Title: when things go wrong
Saga: book one » Normal Is a Fantasy
Category: Books » Harry Potter
Author: LiveToTell
Language: English,
Rating: T
Later Rated: M
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Chapters: 2
Words: 5408
CHAPTER 2: ALONE
DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN HARRY POTTER!
I am looking at Dumbledore while he's sitting on his chair behind the old looking desk. He smiles at me as if he has the best of news, but I know better.
Dumbledore's desk is in chocolate color and decorated with what resemble tree limbs. On the table there are one crystal ball-shaped lamp and a brown big and ancient looking box which hides the old wizard's white beard.
None of us starts talking, and for a lengthy moment it feels like we are frozen in time, never moving, staying like that for forever more.
But this standstill is not just me keeping silent, if it was just that the old man would be singing his songs already. In fact, I am glaring at him so badly that I actually made him stop before he even started, and that alright because if he's going to open his big mouth and say what I think he's going to say, this time I will not hold back on him like all the other times.
"Harry…" he starts, trying to sound reassuring, (key word trying) but every time he opens his mouth I can feel the devil himself coming to fill the air with his lies, "I have some good news and bad news" he says unhurriedly.
I know he's all an act; there's nothing there – In his eyes, when he speaks to me, it's like talking to an ice brick (and not even a smart one).
As a child I was too naïve and trusting, wanting someone, anyone to be there for me. My family hates me, still do to this day. They can't wait for the day they will get rid of me. They don't abuse me or something like that, but from where I'm standing, what they did had been worst.
To ignore someone's existence to such an extreme can be very damaging to a person's mental health. I got desperate, I was willing to take any sort of attention, any kind and that's when Dumbledore comes into the picture.
Dumbledore offered me the things I only dared to dream of and the wizarding world acknowledged me it was borderline worship! Me! The eleven years old boy that was always ignored by his only living family.
But as the years passed I got smarter, I had enough attention to last a life time, I had friends, and everything I wanted I had. I couldn't ignore the way Dumbledore acted anymore and after last year, I am sure now more than ever that he never really cared.
What kind of grandfathers lets their grandchildren go and participate in a magical game they may or may not come back alive from?
He said he knew everything about the game's rules; he wasn't worried that I will lose my life – It was my magic on the line that had him ordering me to enter.
"Crystalia and you switched bodies, that can't be changed" Dumbledore says, breaking me from my train of thoughts, he's looking at me, a little bit concerned.
I know what he means, even if he won't say it clearly 'You are stuck this way, deal with it' so I say nothing at first, but then I understand that he wants me to say something (and damn it, I really don't have anything to say).
"So I guess this is the bad news?" I state with a fake smile, he nods and sighs. I look at him with my eyes (they're not green anymore, how sad is that) and I feel something gets stuck deep in my throat. For some reason until now I had that silly dream that maybe one day the old man would care. Now, I know he never would.
"So what's the good news?" I ask and my voice is tired and girly (and my body was shaking – damn if that stupid weak feeling won't go away!)
Dumbledore smiles warmly at me (at least trying to… I think Snape can get better results), trying to make me feel home probably. It seems he don't know that it doesn't work on me.
I knew it was all bullshit from the first day I saw him do it, it was pleasant at first to act as if someone is really there for me, caring for me like a mentor or some kind of normal family, but after a while I knew that no matter how much I wanted a place to belong, I will never find one with him.
He was only trying to buy me with the promises of family and love, this way I would surly fight for them in the upcoming war, but he don't know that I know. He acts like Voldemort more than anyone I have ever met; the only difference is that Voldemort didn't try to hide his nature and Dumbledore was lying to me and promising things he could never give.
And that's a disturbing thought
"You see Harry… you don't have to fight Voldemort anymore. He won't try to slaughter you now. You present no threat to him"
'You are weak, I don't need you anymore. Even Voldemort won't consider you important. You can get lost for all I care'
Maybe, but that will not stop him from trying to take me as his wife, I thought, not saying that to Dumbledore, of course, I don't want to interrupt him while he's speaking (god have mercy on those who do)
"Voldemort don't need you dead now, you are now free to live your life as you see fit. You can be whoever you want to be, like you always wanted!"
'Nothing you'll do will make Voldemort act, so I don't need you now, I don't care what you do with your life,'
"Harry, from here on now you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you don't need to worry about your friends getting hurt, because there's a Dark Lord trying to kill you, you can be who you are, and do whatever you want"
'You are useless'
"What if I don't want to be a girl?" I ask, my voice was fragile and high and too girl-like to my tastes; Dumbledore looks at me with disappointment shining in his twinkling eyes. It makes me so mad!
"I'm sorry Harry, but there nothing that can be done for your situation, like I said before, it's a thing unattainable, and no one can do anything about it now…"
'I don't care'
I shake my head in disbelief, before noticing it's not the only thing that shaking, I grit my teeth in frustration, it can't be true. It's too unfair to be true…
It is…
It is-something that nobody should ever experience. I know it, that it isn't fair, but does the universe care if this situation isn't fair? Would it fix it? I hope the answer would be yes (as if)
I still can't remember what happened to me in that potion lab. My mind is foggy and I feel really hopeless. I am mad beyond anything I have ever felt and I just! I just!
What happened? I try to remember, I try but all I could remember was that purple mist and something painful, no more than that.
I look at the headmaster. He looks so cold and calculated with his white beard pulled inwards in several different beaded edges. His clothes bright and spark with wealth, the fabric looks so expensive. For some reason it looks so much like 'The Gas', so dark and purple, almost blue. I don't like it. I hate it.
He looks at me and has the same blue eyes with the wicked gleam I can recognize everywhere in the world.
"What happened exactly, tell me..."
My voice is shaking, it isn't my voice, it is a young girl's one. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. Dumbledore nods, closing his eyes.
I know that after this conversation the connection between us will be over. He will have a new weapon to foster, Crystalia; he wouldn't have time to care for me.
Why should he, now, that I can't help him at all.
"A combination of two potions, the red potion, which fell on each of you is called "cat's eye", and the potion that turned into a purple gas is called "Wolftail". The "Cat's eye" potion switched your bodies, and the "Wolftail" potion made the cat's eye potion solidify, which completed the change and made it permanent"
I thought I was going to faint again. I didn't know what to believe now, not anymore.
What would my friends think?
Would they would ignore the change and continue being my friends, what if they'll leave me, what if they don't believe that I'm me and worse ... What if they prefer the new Harry better?
I look at Dumbledore with loathing, Voldemort's death all this man's cares about, and somehow I just know it's his fault. He looks at me and his body language says it all. He is annoyed with me. The old man wants me to accept the facts and move on, too bad for him that this isn't going to happen.
If I stay this way I'll be miserable, and there's still the problem of where I'll stay when the school term ends. What to tell others. Crystalia's family's reaction will be an unknown. But the first thing I have to take care of is my friends. They won't abandon me. We've been though too much for them to.
"What about my friends, how will they know? Will they even believe me when I'll tell them that I'm" I gesture at myself, "me?"
I look at Dumbledore giving me that look and feel like my eyes start getting teary "what if they won't believe me? What if I'll lose them?" I try to seize the tears, reminding myself I am a male in soul, even if I'm trapped in a girl's body.
"Harry…" he starts, eyes trying to look soft but I feel that he doesn't give a damn (and that's so frustrating!)
"DON'T YOU DARE HARRY ME!" I shout at him, I can't take it anymore! I'm tired, potion effected, hysterical, scared and mad. (Mostly hysterical and mad)
"I had to put with all of your Whims up until now; go live with your relatives, where it's safer! Harry you are the damn savior of the light! The-boy-who-won't-fucking-die! Harry you have to fight Dark Lord Voldemort and win or everything will be doomed! I had to endanger my life for all your wizarding kind!
"And what I got in return? I mean aside from the curses and stories about my unstable loyalties, what!? Nothing! I got zilch in return for risking my life for them! They even call me a fraud when I say Voldemort is back! Don't think I don't know! And now you expect me to just sit quietly when you take all that is dear to me?!
"Why do I have to give them up? Why don't you tell them the true? They are my friends, aren't they? This is my life, why should I give it to someone else? Why do I have to give HER to control who I am? How dare you even to think about doing it to me?!" I was on a roll, I kept telling him how ungrateful every single one of them were, I told him about the whole bloody things that had happened to me. What I had to put out with. All the whispering, all the blaming in my second year. Finding a godfather I never knew I had in third, but discovering he wants me dead! And finding the hard way the truth! That he was framed!
I kept telling him about how those bloody kids at school were now starting to mock me, how they whisper I am the one who killed Cedric Diggory, that I am a git who wants nothing but money and fame, and that I am a bloody liar only seeks attention.
He just quietly listened to me, while his expression never changed form that stupid smile that was stuck on his emotionless face, it made me even madder. Did he even care?
Did he care even once, after all those bloody years?
He stops me from talking "it was all for the greater good, Harry…" his voice's soft, he's not even trying to deny the blame, he just doesn't care! I am but a tool to him, and now, when I have no use to him, he is going to throw me away
"I know… but I can always call your friends here, and you could inform them about what happened, I can call them right now if you would like…?"
I look at him dumbfounded, did he actually mean that? And more importantly, did I want them to know?
Of cause I want them to know! I shake my head mentally laughing. They are my friends! We are always together, why did I even hesitate?
"I-I want them to know…" I say looking away from the old man, knowing he would be smiling softly, and not wanting to see the phony look in his eyes.
"Alright, I will call them here" he says, and for an instant, I feel really glad and miserable at the same time. I have no idea why.
OOoOO
Too bad for Harry Potter
Now he would have to marry the Dark Lord…
Nagini sneaks away from the three, hiding as fast as she can. A moment later Snape comes out with Crystalia – no – Harry holding a weak looking Crystalia in his arms. Nagini smiles evilly and starts running towards the gigantic gates of Hogwarts, where she safely Apparates to her master to tell him of what happened.
Meanwhile, the Dark Lord Voldemort is sitting in the throne room with his inner circle of death eaters giving them orders and later reading how his older orders came to be from the reports.
Most of those files are boring and (thankfully) can be done by anyone who is not him; he usually let his followers examine those for him, only reading the most pressing ones himself (those being given to him by his followers).
Most of the times, his unintelligent brainless followers are wrong about what is important and what not and he finds himself reading unimportant files for the better part of the day. (And then they go and wonder why he was torturing them)
"M~aster!" Nagini calls mischievously making the Dark Lord look at her. The Dark Lord happily puts one file (only Gaia knows why his followers think that 'how many Mudbloods were killed in the last raid' is a pressing matter) away with the rest of them for later examination before turning his complete attention to his pet.
"Nagini, I see you came back… care to enlighten me with the knowledge why?" his voice is calm yet certainly freezing "I am positive I told you to take care of my future wife…" he looks infuriated but Nagini knows him better than anyone else; she has been with him for a long time, he is mostly interested in knowing why she came back so early, but at the same time he don't want others to know that she gets special treatment, it makes her smile
"I had to come back and tell you that something had already happened " she says and went to be seated next to him, he looks at her surprised, though he masked it well, no one but her can see that.
She smiles proudly and then takes a deep breath, what she has to tell him is serious; she needs to act the part. Her master looks at her patiently, knowing it won't do to press her at this point.
"Crystalia reached Hogwarts safely, but…" she stops for a second, he had to understand she isn't not joking "switched her body with Harry Potter" now when she's finished with her report she smile grinningly.
Nagini's master is in shock, she thought almost giggling, like all death eaters that were present here. "You mean…?" master's voice is full of annoyance and relief, all there at the same time. She knows why.
Nagini's master knows that Harry bloody Potter has the best luck that he had ever seen before; not once but twice, had the boy escaped from his grasp; now he didn't need to worry about the boy killing him, not at all. The prophecy was talking about a child of those who defied him three times, it's a prophecy about the body and not the soul, and the moment the two switched the prophecy didn't for-told that Potter would be his downfall.
On the other hand, Crystalia as Potter was even worst; she has a reason other than survival to kill the beloved Lord Voldemort.
(Snake hating bitch)
They had to take care of Crystalia-turned-Harry as soon as possible, or they going to have a problem on their hands.
"Yes, right now bloody Potter is none other than your upcoming wife. And your future wife is none other than your sworn foe" Nagini says in a hiss.
Voldemort looks at the death eaters present in the room and frowns, making the room freeze with only a look, the death eaters starts shivering in fear "come to me, my faithful servants" says Voldemort while pulling his wand out pointing it at them.
"Obliviate!" he calls, they look at him with terror, and without giving even the slightest cry of protest they fall on the floor limply without any memory and starts sleeping.
Then Voldemort looks at the snake-turned-girl "tell me Nagini, is Harry protected?" he asks.
She nods, she is sure that Dumb-As-Door has him protected, knowing the fact that the boy turned girl is the Dark Lord's future mate and all. Not protecting him will be just plain stupid.
"Snape, who was with the two, took them to the old man" she says, then she remembers that she wanted the potion master to be praised for his actions earlier this day; after all he did a really good job as a double agent.
Nagini takes a deep breath and sighs "he did a good job you know" she says and looks at her master with big eyes "refused to save the girl and insisted that she had to come back to you. It was Potter that didn't let him take her back himself, but now that doesn't matter anymore… since Potter is the girl!" she laughs and her master looks at her proudly.
"Harry most be brought to me in four months' time" says Voldemort, his voice radiating power "he is not to be harmed, make sure of that yourself, make sure to befriend him, tell him you believe him when he'll tell you the truth about himself" he then smiles
"Go to Snape and tell him of my orders, let him know that I am expecting him to be the one to bring Harry back to me" he looks at the snake-turned-girl and then grins "tell Snape to sneak you in as a new student, I'm sure he won't find it be that hard" he waves his hand dismissively, Nagini nods and then Apparate back to Hogwarts.
OOoOO
It doesn't take long for the red head boy (Ron) and long brown haired girl (Hermione) to come to Dumbledore's office. Unfortunately it takes them even less time to say that they can't believe that Harry the-boy-who-lived is now a little pathetic girl, with no fame, money and power what so ever. The girl (Hermione) was quiet and observant…
"But it's really me!" I try again, Ron looks at me with abhorrence and Hermione just looks skeptical "I can prove it, ask me whatever question you want, you can even ask about all of our adventures! It's really me!"
"I don't know" said Hermione, she looks at me from all possible angles, never stops frowning, I don't know if she did it because she found it fascinating or because she doesn't believe me when she heard I am, well, me…
"You do talk and act like Harry but… you look nothing like him, you can barely walk by yourself as things stand now, how could you actually beat Voldemort?" Ron looks with disgust at me and nods.
"yeah, mione's right, if you really were Harry you needed to be as least as strong as you-know-who, after all, if you were Harry, and I'm not saying you are, then you had to be the one to beat Voldemort, he's supposed to be your sworn enemy…" he says and then looks at Dumbledore
"Are you sure she's not messing with you?" he asks cautiously "she could be working with Voldemort to make you lower your defenses around Harry. The real Harry" he sneaks a look at me.
I am hurt, how can he? How can Ron and Hermione do this to me? Aren't they my friends, they didn't even give me a chance to prove my identity!
It's me, even if they refuse to believe. It's not my fault what happened to me. For the first time since I met them I felt alone, so completely and utterly by myself, as if I'm eleven again and have no real friends, as if Dudley's kicking and punching those who wanted to me my friends again, as if I am nothing, nothing but a dirty freak.
I feel sick.
Why can't I be like everyone else, normal? What have I done to deserve this fate...?
I didn't do anything wrong and yet my friends left me. Can I still call them my friends now; I guess not, they don't want to be my friends. The sad part is that they had been my friends even when Voldemort was trying to kill me, put their life in danger, but now, when they would be safe, and don't have to worry about being attacked in the future, they don't want to stay with me.
Were they my friends or my fame's friends?
"Ron, it's me" I say to him at a snail's pace so he could comprehend, he looks at me with abhorrence, venom dripping from his eyes, and he doesn't believe me. He abandoned me.
"Hermione... you believe me, don't you?" I ask her pleadingly, she looks at me – every part of her look screamed doubt and hesitation. She don't know what to do, it is too confusing for her, I can see the battle that takes place within her, to believe or not believe, she closes her eyes, refusing to look at me, I'm sure I'm going to cry, no matter how un-manly it would be.
Hell with this body!
"Our second year... Who was responsible for Ginny's actions?" She asks me. My eyes light up with hope; maybe she will believe me, maybe… I still had one friend...
"Tom Riddle and bloody Malfoy were. At the beginning of the year Malfoy slipped Tom Riddle's diary to one of Ginny's books, and the book is what mesmerized her, since it had been charmed to do so by Voldemort in the past" I says confidently, she looks at me and I can't comprehend her gaze.
She looks at the floor with a puzzled look, maybe a little disappointed that I answered the question correctly. "I don't know if you are really Harry or not... it's too hard for me to come to a decision. On the one hand you were right, on the other hand... I just don't want to believe that… that the Harry we know is gone. Can you give me some time to think?" My hope is out like a storm blew over and crushed it without letting it grow any bigger.
"Oh... okay..." my voice is undersized and miserable, I look on the floor too. What else can I do?
I am alone.
I didn't fancy being here with who I thought were my friends, it was too excruciating to stay with them. I look at them again, it's probably the last time I'll see them without Crystalia...
We are four in the room, all are supposed to be my friends yet I feel so betrayed, like they were against me from the very start. It's infuriating. Ron looks away from me, not even bothering to look at me, and Hermione still looking at the floor. I look at the aging headmaster and wonder why he does nothing after seeing all this. He knows the truth. Why he is so silent, is he doing this on purpose?!
"I want to be alone" I say in a monotone kind of voice. All three of them are now looking at me, each with their own thoughts, which I will never know.
Dumbledore did not talk of my identity the whole meeting; he just let them think what they want to think. It's suspicious, why would he do such a thing, it is a Dumbledore thing to do, to keep things from others, but he is the one who suggested to call them here, he knows the truth, there was no reason as to why he should let them believe I'm not Harry.
"Fine, let me call Madam Pomfrey to take you to your temporary room in the infirmary, until the sorting hat will get you sorted into your new house"
He waves his wand three times in the same pattern, his movement graceful, like water flowing, and then he puts it down again.
"Well Ron, Hermione... I suggest you'll be returning to your classes, I'm sure you have many important things to do" he says, not even once does use my name, as if careful for them not to find the true. He wants them to leave me; he wants me to stay forever alone... but why?
Ron and Hermione had gone, leaving me alone with Dumbledore. The old man looks at me curiously, I hate him, the way he's looking at me, as if expecting me to burst into tears at any second, I hate it when he does it, and he did it a lot just now, while Ron and Hermione were here and I also know that if he weren't right now that's exactly what I would be doing – and I hated it even more.
But he is here, and there is no way in hell I would be crying in front of him.
"Harry ..." He starts. I almost want to stop him and say, 'Now that's Harry, huh?', but I keep silent, staring at the shiny floor, trying to stop the tears. Dumbledore turns silent too. The silence lasting for a while until we hear a beep which notified us that madam Pomfrey is here.
"Harry, now unless we are alone I expect you to tell everyone that your name is Crystalia RedWind, you know what I mean… the rest you can invent yourself, make some teary story about your family of something, but do not tell anyone you are Harry Potter, is that understood?" his voice is hard.
I nod and the door to Dumbledore's office opened.
OOoOO
"So tell me dear… why you came to us now?" madam Pomfrey asks me, (it's the sixth time already) and like all those times before, I frankly don't know what I should be telling her, obviously not the truth, Dumbledore made sure of that.
Thinking fast I close my eyes, as if the thought itself hurts me so much, I take a deep breath (I hate lying) before opening and locking them with the Mediwitch.
"Voldemort is after my family and me. I don't know why, he just decided to hunt us all down. I ran away, so I don't know what happened to the rest, for some reason my memories were altered, and I have no idea who did it or why. Dumbledore told me I could stay here at Hogwarts until the Dark Lord will be defeated by… Harry Potter. He also said he will try to find out what happened to my family"
I don't know if she'll buy it, I know I wouldn't have, but that's probably because I know I am the real Harry Potter, but with this new teary voice and angel like face, who knows?
"Ho poor dear!" she cries out and hugs me, it's a warm motherly hug, I gulp and wait patiently for her to release me, it didn't take that long.
She leaves me and smiles another smile. Unlike Dumbledore's smile her smile is genuine. It's real. It pains me that I have to lie to her. She took care of me ever since I came here to Hogwarts, and I close my eyes and swallow the bitter taste in my mouth.
And speaking of lies, Crystalia has been with us in the room, posing as me. She said she's here to get information on Voldemort from me.
I don't know why she's really here. Maybe just to make sure I keep my mouth shut. (And give her the fame of the Potter name.)
"Madam Pomfrey, if that okay with you, I would like to speak with Crystalia alone for a moment?" Says the real Crystalia, but it's not like Madam Pomfrey knows it, she's sure that she is really me.
She looks like me, she sounds like me, and she has a very good reason to talk to me, Voldemort. After all I had said that he is after me and my family.
"Yes of course, Harry, let me just make a few tests and then she's all yours," she says and then pulls out her wand, whisper a few words, and the staff brightens.
She scans me with said wand, and then appears in front of her a list in ancient Latin language. She nods and while inspecting the data, leaving the room.
"So, Harry ... How do you feel?" Crystalia asks me again. I don't know what to tell her, it doesn't matter to her, not really, after all I don't see her looking weak as me, and she is smiling gleefully while saying that. And that moment I feel a great deal of hate for her. She reminds me of Malfoy.
I sigh
"Could have been better," my voice is small and girly, she nods in understanding.
"I am great! I never knew how wonderful it is to be with such a strong body! Madam Pomfrey said that I could start studying with everyone tomorrow! Do you think I'll be good? What are your favorite subjects, what are your weaker ones?" she asks me eagerly. I look at her. She really doesn't care, she's too happy with herself to care.
"I guess DADA and flying is my favorites, I'm not so good at potions, but only because of Malfoy and the other Slytherins always trying to mess with my staff… the only thing I really bad at is History. It's boring, I can never stay awake" I say smiling.
Crystalia nods "is there anything more that I need to know?" she asks, I shrugs. Why should I help her, she stole my life.
She's silent for a while and then "I met your friends," she says quietly.
I look at her surprised.
"Really?" I ask warily. I want to know what they talked about… did Hermione ever suspected her of not being me, did it even accord to Ron that what I said was the truth...?
I need to know…
"They're very nice, your friends ... not exactly loyal, but definitely nice," she says softly, as though trying to soften the news.
"What did you talk about?" I ask fearfully.
"About you... Ron said you were an imposter, and that you were working for Voldemort, I tried to convince him otherwise, I mean without telling him that what you said was real. The old man asked me not to tell them, that if they're really your friends they will find for themselves. Ron didn't believe me so in the end I gave up.
"I think that Hermione actually do believe you... she didn't stop examining me, and never said a word too... she's a good kid..." I smile even though I don't really want to, that's Hermione for you...
"Do you think they'll believe me, I don't want to lose them..." I say.
She looks into my eyes and nods, it's the first time I really saw the green eyes everyone talked about, they were appealing.
"I think so, and if that's okay… I want us to be friends... from what I've seen you're a nice guy, um, a nice girl..." She smiles apologetically.
I shrug (even if it really is her fault) "I guess it's OK, after all you didn't do it on purpose," she gives me a small smile, I yawn "but now I'm really exhausted. Ho, and you better not hurt my body, I don't want it to become fragile like yours..." She laughs and nods.
"Well I'll leave you alone, have a good night, my bed is in the Next room if you need anything…" she says even though it still was early morning.
I smile and nod, too, ignoring the stupid statement. She left the room, leaving me lying on a white patient's bed, Alone.
I smile a sad smile and close eyes. So that's how it's going to be now…? Me staying alone in this world with no one I could call my friend except the one who took mine?
Will I be just like I was before I came to Hogwarts? I didn't want that, I thought I will never have to be like that anymore.
I sigh and go to sleep, hoping my dreams will be at least a bit more comforting.
A\N: so tell me how it was! Too depressing? Now I really need your opinions, should harry befriend Nagini? Will Nagini find out that harry is an Horcrux? Will he get better physically?
