"Do you ever think we should just stop doing this?" The question falls from your lips during the dark, awkward moments between your return to normal breathing and one of you slowly rising and gathering up discarded clothing.
Tonight you're in his hotel room, so it's you who must leave, not because he's ever been anything but welcoming, but because your own rules don't allow for such casual intimacies as sharing a pillow or cup of coffee before work the next morning.
Relationships aren't something you've ever known what to do with.
His hand, lightly stroking the side of your naked thigh, stills at the question.
"Stop doing this?" he repeats, as if the thought had never occurred to him. Probably, it never had. "Why?"
Why, indeed. You'd been restless all evening, indecisive, your analytical mind flinging questions at you from every direction. Change is constant; nothing ever stays just the same. Relationships must evolve, deepen. Or…devolve.
End.
You feel on a precipice of something, but whether it's a beginning or an ending, you've never really be able to tell.
"Everything ends sometime," you suggest.
He doesn't reply, which you take as confirmation of the truth in your words. People don't get to be alone at your age, or his, without a few battle scars.
The silence lingers on, and when it's clear there will be no conversation tonight, you rise and his hand falls to the sheet. You don't know if you're relieved or disappointed.
Dressing quickly, a nervous striptease in reverse, you run your fingers through your hair and fix your lipstick for the dubious benefit of hotel's night clerk.
"Diane," he says finally, as you slip into your heels. "You don't have to go. Stay."
But if he really meant it, wouldn't he have spoken up before now? You could go on for hours like this, hypothesizing, second guessing, twisting his words into what you want to hear, or often, what you don't.
You shake your head, murmur something about an early meeting, and lean over to kiss him lightly on the lips. "I'll call you," you offer, and probably you will. This time, but decisions must be made soon because you're in almost too deep already.
He doesn't speak again until you're halfway in the hall. "No, I don't think we should stop."
You pause briefly, then shut the door behind you.
