Tonight is the last chapter for short story month and I won't be posting every day. I will put up as many Christmas chapters as I can between December 23rd and January 4th. After that is one shot week! Be sure to check the DeGrassi Saviors website to see the full schedule.

Last chapter hope you all enjoy it.

Ch. 5 Life is Hard for Me to Touch Now

(CLARE)

"Cinnamon put this on you have a job," Zuchter demands handing me an outfit through the cell doors.

"I'm coming too I don't have a job tonight," Fitz states.

Since I've been here, been over three months now, Fitz has done everything he can to move himself up in the ranks. I know it's meant a lot of difficult choices for him, protecting me at the cost of others, including himself sometimes. He's had to help beat and train and even dispose of other merchandise to gain their trust. He told me he never killed anyone just drove or helped dumped a body. I can see the effect that it's had on him, the last three months have probably been harder on him than the year he spent he here alone. Harder because he has hope now and something to fight for, instead of giving in and waiting to die he was sacrificing parts of himself to save me.

"Fine get her dressed Cross, she does behave better when you come," Zuchter replies as I take the outfit. After being beaten and recovering I earned the privilege of my own clothes, shorts and a tank top without undergarments but at least I'm covered.

Zuchter starts talking to Wache in German while Fitz helps me dress. I've begun to pick out words and phrases when they talk, I can't fully understand but sometimes I get a sense of what they're talking about.

The outfit I'm wearing this evening is a small black dress, it almost looks like a maid's uniform, only it's sleeveless but there's a black collar trimmed in lace, and when I see there's a little white apron for me to wear it looks even more like a maids uniforms. It includes ridiculous heels but I don't usually do much walking.

"She's dressed I'll take her to the van," Fitz tells them helping me to stand. Zuchter gives him the keys and we start walking out to the van. Fitz usually rides in back with me but sometimes he rides up front. "I think it's just us and Zuchter tonight, if so be ready to run," Fitz tells me as he puts me in the back of the van.

After being beaten so badly a month ago I've mostly done groups which meant more guards taking us. Sometimes Fitz and I were both merchandise, others it was me and other girls. Fitz has been sent on a lot of jobs this last month too; he did all he could to keep me from having to face a job alone while I was healing from the beating. We moved again, a couple of weeks ago we moved to outside of Quebec City, we moved during the night and now we're in some underground bunker of some kind. One of the girls that's been here a while was killed before we moved, another boy was beaten so bad on a job he died from his injuries, it was just a couple of days ago. If I hadn't had Fitz I'm sure I would have died or been killed after my beating.

"But how will we…" I start to ask and Fitz cuts me off.

"Don't worry about it, Zuchter's coming tuck your legs behind you and take your shoes off so that he can't see," Fitz instructs then closes the back doors and goes around to the passenger seat tossing the keys to Zuchter. Fitz gets in and I see him quickly opening the glove box before Zuchter gets to the van.

We drive in silence, since the compound is so far from town it's always a long drive. The drives are always peaceful and terrifying all at once. I'm trying not to think about what I'll be forced to do tonight, if I think about it I'll be shaking with fright and disgust by the time we arrive.

I have my shoes off, I unbuckled them and slipped them off as soon as we started driving. I don't know what Fitz's plan is but he must have one or he wouldn't have told me to be ready to run. For a few minutes I watch him in the front seat, waiting for…well I don't know what really but something. When Fitz hardly moves at all for several minutes I look out the window, watching the passing sky and tree tops passing. I'm just sort of spacing out on the passing scenery and then suddenly there's a very loud, nearly deafening BANG! The van begins to swerve and I think we blew a tire, I grip the bar bolted to the side of the van and then I see blood all over the windshield. I start screaming and I can't stop, Fitz gains control of the van and stops it but I can't stop screaming.

"CLARE," Fitz yells opening the back of the van. He crawls in holding my face and I finally stop screaming. "I killed him but we need to run, we have two hours at best and we need to get to a police station," Fitz says in a firm but caring voice.

I nod and follow him out of the van, my eyes brimming with tears, not because Zuchter is dead, he deserved to die as far I'm concerned. My eyes fill with saltwater because I can't believe we're actually running, my eyes fill with tears of joy, fear and even pain. We run near the road, my bare feet are calloused anyway so I hardly even feel the dirt and gravel under my feet. We run near the road but in the trees, afraid of being seen or even picked up by someone else from the ring, anyone else really. I don't know how long we run but finally Fitz sees a police car and flags them down.

"You kids in some kind of trouble?" The officer asks.

"We were kidnapped; we need to get a police station. Please we're not safe here," Fitz practically begs the cop. I'm holding tight to his hand, I haven't let go of it since getting out of the van.

"Get in the car," the officer tells us and Fitz opens the front door. We slide in and the officer starts driving again. "I'm Officer Gale, you do look familiar what's your name?" He asks me.

"Clare Edwards I was taken on A…"

"Clare Edwards," Officer Gale interrupts me, "yeah I saw your picture on the news and we got posters and an amber alert for you. People have been looking for you for a while, what about you son?"

"Mark Fitzgerald," Fitz replies.

"He was taken over a year ago," I inform the officer as I squeeze Fitz's hand.

I'm shaking slightly and I don't know why. I'm relieved and happy to be away from the compound but it's not an overwhelming feeling. It's sort of under a bunch of other emotions. Maybe I've felt nothing but sorrow, pain, fear and hopelessness for so long that I don't remember how to feel happy.

"We're almost at the station just hang tight, you kids are safe now," he says.

I almost laugh at the word safe, is there really any such thing as safe? I don't necessarily feel safe, not 100% anyway, I feel safer now that I'm not being sold for sex but I don't feel entirely safe. Better, safer but not completely safe, there's still a feeling that Wache or Vollstrecker will show up and take us back. Like they're lurking just out of visual range or that this is all a hopeful dream and I'm in bed with Fitz in our cell, I'll wake up and we won't haven't really escaped but I'm just losing my mind.

He parks at the station and we follow him inside, Fitz is dressed in sweat shorts and an undershirt, he's at least dressed but I have no shoes and just my costume for the night. Everyone in the room looks over at us and I hide behind Fitz.

"Lieutenant this is Clare Edwards," Officer Gale calls over and a man in his forties with greying hair and a stout build comes over.

"I'm Lieutenant Leclerc don't worry kids we'll get you home. Kristi call O.P.P. and let them we have Clare Edwards and…"

"Mark Fitzgerald," Fitz says.

"Tell them they're here and notify the families, come with me kids," the lieutenant says and we follow him into his office. "I know you've probably been through a lot but can you tell me what happened? Can you tell me where you've been since you've been taken?" He asks turning on a video camera.

"We were kidnapped by a human trafficking ring, I know almost everything. I can take you to where they are now, there's 12 other kids being held there but we have to go now, if they figure out we're gone they'll pack and move. They might kill all the other kids," Fitz tells him with urgency in his voice, and a harsh, angry determined edge.

"No no no we can't go back there they won't let us leave, I won't go back," I shake my head, my heart racing with terror at the thought of being anywhere near that place.

"You stay here I'll show them where it is," Fitz says and I shake my head vigorously.

"No don't leave me, not they'll take you a…"

"I'll be back Clare I promise, I'll be back but I can't let the others be killed or moved I have to try," Fitz tells me cupping my face tenderly but with the same determined edge to his voice.

"We'll keep him safe don't worry. Stay right here I need to make some calls, Clare I'm going to have you taken to the hospital and Mark you'll come with us," Lieutenant Leclerc says and leaves his office.

"You have to come back; I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. I wouldn't be alive, Mark you have to come back," I plead with him semi-hysterically.

"I promise you I'll come back, I have to do this Clare, I have to try or I won't be able to live with myself. I got us out at a great cost; I killed a man today to save us. As soon as they know Zuchter's dead and we're on the run they'll move, they'll take the others or kill them you know it," Fitz comments and I nod.

"You're coming home with me, you promised," I remind him just as the lieutenant comes back in.

"Clare this is Officer Renee Maldonado she'll take you to the hospital. Mark ERU is mobilizing you'll come with us, just show us where and give us as much information as you can," Lieutenant Leclerc tells us and I see a female officer behind him.

"I'm going home with you Clare, I'll see you in a bit," Fitz says squeezing my hand and I get up leaving with the female officer.

I get in the car to go to the hospital and break down, all the tears I was holding in break free and I sob. I sob for over three months of being hold captive and sold for sex, I sob for all that time away from my family, my life and for losing so much of myself. I sob for everything Fitz went through and everything he did so we could break free. I sob because I'm finally free and I can cry without punishment or retribution. I cry for the mere reason that I can.

(ADAM)

We get back to our motel room and I fall on the bed, Drew is talking about dinner but I'm not hungry. We're in Edmundston, New Brunswick tonight we drove up along the East Coast of the states; we've basically been on the road since school let out in June. I didn't go to prom, didn't enjoy Bianca's graduation and none of us did any of our summer plans because we've been looking for Clare. We're running out time, school starts again in a couple of weeks, even the official search has been called off. Not that they stopped looking but they don't send out search parties anymore. Leads have mostly dried up, the news isn't interested anymore and Clare's disappearance has left most people's minds but not ours.

Drew, Owen, Bianca and I had spent so much time on the road together and in motel rooms we didn't even remember what our beds were like. Eli could have come with us but he chose to go with Jake and their parents. Alli, Jenna, Connor and Dave have also been looking this summer, they're driving west through Canada. Even Maya and Tris said they'd look in Paris, although I doubt Clare is there.

I hear my phone ring in my pocket and expect it to be Mom and Dad checking in. When I look at it however I see that it's Jake.

"Hey Jake any news?"

"Yeah the news Clare's alive she's okay…well she's alive anyway. She and Fitz are at a hospital in Quebec City. My dad and Helen are trying to arrange a flight right now but we probably won't get there until tomorrow morning. You guys can go though we told them you were like family and you can stay with them, I have all the info," Jake tells me my stomach rises, my heart pounding with joy.

We've been looking for Clare for so long I can hardly believe I'm hearing the words. Clare's not missing anymore, she's alive and she's with Fitz! I'm in such a state of blissful shock I can't even breathe let alone speak.

"Adam? Did you hear me?" Jake asks.

"Yeah I heard you give me the information we'll leave now," I reply after mentally slapping myself to talk. I write down what Jake says and tell him I'll call them when we get there.

"What's up?" Drew asks when I hang up.

"Clare is in a hospital in Quebec City and she's with Fitz, they're alive! They're both alive!" I practically giggle I'm so gleeful at this thought. "I have the information, Helen and the others probably won't get a flight until morning but we can go now. We need to leave now, right now they're alive we need to go see them."

"Fitz? Fitz is with her? They're together? He's okay too?" Bianca sort of babbles in disbelief but I understand why.

"Well let's go," Owen says grabbing his bag and practically running for the door. The excitement is just as evident in his eyes as the doubt that Fitz is okay too.

We grab our bags and tell the front desk we're checking out; since we just checked in they don't charge us. We get back in Owen's SUV and he starts driving. A three hour drive has never felt more like an eternity. I feel like we're going so slow, like every mile takes an hour and each passing minute drags by. I know what Jake said but I need to see for my own two eyes that it's Clare. Hearing she's alive and seeing it, knowing it, being able to hug her are entirely different.

When the hospital finally comes into view we let out this collective breath, one we've all probably been holding for the entire drive. Owen parks and we run in as fast as we can, a large male nurse stopping us before we reach the elevator. We tell him who we are and that we're there to see Clare and Fitz. The nurse tells us how to get to their room, the closer we get the room the more nervous I get, worried that it won't be Clare or that she won't want to see me, just nervous in general. There's a police officer outside the room, he's sitting in a chair and looks up at us when we approach.

"You must be Adam, Drew, Bianca and Owen," the officer comments and we nod. "I'd like to take your word but they're under protection so I'll need to see some I.D.," the officer tells us and we show him our I.D.'s and he lets us in.

Clare and Fitz are both in hospital gowns, and in one bed, he's holding her and she seems to be asleep. Fitz sees us and smiles gently shaking Clare.

"Clare Adam's here," he tells her and she opens her eyes.

"Adam?" She asks rubbing her eyes but not from sleep, like she can't believe I'm really here.

"Yeah it's me, I can't believe it's you we've been looking for you for so long," I smile going over as she sits up on the bed.

We look at each other for a second and then we embrace tightly. Clare starts crying, I'm crying, tears of joy and relief. Drew stands close to us while Bianca and Owen go around and greet Fitz.

"Fuck man we thought you were dead, where the hell have you been? You have no idea how good it is to see you," Owen says before shaking his hand.

"You fucker don't ever disappear like that again," Bianca admonishes but with tears in her eyes as she hugs Fitz.

"Didn't mean to, didn't think anyone was looking for me though," Fitz admits.

"Yeah well we were, thank goodness you're both alive," Bianca smiles.

When I finally let go of Clare Drew hugs her, a much quicker hug than mine of course. I want to ask Clare what happened and where she's been this whole time but I don't think now is the time. I sit in a chair next to the bed and tell her about the search and that her family will catch the next flight that they can. Fitz tells us that they're being kept overnight in the hospital for observation. We stay for a couple of hours, I could have stayed all night but Clare and Fitz fall asleep so we leave to let them rest. Finding the closest hotel to the hospital we get two rooms and go up to get some rest. My brother and Bianca share one room, Owen and I the other and he decides to shower as soon as we're in. I lie on the bed and turn on the TV, a sense of relaxation and relief coming over me that I haven't felt in months. I flip channels until I see Clare and Fitz's pictures on the news and I stop turning up the volume.

…"Clare Edwards and Mark Fitzgerald were instrumental in the capture of five people involved in human trafficking. The two teens were both victims of the ring. Clare was kidnapped from the streets of Toronto back in April and Mark was taken from Ottawa over a year ago. The heads of the ring are on Interpol's most wanted list for numerous crimes. I'm joined by Lieutenant Leclerc who with ERU led a raid on the rings compound about 45 minutes outside the city. Lieutenant I understand it was Fitz who led you to the compound?"

I turn down the volume again and just stare at the TV; I knew it wouldn't be good but human trafficking?! My sweet, stubborn, smart and sassy best friend has been used as a sex slave! I feel sick, my stomach churns as my thoughts race about what happened to them while they were held. It boils up and I rush out of the room, barely making it to the trashcan by the elevator before I vomit.

(FITZ)

I watch the wind blow the leafless branches of the tree outside the window and the snow fall drifting down. The sun is barely peaking over the horizon; it gives a warm orange glow to the sky and the snow. I woke up about an hour ago when I heard noises in the house, it's a paranoid habit. Clare stirs in my arms, she's starting to wake up I can feel her breathing becoming lighter and less steady as she comes into consciousness.

It's been four months since we escaped, four months since I killed a guy so that we could. We've been free and back home now for as long as Clare was a captive with me. Her reunion with her family at the hospital the morning after we escaped was bitter sweet. She was of course happy to see her parents and Jake, even Eli but she was changed. She was not the girl that left her house to go to a restaurant that day in April; parts of her, lots of parts of her had died away in captivity and forced sex slavery. Her mother cried more than Clare did and would hardly let go of her but Clare would barely let go of me. She hasn't since. I moved into Clare's room in her house because Clare didn't give her mom a choice. We're not being held in a cell anymore but we're not the same, all we've had is each other for four months and we can't let go of each other, we won't.

We're not dating, it's not necessarily a romantic relationship, it's not sexual at all. No it's deeper than that, something that no one else could understand. When all you have in the world is one other person, a person to keep you going and remind you that there's something to live for, one person as the only source of solace in a tormenting world. A person to give you faith again, a reason to fight, someone you would do anything for including kill. It goes deeper than romance and sex, deeper than love even.

Clare started her senior year in September, it wasn't easy for her. It wasn't easy for either of us to go back into the world; you want to think that you'll just jump back into life. You can't though, you aren't the same, neither are the people around you. After what we saw, what we went through, life just isn't the same but we've had lots of support. Adam, Drew and Clare's other friends helped her adjust to school and catch up, not that it was too hard for her to catch up. She took her exams for grade 11 in October and passed them so they passed her, not that I had any doubts. While Clare went back to school I got my job back at The Dot. Clare always came at lunch and I made sure my shifts were only during her school hours.

We were healing, in some ways faster than others but we were healing. There was a long way to go, a lot of healing to do, years of therapy and trying to find normal again. We both knew it but we were on that road. The people that held us were being tried by Interpol for a multitude of crimes. Thanks to me and Clare we busted them all and saved the other kids being held with us. The police and ERU found connections to other human trafficking rings in 5 other countries including the states and Germany. They weren't able to make any arrests for any other rings though, I'm sure as soon as our ring was busted the other's disbanded or fled. Still we'd stopped ours and when the trial starts in summer Clare and I will both testify. I hope they all get fried.

I wasn't charged for killing Zuchter, it was ruled as self-defense and while I'm not sorry he died, while I know he deserved it and much more, I still have to live with knowing I took a life. I did it so we could be free, so we could escape. I did it for Clare and I'd do it again.

"Morning," Clare yawns.

"Merry Christmas," I smile.

"Merry Christmas, what time is it?" Clare asks sitting up.

"A little before eight," I reply sitting up as well.

I pull on jeans, a t-shirt and socks. The house is warmed by the heater and I always sleep in boxers, Clare doesn't mind after all she spent two months being naked with me all day every day. I'd think she wouldn't like sleeping in my arms still, against my skin, and that it would remind her of being in our prison. It doesn't though, she tells me it's comfortable, and safe and it's the only way she can sleep now. She always sleeps in my t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

We go downstairs, the Christmas tree is lit and Helen is making pancakes. Glen is helping her and coffee is brewing. We say Merry Christmas to Clare's parents and get some coffee. Jake comes down the stairs yawning as soon as the smell of pancakes goes through the house. Jake works with his dad and lives at home still, he was going to go to Vancouver but after Clare went missing and came back he changed his plans.

"We'll open presents after breakfast and then you two can go to Adam's just be back for Christmas dinner," Helen tells us as we sit down to eat.

"We will Mom," Clare nods.

We eat and talk about New Year's mostly and some other small talk. Then we open presents, there are several since Clare's grandparents sent some, even some for me. I haven't seen or heard from my own family since being back but I have Owen, Bianca and Clare's family. I've also become close to Adam and Drew in the last few months. Last night we went to Clare's dad's house for a Christmas Eve celebration. After that we joined Helen, Glen and Jake for midnight mass. Both Clare and I began attending church again about a month after coming home.

"Merry Christmas," Bianca grins kissing my cheek and then Clare's when we walk into the Torres basement. "You're under the mistletoe," Bianca says explaining the kisses and Clare smiles. Bianca goes to Wilfrid Laurier but she's home every weekend.

"Merry Christmas but I ain't kissing ya," Owen grins hugging us both. Owen goes to Brock University in Niagara Falls and comes home at least twice a month.

Drew of course repeated his senior year and is student council president; he comes over and hugs us. Adam is Vice President, he hugs us too and we sit on the sofa. Dallas is sports rep but he went to Guelph for the holidays so he isn't here. Eli is going to NYU, he and Clare are...well friends may not be accurate but they're talking again. Once every few weeks they exchange check in e-mails but Eli hasn't been home. He still partly blames himself for Clare's kidnapping.

"We have presents for you guys, Eli sent some too," Adam says pointing to the presents near the fireplace.

"Oh Mark we left the presents in the car," Clare says.

"I'll get them," I reply getting up and getting the keys out of my pocket.

"I'll help," Owen comments following me out. "Has Clare talked about summer yet? Or university?" Owen questions when we're outside.

"She'll probably go to U of T, I know she wants to stay close to home," I reply unlocking the trunk and getting out the bags with the presents.

"Yeah I don't blame her. I heard Omar saying some of the talk shows and stuff were trying to interview again," Owen remarks.

"Yeah, they've been calling but we have a gag order until the trial is over and it doesn't start until June. They want us to tell our heroic story. I don't feel like a hero, never did just did what I had to do to keep Clare alive and get us the hell out of there. I don't think we're ready to talk about it like that anyway. We can barely talk about it with anyone, even each other," I reply. We haven't started walking back to the house yet but I close the trunk and begin walking.

"You think you'll ever be?" Owen queries.

I open the sliding glass door and look at Clare laughing with Adam and I smile, "Yeah I think we're getting there."

So that does it not only for this story but short story month. This story will be replaced by When I Knew You & Me Would Never Be.

I won't be posting every day but will get up as many Christmas chapters as I can. Also be sure to check out the DeGrassi Saviors site for Christmas pics, I'll try to get a new one up every day, no promises though.