Chapter the Ninth

In which a Secret is revealed

"Satan?"

"Yes."

"The Devil lives in Hell and punishes the bad people that God sends there, which doesn't make sense to me. He's supposed to be evil, but…" Delia frowned.

"But what?"

"Well, last month, Mrs. Travers had us read from book nine of Paradise Lost, you know, where Satan tempts Eve into eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge and then gets Adam to eat, too? Steve Paret said that girls were evil because Eve listened to Satan, but I said that meant that girls were smart and that boys were stupid…sorry."

"It's okay, you haven't hurt my feelings, go on."

"Steve said that we would all still be living in Eden if Eve hadn't eaten the fruit, but all they did was work, and not real work, not important work like being doctors or parents and they didn't do anything fun, they didn't even have a dog. Alexander and I both agreed that that sounded boring."

"Is that so?" Damien couldn't help but smile at his daughter's notion that Eden would have been dull without dogs.

"I wouldn't want to live there, not really doing anything, being stupid, not having fun, not having the Milos. Eve wanted to know things. Why was God the only person who could know things? So Eve was smart and listened to Satan, and then told Adam to eat the fruit. Then God kicked them out of their home…after he made them ashamed of being naked. I said if that's what happened, then God wasn't a very good father and Alexander agreed. Alexander said that Satan was like Prometheus and had taken something from God to give to humans. Some of the kids in the class didn't talk to us for the rest of the day; they thought we were weird. Then Mrs. Travers explained the concept of the Felix Culpa that it was good that people had sinned because then Jesus had to be born to save the world. And that really happened?"

"Pretty much, you know that god created a son on Earth."

"Yes...Jesus."

"What if Satan created a son on Earth, too?"

"You mean he was born instead of Jesus only pretending to be born?"

"No, he was born forty-two years ago," he knew Delia was frustrated, there was too much beating around the bush for her, but the conversation was about to come to a head.

"How come people don't know about Satan's son?"

"Some people do, but no, not in the same way that people know about their god and his son." Damien felt his anxiety soar, but he took a deep breath and looked his daughter in the eyes, "Delia, I am born of the Devil, Satan's only begotten son; born so that humanity need not endure another millennium of rule at the hands of their god and his son."

Delia was silent for a while, but Damien didn't press her, wanting to let her sort things out for herself.

"Isn't there another way we can do this?"

"What do you mean?"

"First, you say that there really is a God, and then the Devil is real and then that what happened in the Garden of Eden is real and that you are Satan's son," she shook her head, "it's too complicated. I can feel what you feel. Can't I read your mind or something and just know about everything?"

"It doesn't work that way, exactly. I can think images into your head, or simple words and ideas. I can't explain difficult concepts like this."

"How did you learn about it? Did Satan think stuff into your head?"

"Short answer for right now is yes, but that would be too much for you, as it almost was for me, but my Father had no other choice, and I told you I can't tell you everything today. Delia, you did not try to kill Benjamin because you are bad. We can kill someone by taking over that person's mind and that's what you did, you were using your God given ability to protect yourself and your brother. You were nearly seven and you couldn't help yourself, and we have been working on your temper since then so that it doesn't get the better of you."

"Do you have a mother?"

"I had a mother, but she wasn't human; she was a jackal."

Delia stared at him and then jumped off his lap and went over to one of the book shelves and pulled out the "JK" volume of the encyclopedia. She flipped through the book until she found the entry on jackals and read for a bit and then returned to her father, cocking her left eyebrow at him, "Damien, are you trying to take the mickey?"

He laughed, "No, Deedle, no mickey taking. Satan's spirit possessed a male jackal and then he mated with a female to make me."

"Can he come here now?" Delia looked around the study trying to find an ideal spot where Satan could make an appearance.

"No, it's not like that. Think of him more like the presence that you felt in the dream, that was their spirit that you felt. It's very difficult for Satan to directly manifest His physical presence in this plane of existence, as it is for their god."

Delia looked at the pictures in the encyclopedia again and shook her head, "But you look like a person."

"You look like a person too, but you're not; neither is Alexander. The next time we're at one of the labs, I'll show you your blood under a microscope. You know that when babies are made, each parent contributes half the genetic material. However, when you and Alexander were conceived, all your genetic material came from me. My blood cells are that of a jackal's, as are yours and Alexander's."

She looked up at her father, "We're the same?"

"Exactly the same," Damien could feel Delia's joy at her discovery that she was closer to her father than she had ever suspected, but she smiled at him.

"We're not exactly the same."

"Gender difference aside, smarty pants."

"Father, why a jackal? Why not a person?"

"Let me ask you something...how well do you think people can relate to a so-called god who only has to think about getting someone pregnant and it happens?"

"Not very well at all."

"Even babies conceived in test tubes need a sperm and an egg and while sexual intercourse may not have happened, something physical still needs to occur in order for that baby to be made. And if their so-called god produced a child with a woman, then Satan would be different and make a child with a jackal."

"How did you get to be Robert and Katherine's baby?"

"I have, and Satan has, disciples, people who help us. When I was born, they exchanged me for the Thorn's real son."

"So, you were a changeling. What happened to Robert and Katherine's baby?"

"He died."

Delia had been looking at the pictures of the different kinds of jackals, but lifted up her head at her father's answer to her question, "I thought you were going to tell me the truth?"

Damien paused, again worrying that the truth would frighten her, "The disciples killed the baby and buried it, along with the jackal who died giving birth to me."

She momentarily held his gaze, wanting her father to understand that she wouldn't tolerate anymore lying and then went back to reading, but a few minutes later, her face still buried in the book, she decided that it was time to eat. "May we have lunch, now?"

"Sure," he held out his hand and Delia took it without hesitation and they made their way to the kitchen, the 'JK' volume of the encyclopedia tucked under her arm.

"What would you like for lunch, Miss Thorn?"

"Surprise me."

Damien got to work making lunch for the both of them. So far, things were going very well, but there was more of the conversation to be had. "You've been quiet for a while. Just reading, or is there something else?"

She sat facing her father, her back against the island that separated the kitchen from the eating area. "Oh, there's something else alright, but I'm not sure if I should say."

Damien stopped what he was doing, came over to her and sat on the floor in front of her, "You can say anything to me, good or bad."

"I don't like their god."

Damien gave her a wry smile, "If there's anyone to whom you can safely say that, it's me; tell me why."

"He's wrong...and bad. People blame Eve and Adam, mostly Eve, for eating from the fruit of the tree of knowledge, but it was his fault. God didn't really explain why they shouldn't eat from the tree, he just expected Adam and Eve to listen to him, but children don't listen to their parents all the time. Alexander and I don't listen to you sometimes, but you don't kick us out of your house when we disobey you. Children make mistakes and they learn, that's what people are supposed to do."

"Their god isn't about making people better, he's about making people obedient and subservient to him and their bible reflects that."

"The punishment didn't fit what Adam and Eve did, either, it was too much. Adam and Eve didn't listen to god, he could have thought up a different punishment, like when Alexander and I do something bad. Sometimes you ground us and don't let us go somewhere, or we can't have dessert, or you send us to bed early. God sent them out into the world without knowing how to live in it. God took care of them and then he made it so they had to look after themselves…it was too much. They looked like men and women on the outside, but they were like children and he sent them out into the world where they didn't know how to take care of themselves. That's not a bad father, that's a horrible one. If you did that to us, you'd be put in prison."

"Delia, I don't want you saying things that you think I want to hear."

She shook her head, "I'm not, that's what I think. I told you that Alexander and I thought that God was a bad father and I still think that, and I still think that Satan was like Prometheus, because he was. He gave knowledge to people because god wanted to keep it for himself and not share it…to keep people stupid? I don't know, but when their god does something bad, it's not bad, it's good just because god does it and that's not right. Is Hell a bad place? Does Satan live there? Why does he punish bad people who go against their god?"

Damien had gotten up, washed his hands and went back to making lunch. "Hell is their word, not ours, and yes, Satan lives there and no, He does not punish bad people."

"Where is it? I know it's not in the middle of the Earth."

"Think of it as another dimension, a place that exits alongside of here and only non-corporeal beings can get there, so when you die and you're just a soul, you can enter. That goes for their home too." Damien could feel his daughter's eyes burrowing into the back of his head and he turned around, "What?"

"We have souls?"

"Yes, you, me, Alexander, everything created in Man's image has a soul."

"So do you think of Hell as Heaven and the other way around?"

"It's not a case of thinking, Delia, I know Satan's home, and by extension our home, as Heaven. Their god can keep his so-called heaven, thank-you very much."

"What's our home like?"

Damien stopped what he was doing and let what Delia had said sink in, "When you hear hell, what do you think?"

"Fire…hot…in the middle of the Earth…devils with pitchforks…Satan tormenting humans."

Damien smiled, "Ah yes, the wailing and gnashing of teeth. Another popular idea is that hell is a place where lots of deviant things happen so, for instance, if you really like to go around raping and killing, then hell is where you get to do that for all eternity."

"Why would Satan let that happen in his home?"

"Satan doesn't...how would you feel if I kicked you out of my house for disobeying or questioning me?" Damien was met with a deluge of negative emotions from his daughter. "Now imagine feeling a million times worse than that and that's how Lucifer felt when the so-called god abandoned him by casting him out of the so-called heaven. He questioned the so-called god's authority and was kicked out of his house. Can you imagine the loneliness? How forlorn Lucifer was? That isolation, that solitude is where Satan made, and makes, his home. Our Heaven isn't for the weak, nor is it a home for their god's rejects and miscreants; it's for the strong, for those who can bear that incredible loneliness. However, we're not above using our disciples' ignorance of our home to our advantage."

Delia frowned, "We're not going to get everything talked about today. What if I have questions?"

"You can ask me questions anytime you want."

"But if Alexander sees me coming to talk to you, he'll want to be there too."

"Then we'll set apart some time each day for just the two of us talk and you can ask me whatever you want."

Delia smiled, "I'd like that very much."

"This is why I don't have help living in the house anymore; why people come, do and then leave rather than anyone, including Cecile, living here with us. I don't want my children to feel like prisoners in their own home and not be able to be themselves, especially now, when you know who and what you are. It's going to be difficult enough pretending around your brother."

"Isn't that inconvenient for you?"

"There are no inconveniences where you and Alexander are concerned. Lunch will be ready soon; please go and wash your hands."

She put the book on one of the kitchen chairs and went and used the bathroom and then came back and read until Damien put the food on the table. He also brought two glasses and two cans of cola.

"You may have one can of soda, okay?"

Delia's eyes lit up. "Thank-you," she took a sip of her cola, savoring its sweetness. Damien had made double decker grilled cheese sandwiches with blue cheese and bacon and had heated up some of Cecile's homemade minestrone soup. She took a bite of her sandwich, "Es muy rico."

"I'm glad it gets the Delia Thorn seal of approval," Damien took a bite of his own sandwich.

Delia had been hungry and devoured half of the sandwich before she felt like continuing the conversation, which she eventually did.

"Is the bible a lie?"

"Not exactly, but first, not everything in the bible happened, and second, their bible is their god's truth, his opinion, his side of things not 'The Truth.'"

"I don't like that...when god does something bad, people don't see that it's bad, they say that it's good because god did it...it's might equals right, daddy! Their god is right because he can punish people who go against him. Satan lies to people, but so does their god, he lied about his son coming back. So it's like Satan only does bad things, if He does bad things, because He has no other choice; He does it to protect himself and what's his, like what you did to that boy and like what I did to Benjamin."

Damien smiled, "I'd concur with that assessment."

"And the Devil wouldn't even have existed if their god hadn't kicked Lucifer out of heaven in the first place. If their god is so smart and knows everything, how come he let that happen? Then their god let evil loose on the world."

"Most of the bad things that people do they do out of their own choices that have nothing to do with the Devil. Their god lets people make choices on their own, so does Satan. Not every so-called evil thing that people do is a result of Satan telling them to do it, but when they get caught, they put the blame on Him quickly enough." Damien smiled, "Most people don't feel comfortable in blaming the so-called god for the bad things that happen, but yes, some of the responsibility for introducing "evil" into the world can be place on his shoulders for kicking Lucifer out of the so-called heaven."

"Are we evil?"

That's what had driven him from the bathroom at Davidson Military Academy and had sent him running for his life thirty years ago: the fear that he was a horrible, evil monster. He was tempted to answer no, but forcing answers on his children would only come back to bite him in the ass, so he turned the question back on her, "Do you think we're evil?"

"I don't know...sorry," she shrugged and put a spoonful of soup in her mouth.

"Deedle, look at me. There is nothing for which you need to be sorry. I don't expect you to come to a complete understanding of all this right now. These are big religious and philosophical concepts that we're discussing and I want you to work out things for yourself. This takes as much time as it takes. If you need to stay home from school again tomorrow, then we do that."

"Can I clarify what I said?"

"You can do or say whatever you want and know that you can feel or think things to me if words can't convey what it is that you want to express."

"I don't know if I understand what good or evil is. Their god does things that I think are evil...lying about Jesus and trying to hurt you is evil, but then there are people who would think that what god did was fine because it was done in order to get rid of the Devil's son. But I don't hate you, or Satan, or Alexander or me. Can I do that? Accept it without understanding it?"

"You can do whatever you want, but let's try to eliminate what people have to say or think about any of this. Humans' understanding of what constitutes good and evil is irrelevant. I want to keep our discussion within the realm of the...supernatural."

"Why did dreaming about jesus make me feel sick? I am supposed to be afraid of them?"

"No, you are not supposed to be afraid of their god and his son. What you felt was their repression. In the early morning of March 24th, 1982, there was an alignment of stars, a celestial event that was supposed to have signaled the birth of the nazarene…jesus," Damien got up and went to the study and came back with an astronomy magazine, which was opened to a certain page, and handed the magazine to Delia, who read the short article and then turned back to her father.

"I woke up in the middle of the night, nearly the same way that you did, and I felt the same...sick inside, like I was surrounded by walls and those walls were closing in on me, only I didn't feel that way for one night, but for weeks. First, hundreds of years ago, their god put a prophecy in a book to make me, and others, think that jesus was going to be born in England. I read it and arranged to be made Ambassador to Great Britain so I could get the nazarene before he could get me. Then, having read the prophecy, seven priests took it upon themselves to eliminate me in order to protect jesus; but it was all a lie, jesus hadn't been born at all. There was a baby born, but it wasn't their christ.

"Their god was inside my head, making me think that his son had been reborn in order to weaken me and make me more vulnerable so that I could be killed and I would want to go home to be with Satan. However, my Father, who loves me and was protecting me, made me understand that their god was lying and once I realized it, they couldn't control me anymore and I was fine. That's what you saw in the vision when you said that I was okay once the presence went away.

"It's not fear, Delia; you, I and Alexander are more sensitive to their god and his son, to the methods that they use to control people...fear, repression, tyranny, and deception. The Garden of Eden? That's a perfect example of how tyrannical their god is. When Adam and Eve didn't listen to their father, he kicked them out of their home; first because he couldn't handle the fact that his children hadn't listened to him, but second, and most importantly, because he finds human nature so disgusting, he expelled his own children away from him to be rid of it. That's why jesus exits, Delia, because humans cannot go back to their own father the way that they are, that's how repellent their god finds his own children."

She was quiet a while before she spoke, "They possessed you father, like how people say the Devil possess people to make them do bad things, but it was their god who possessed you to make you do something bad to yourself: to make you want to give up your life and die, simply to be rid of you. If people knew, they would think that what their god did was okay, because he was lying in order to hurt the Devil's son, but it's not okay, or maybe the point is that it was okay, but if it's okay for their god to lie, it should be okay for everybody, including the Devil."

Delia seemed to be speaking as much to herself as she was to Damien and then she went silent and sat, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms folded on top of her knees and she had closed her eyes. Damien knew from long experience that she was thinking hard about something.

She sat there and he did not press her to tell him what she was thinking, she would tell him when she was ready.