8/26/20—

We went on our date last night. Its morning right now but I was I too exhausted to write in you afterwards. Well that, and after our date we… never mind that, diary. We both wore dresses out of excitement, except hers was high-end and mine was a cheaply made black little number. She laughed and told me this was crazy as we drove around, top off the car; she said it was like were teenagers and sneaking off after curfew. I laughed too. It felt nice. Diary, you already know this, but I'm in love with her. But… something doesn't make sense. I remember her at the dinner party 9 months ago, and she seemed- dare I say happier. There was a glow to her face that's faded now. What is wrong? Was she happier with them rather than me? My head hurts. I can't imagine it diary. I finally have her and then emotions take her away again. It's odd. I've always been adaptable to change, but this is unbearable for me. I will grab and hold her passionately, but she doesn't return the fire. It's almost as if I'm mixing flame with frost. I don't know what to do. And it's the same, I'm still blind and deafened by her. I still can't talk to her properly because it's hard to speak. But I'll catch myself up at midnight, staring at her, and reminding myself she's the only thing in my life I've ever truly needed. I drink water, breathe oxygen, but those elements don't give me the same amount of life she does. Words don't do it justice, diary. Some things in life can't be expressed properly. Love is beyond words. Love is blind.