You should know this from the whole theme of this story but this chapter is not light and happy. Especially near the end it deals with some dark stuff although nothing gets super intense this chapter still read with caution.
Ch. 2 The Pastures of Our Minds
(FITZ)
"Fitz how did you get here?" Clare asks her hand gripping mine and the tears of pain in fear in her eyes break my heart.
"After I came to your house that day during the storm I got a lecture from Father Greg telling me to move on and let you go. I didn't have you, I didn't have my old friends and I didn't have any new ones yet. I had just started going to a church in my neighborhood but I didn't have any friends yet. So I started looking online, I went to this chat room for Christian teenagers. I met a guy on there who said his name was Greg, I guess it made me think of Father Greg, anyway we started talking daily. All the spare time I had I was talking with him about everything really. I felt like I had found a good friend and someone that understood me I had felt so alone and now I had a friend. He told me about a mission trip to Mexico and said if I was interested there would be a meeting in Ottawa next weekend and he would be there. I never even thought twice about it, I figured he was Christian and I'd be meeting a lot of other people like me. I was looking forward to meeting Greg and thought I'd sign up for this mission trip and come home and quit my job. I could go do some good for other people and maybe forget about you," I confess.
"I'm sorry Fitz I didn't m…" she starts to apologize in tears and I cut her off.
"You didn't do anything Clare, I was trying too hard to get you away from Eli and be with me. I didn't end up here because of you, I should have been more careful and less trusting. I went to Ottawa and the hotel Greg said he was staying at, he even left me a room key at the desk. When I went up to my room is when I knew something wasn't right, the guy was in his 30's and before I could leave he drugged me. I woke up in a trunk, bound and gagged, they brought me to a place similar to this and kept me chained to a bed for the first 3 days. They move around a lot and the first thing they do is strip away everything that you were. They give you a new name and don't let you wear clothes, th…" I stop when Clare starts crying harder, gripping my hand so tight I'm starting to lose circulation. "I'll keep them from hurting you as much as I can, I've been here a long time they trust me," I assure her.
"You've been here for over a year, I won't survive a year Fitz! That man raped me a…"
She's nearly hysterical, which is understandable but when people get hysterical they take them to be punished. So I silence her but putting my hand on her mouth.
"Shh they will find any reason to punish you Clare, the more discipline you show the faster you earn their trust. I would give anything for you not to be here but I will do everything I can to protect you here. I'll keep you from as much of the torment and pain as I possibly can. If you cry or fight or beg they will punish you, they have dozens of ways to punish you and all of them are painful and humiliating and they will keep punishing you until they break you or kill you. You are expendable to them Clare, if they kill you they'll get someone else. They prey on teenagers and college kids who feel isolated and alone, they are good at it, they earn their trust and lure them away and then kidnap them. I swear to you I will do everything I can to protect you in here and that I will find a way to get us out of here but you'll have to trust me and do everything I say, can you do that?"
She nods and shuts her eyes tight as tears flood them, I take my hand off her mouth and move a little so I can hold her better. I hold her close, stroking her arm through the blanket, her tears soaking my grey hoodie. She's keeping her tears pretty silent and I move the blanket up to make it look like she's sleeping.
"Fitz," she says my name softly after wiping her tears away, "do you really think we can get out of here? Have you tried to escape before?"
"If we work together and you earn their trust then maybe, it won't be easy. I haven't tried escaping before but I never had a reason to. I knew no one was looking for me, I didn't think anyone noticed or cared that I was gone," I admit and her lip starts to tremble again as her eyes become filled with guilt. "Clare don't it's not your fault, we were barely friends and I'd lost the ones I had. I never had a reason to get out of here before but now I do," I tell her.
"I did notice when you weren't at The Dot anymore but I thought you ran away," she confesses.
"I'm sure most people did, those are the kind of kids they prey on so I really didn't think you'd end up here. They don't usually take kids too many people will miss," I comment and she bites her lip a look of regret in her eye. "How did you end up here?" I question.
She sits up keeping my blanket wrapped around her, she leans against the wall and I put the pillow behind her. She looks at her hands, rolling her lower lip between her teeth I guess trying to decide where to begin.
"Eli and I had one of our epic breakups and I wrote about our relationship and dating someone bipolar then I put it online. I got contacted by a guy that said he was a publisher, he was interested and thought I could turn it into a book. I checked him out before replying, I'm not stupid but there were websites with him in it, articles, a company website too. Even Adam checked him out, he called the guys office and everything we both thought the guy was totally legitimate. I spent a couple of weeks talking to him and he was helping me with what I thought would be a published book. Then he said he was coming to Toronto, he'd only be there for the night. We never spoke we only communicated through e-mail I never thought…" she pause for a minute her crystal blue eyes flashing so many emotions. I see anger, shame, regret and fear all in the few seconds she stops for a breath and then she continues. "When I got to the restaurant I got a text that the restaurant was booked and to meet him down the street. I started walking there and sending a text back and then I was grabbed and injected with something and woke up here tied to the bed."
She finishes and hides her face in my chest as she begins sobbing again. I put my arm around her and begin thinking about how we can possibly get out of here without getting killed. It didn't take long for me to begin losing my faith after I was taken; it was far worse than juvie where I had found my faith, and with every beating, every rape, every disgusting thing I had to do or was done to me with these people I lost a little more faith. I was angry at God, questioning why this would happen to me after turning my life around, how I could end up here. Now, whether it was God's plan or not, I was here and so was Clare and if I wasn't here she would never survive this and I was going to get us both out of here, and I'm happy she's not here alone. I hold Clare a little tighter, close my eyes and say a silent prayer that we'll both make it out of here alive.
(BIANCA)
I sit down in my math class wondering where Clare is, she doesn't seem like the type to just take off. If she was going to ditch or something she still would have told Adam, I think anyway.
"Attention DeGrassi students and staff please report to the auditorium for an emergency assembly." The announcement rings over the intercom interrupting the teacher. He tells us to exit in an orderly fashion and we begin to file out to the hallway, making our way to the auditorium with the rest of the school. Drew comes out of his English class and pulls me aside.
"Just got a text from Adam they think Clare was taken," Drew whispers to me so no one else overhears, "he and Eli are headed to her house with the cops."
"Fuck," I breathe out, it's all I can say, it's all I can think. Drew puts his arm around me and we start walking into the auditorium with everyone else, Simpson is on stage with two people in suits I don't recognize. This eerie feeling of familiar dread begins to creep over me, it was a little over a year ago that Fitz disappeared. Most people thought he ran or got killed in a fight but me and Owen always thought it was weird. Not that we had really talked to him since he'd returned from juvie but we knew he'd found religion, still had a crush on Clare and he had a job, it just didn't make sense. The pit in my stomach is so big I feel like it's going to swallow me by the time we sit down in the bleachers.
"Everyone settle down please," Simpson says into the mike. "I'm sorry for the interruption of classes but it's my sad duty to tell you that one of your classmates is missing and we believe she was kidnapped," Simpson announces and everyone gasps and then the whispering begins. "Clare Edwards is the missing student, I wanted you to hear it from me and not over the news," more gasps in the auditorium and I see Jenna, Alli and a few other kids that are friends with Clare go pale but Simpson is still talking. "These detectives will want to speak with all of Clare's friends. Please respect the privacy of the family but if you think you have useful information you can contact myself or Officer Turner. A search is being organized and if you'd like to help sign up at the front office. Classes are being dismissed for the rest of the day," Simpson tells the school.
I hear a few people that are just glad that school is out for the day but most people are worried about Clare. Some look horrified or ill, a few are even crying and I find that I'm squeezing Drew's hand tightly. I know Clare a little, we drove up to her cabin together last summer and she's at the Torres house a lot like I am. She's also Adam's best friend and I'm sure he's going through hell right now worried about what happened to her.
"We should go to Clare's house, we should be there for Adam and see if we can help," I say to Drew in a quiet voice.
Drew nods and we get up, people are talking and whispering, Clare's friends are huddled together, crying and talking in low voices, probably talking about the last time they saw her. Drew and I leave quietly and get in my car driving to Clare's house. There's four cop cars, Jake's truck, Owen's car, Glen's truck and what I'm assuming is Helen's car. We go inside and Helen is crying on the sofa and trying to talk to an officer. Glen is holding her, he looks helpless and guilty, I guess he's thinking he should have done something. I can hear Jake upstairs with Officer Turner, Drew hears it too and we go upstairs. Everyone is in Clare's room, her room looks so normal, bright colors and posters on the wall, her desk has neatly stacked papers and her bookshelf is overflowing with books. Officer Turner is speaking to Adam, Eli and Jake while Owen stands awkwardly in one corner. I'm guessing Owen's only here because he took Jake downtown and didn't want to go back to school. He doesn't know Clare at all but I can see he's worried. Drew goes over to sit with his brother for support and I go stand with Owen.
"What happened when you went to get the truck?" I whisper to Owen.
"We picked it up from the impound lot and they told us where they found it, parked in the lot for Origin. We beat on the door and asked if anyone had seen Clare but they said they hadn't. We found her cell phone all smashed in the alley behind it and the battery was taken out, so was the SIM card. She was snatched B and I have a bad feeling," Owen whispers to me.
"Me too, I know one probably has nothing to do with the other but it reminds a little of when Fitz went missing last year," I comment and Owen nods.
"We have officers canvasing downtown and an amber alert is out. Her laptop has been sent to computer forensics, a search is being organized we're doing everything we can Adam," Officer Turner assures the nearly hysterical boy.
"I checked, I looked at all the websites, I called the guy's office. She should have told me she was going to meet him, I would have stopped her, I would have gone with her," Adam says crying and Drew hugs his brother.
"This isn't your fault Adam," Officer Turner assures him.
"No it's mine, if I'd never broken up with her, taken drugs a…"
"No Eli," Officer Turner cuts him off, "it's no one's fault. Clare was preyed on by people that knew what they were doing. We're using every available resource to find her."
Adam nods while I wonder what the chances of finding Clare alive will be. I guess we all must be picturing what Clare might be going through right now and wondering who took her.
(FITZ)
Clare stops crying after a few minutes and I pull her up gently to look at me. I wipe the tears from her eyes and keeping my arm around her.
"I swear to you I will find a way to get us out of this place but you're going to have to learn some things and fast," I tell her in a soft voice so no one else hears. "I wish I could keep you from getting hurt or raped again but I can't, I'll prevent it as much as I can. Behave and do as they say, earn their trust and I'll work on getting us away from this life."
"How?" Clare questions.
"I don't know yet but I've been here longer than most and I learned fast so they trust me and I get privileges. They'll spend the next week breaking you in, raping you and teaching you to be quiet and sound like you're enjoying it if necessary. They'll teach you how to give head and train you how to talk and behave, the faster you learn the better. Stay silent and go somewhere in your head," I instruct her.
"Where?" She questions.
"Anywhere, where ever your favorite place is, a warm sunny beach, a river in a peaceful forest, anywhere there isn't here. Close your eyes and see it in your mind, when you're being raped or hurt at all go there," I say and she nods closing her eyes and then opening them again.
"Do you have a place?" She queries.
"Yeah this spot near the ravine where Owen, B and I used to hang out. Now see that place in your mind," I say and she closes her eyes again, "When they take you on a job do the same, play along with whatever the guy, or girls but it's usually a guy, whatever their fantasy is a…"
"Are you sold to guys?" She inquires cutting me off.
"Yeah, some women too but mostly men and they're all gross," I nod.
"How can they do this? Don't the clients know this is a human trafficking ring?" Clare asks.
"Yeah they know, a lot of the clients are regulars, people that have been clients for more than a year. A lot are at least moderately successful business people. They're people with sick sexual appetites, I'm not sure how they find us but none of the clients will help you. A few months ago a girl tried to get help from one of her regulars, he told Konigin and she had the girl beaten to death," I tell Clare and her eyes fill with tears again. "When you're with the clients pretend to be whatever they're looking for, use whatever acting skills you have, no matter how it disgusts you. If you try to fight or run you'll be punished and if you try again you'll be killed. We get two small meals a day, they aren't very good but you'll need the food. We shower a lot; they want us to be clean, once in the morning and once at night and after any job. They check out all the clients and make sure they're clean, they still have to wear condoms, they don't want you to get pregnant because you can't work that way. Other than that they don't much care what the clients do to you."
"I can't do this Fitz," she shakes her head, she starts trembling and crying once more.
"Yes you can, you have to Clare they'll kill you otherwise. Rely on me I will do everything I can to get you through this but you have to be strong. I know you're strong, I know what kind of inner strength you have, rely on that and me and we'll find a way out of here," I promise her and she nods against my chest as I hear footsteps coming.
"Food, time for her to go to her cell," Wache says.
"No she stays in here, let me talk to Konigin, Cinnamon needs to stay in here so I can train her. Talk to Konigin she'll tell you," I assert as he slides the food under the door.
He looks at me and walks away; I get up and get the food bringing it back to the bed. Tomato soup with plain white bread, I hand a bowl to Clare and she starts eating slowly then Wache returns.
"Konigin says she's your responsibility and you start her training tomorrow. She sleeps in here as long as you both behave but you are in charge of all of her training," Wache says I nod and Clare won't even look at him.
"I'm not hungry," she whispers when Wache walks away.
"I know but try and eat, you need your strength, if you get sick they'll kill you," I tell her. She finishes her dinner and I slide the food back into the hallway. They come and collect the trays and then open the cells so we can shower. "It's time to shower, we all shower together, no one will be looking at you trust me and if you're nervous just stay close to me," I say standing up.
I take off my hoodie, shirt, shorts and boxers, I'm used to being without clothes now and totally naked around others. Clare isn't and has probably not been naked around other people since she was too young to be modest. She bites her lip and looks at me, her cheeks go red and she looks away again.
"It's okay Clare, you'll get used to it, come on we need to shower stay close to me," I say holding my hand out to her.
She takes my hand and stands up; I already saw her naked when they brought her in and I don't even look. Clare squeezes my hand and I start walking her to the showers, the closer we get the less she breathes.
"Take a breath Clare," I remind her and she nods.
We get into the shower and she goes bright red when she sees all the other naked bodies but when no one even glances at her she calms a little. She still keeps hold of my hand and gets under the water with me. When I was first in juvie I used to fantasize about Clare a lot and one of my favorites was the two of us showering together but this is not the way I wanted it to happen. After showering we wrap in towels, give a urine test so they can test from drugs and STIs, they aren't very through but they test for the basics. Then we brush our teeth and return to our cells to go to bed.
"Clothes have to be earned or I would give you mine but they'll punish us both if I do," I explain when we're back in my cell and I'm getting dressed.
Clare nods and gets in the bed, I get in with her and she rolls over clinging to me. I know that I'm the only solace she has in this horrible place; I don't know how safe she actually feels with me. I'm probably more like a teddy bear to her than anything else but I'm finding a comfort in comforting her. For the first time since I woke up chained to the bed after being taken I've found a reason to live and the reason is Clare.
"I'm glad you're here Fitz," she says against my chest, "I mean I'm not glad that you were taken a…"
"It's okay Clare I know what you meant, I feel the same," I reply.
"Fitz what training are we doing tomorrow?" She asks after a few minutes.
"Worry about it tomorrow, try and get some sleep," I tell her.
"I can't, tell me what's going to happen please Fitz or I'll be thinking about it all night and never get any sleep," she says.
"You'll be raped again; they'll have you in different positions. That's probably all that will happen tomorrow but it will be brutal they don't go easy on you so they know you can take almost anything the clients want," I inform her and feel her cringe. I hold her tighter and rub her back.
"What's the worst you've been put through?" She questions but her voice waivers.
"Clare you don't want to hear about that," I argue.
"Fitz please, I'm not going to be able to be strong if I don't know how bad it can get. If you don't tell me I'll be picturing really awful things in my head all night," she contends.
"I've been here a year I've been through a lot. The first couple months are the worst for everyone if you can make it through those then you'll make it. I think the worst was my first rape, the pain was unbearable, there was blood after…" I pause when my voice cracks just remembering that first time and the pain that was so overwhelming it made me ill. "Sometimes they make hardcore movies for people, when I'd been with them a little over a month they took me to make one, I got whipped and paddled on camera it was painful and degrading and that videos still out there somewhere."
"Movies?" Clare squeaks in a frightened voice.
"Don't think about it Clare think about something else. Remember I told you to think of a nice place in your mind?" I question and she nods. "Go there now, tell me about it," I prompt her.
"A big serene river in a green forest, there's a swing in the trees I'm sitting on it swaying in the breeze and listening to the water. Can you be there with me?" Clare asks.
"If you want me to be," I nod.
"I want you to be," she replies and looks up at me, "Mark we have to get out of here we have to get home."
"We will Clare, somehow we will I'll find a way," I assure her. "I'll get you out of here if it kills me," I add silently.
Update Thursday November 20th most likely starting in Adam's pov and including a little of Clare's training while the search for her continues.
