other with urgency. Hoping that they could will the fear of losing the other away with their embrace. The moment could have gone on forever had the sound of breaking glass not made Daryl jump and shoot away from Rick like a cat out of the bath. He stood there panting a good five feet away from Rick when Oscar returned.
"Found an axe, aim for the head right?" He laughed humorlessly before looking at the two men. "You guys okay?" He asked clearly noticing the red tints to the hunter's cheeks and the way Rick panted trying to catch his breath.
"We're fine. We need to get moving. Find everyone else." Rick said leading the way towards the door. The door still banged with walkers but it sounded like considerably less. When they opened the door only three greeted them and they took them out quietly, trying not to attract more to their location. The halls were still dark as they moved cautiously the panic from before had cleared slightly and Daryl felt like he could breathe again. He couldn't believe he'd let himself get so upset as to distract Rick for even a second. He was disgusted with his lack of self-control. They didn't have time for him to get all whiny and horny. Their friends were in danger. How could he have ever forgotten that? Daryl clenched his jaw vowing to do better, he couldn't let himself get distracted. Rick needed him sharp. Not an emotional and mental wreck.
Rounding the corner they heard footsteps approaching. Oscar clenched his axe while Daryl and Rick got ready to strike. Rick kept his light low and Daryl aimed his bow at the walkers, who turned out to be Glenn and a terrified looking Axel. They all sighed relieved and Daryl was glad he and Rick hadn't moved to attack. They had better control than most over their trigger fingers but that didn't mean they didn't make mistakes. Daryl could hear soft snarling down the hallway and what sounded like wet thick chomping. They moved slowly and cautiously to investigate. Against the wall were two walkers feasting on a dead body. Rick exploded their brains with two shots.
Daryl stared down at the mangled and bloody mess that was once T-Dog. He felt bile rising in his throat. His mouth burned with the urge to vomit his emotions up. But the hunter held it in knowing that here would be time to morn him later. Daryl struggled to find his friend in the gory shredded skin and ripped open stomach. He tried to see his smile and his humor but all he could find was the look of utter agony on what was left of his face. The walkers had mainly tore into the man's stomach but one had clearly ripped his throat out before starting in on the side of his face.
A part of Daryl wished he wasn't a hunter. That way he could just see his friend instead all he saw was the insides. The dead parts of what was left of T. He closed his eyes and tried desperately to recall the last thing he'd said to the man. Had they talked about anything? He remembered arguing about the convicts and after today Daryl realized that T was right. He had been all along. They were good guys. He wished he'd taken his friend's side, rather than let fear rule his thoughts. Had he agreed maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe they could have helped fight the walkers. Daryl's stomach clenched in painful knots as he realized how this echoed the last time anyone had talked to Dale. How no one but Andrea had his back.
Daryl gripped his bow tightly trying to think back to all the times he and T had talked. Had he ever told him he was glad to have him around? That he enjoyed talking with him? The question that burned deeper than the others sprang to his mind. Had he ever told T that he didn't blame him for what happened to his brother? Regret filled the hunter's heart as he realized he'd never told him that he knew T could never have left someone to die, it was evident in his chaining of the door and going back to Atlanta. Hell he trusted Rick when he said Merle did not play well with others. He knew Rick wouldn't have done that unless he were forced to. T wasn't to blame. But had he ever told T that things were cool between them? Daryl stared at his friend and knew he hadn't. T died before he ever could. Daryl clenched his jaw. I just always thought there would be time, he thought mournfully.
He dropped his gaze down and something bright and flowery caught his eye. As he reached down he could hear the soft chuckle in his memories.
"Do you like it?" Carol had smiled at him showing off her new handkerchief that she had tied around her head like a beanie.
"Ya look like a cancer patient." Daryl had mumbled with a small smile.
"Jerk!" She had laughed before giving him a playful shove. The hunter breathed harshly through his nose trying to stop a scream, moan, sob, or all three from ripping their way out of his body. He wanted to explode or burn inward. He had no place to run. T was eaten and his best friend was dead. Daryl almost couldn't see straight, the agony running bone deep. He'd lost the only person who really understood him. She was the only person who had shared his same dark broken corner of the world. She was the only one who understood him with just a look. She had helped him find his way back after Sophia's death more than he had ever helped her. (*more?)
Rick stared at him the man's soft blue eyes glossy as well but he held the hunter's eye. Trying to strengthen the man with his mere presence. Daryl shook slightly and wondered how everything could go so wrong? Today had started out almost picture perfect. How had it all fallen apart so fast? Daryl saw on the floor was also Carol's gun. So she'd gone out fighting he realized. That sounded like her. She was strong. Stronger than her husband had ever realized. Probably stronger than she herself ever realized. Despite the ache inside him he was proud of her.
He then realized that the pact they'd all made with each other at the start of winter had been broken for both T and Carol. They'd all agreed that if any of them were bit they'd do the merciful thing and kill them before they turned. With Hershel, Rick had taken a risk and gambled on Daryl's theory. It was a risk but it had worked out in their favor. However there was no guarantee for the next time.
Daryl stared at the door in front of him and wondered what this meant for him. Would he find his best friend a bloody eaten carcass like T? Or worse would he find her a stumbling walker trying to rip her friends apart? Daryl inhaled trying to block out the image of Carol dead. But he couldn't remove the worse image of himself being forced to kill her. Could he do it? Just stab her in the head? Or maybe a bolt would be kinder, quicker. The hunter's hands trembled on his crossbow. Would he even be able to shoot? Dale had been one thing he was suffering, in pain. But Carol… oh god. How could he just…
"Daryl." Rick breathed forcing the hunter to refocus. "Are you-"
"We need to keep movin'." Daryl mumbled cutting Rick off. He didn't want to hear anyone ask him if he was okay. Clearly he wasn't. Nothing would ever make this okay.
"Maybe they went back to Hershel and Beth." Glenn whispered his voice raw, emotions barely in check. Daryl turned away and led them away towards the outside hoping that at least Maggie, Lori, and Carl would be safe.
Outside Hershel and Beth were standing waiting for them. Both of their eyes were wide and scared. Maggie, Lori, and Carl hadn't been back.
"What about T? Carol?" Hershel asked staring at the haunted look in the men's eyes.
"They didn' make it." Daryl found himself whispering. His voice nearly breaking at his own words. Rick shook his head, saying that they were going back. Daryl nodded ready to back his leader up. In the middle of Rick's instructions a door opened and a cry echoed around them. Rick's whole body froze as he stared at the door. Daryl followed his eyes and saw a trembling Maggie covered in blood. Her arms caked in it. Carl his eyes hollow and empty. His gun barely held in his bloody fingertips. But in Maggie's arms was a small shivering sobbing infant. Maggie was sobbing her body looking smaller than it ever had before as she cried holding the child.
Rick stumbled forward half frozen. His steps robotic and scared. He kept looking between Maggie and Carl and the door. Like he half expected Lori to come walking down the steps. Daryl didn't need words. He knew she was dead. Maggie and Carl's face told it all. Lori was dead, killed by the birth. Daryl felt numb. His insides cold and his hands limp. Lori was dead. She was dead. He couldn't get his mind around the thought. How could she be? She was Rick's wife. She was supposed to always stay safe. He'd give her his oath that he'd protect… Daryl's eyes widened, he'd given his oath that he'd protect Rick, Carl, and the baby. Not Lori. She died because he hadn't given his oath, his protection. It was his fault.
Rick's voice trembled and stumbled over the words asking where Lori was. Maggie grabbed his arm stopping him from entering the prison again. Her words nearly masked by her tears. Rick's own sobs broke the hunter. The man was shaking and sobbing, only the repeating word of 'no' seemed to reach his mouth. He collapsed onto the floor curling up into a ball as his sobs grew louder and more desperate as if he could change reality with his tears. Glenn reached out to Maggie and held her sobbing form while the rest looked on. The same pain and horror rocking through their bodies.
Daryl stared at Rick's shaking back and wondered how it could all go so wrong. It had started out such a nice day. Now three of his friends were dead. Daryl wanted so badly to go to Rick and gather him up and hold him. Let him cry his eyes out. Let him punch the hunter. Do whatever he needed to heal the pain, but he couldn't. The hunter couldn't bring his body to move. He was to blame for this. He knew it. Lori, T, Carol. They were all his responsibility and he'd let them die. The failing of Daryl Dixon just seemed to constantly stack up around him in countless bodies.
After almost ten minutes of nonstop sobbing Rick slowly rose to his knees. Daryl stared at his leader before slowly making his way towards him. The infant was crying the whole time. Sharing in her father's and brother's grief. Daryl knelt in front of Rick staring into his eyes. The emptiness inside the man's blue eyes scared the hunter. He was used to see nothing but emotion in Rick's eyes. Joy, excitement, fear, pain, agony, rage. They were all emotions that the hunter could easily track in Rick's overly expressive blue eyes. But right now there was nothing. Just an empty hole that used to be Rick. Daryl waved his hand in front of the man's face. "Rick?" He call tenderly trying to rouse the man. Rick didn't seem to even recognize Daryl standing in front of him.
Hershel called Carl over to check the baby out. Daryl glanced behind him at Rick who continued to stare brokenly at nothing before joining around Hershel.
"She needs formula and soon or she won't survive." Hershel said looking the crying baby over. Daryl shook his head as he looked down on the infant. She was so small, too small for this world. Daryl could see her blue eyes through the tears and knew there was no way in hell he'd let her die. Not while he was around.
"Nope. No way. Not her." He said pulling his crossbow onto his back. "We ain' losin' nobody else." Daryl promised the little girl staring at her hard. He wasn't going to let her die. Not after Lori had died to bring her into this world. This little girl had to survive. It all meant nothing if she didn't. Maggie spoke up instantly saying she'd come too. So did Glenn. While he made plans with Beth to watch out for Carl, before telling Axel and Oscar to take down the walkers around the fence, Rick suddenly sprung up and grabbed the axe he'd dropped earlier.
Daryl stared after the man as he went charging back into the cellblock that Maggie and Carl had come from. Daryl wanted so badly to go after Rick. To be his back up. To make sure the man would be okay. But he knew that this was one of those times he had to be the strong one. That he had to be the rock when Rick couldn't. He had to do the heavy lifting on this one. "Come on!" He called forcing everyone to spring into action. Glenn and Maggie realized that most of the places had been cleared out for baby supplies. But the one place that was safe would only be accessible by the triumph. Daryl took Maggie with him and started off faster than he would normally with someone riding behind him. But he didn't have time to take it slow. That Rick's baby needed the food, her time was running out and Daryl would be damned if he let her die because he went slowly.
They rode in silence for a while. Maggie was still shaking with her sobs and Daryl was too busy trying to figure out how he could help the group now. He'd failed them again, he had to do everything he could to make up for it. They'd lost three people in one day. He had to make up for it. "Where are we goin'?" Daryl called behind him to Maggie.
"Day care!" She shouted. "Ten miles away." Daryl nodded and sped up. When they reached the snare of cars on the road he moved slower not wanting to get a flat or worse cause a whole horde to follow them to the school. Maggie rested her head on his back, while her fingers clenched his poncho tightly. "It's all my fault." She whispered. Daryl clenched his jaw.
"No it's not." He insisted, knowing the blame lay with him. "Ya didn' do anythin' wrong." Maggie sobbed softly.
"I…" She gasped. "I should have done something. If it were my dad with her, she's still be alive." Each word was painful and heavy with tears.
"Ya did everythin' ya could." Daryl said softly. He couldn't imagine how it must have felt for Maggie. To be scared, alone, and trying to help Lori. She'd never trained for that sort of thing. Daryl didn't doubt for a second that she didn't do everything she could to save Lori's life. No, the blame lay with him. He should have killed Andrew the second he saw him. Should have killed all the prisoners. It would have saved everyone's lives. This never would have happened if he hadn't been so scared of the rest of the group hating him. He could tolerate their hate and thinking he was a psychotic murderous asshole, because at least then they'd all be alive.
"It wasn't enough." She breathed. Daryl didn't have words for that. He didn't know how to help Maggie. He didn't know how to help Rick. Didn't know how to heal any of the wounds that they were all bleeding from. The only thing he did know was that the baby needed food and that was something he could do.
"We have to keep goin'." He muttered. "We'll have time to mourn later. Right now that little girl needs us to help her, okay?" Daryl whispered. Maggie nodded.
"Yeah." She said. The last mile Daryl felt Maggie pull herself together, she wasn't crying anymore and she wasn't shaking. Instead when they pulled into the day care she was calm and collected. Though the hunter didn't doubt that all that pain and sorrow was buried just beneath the surface, waiting to break free the moment they were back at the prison. For the moment it was enough. Daryl followed Maggie into the ruined school keeping his eyes on the surroundings as she climbed through the window. He followed her in, looking at all the toys and beds around the room.
The stark reminder of the world they'd left behind. He could almost hear the laughter of children playing together, learning together, and growing together. He didn't want to know what happened to all of them when the world fell. Killing adult walkers was bad enough. Children walkers was somehow worse. More painful and tragic in the hunter's mind. He glanced along the walls seeing different art projects, funnily painted animals, families, and suns. On one wall were handprints of the children cut out and painted with their names on them. He froze as he came across 'Sophia.'
"Sophia!" He heard Carol call in his memories. Her voice sobbing as she called for her dead daughter who had just stumbled out of the barn. Daryl himself remembered yelling the name trying to find the little girl for so long. He shook the memories away from him and realized the name wasn't actually 'Sophia' but 'Sofie' he realized that he was more broken by the events of day than he thought. Daryl forced himself to keep the feelings down in his gut. He'd mourn and yell later. Now wasn't the time for an emotional breakdown, he reminded himself.
He and Maggie each took one side of the hall working their way down the rooms. Checking for supplies and walkers. He saw toys and games from his childhood all placed out as if the class would be coming back any moment to resume learning about colors and shapes. Daryl froze when he heard a scratching sound behind him. Putting his flashlight in his mouth he followed Maggie into the room. He nodded at her letting her open the door so he could aim straight. She ripped it open and a possum hissed at them before Daryl shot it clean in the eye.
"Hello dinner." He mumbled around his flashlight.
"I'm not putting that in my bag." Maggie said quickly. Daryl had half a mind to give it to her anyway. Just because, but he knew now wasn't the time to be trying to play jokes. They were holding themselves together but he knew both their nerves were completely frayed. He left Maggie in the kitchen to gather supplies while he returned to one of the smaller play rooms. He grabbed a few books and toys. Hoping that they would be something the baby would like.
He had no idea what babies liked. He'd never had any nieces or nephews to look after. Though the hunter had always secretly wished he did. He always wanted to be the 'cool' uncle who'd show the kids how to hunt and let them stay up all night watching the stars with me and giving them plenty of toys and candy when their parents weren't looking. He'd never gotten the opportunity but maybe this little girl was his lost chance. She was all of their lost chances. Regardless of how she grew up to feel about him she `would be safe, he would make sure of it. He'd die before he let her get hurt. He owed Lori that much at least.
Daryl didn't know if the little girl would have a preference for books or soft plush cats. He grabbed both hoping they'd help the child when she started crying. He also put some more diapers and other practical supplies in there. Making sure they were all separated from his kill. He didn't want the baby to have anything that smelled of possum blood.
As the hunter was finishing up with the area, he realized that outside the window a white flower bloomed. Cherokee rose, he thought opening the window. Daryl stared at the small fragile flower, thinking of how he'd given Carol one long ago. How he'd promised he'd find Sophia, another promised he'd broken. He closed his eyes collecting himself before gently picking the flower and pressing it into his vest pocket. Daryl sighed his body feeling heavier with the flower on him. The weight of what it represented pulled at him. He turned and went back to find Maggie.
"Ya ready?" He asked. She was busy stuffing things into her bag trying to make sure that everything they could use, they got. Daryl helped her putting some of them into his as well. Finally she nodded staring at the bag in her hands.
"It's not nearly enough. We'll have to make more runs soon." She whispered her voice pained.
"We will." He agreed. She blinked, her eyes glassy with tears. But she held it together. As they climbed out the window together, the hunter noticed the sun sinking under the horizon. It was going to be night before they got back. On the road they moved quickly trying not to draw any unnecessary attention back to the prison. At the gate Glenn, Oscar, and Axel covered for them so they could safely make it inside the walls.
The first thing Daryl heard when he entered the prison was the crying of the infant girl. Carl was holding her but he looked completely defeated. He had the look of failure on his face, a look Daryl was very familiar with. The boy looked like he felt he had already failed his newborn sister. The hunter could see the boy's lips moving no words were escaping but he could tell the boy was whispering 'I'm sorry' over and over. Daryl gently took the baby from him and held her close trying to hush her tears. The hunter was merely mimicking everything he'd ever seen on TV or in public. He'd never really held a baby before none of his family ever had one or stayed with their kid if they 'messed up' their one night stand. His father's term not his.
Daryl was surprised by how small she felt in his hands. She weighed less than he ever assumed she would. Less than a rabbit he'd caught a few weeks ago. But as she drank the bottle she opened her bright blue eyes and stared directly at the hunter. His heart stilled and he knew at that moment he'd love and care for this child forever. Her blue eyes that matched her brother's and even more so her father's. She had Rick's emotive blue eyes. Daryl held her tight and he didn't realize he was smiling until he noticed everyone else looking at him, smiles on their own faces. Daryl ducked his head slightly but didn't try to repress the smile or the warm feeling building in his chest.
He glanced at Carl and asked him if she had a name yet. The boy froze and started listing the names of all the women they had lost so far. Daryl felt his stomach clench like it had been smashed in with a metal baseball bat. Each name was a painful reminder of everyone they had lost but Sophia and Carol's names especially hurt the hunter. Thinking of the two of them caused the sore painful wound in his heart to ache. Daryl felt the room grow quiet and depressed. The hunter stared at the child in his arms and at her blue eyes and knew she shouldn't be tied to their losses. She was the hope that the group still had a future outside of this nightmare. Daryl smiled this child wasn't a loss, she was a gain. A chance for them to have something normal. But more than that she was a survivor just like the rest of them. She had made it this long protected by Lori and the whole group to a lesser extent.
He knew she was a survivor, that she was a fighter. He hoped she would have the best traits from the whole group. The intelligence from Hershel, the empathy of Beth, the swiftness of Glenn, the kindness from Maggie, the adaptive nature from Carl, and the strength of Rick. He smiled down at her, he hoped she would get his ass kicking skills. That the two of them could someday spend an afternoon together in the woods hunting, talking, and killing walkers. Suddenly Daryl knew the perfect name. "Little ass-kicker." He grinned at the rest of the group. "That's a good name right?" Daryl smiled as the group chuckled and returned their own smiles. This child was special. He knew it just like he knew that the sun would rise and walkers would still be around tomorrow.
Daryl continued to rock the baby as she drank. For the moment the hunter felt a second to breathe to collect himself. As he held the girl things seemed like they might work out. But in the back of his mind the grief and loss tried to push its way into his heart. Tried to steal the moment from him. He wouldn't let it this moment was for little ass-kicker and the hope for their future.
The world had ended for them but Daryl felt that despite everything he had gained more than he had ever lost. Never before would he have imagined he would be standing here holding a baby girl surrounded by people he cared about. That he would find people, he not only cared about but would die to protect. He had assumed he'd live his life only caring about himself. But now he knew what it meant to be a part of something outside himself. He couldn't deny they had suffered and lost a lot but in this moment they had gained something irreplaceable and for the hunter that was more than enough. This moment was something he would never forget and knew in the darkness it could be a shining light of good times. He added it to all the moments given to him by this group and by Rick. Daryl knew that no matter what they were precious memories he would never forget. They could keep him going in the darkest of times and that was more than he could ever ask for.
As Daryl held the baby he wanted so desperately to believe that things could only get better from here but in the hunter's heart he knew things were never that easy. But for the moment he enjoyed the peace of having people he cared about around him. The only thing missing in the hunter's moment was a certain blue eyed man who had steadily worked his way into the hunter's heart. Rick was missing from the group and the longing for the man hit Daryl deeply as he knew the one who should be holding this baby girl should be her father.
Daryl didn't know what was going on with Rick but he hoped whatever it was Rick would be able to return from it. Sanity as the hunter knew was such a thin line that barely functioned in this world anymore. One small hesitation and that line could be lost so fast. Daryl hoped that Rick would be able to regain his lost balance quickly. The hunter wished he didn't hear his brother's voice in the back of his mind laughing softly.
Hello everyone! It's been a while huh?! Sorry about that! I've been really busy with school and work. For some reason the excuse of "but I need to write this" isn't a good reason to not finish a paper... Anyway! Like always I want to thank you all for continuing to support me and especially to those out there who review, favorite, and follow this story! It means the world to me! It helps me keep moving forward with this story. Speaking of I hope you all enjoy this chapter! (I really enjoyed writing it even if it took longer than I would have liked.) If you have the time please review and let me know what you think!
I also hope you're all enjoying season 5 of the walking dead! I know I am! I've also already started on chapter 27! I can say I'm very excited for some of the future chapters in this story! Hopefully I'll see you all in the next chapter! Until then let me know what you think and I'll see you all soon.
