Summary- Dean is granted his "heart's desire" while tangling with a witch. Now under a witch's spell, he feels compelled to overprotect Sam from every danger and wants complete control to keep Sam safe. Will the brother's relationship survive? S2
This story is a birthday dedication to my wonderful beta and friend- Sendintheclowns.
Heart's Desire Twenty
Dean jerked awake from a light slumber. He heard the coffee pot perking in the kitchen, and Bobby opening and shutting cabinets. A quick glance to the digital clock on the table by the bed showed the time to be 6:37am. He had been asleep for a full hour since the last time he had glanced at the clock.
It had been a rough night. His mind replayed the events of the last couple of weeks over and over again. Luckily Sam had rested peacefully, not stirring once during the night. Dean had been afraid that his brother might be sick all night and was thankful that Sam was spared that.
Dean slowly rose from his bed, wiping the crusted sleep from his eyes. He felt like the walking dead that he hunted and hoped that some coffee would help him back to the land of the living.
Dean approached the kitchen and noticed the Bobby had started fixing breakfast. The coffee had just begun to perk so Dean reluctantly plucked down in one of the kitchen chairs.
"Hey." Bobby tossed his way and continued scrabbling eggs.
"Hey Bobby, did you sleep okay?" Dean was trying to make an effort to be civil, but until he had his coffee, it was going to be a struggle.
"Well the couch was comfortable enough, if I hadn't had to listening to the dance of the bed sheets coming from your bed, I'd slept just fine." Bobby's tone was gruff, but there was a sympathetic smile on his face when he answered Dean.
"Sorry about that Bobby. So uh, what do we need to do today as part of Sam's detox?" Dean really didn't want to ask the question, didn't want to think about it, but knew that he needed too.
"Well, first off I'd like to get some food in the boy. It'll do us no good to give him the drug only to have him barf it right back up. I figure maybe give him some toast, and a bit of Sprite. If he keeps it down we can give him a Valium tablet." Bobby stated as he finished up the eggs, putting them on two plates.
Dean watched Bobby approach with the eggs and toast and quickly shook his head at him.
"Uh Bobby, you can eat the eggs, all this talk about Sam barfing, not really helping with my appetite. " Dean watched as a smile spread across Bobby's face.
"Suit yourself." Bobby replied and he quickly shuffled Dean's eggs onto his plate.
The glorious sound of the coffee pot finishing up its wonderful brew, made Dean quickly jump from his seat and head over to the pot. He quickly grabbed two mugs from the cabinet above the coffee pot. Pouring two mugs full, he headed back to the kitchen table. Handing one mug to Bobby, he took a slow pull off of his own as he settled in the kitchen chair.
"God I needed this!" Dean purred.
Dean noticed Bobby smirk and then his facial features turned serious. "So Dean, what time have you been giving Sam his meds? We need to continue to stay on that schedule."
Dean felt like he had been smacked on the side of his head. He quickly put the coffee mug down and replied. "I-I have been giving him a dose every morning as he awoke, so around 8 or 9 am. He would usually sleep late after I poisoned him!" Dean slammed his hand down on the table.
"Dean, don't let yourself get all worked up. We'll get through this." Bobby said with concern evident on his face.
"Yeah, well sure. I'll just stay calm, and calmly continue to poison my brother! I can't do this Bobby!" Dean clinched his fist trying to rein his emotions in.
"Dean, what is done is done. You're not doing your brother any good letting your guilt eat you up. We have to do this detox there is no other choice, so suck it up." Bobby's eyes were still full of sympathy but his tone was harsh.
Dean knew that Bobby was right, but it didn't make things any easier.
"I know Bobby, I'm sorry. It's just…in a few hours Sam is going to be waking up, and I know what to expect. This was the part of the day that my spell driven self hated. The morning was when Sam was his most lucid. He was coming down from the effects of the drug, and that made me feel so out of control. If I wasn't in control, I couldn't protect him. That's how my mind worked, how sick is that?" Dean felt his eyes water up in grief over his actions.
"But Dean, that wasn't you. You weren't in control, and Sam knew that." Bobby's tone had softened, and Dean knew he was trying to comfort him. But there is no comfort when you have so wronged your brother.
"Bobby, if you had been here to see him, you'd hate me. He would wake up with fear in his eyes, afraid of what I might do. Sam would wait to see how crazy I was that morning. And then, I'd make him take the Valium. He would plead with me not too- that I could trust him." Dean paused and wiped a bit of moisture from the corner of his right eye. "But I wouldn't listen, and until I die I will always remember how he looked at me- his eyes full of despair. I caused him so much pain." Dean took a calming breath and looked at Bobby knowing that the man had nothing to say, nothing that could comfort him.
"God Dean, I'm so sorry. I really am, but you're not to blame, that witch is. I wish that you and I could be hunting her evil ass down right now, make her pay for what she did, but we can't We have to be strong, and be here for Sam. You both were victims, and I know it is hard for you to see that, but hopefully once Sam is back to normal you will. Until then, suck it up boy, okay? Sam needs you." Dean was amazed at how much Bobby sounded like his Dad at this moment.
Dean nodded at Bobby, he knew the man was right. He needed to put everything but Sam's well being out of his head for now. Once Sam was better, he could deal with the aftermath. He just hoped that Sam would want to be with him once all was said and done.
"Alright Dean, so you would give him the pill between 8 and 9am so we need to wake him soon and see if we can get some food in the boy before it is time for the meds. From looking at the bottle, I assume that you were giving him a pill a day and recently upped it, because I found ¾'s of a pill in the bottle?" Bobby's tone was all business. Dean could tell that the elder man was in hunter mode, treating this like a job.
"Um yeah, just yesterday I had upped it from one pill and I gave him a whole pill plus a fourth of another." Dean was just glad that the new dosage had just started and so hopefully the damage was a lot less than it could have been.
"Okay, then we will give him a whole pill today and start subtracting a fourth of pill tomorrow. Why don't you go and wake your brother, and I'll put some more bread in the toaster." Bobby stated as he got up from his place at the kitchen table.
Dean slowly rose from his spot at the table and headed for his brother, dreading what was to come this morning.
oooOOOooo
Sam felt an urgent tugging of his right shoulder. He was curled up on his left side in a fetal position, and the intrusion was unwelcome. He wished that the movement would stop so he could slip back into slumber. His head felt so heavy and the idea of opening his eyes was not a welcome one.
Sam sighed as the tugging stopped, but then he heard his name. "Sammy, dude please wake up. I know you don't want to but I really need you too."
Sam knew that voice, even with his head all foggy, he knew it was his brother, and his tone was urgent. Sam knew that this meant he had to wake up, his brother needed him. He slowly opened his eyes and was grateful to the fact that the lights were dim.
"Hey Sammy, take things slow. We don't want a repeat of last night, okay?" Dean's tone was comforting, and Sam memories of the night before flooded him. He immediately stilled and took stock of his body.
So far so good, his stomach didn't feel to bad, a bit sore from the activities of the night before, but otherwise good. He slowly rose from his position on the bed hoping that his head wouldn't spin like it did the night before and was pleasantly surprised when it didn't.
He immediately felt the hands of his brother on him, helping him settle against the headboard. Dean's hands leaving him to gather pillows, that he stuffed behind Sam.
"How ya feeling Sam?" Dean's face was full of concern.
"I-I'm better. My stomachs sore but not queasy and I'm not dizzy. My heads a bit foggy, but it doesn't hurt." Sam tried to give his brother a reassuring smile but wasn't sure how effective it was. His brother still appeared on edge but his body had dropped some of the previous tension as he settled on the side of Sam's bed.
"That's good." Dean replied but quickly looked away. Sam watched his brother take a deep breath slowly releasing it before he looked back up at Sam.
"So Sam, last night you seemed a bit out of it. Uh, what do you remember about the couple few weeks?" Dean asked quickly looking back down at his hands.
Sam closed his eyes and tried to sift through the fog, and the memories attacked him all at once. He quickly exhaled and his eyes popped open.
Not sure about his brother's state of mind, and fearing that he might set him off, Sam tentatively decided to question him about last night.
"D-Dean did I dream that Bobby was here last night?" Sam asked hoping that his memory of last night was correct and that Bobby was here.
Dean smiled brightly at him as he replied. "Sure thing kiddo, Bobby is here and he took care of me and you last night."
Sam let out the breath that he didn't know he was holding. His brain was having trouble grasping what Dean had said but he hoped it meant that the spell was gone.
Still unsure of the situation, Sam hesitantly asked, " So the spell, is it gone?"
Relief flooded Sam as Dean nodded, but Sam quickly became concerned when he saw the flash of emotions that hit his brother quickly before the Winchester mask was in place. He knew Dean, and that meant that he knew his brother was in misery over his actions during the past couple of weeks.
"Sam, it's gone, and I'm so sorry." Dean mumbled out, before Sam stopped him.
"Hey Dean, it's okay really. You weren't yourself." Sam was about to continue when Bobby made an appearance.
He noticed a quick nonverbal exchange between Bobby and Dean. Not sure of what that meant, but he knew that evidently Bobby and Dean had been discussing the recent events while he was asleep.
"Sam, it's good to see you up and around." Bobby spoke as he approached Sam with a tray of food. He quickly placed it in front of Sam.
"Thanks Bobby, it's good to have you here." Sam was truly relieved to have Bobby there. It was so nice to have someone to watch over him and Dean while they piece things back together.
Bobby nodded before he replied as he settled on the side of Dean's bed. " Well son, do you think you could eat a bit for me? I know last night had your stomach a bit off."
"Yeah, I-I'm better. I think I can manage some toast." Sam picked up a piece of the toast and took a small bite.
Sam watched as Dean turned his body to face Bobby. "Hey Bobby, I have some good news. Sam here remembers what happened. So he's back in the game so to speak." Dean finished and gave Sam an encouraging smile.
Sam saw this as his opportunity to clear up what had transpired last night, while he was out of it. "So I vaguely remember Bobby being here last night, but everything else is a blur. What did I miss?" Sam asked and again watched a nonverbal exchange between his brother and Bobby. In the end Dean nodded towards Bobby to answer.
"Well, me and Josh were able to get a cure for the spell from a fellow hunter friend of Ash's. At the same time, we got a lead on Kira. So I headed this way, and Josh met up with the other hunter, and hopefully soon we won't have to worry that bitch." Bobby paused and Sam nodded for him to continue. At the same time Dean shifted uncomfortably next to him.
"Once I got here, Dottie was here with you Sam, and you had just woke up and were upset wanting Dean. You calmed down when you spotted me and I sent Dottie on her way. Dean was out getting supplies and while he was out I got you settled. That's when I tied you down, you remember that Sam?" Bobby's eyes softened as he looked at Sam.
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I do now that you mention it. You said it was for my own good. I guess you didn't need my loopy head messing things up." Sam was trying to lighten the mood but he noticed Dean tense the minute he mentioned his altered state.
"Yeah, sorry 'bout that Sam. I just needed to make sure that when I took Dean down to give him the cure, you didn't interfere." Sam nodded as Bobby continued. "I used a tranquilizer gun on Dean and then gave him the cure, and luckily it worked."
"So things are heading back to normal?" Sam asked, and immediately regretted it when he watched both men tense.
Dean grasped Sam's right hand in his and replied. "I'm so sorry Sammy, but I've had you on that damn Valium for so long, your body is addicted. We can't just stop giving it to you, if we do you'll get really sick."
Sam was thrust in a confusing maze of emotions. He wanted to grab his brother and shake the guilt out of him. This was not his fault. But at the same time, as what his brother said sunk in, his stomach dropped. He was addicted to Valium, what did that mean? Fear over what was going to happen also reared its ugly head.
"Dean, it's okay, right? I mean, we just wean me off the stuff, end of story." Sam finished his questions and noticed his brother was turning very pale.
Bobby shifted on the other bed, and Sam could see that the elder hunter was ready to take the pressure off of Dean.
In a matter of fact tone, that was oddly reassuring, Bobby spoke up. "Sam, here's the thing. Dean and I have been up most of the night researching the effect of Valium. We'll have to detox you, slowly pull you off the drug. But I ain't gonna lie to you, it won't be pretty. You're experiencing a lucid moment because you are coming off of a dose, but as soon as we dose you up again, the side effects will start to rear their ugly heads again."
"So loopy Sam will be back." Sam replied and tried to put on his stoic Winchester mask. He needed to do this for Dean. His brother was already eaten up with guilt and Sam showing his fear over the latest news wouldn't help that.
"Yeah, but there can be more serious side effects, besides the dizziness, and nauseous. It can effect your blood pressure and breathing. We'll have to keep a close eye on those things. Truthfully Sam, I don't see those things as a problem, or we'd probably seen those side effects last night." Bobby finished and gave Sam a reassuring smile.
That bit of news really threw Sam, but he immediately put the fear out of his head and concentrated on his brother. Dean was a mess, though the average person wouldn't be able to see it. Sam could see it loud and clear from the tension that was bouncing off his brother in waves. His brother felt this was all his fault, so Sam would suck it up and move forward.
"I'm sure everything will be fine. I trust you guys." Sam said with as much confidence that he could muster.
Dean looked up at Sam, and spoke. "Your right, Sammy everything will be just fine. I'm back and I promise that nothing is going to hurt you." It hurt Sam to see his brother so miserable, and he wanted so much to reach out to him. But for now, they would both have to settle for just being there for each other.
Bobby got up off the bed next to Sam and pulled out a bottle of pills. Opening the bottle he carefully poured out a pill and handed it to Sam.
"Since you were able to keep that toast down you ate, I guess you better go ahead and take this. We'll start reducing your dose in fourth's so in four days time you'll be done with it. Promise." Bobby said as he nodded at Sam and walked out of the room.
Sam looked at the little blue pill in his hand, amazed that something so small could cause him so much trouble. He was brought out of his pondering when Dean picked up the glass of water on his tray and handed it to Sam.
"Sam you need to drink all of this okay?" Dean asked, as Sam took the water from him.
Sam couldn't help but shutter at the familiarity of the moment. This moment reminded him of his past drugging at the hands of his brother. Unfortunately, the shudder was caught by Dean who sighed and quickly patted Sam on the leg.
"I-I'm so sorry Sam. I just don't know what to do." Dean voice was so quiet, so unlike Dean.
Sam took the pill and quickly drank the water. Looking straight at his brother, he gave him a reassuring smile and replied.
"Dean, you don't have to do anything. Just be here, and take care of me. My Dean is back and I know you will do all you can for me. That's all I need." Sam watched as his brother relaxed a bit.
"Good cause you're not getting rid of me! Now why don't you try and get some sleep while I get rid of this tray. I'll be here when you wake up." Dean smiled and grabbed the tray off of Sam's bed.
"I know you will Mom!" Sam replied and smiled as he heard Dean fake grumbling. He settled down in bed and was able to relax knowing that as long as Dean was with him, everything would be okay.
AN: Wow, we are getting close to the end, I have 23 parts written, so by the end of the week, the story will be done. I continue to enjoy reading everyone's reviews, so thank you for taking time to leave me feedback. Thanks again to my wonderful beta- sendintheclowns.
