AN: Hello lovely, loyal reviewers! Sorry this update's been so long coming, argh, I really hate projects... Anyway, this is a Golden Age Chapter, so there isn't a scene that it's based off of. Review, and let me know if you like it or not.
Disclaimer time...
Edmund: No, no, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not.
Me: Fine.
Ed: No, I don't ca- wait, what? That's it? Fine? You're not going to exert some terrible revenge on me?
Me: I already have...
Ed: Huh? *reads the chapter* I hate you. I hate you with every fibre of my being. *collapses.*
Me: Oh well... enjoy.
"Peter, what the hell?" King Edmund the Sane (as was his official title, after he'd overruled "the Just") stared at his brother the high king in a mixture of hatred, incredulity and disbelief.
"Don't look so surprised, brother dear. As a king of the realm, it is your moral obligation towards your loyal citizens to engage into a matrimony that is beneficial to their nation by providing political security."
"Peter, swallowing the English dictionary does not make you any less stupid. I am fifteen!"
"Exactly," snapped Peter, "you've been a King of Narnia for three years, and show no signs of settling down, and it's about time you were wed."
"Peter," said Edmund in his best slow 'my-brother-is-mentally-deficient' voice, "you've been High King for three years too, and you're eighteen. Why aren't you married?"
Peter ignore him. "Now don't be difficult, Ed. You're candidates are here!"
"What?"
But before Edmund had time to question his brother further, all the lights went black. A row of three spotlights went up, and under each spotlight was a girl. Edmund looked down at himself, and swore in horror. He was suddenly in a black suit and tie, and a plate with a single rose on it sat in front of him. Peter was carrying a microphone, and now spoke into it. "Well, Edmund. It's time to meet your candidates!"
"My what?" Edmund stared in horror.
The first girl stepped forward. "Hello Eddie..." Edmund winced. Her voice was high, and sing-songy, and sound like she had ingested helium, "my name is Arianianya Topaz Shinyface Mariama Lynne the third, but you can call me Ariana! As you can see, I have a cascade of rich chestnut locks which tumbles down my shoulders like a water fall-"
"Lady, your hair is shoulder-legnth mousy brown, at best!" cried Edmund. Of course, she ignored him.
"My eyes are grey-green-blue, like a stormy ocean in summer, and they reveal the pain and strife I've lived through."
"Those. Are. Contacts," snarled Edmund. He was contemplating decapitating this girl with his sword.
"I've been your best friend for, like, ever and-"
"NO YOU HAVE NOT!" he cried, "I've never met you!"
Still, the girl continued. "I'm haunted by childhood nightmares-"
"Of what, your reflection?"
"about a strange fate I have. We are destined to fall in love, and-"
"No we're bloody well not! God, what the heck Peter?"
As per usual, everyone ignored him.
The next girl stepped forward.
"My name is Leonamoana Frostfairy Narnialady. But call me Leona!" Her voice strange, she sounded like she was trying- and failing- to give a dramatic speech of some sort. "As you can see from my fiery hair and icy eyes, I am the child of Aslan and Jadis-"
"Seriously, they are of different species! Are you telling me you're half-lion now, the result of a bestial relationship?"
"But- but- but..." she stammered, "we're supposed to have an epic romance in which our dark sides help us bond, and-"
Edmund slammed his head against the wall.
Finally the third candidate stepped forward.
"Pete..." she whined, "what am I doing here?"
"PETER OCTAVIUS ORION PEVENSIE!" shrieked Edmund in horror, leaping up from his throne, brandishing his sword at his brother in horror, "why the hell is my little sister here?"
Peter shrugged. "Give your favourite candidate a rose!"
Edmund picked up the rose, and ripped of its petals one by one. "I- am- done!" he said. "This is it! Oh, and Peter," he glared at his brother, "I hate you. I HATE you!"
Edmund stormed out of the throne room.
"Still," said Lucy, "he would probably have picked me..."
