The sudden quietness somehow made this situation more dreadful. As if the still of the night wasn't eerily quiet enough, after my knocking echoes it made the night even more quieter than usual… it could just be that Kirino ceased moaning my name though.
But there was not a sound. Nope, none, nothing came out of Kirino's room, not even footsteps. I know for sure if there was my ears would have picked it up, especially with a night as quiet as this, where not even a cricket could be heard.
I gently knocked the doors again…
And again
And again
And finally, the door slammed open.
"What do you want!?"
First emotion I've seen from Kirino directed at me since a month and it was one of utter rage. Yet her face is flushed red. Could she… could she be using feigned anger to cover the embarrassment she must be feeling right now? Her eyes were averting my gaze yet she tried to put on her usual scowl. Still she couldn't control how her cheeks were rosy red when its usual color was peachy white.
"Shh, not so loud, do you know what time it is?"
"Shut up idiot, what do you want? Make it quick!"
Kirino no longer averted my gaze in fact she looked at me daringly in the eyes, her beautiful turquoise orbs was glassy with tears threatening to spill. But still she put on that adamant scowl of hers.
Still trying to keep up her facade. This girl… who was she trying to fool?
"Can I come in to talk?"
"O-Of course not, pervert! Idiot!"
She slammed the door shut but before she could I slipped both my hands in between, I could hear my knuckles cracking as I force a yelp of pain back down my throat.
"Gaaahh… Kirino just answer me one question!"
"What do you want!?" she growled, she didn't even let up her relentless assault on the door handle despite seeing my hand… this girl…
"You still have feelings for me, don't you?"
"What did you say you disgusting pervert!? Of course I don't!"
Despite her harsh words, the force on the door softened up considerably; perhaps it was her mercy on her older brother, or perhaps my words ring true to her.
I think it's the latter honestly… Kirino, Kirino, Kirino… why have you regressed back to how you were a year ago? Hiding your true feelings under anger... If it was a year ago it would have worked on me, but I know you too well now. Your anger is just a mask to hide how you truly feel, especially when you feel hurt… when you can't properly convey your feelings you use anger to show it instead. In this, you are much like Kuroneko, except that she resorts to using anime quotes and speaking dramatically to better convey her intentions in a more comfortable environment. You may appear proud and confident on the outside but when it comes to your true feelings, you're even shyer than Kuroneko…
"Kirino, be truthful with me… because… I still… love you."
"W-what? Where did you get that idea!?"
And with that she once again exerted force against the door, really this girl… if I didn't withdraw my hand right away I'm going to need a cast…
"I-I STILL LOVE MY LITTLE SISTER KIRINO!"
"Shut up idiot! Mom and dad are sleeping, why do you always embarrass me like that!"
Well despite her tone she once again let go of the door, still her eyes shy away from mine.
"I just want to talk—"
"There's nothing to talk about… we agreed that night remember!?"
Her voice was visibly shaken, as if she was trying to force her words out, why then? If it hurts so much why force it upon yourself? Upon us? Our future, even if we were to stay together we may face pain like this… but in a different way. Not one where we can't be together despite loving each other but one where we are together but force to separate. Now if this was me back in middle school I would proudly declare "leave it to me!" but despite the fact some of my old confidence and determination has returned I still can't say it with the same bold face as back then. Why? Well it has nothing about me reducing back to a lazy normal student, but more like I grew up enough to face reality.
"I can't accept that anymore."
"W-what did you say? How selfish are you!?"
This girl…even with tears streaming down her face she still kept up her stubbornness. I grabbed her shoulders and embraced her into a hug, surprisingly she did not push me off, I couldn't tell what her reaction but I doubt I needed to, she cried even harder after that. It was seconds, minutes? Or even hours? I don't know didn't keep track but eventually her sobbing subsided leaving behind small hiccups. Kirino nervously glanced up at me, my heart wrenched seeing her flushed cheeks and puffy eyes. It's like I failed keeping her happy.
"Sorry."
"W-what?"
"Sorry for not being as amazing as those protagonist from eroges…"
Kirino glanced away with a faint blush on her cheeks, my sister is really cute when she shows her soft side.
"A-ah, well they aren't realistic anyway."
Clearing her throat she looked back at me but this time with anger. "And didn't you say the same thing that night? Stop reusing lines, idiot."
GAH this girl is sooooo frustrating, I can't even tell what she really wants!
"We can date in secrecy, outside of Chiba."
"You're an idiot." She replied with a sneer.
"I'm being serious Kirino… I want you to be happy."
For some reason my little sister only got angrier.
….
And started crying again.
What in the world?
"NO NO NO! You-you're so disgusting, you disgust me!"
Although I did get used to her insults and dulled by it, these words seemed genuine and at that point I felt myself losing my cool.
"Leave me alone!" Kirino slammed her small fist against my chest, all I could do was stare in shock but with each blow she used less and less strength until she reduced back into her sobbing state…
Sigh
"Why!? It's clear you're hurting from this and s-so have I, so why are you avoiding me!?"
At this point I didn't care if I woke up my parents and they walked in on us, I wanted answers, I wanted to end this suffering between me and Kirino.
"Y-you haven't! You already got over it… I-I'm just being selfish…g-give me time…"
W-what! She thought I didn't have feelings for her? But I told her I did! Does she thinking I'm lying?
"De-despite everything, y-you became a normal aniki a-and I…" she went back to sobbing, she couldn't even finish her sentence even if she did it would have came out incoherent anyway…
"It's okay Kirino." I placed my hand on top of her head to cheer her up like I used to when we were kids. "I still love you, from the bottom of my heart."
"R-really?"
"Really."
"Really really?"
She's so cute when she's nervous. I absolutely adored her timid side.
"Would I ever lie to you?"
Avoiding my gaze, she casted her eyes downwards. "You're just saying that for my sake… you always do that…"
Now it was my turn to be angry.
Did she forget everything I did? All the sacrifices I made? And she still thinks I'm doing it for her sake!? I did those things for us. US. How can she still see me like the perfect aniki, a selfless superhero? I thought she overcame that, that selfless older brother never existed. I'm not some emotionless deity granting my little sister every wish. No I had feelings too, I'm hurt too. I didn't confess because you loved me. I confessed because I'M A SISCON! I screamed aloud in my head.
"Damn it! Don't underestimate my love for you!"
Kirino opened her mouth to say something, but I didn't let her. I closed my eyes, placing my lips on hers, I didn't see her face when I did it, but she didn't struggle. We stayed like that for what seems like an eternity.
Until a gruff voice came from behind.
"Get out."
