Everything was numb as I stared blankly at the chipping ceiling. I haven't moved from my bed since I broke up with Shawn except to go to the bathroom. Each morning was harder. My legs felt like lead whenever I slugged my way to the bathroom. They were growing weaker by each passing day. It would be soon until I would be bedridden. But I don't care. I rather rot here in bed then go back to school.

My stomach caved in from anorexia, ribs sticking out like knives; my once tanned skin was as white as newly-fallen snow. I could tell everyone was worried about me. They tried to talk to me, get me to stand up, do something, but I ignored them. When was the last time I spoke? After the predicament? Probably.

I couldn't stop thinking about him. All I wanted to do was stop, but my mind keeps drifting to him. Every time I think about him, my numbness would return tenfold. I couldn't live anymore. Death would be better. I just want to die; end my empty suffering.

How long has it been? One week, two weeks, three? A month? I don't know. I don't care. All that matters now is for Johnny to keep my secret, but I could tell the truth was slipping. It was only a matter of time until he tells them. It was only a matter of time until I die of starvation.

"Come on, Ponyboy, talk to me," Soda pleaded. I didn't answer. It didn't surprise him. He sighed and left. Everyone kept trying to talk to me; get me to eat.

Days later, Johnny came in, face more worried than it was any other day. It almost seemed like he was panicked. "I'm sorry," he kept muttering on repeat. "They know. They found out at school."

The screen door slammed. "I'm sorry," Johnny whispered again. I couldn't move. This was the moment out of all where I wanted to move and I just couldn't. They know. How did they find out? My mind zeroed in on Steve and/or Two-Bit. They must have heard. They're coming up here and force me to come out to them.

There was muttering not too far from my door before there was a hushed silence. Darry shouted, "What?" before he marched in my room, swinging the door open. Steve, Soda, Darry, and Two-Bit marched in.

"How long?" Darry asked. I didn't answer so they turned to Johnny. "Did you know about this?"

Johnny flinched at his sharp tone and nodded. Darry asked how long he knew again. "Weeks."

"And you didn't think of telling us?"

"I-I promised him that I wouldn't."

Golly, did Darry look pissed — heck, all of them did, even Steve. Darry turned to me. "Why didn't you tell us? We could have helped before it obviously got too far."

Soda touched Darry's shoulder, shaking his head. He sat down on the bed next to my. "Ponyboy, please talk," he tried again. I didn't. Soda sighed and got off the bed.

"That kid's never going to talk again," Steve said.

"We can't give up! Ponyboy, it's okay. Everything will be fine now. We'll get the rumors to stop. So just, talk to us."

Again I didn't answer. I didn't believe they could help. They will never stop, even Shawn succumbed to it.

Soda sighed and stepped away, running a hand through his hair. Johnny looked back and forth between us before we caught eye contact and had a short, silent conversation.

'You have to tell them,' he said.

'No.'

'They need to know what's going on. They're worried about you. I'm worried about you.'

'They can't know.'

'If you don't tell them, I will.'

A panicked look crossed his face and he weakly shook his head. He tried to catch my eye contact again but I ripped it and turned to the gang. No, they can't know.

"S…St-p…" I croaked in pain. Silence filled the room and heads were turned to me. I would have laughed at their faces if my throat wasn't on fire and I wasn't in the mood.

"Did you just say something?" Darry asked.

"I heard it too." Two-Bit pipped.

"What is it, Ponyboy?" Soda asked. I tried to say something again but my throat was so dry and all that came out was a struggled hum. "Paper? Do you want to write it down?"

"N…No," I answered. I wouldn't have enough strength to lift the pen. My eyes were getting droopy. I used too much energy trying to talk.

Darry understood what was wrong and said, "Let him sleep. We can talk in the morning."

The next morning came by faster than what I wanted. They came in, looking anxious. Dally wasn't there again. I envy him right now. I struggled to sit up in bed, resting my back against the headboard. I was already tired and panting from that… damn.

"Two-Bit and Steve heard about the rumors." Darry started. I nodded. They didn't really bother me much anymore. Darry stopped talking and awkwardly shifted feet. He didn't know where to take this. I didn't either.

Finally, Soda spoke. "We're going to go to the principal and talk to him about this. We're going to stop this."

"Yeah, whatever it takes. I mean, you're not gay or anything."

If only you knew. Johnny and I exchanged glances and he looked at me with slight determination. I had to tell them. The secret is eating me inside and out. Plus, it wouldn't hurt anyways. They can't hurt me anymore. I can't feel a thing. Even when I will be able to again… which won't happen… I will be dead. I wouldn't want to live anymore when they find out. But death seems so inviting, something my home hasn't made me feel for a long time.

"I…" I croaked, swallowing my saliva to refresh my aching throat. "B…But I-m…"

"What?" Darry asked again, unsure if what he heard was right.

"I-I'm gay."

o-o-o

Replies:

It's me (guest): I don't know if I know you or if you are using that name but I do know that he doesn't. I may not know too much about any Abrahamic religion but I had read the bible before and I found nothing on him hating gays. I'm using the belief of the population during that time period and had resources from my friend's mom, who lived there during the time (Tulsa and all) and she confirmed things. I also did a ton of research during that time period, so it's really a no offence on your god. It's just me talking about that time period and how they react.

Kohlendioxid: That chapter was actually based on that part of the game. I couldn't think of a date idea that was appropriate so I just thought about the game and used it as reference. Was it a good fit? Too much?

BunnyluvsU: That's a really good idea. I might slip that in. You'll have to find out what happens later.

Pony'sgirlfriend: Aw, I'm blushing. I actually took a bit of your idea in here. Thanks. I don't think I'm going to let Darry get shot because I want to focus this more on Ponyboy and not the others in the gang. But I will promise Ponyboy's safety.

white collar black wolf: Thank you. Hope you stay tuned to next chapter.