A/N: Takes place after the war, slightly AU (Snape's still alive). Reviews welcome and encouraged, even flames. Unbeta-ed, feel free to point out mistakes. Hope you like.
Pairing: HPDM
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just disregard the big red sign that says "Do Not Touch Characters"
Warnings: Graphic descriptions of self-injury, m/m slash (don't like, don't read), lots of angst, language, and I might possibly get into some other questionable areas. This story is not really for those with a squickable stomach.
Ok everyone, I'm sorry I haven't updated in a really long time. I had 5 AP tests to prepare for. But now they are over and I am back to more important things. So here it is: chapter 3.
As Draco rode, he wondered if Harry would forget about the first part of his "recovery." He certainly hoped so.Chapter 3 – Can You Resist (Me)?
The boys touched down in front of the great double doors that marked the entrance to Hogwarts. Draco was feeling increasingly nervous as they walked across the threshold together. Luckily it was somewhat late, and most students were back in their common rooms by this time. Draco didn't know that he wanted anyone to see him and Harry anywhere near each other; he didn't think he could take it if anyone figured out that their relationship had changed. 'Wait, what relationship?' he thought.
"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then Potter. I'm just going to go off to bed now. Good night." Draco was trying his hardest to keep his tone calm; he didn't want Potter coming with him back to the dungeons.
"Nice try, Draco, but you're not fooling me. I'm coming with you. Once I'm sure you're safe, I'll leave, but first we need to take care of some things." Harry raised an eyebrow at Draco, daring him to resist this. The Slytherin realized there was no way out of this, so he gave in.
"Fine, follow me, and put your cloak on; if the Bloody Baron sees you, you'll never be able to get in." Harry couldn't argue with that. He vaguely wondered how Draco knew about his invisibility cloak, but he obliged and draped it over himself anyway.
Harry walked with Draco down to the dungeons, where the portrait of Salazar Slytherin was glaring at Draco, annoyed. The teen sighed as he realized why he had ended up with Harry in the first place. Reading his expression, the portrait remarked, "Well look who it is now. It's Mr. I-Don't-Know-The-Password-So-I'm-Going-To-Scream-At-Salazar. I don't suppose you have it now…so I guess you're out of luck." Draco rolled his eyes; he so did not need this right now.
However, just as the blond turned around to shrug apologetically to Harry, Pansy Parkinson rounded the corner and recognized her friend. "Oh, Drakey, is old Sal giving you a hard time?" She turned to the portrait to chastise the black-bearded figure within. "You know Sally, you really need to work on your people skills. All day long you yell at us, even when we don't deserve it. Would it kill you to be a little nicer?" Salazar opened his mouth in outrage, but before he could say anything Pansy sighed and said, "Love potion." The portrait swung open.
"Aww, Drakey, don't take it so hard; he's just an old coot." The teen's face was ashy, although the bitter old Slytherin was hardly the cause. Pansy, Draco, and Harry climbed through the portrait and Draco stood facing his friend, Harry standing awkwardly behind him.
"Yeah, I know. Thanks for letting u-I mean me in, he already refused to let me in once today." Draco hoped that Pansy had not noticed his slip of the tongue. It became obvious that she hadn't, as she began to ramble about some Gryffindor in their transfiguration class who had somehow managed to turn his hand into a teacup.
When the two Slytherins (and Harry) got to their common room, Draco tried to shake off Pansy and get up to the dorm, but the petite girl protested.
"Oh, come on Draco, won't you stay awhile? We could talk like we used to; you've been so distant lately, did I do something?" She put on the best pout face she could manage, but Draco would not be convinced.
"No, no, Pansy, you haven't done anything. I was just out flying all day and now I'm exhausted. All I really want to do is get in bed. We'll talk some other time, alright?" Harry was pleasantly surprised to see that Draco was not always the arrogant prick he thought he knew.
"I'm holding you to that Drakey, don't think you're getting off that easily," the mousy Slytherin shot back. Draco nodded and walked up the steps to his dormitory, Harry in tow. He opened the door and entered the room, which was bathed in an eerie green light characteristic of the entire Slytherin house.
The first thing Harry noticed about the room was that it was empty. As if in response to this thought Draco said, "You can take off that cloak now Potter, nobody's going to come in." Harry thought this a little odd, but he removed the shimmering cloth.
"Why isn't anyone here? I know Slytherins aren't known for following the rules, but they can't all be breaking curfew, right?" Draco gave Harry a thin smile, amused.
"Nobody's breaking curfew Potter…well, maybe Theo. Blaise will be in one of the girls' rooms right now. Ninety percent of the Slytherin girls are dying to sleep with him, so he averages at least two a night.
Theo is a little less picky; he takes girls from the other houses up to the astrology tower, and I've heard that there have been a few guys as well. Personally, I think he would fuck anything with a heartbeat.
Crabbe and Goyle have been a couple since our second-year, so who even knows what they do? I'm actually quite terrified to open any type of closet in the dorms. Seeing them together once was one time too many." Draco shuddered at his last remark.
"Oh," was all Harry could say at the moment. "Erm, well…good for them I suppose." An awkward silence fell over the room until Harry could get past the wonderful mental images Draco had painted for him. "So, can we get on with this then?"
The blond sighed, "I suppose I don't have a choice, do I?" Harry shook his head. Draco walked over to his bed and pulled out a gilded wooden box from underneath it. He opened the box to show Harry the set of shiny razors within. "Well, I suppose I should give you this to start with." Harry nodded and took the box. Draco then dug through his school trunk and located his set of potions knives, which he had once used to cut himself when he left his bag (with his razor set in it) in the quidditch locker room. "I do need actually need these for potions though Potter, so you'll have to bring them with you when we have class." Draco held out the small leather case to Harry.
"Of course. No problem Draco." Harry took the knives with an encouraging smile. Draco tried to return the look, but his anxiety level made it difficult and what was meant to be a smile came out as a kind of half grimace. "So, anything else?" asked Harry.
"Not that I can think of," replied Draco. This was only half true. While he had given Harry all the things he liked to cut with, he had not given him everything he could use. However, handing over those items would have posed a potential problem, due to the fact that the various shaving razors and pocket knives that populated random drawers throughout the dormitory were owned by Draco's roommates.
"Right, well I hope you'll understand that I have to check for myself," said Harry, pulling out his wand. "Accio Draco's cutting instruments." Several things flew across the room to Harry's waiting hand. The summoning spell had extracted three safety pins and a broken mirror from the depths of Draco's school trunk. The blond had honestly forgotten about them, but a faint pink still appeared on his cheeks and he hung his head.
"Sorry…I haven't used those in a long time. I forgot they were in there." Draco avoided looking into Harry's emerald eyes.
"It's alright. The important thing is that I have them now. Hopefully this will make it a bit easier for you to resist." The boys stood awkwardly for a moment, neither knowing quite what to say. It was Harry who finally broke the silence. "So, are you going to be alright tonight, Draco? You're sure that none of your roommates can sleep in here with you?"
Draco laughed sarcastically. "Ha, and what would I say, Potter? Oi, Blaise, come babysit me tonight and make sure I don't cut myself? No, Potter, there's nothing for it: I'm sleeping alone tonight, just as I've been doing for quite some time now."
Harry sighed, "I guess you're right. If I was a slytherin, I'd sleep with you, but…" He paused, turning bright red as he realized that his statement had sounded decidedly less innocent than he had intended. Draco looked very uncomfortable, although Harry couldn't have known that this was because Draco wasn't against the suggestion.
"Ahh, no…I mean…that's not what…but…that came out really wrong! You know I would never…I mean I'm not…ergh, I'll just start over, yeah? I meant I can't very well sleep in the same dorm room with you since we're not in the same house. I doubt Snape would be very understanding if he found me." The raven haired teen sighed and rubbed his temples, very embarrassed.
Draco's light grey eyes turned stormy at the mention of Snape. "He doesn't come to check on us, he's too busy with my…never mind. But nobody would actually know you were here since my roommates never come back before noon on Saturdays. Nor do I think they would care. You'd be surprised at the things we Slytherins accept without question; we're very tolerant actually. But of course, you would never want to sleep here, and I'm sure your roommates would notice. And even if you did, it's not necessary at all; I've been fine up until now, I'll be fine tonight." Now it was Draco's turn to blush. Why was he telling Potter there would be nothing wrong with him sleeping here?
Harry regarded him with an apprehensive eye; he really didn't think it was a good idea for the blond to spend the night alone. "Well, I hope you're right Draco, I really do. It's late, so I guess I should get back to my own dorm. Just…remember your list, yeah? And if you need me for any reason at all, you've got that coin. So, I suppose this is good night then…"
"Yeah, good night Potter. Don't lose any sleep over me, there's really no reason." Draco tried his best to give a convincing smile, knowing that the Gryffindor would most likely see through it. And Harry did, but his hands were tied, so to speak.
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then…bye." Before the ice prince's eyes, Harry disappeared in the folds of his cloak and Draco heard footsteps headed towards the dormitory door. He waited until the door opened and shut again to collapse on his bed.
"Oh Merlin, what just happened?" whispered an exasperated Draco, pressing his hands to his forehead. The day had been thoroughly overwhelming for him. Not only had someone found out his biggest weakness and darkest secret, but that someone had been his biggest rival. And then he wasn't his rival. And then he cared. And then…what? The cognitive dissonance was too much to handle. And what was this feeling Draco had now? Could it be? 'NO! I will not be like my father, I refuse!' thought Draco.
In an instant the pain Draco had felt that morning came cascading back into consciousness and he found himself in a complete panic. 'Oh no, no, no! This is not happening! I won't think about this, I can't!' But the thoughts prodded their way into his unwilling mind, and for once Draco did not know what to do. For a good half hour he waged a mental war with himself. 'I can't cut, Harry will be so disappointed…' he thought, 'Ahh but this is too much! Fuck, I need to stop thinking about this, why do I have to feel like...argh I have to make it stop!' And with that, the last of Draco's willpower was spent. He got off his bed and walked into the bathroom, pulling open the drawer with Theo's shaving razors. He would never tease his roommate again for insisting on shaving like a muggle.
Draco knew one replacement head would never be missed from the hundreds in the drawer, so he grabbed one and went back to his bed. The blond closed the curtains, spelling them so that nobody could intrude and casting a silencing charm as well. The Slytherin let out broken, rough sobs that racked his slender body. Tears still streaming down his elegant face, Draco pulled his robe over his head so that he was clothed in only a white undershirt, his left forearm bare except for one thing.
When Draco saw the bandage still on his arm, he remembered exactly why he should not do what he was about to do. And the shame of that made everything worse. He pulled it off, exposing the ten cuts that now looked days old. Apparently Harry had put a healing charm on the bandage. Draco broke the plastic piece of the shaver and pulled apart the three thin razors it had held together. He picked one up and put it to his arm.
Oh my goodness, what a cliffhanger…I feel evil. But I think I'll wait to post the next chapter until I get some reviews, let's say five…I don't think that's too much to ask for, considering the traffic I see. So if you like it, hate it, whatever…review!
xoxo
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