A/N: Takes place after the war, slightly AU (Snape's still alive). Reviews welcome and encouraged, even flames. Hope you like.

Pairing: HPDM

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just disregard the big red sign that says "Do Not Touch Characters"

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of self-injury, m/m slash (don't like, don't read), lots of angst, language, and I might possibly get into some other questionable areas. This story is not really for those with a squickable stomach.

Alright alright, I know I haven't updated in a really long time...don't kill me please. I hope you like this chapter, I worked hard on it. Sorry for the lack of smut, I promise it's coming very soon. Mmmk, enough said...enjoy, R&R.


Draco broke the plastic piece of the shaver and pulled apart the three thin razors it had held together. He picked one up and put it to his arm.


Chapter 4 – Weekend Woes

Draco pulled the razor away. Tears continued to flow down his pale face, and there was nothing to say that they were going to stop any time soon. Draco put the razor back to his arm…and pulled it away once more. 'I have to make this stop…this is the only way I know how,' thought Draco. But something in the back of his mind prodded him, 'the list Draco, look at the list!' Reluctantly, Draco pulled the folded parchment out of his pocket and opened it. 'Ok, number one doesn't work (stay with people). Number two (make a list of pros and cons)…oh, what the hell?'

The distraught teen grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill from his nightstand drawer. On one side of the top of the parchment he wrote, 'Why should I?' and on the other side, 'Why should I not?' Choking on his sobs, the Slytherin began to write.

'Why should I?' he thought. 'Because I can't stand feeling like this and it will make it go away, because I'm a failure and a weak person, because I can't fucking stand to be me, because I think I'm going to explode if I don't fucking stop crying!' A million more things rushed into Draco's mind, but putting forth a lot of effort, he pushed them aside temporarily and thought, 'Why should I not?' Only one thing came into his mind before his 'Why should I?s' overwhelmed him again. 'Harry.'

'This isn't working!' thought Draco. 'Now I've failed at this, too. I'm never fucking good enough! I'll never be worthy of Harry's attention; he'll never lo-…' Draco realized what he had almost thought, and that killed any willpower he had left.

Draco picked up the razor and put it back to his arm for a third time, but his time he did not pull it away. Instead he dragged it across his arm, making a neat line and causing tears of blood to stain his pale skin. His painful thoughts lessened as they were replaced with physical pain, but it was not yet enough.

Draco methodically pulled the razor across his arm, the thin lines hurting him more and more until finally it was the only thing he could think about. Draco sighed as the tension was relieved, and collapsed onto his bed. The Slytherin had stopped crying, but the force of his sobs had left him winded, heart beating wildly. He lay on his bed until his breathing returned to a normal pace and his heart no longer threatened to propel itself out of his chest.

As everything else completely cleared away, the pale teen was left only with the throbbing pain of his arm and the feeling of cool wetness as the blood dried. Draco examined his injuries lucidly for the first time. This was his worst episode yet. Straight red lines about a half inch apart covered his forearm from wrist to elbow; he didn't even want to count how many. The worst ones still bled, although none put him in immediate danger.

Draco felt exhausted. Normally he would clean and bandage his wounds, but tonight he did not want to. Tonight he wanted to let the blood spill over his arm. Tonight he wanted to let the pretty red cuts run themselves dry, unhindered by a healing spell or something as simple as pressure applied by a cloth. But most of all, tonight he wanted to hurt, for he knew that when the row of uniform gashes stopped hurting, the agony would return.

The Ice Prince waved his wand, and he was instantly clothed in pajamas consisting of flannel pants and a short-sleeved shirt, taking care not to disturb his arm. Another charm brushed his teeth as he wriggled under his green silk sheets. What did it matter if blood stained his bed? Yawning, he placed the glamour back on his arm, pulled his curtains closed to ensure complete darkness, and finally went to sleep.


Harry felt very uneasy as he walked back to his common room. He didn't like the fact that Draco was alone at night and thought it was an especially bad idea for the Slytherin to be alone that particular night, after all that had happened. Still, there was not too much Harry could do about it at the moment, so he settled for telling himself that he would think about the issue and find a solution as soon as possible.

'Besides,' thought Harry, 'I have all the things he uses to cut with…that should at least prevent him from doing it tonight, right?' Harry sighed. As much as the onyx haired boy tried to convince himself that there was no way for Draco to hurt himself now, deep down he knew that there was never a way to completely ensure that.

'Well, I don't like it, but tonight I'll have to trust Draco…' Harry thought before shaking his head in doubt, 'But it's almost guaranteed he'll do it anyways. Today took a lot out of him; I'll be amazed if he is able to resist the urge with that amount of stress.' Harry thought back on the day and how his perception of the Ice Prince had been irreversibly changed as soon as he picked up that bloody razor from the bathroom floor. In that instant, Harry had realized that the real Draco was an actual person, a being who felt guilt, sadness, and loneliness just as he did. He was not just a hardened mass of evil incapable of caring for anything or anyone other than himself. In fact, it would seem that the Slytherin actually cared very little for himself.

Harry reached the portrait of the fat lady and absentmindedly said, "Twin souls." The portrait swung open, allowing him access to the common room. As it was late, Ron, Neville, Dean, and Seamus were already asleep; curtains drawn around their beds, Ron snoring noisily from his. Harry quietly put on his pajamas and removed his glasses. He climbed into his own four-poster and pulled the hangings shut, but it was a long time before sleep finally came to him. Harry found himself turning his green and silver coin over and over in his hand, a certain tall, handsome Slytherin on his mind.


"Draco? Draco? Are you planning on ever getting up? You'll miss breakfast if you don't get your arse out of bed now." It was morning, and Draco realized that Blaise had returned a bit earlier than expected, and was now trying to rouse him. Suddenly he was blinded by sunlight as the dark-skinned Slytherin pulled the curtains around his bed wide open. The blond sat up, bleary-eyed, to stare at his dormmate before laying back down and pulling his comforter over his head.

"Luff mrgh lone Blay!" came a muffled voice from beneath the green blanket. Blaise chuckled to himself before ripping the comforter clean off of Draco's bed. "Hey! I said leave me alone Blaise!" The pale Slytherin was not happy about being so rudely awakened; he had planned on sleeping for at least another two hours.

"Oh come on Draco, I don't feel like eating breakfast by myself. Besides that, you need to eat something for once, you look bloody awful. What did you do last night that's got you looking so knackered?" Blaise raised an eyebrow at Draco, who flinched as he remembered exactly what he had done the last night. This did not go unnoticed by his dormmate. "Seriously though, what's going on, mate? You never eat with us any more, you don't want to go out, and you don't even bother to try to insult people. It's no fun doing it by myself."

Draco couldn't think of anything to say, so he just gave Blaise his trademark withering sneer, forgetting that his best friend was impervious to it. The black boy rolled his eyes.

"You know that doesn't work on me, Dra-…hey, what is that?!" Blaise was staring at the blond's sheets, eyes wide in shock. "Is that blood Draco? What the hell did happen last night, are you hurt?" A wave of panic swept over the ice prince before he could collect himself.

"Wow, Blaise," he drawled, "you've certainly gotten nosy…and since when have you been freaked out by a little blood? And what's it to you if I'm hurt…I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Just mind your own business, will you?" Draco crossed his arms and could not prevent a hiss from escaping his lips as the inflamed gashes concealed by his glamour rubbed up against his other arm. Blaise was about to protest, but he knew better than to press Draco when he was in such a snit and so, making a mental note to bring it up later, he reluctantly gave in.

"Alright, alright, don't bite my head off…I'm your best mate, ok? I tend to feel that I have somewhat of an obligation to make sure you're alright. I'm not stupid, I know there's something going on, Draco, but I suppose I can't force you to tell me. But will you please just come to breakfast with me this morning?"

"Fine, fine, if it will get you off my back I guess I'll go. But you'll have to wait for me to get ready, I refuse to go down like this," said Draco, motioning to himself.

Blaise shook his head and laughed, "I swear mate, sometimes you are SUCH a girl…hey! Draco had thrown a pillow at his head at this last remark, before jumping out of bed and running into the bathroom before his friend could retaliate.


It took an hour and a half and Blaise threatening to forcibly drag him down to the Great Hall for Draco to be satisfied that he looked good enough to meet Harry later that day. He was wearing a knit grey vest over a white long-sleeved shirt with his favorite pair of black pants. His hair was mussed in a sexy way, but not overly ruffled.

Blaise and Draco sat down at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, where breakfast immediately appeared before them. Draco was so nervous about his upcoming date with Harry ('Did I just think date?') that he could barely keep his hand still to force a spoonful of oatmeal down his throat into his butterfly-filled stomach. His anxiety grew greatly as the minutes dragged on and he did a very poor job of hiding it from his best friend, who finally snapped.

"Alright, Draco…what the hell is up with you?! I can't stand guessing any more. Is it girl problems, family problems, what?" Draco tried to glare at Blaise but he couldn't even meet his eyes. Tired of lying, he gave in.

"Ok, fine fine, you're so nosy. If you absolutely must know, I'm meeting someone in a little while and I'm kind of nervous about it, alright?" Blaise smiled knowingly.

"I knew it was girl problems…that's kind of odd for you though, isn't it? Well, anyways, I suppose it does explain how you've been acting lately." Draco's eyes grew wide and Blaise laughed, "Well I'm not stupid enough to expect you to tell me who it is, so just tell me how it goes later, ok? I've got to get going though, I've got to get started on Snape's homework…three feet on the uses of bats' wings in one weekend is no picnic." The dark boy got up from the table, leaving his pale counterpart looking shocked and slightly dismayed.

At five past noon Harry Potter walked into the Great Hall to see Draco Malfoy sitting alone at the Slytherin table staring blankly into space, seemingly deep in thought. There were very few people around, so Harry went over and tapped the blond on the shoulder, startling him. "Oh, sorry to surprise you. Ready to go?" he asked with a friendly smile.

Draco half returned the expression, but did not fully meet the Gryffindor's eyes. The two boys exited swiftly, leaving enough space between them so that it did not look suspicious. Neither wanted the other students to catch onto their friendship quite yet; Harry did not want to do anything to jeopardize their developing relationship and certainly not when he knew how thin Draco's trust in him currently was.

"So, any ideas about where you want to go?" asked Harry, trying to keep the conversation as neutral as possible until he was sure nobody would overhear them.

"I was actually thinking it might not be the greatest idea to visit Hogsmeade today…everyone's going to be there and someone might see us…maybe the lake would be better?" Draco looked at his shoes, ashamed of his cowardice.

Harry understood and was not offended. "Yeah, that does make more sense now that I think about it. Let's go."

An awkward silence came between the seventh years as they walked out onto the grounds. It was a nice day, warm with a light breeze that created beautiful waves on the lake. Every so often the giant squid surfaced, it's large, saucer-sized eyes glittering in the autumn sun. Harry and Draco sat down on patch of grass under a willow tree so that they were hidden from the sight of other students but still able to see out themselves.

"This is my favorite spot," Harry remarked, "I come here whenever I just want to get away for a while. I actually charmed it in my fourth year so that nobody can hear or see anything that goes on under this willow tree. So, if there's anything you want to discuss, it's between you, me, and the tree…" Harry lay back against the cool wood of the willow's trunk, relaxing against its smoothness.

Draco wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on them. 'Do I tell him?' he thought frantically. 'No, he'll just be disappointed in you.' Unbeknownst to Draco, Harry had already picked up on the blond's body language and made some assumptions that were quite on point.

"Really, you can tell me anything at all," the smaller boy prodded, "I'm not here to judge you." Draco just sighed, so Harry decided to press him a little harder. "So, how did last night go?" he asked.

Draco visibly tensed before trying to play it off. "Oh, you know, it was alright. I slept…" he trailed off, feeling quite guilty about not telling the whole truth.

"Are you sure everything went ok?" Harry was trying to give Draco every chance he could, "nothing else happened after I left? You just went straight to sleep?" The Gryffindor raised a questioning eyebrow at his companion.

"Erm…well, I…I guess not," said Draco, awkwardly, "some things kind of...happened first. I just, it got really…" the teen rubbed his forehead, as if trying to scrub away a memory.

Harry put a hand on the blond's shoulder, "It's alright Draco, I won't make you say it. I knew it wasn't going to be that easy for you to just stop." Green eyes met shocked silver for a moment, as Draco made the realization and hung his head in shame.

'Harry knows. He knows what a weak, miserable excuse for a wizard I am. I failed him and I failed myself.' Through his self-loathing thoughts, the Slytherin managed to mumble two words, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Draco. You didn't do anything wrong. This is a problem that can't just be fixed overnight. I know that, and it's alright that you slipped up. I'm not mad at you, or disappointed, or anything like that." Harry moved closer to Draco and took hold of his left arm. "I would like to know that you're physically alright though. Is it ok if I take a look at your arm? I'll be gentle." Draco's lip trembled, but he nodded in assent.

Gingerly, Harry peeled back the thin boy's sleeve. He could feel the cuts under the glamour already, and there seemed to be a lot. A wave of the wand later, the enchantment was lifted, and Harry was faced with the angry red lines covering Draco's forearm. He could not stop a small gasp from escaping his lips at the sight, but seeing the effect this had on the blond, he quickly recovered. "It's alright Draco, I just wasn't expecting so many. I'm going to bandage your arm again, ok?"

The Slytherin refused to make eye contact, but instead just nodded his head. He kept his eyes squeezed shut until Harry finally finished his ministrations by taping a large quantity of gauze around his cuts. "Thanks," he said sadly. Draco didn't think he'd ever wanted the earth to swallow him whole more than he did this moment.

"So, I've done some thinking, and I have an idea about what to do to help you at night, Draco." Harry saw the uneasy expression on the blond's face and hoped what he was about to suggest would not scare him too much. "Tonight, I'm going to stay with you so that if you need to talk, I'll be right there. And we won't even have to worry about one of us being in the other's dorm because I've found a place we can stay where we won't have an issue."

"And just where would that be, some random broom closet?" Draco drawled. He could not help slipping his mask back on from time to time. Harry just gave him an incredulous look and shook his head.

"No, it's not a broom closet. Have you ever heard of the Room of Requirement?" Harry's smile dropped as Draco's eyes widened in horror. Suddenly he remembered what had happened in that particular room the previous year and cursed himself for being so stupid. "Oh god, Draco, I'm so sorry…I forgot." Harry sat, contemplating a moment before he spoke again. "It's up to you, but just so you know, the room would be completely different. It changes to suit whatever needs arise. Do you think you'd be willing to try it?" Harry took the blond's hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze.

Draco shuddered as if trying to shake something off. He turned to face the Gryffindor. "I guess you're right. And I suppose it'd be better to stay there than worry about somebody walking in and getting the wrong impression in the dorms."

"Great, that's settled then. So how about we just forget about it for now and try to relax for the rest of the day?" Harry looked at Draco, who slowly nodded. The boys stayed silent for a moment, enjoying the peaceful environment the willow tree provided.

'Maybe today will actually be a good day,' thought Draco, daring to hope for the first time in a while. "That sounds like an excellent idea," he responded. For once, Draco was looking forward to his Saturday.


Soooo...what'd you think? If you like it, I sincerely hope you leave a review. If you hated it, I still sincerely hope you leave a review. It's just nice to know people still care enough to read this story. And get excited, because the next chapter is titled, "The Sleepover." You know what that means...