Warning: Really, really, mindnumbingly random.

Disclaimer: I can't think of a witty way to say "I don't own Harry Potter."

Loosely based on a dream I had.

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Harry was flying on a broomstick. A glorious, wonderful expanse of bland whiteness stretched beneath him. A bland expanse of wonderful, glorious whiteness stretched above him. The broomstick was purple, which struck him as odd.

Dudley appeared next to him, also flying on a broomstick.

"Hey," Dudley said, nodding.

"Hey," Harry replied. Hermione appeared, flying on a vacuum cleaner. She was trying to explain to Dudley how to summon an imp using a transmutation circle. A few bananas and a potted violet drifted by.

I like blueberry muffins, Harry thought.

I wonder where I can find a pineapple to use for good, not evil, Hermione thought.

The edge of a black hole is called the event horizon. You cannot escape it, Dudley thought.

I wonder where the nearest Starbucks is, the potted violet thought. Suddenly one of the bananas turned into Cho Chang, who morphed into Professor McGonagall, who reformed into a pale teenage girl with untidy brown hair and very thick glasses, who changed into a cow named Iryana, who transformed into a lithe girl with long, beautiful blond hair, alabaster skin, and eyes that shone with inner light. Her name happened to be Mary Sue.

Harry screamed.

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"What happened?" Ron screeched. "Was it You-Know-Who?"

Harry was silent, still breathing heavily. He shook his head. "It was worse. Much worse."

Ron gaped at him.

"First there were muffins, then Dudley was THINKING, and there was astrphysics and that banana and that scary girl and the scarier girl..." Harry shook himself. "If you will excuse me, I'll go have a sulking fit in my personal emo corner."

Ron never saw Harry the same way again.