8/20/20—
My birthday was today. She brought in a little cake and they weren't here to spoil everything for me like they always did. I liked how she cooked. I like how she thought of me. Their wedding is next weekend. I have decided on my fate. I don't want to die, because it would eliminate every possibility to see her happy face over the years. I see her now in my head, grey hair, smiling and surrounded by grandchildren. I don't want to lose that opportunity, even if it doesn't include me. Even if the only way I can see her is surrounded by their love and not mine. I can't lose that, diary. I just can't. For now, it all just hurts. Does it ever heal?
8/21/20—
She wore glasses today and they framed her face perfectly. I think she is perfect. She is ignorant and in love, but I suppose I am too. However, I think I could take a look around every once in a while unlike her. I'm mad at her, diary. For not realizing how I feel. One day I will tell her, I promise. The rest of the future is just utterly out of my hands.
