AN: Hello people, I'm not dead! Sadly not a lot of reviews TT_TT Ah well, thank you to Mr. Potato Head, who did review- this chapter's for you! Now for the disclaimer... hang on... OY EDMUND! DISCLAIMER TIME!
Ed: Will you go AWAY?!
Me: Nope!
Ed: !£&%*$"
Me: Alright then. I don't own the Chronicles of Narnia. But I do own-
Ed: Don't say it.
Edmund stared around in disbelief. He was no longer in a moth-ridden wardrobe, with a furry coat on his face. He was in a beautiful forest, filled with pine trees, all covered in snow. Lucy hadn't got delusional problems after all! He called tentatively for his sister a few times, and after establishing that she wasn't there, he began to run a list in his head of how to work out what to do. He was just taking a mental inventory of his surroundings, when he heard a jingle of bells. He only just had time to register that the sleigh was not pulled by Rudolph, when he was knocked backwards into a snowdrift as it halted in front of him. Then a dwarf appeared, lashed at him with a whip, and poked him with a long knife.
"What is is now, Ginabrik?" asked an exasperated voice from the sleigh.
The voice sounded authoritative, so Edmund cried "make him let me go!"
"How dare you you address the queen of Narnia?" demanded the Dwarf in an awful, put-on accent the sounded like a failed attempt at something between German, Russian and American.
"I didn't know!" cried Edmund incredulously. Why did this Dwarf think a kid in a dressing gown would be so familiar with this country's politics? Besides, he couldn't even see the figure in the sleigh- it could have been a man, for all he knew.
The dwarf made some unintelligible threat in his terrible accent, and raised a knife. Before he brought it down on Edmund's face, the voice in the sleigh called "wait!"
Really? thought Edmund, you had to wait till the last possible second?
When Edmund looked up, a tall, elegant woman with what could best be described as blonde dreadlocks, and a ridiculously pointy crown, wearing a sparkly blue dress that could not have been too comfortable, along with a dead polar bear, was standing in front of him. His first thought was Lady Gaga, followed by, wait, who is Lady Gaga? Nonetheless, the woman carried herself with a grace that Susan only thought she had, and Lucy could n ever have achieved. True, he had often seen Peter hold his head like that, tossing his hair in the same way, but the effect had been rather different then. So Edmund found this woman rather striking.
"What is your name?" she asked, icily.
"Um..." Do. Not. Tell. Her he thought, "Barry. My name's Barry."
"And how, Barry, did you come to enter my dominion?"
Edmund considered for a moment, then decided the truth was so weird that she'd never believe it. "I got in through a wardrobe."
The woman didn't bat an eyelid.
Edmund then realised something. If this woman was as dangerous as she seemed, he needed to avert the attention from himself... "I just followed my sister," he said, casually.
The woman stiffened. "How many of you are there?" she asked.
"Four," he replied, hoping she would find them easier prey.
"Edmund," she said, her voice almost lecherously gentle, "you look so cold! Allow me to warm you up... come sit with me!"
Edmund gulped. He didn't want to fall victim to paedophilia and kidnapping, but perhaps he could pull a double-bluff, make the lady think she'd ensnared him, then escape.
He squirmed as she led him to the sleigh, then nearly died of horror when she wrapped him into her coat.
"Would you like a hot drink?" she purred. Creepy, definitely creepy.
"Um... yes please... Your Majesty." Edmund stared as she dripped some green liquid onto the snow-covered ground, and a goblet full of a drink that was almost certainly spiked with Rehypnol appeared. Edmund pretended to sip it, careful not to let the liquid pass his lips. He wished the woman would stop smiling at him like that. He was way to young to be looked at like that.
"How about... something to eat?" she offered, in what was obviously supposed to be an enticing voice.
"Turkish Delight please, Your Majesty," said Edmund, naming the first food that came into his head.
Smiling, the lady took his goblet, threw it to the ground whence it turned into snow again, then using the same liquid, created a dish of Turkish Delight.
He bit into a piece, slowly, carefully. It tasted fine. He was still concious. So he grabbed another fistful and stuffed his face.
The woman was saying something about making him a king, blah blah blah, rooms full of turkish delight- yeah, right- and bringing his siblings to visit.
"Excuse me," asked Edmund, "but why do you want four children to visit your house?"
"I, uh, have no children of my own," she replied, her smile strained.
"Ri-i-i-iiii-i-ight," he said, raising an eyebrow.
"Well why else would- Oh dear God!" she yelped, raising a hand to her mouth, "you can't possibly be suggesting what I think you're suggesting!"
"Don't look so horrified," shrugged Edmund, "all I'm saying is, you've got a 10-year-old wrapped in your coat, you tried to feed me what I'm pretty sure was Rehypnol, and now you want me to bring my siblings to visit you in your home... what am I supposed to think?"
"Oh, for crying out loud," she yelled, "I would never do something so... wrong! I just wanted to lure the four of you to my palace to kill you so I could stop a prophecy which involves you four dethroning me!"
"Please," he groaned, "my siblings couldn't dethrone a queen bee if they wanted to, let alone you."
The witch looked him up-and-down. "You're smart," she said, "I need smart," she cast the dwarf a disgusted look, "take my card, if you're interested."
She fished out a white business card and handed it to him. Edmund pocketed it. "Well, bye then," he said, and leapt out of the sleigh. She rode off.
Edmund stood there for a moment. He glanced at the business card- as if he'd ever join her...
"EDMUND!" cried a happy eight-year-old, "oh goody goody, you got here too!"
The incessant chatter of his youngest sister shattered the once peaceful silence.
On the other hand, thought Edmund, fingering the card, you shouldn't dismiss anything straight away.
