It had taken him no time at all to put his scarce belongings back inside his old suitcase.
Having been excused of his duties, now he had nothing to do but wait for the morning. He wished he had not accepted Lord Grantham's suggestion to wait for the nine o'clock train the next morning . Staying at Downton was certainly more comfortable, but much more humiliating.
His mind wandered on its own accord to those last job interviews he had had, right before meeting Lord Grantham on the street. He could see every stare at his leg, every uncomfortable question, impertinent even, about his ability to do proper work. And then it was the matter of his references, or lack thereof for the past couple of years.
Lord Grantham had not bothered with asking for those references when he had hired him, due to their past in the military together. Nobody would pay him the same courtesy. Nobody would hire a convicted thief either.
He thought about his mother, and how happy she had been when he had come back from that encounter, to tell her that finally he had found a job. After so many months he had felt worthy, capable, a small future starting to shine in front of him. Now he did not ever had time to warn the old lady about his returning home. She would be sympathetic, of course; anticipating the pity in his mother's eyes, Bates felt another wave of shame wash over him.
Thinking about her and the words she might use to comfort him was too much, and without being able to stop himself, he was sobbing.
How long he had stayed like that, surrounded by his own self-pity, he could not tell.
"Mr Bates? Are you there?" Anna's voice, coming from the corridor, made him jump back to reality. He had not heard her steps on the corridor. Why was she here, in the men's quarters and why was she looking for him when the news of his dismissal had surely reached her?
She was a kind person, so much he had gathered. If she had decided to see him, Bates thought while laboriously standing up his bed, it was probably because she wanted to comfort him, and not just because she was curious. Whatever it was, and even though he considered it for a moment, he could not shut his door at her. Not now.
Anna was standing in the dimly lit corridor, carrying a tray loaded with food. Of course, he had not even considered going down for dinner. She had noticed.
"I brought something up, in case you were hungry." She spoke almost nonchalantly, as if this was a regular activity of hers.
He, on the other hand, was touched. It took him a good long second to find his voice again. "That's very kind" he said hoarsely. He took the tray with care and placed it on a table, both wishing for her to stay and go away.
"I'm ever so sorry you're going." Anna said, and he could see in her eyes she really meant it.
"I'll be all right" he tried to sound reassuring, both for his sake and hers.
"Of course you will," she said, and it was plain that the smile on her face was forced. "There's always a place for a man like you."
A man like him? Anna had clearly the wrong idea of what sort of a man he really was.
"Oh yes. Something will turn up." He said, forcing a smile of his own.
"Tell us when you're fixed. Just…" she shuddered, and Bates noticed her lips were trembling "drop us a line. Else I'll worry."
"Well, we can't have that." Now he did smile. She meant it. She was really concerned and he suspected that, from all the inhabitants in the house, Anna was probably the only one sorry he was going.
He could not say another word and feeling as if he would crumble in front of her, he closed the door on her.
She was a good woman, but she would carry on with her life, working harder than anyone and enjoying the everyday things. He envied her.
The food on the tray looked tasty. There was another thing he would miss. Although he was not hungry, he ate it all, in case Anna would come back to pick up the tray and take it back to the kitchens.
Bates had expected sleep would elude him, but almost as if his body had wanted to make the most out of this last night, he fell asleep instantly afterwards.
AN: This scene is one of my favourites ever. I felt in love with the characters here, the body language, the lines, the small gestures, the eyes...
Thank you all, very very much!
