A/N: Ok, yes you can kill me for not updating for like...nine months, wow has it really been that long? But anyways, this chapter's the longest yet, and we get to see a little HPDM action. Squee! If you're looking for warnings and all that check previous chapters. Without further ado, I give you...The Sleepover
For once, Draco was looking forward to his Saturday.
Chapter 5 - The Sleepover
"What's your favorite color?" Harry asked Draco. True to his word, Harry was making the effort to avoid difficult topics. The two boys had been sitting under the willow tree for quite a while, neither willing to break the silence but not really minding it either. The sun was just beginning to disappear behind the mountains across the lake. Draco gave the brunette an odd look, to which he replied, "What? If we're trying to be friends then this is crucial information!" Draco rolled his eyes.
"It's blue, if you must know." Harry looked surprised and Draco took the liberty to read his mind. "You thought it was green, yeah? Because I'm in Slytherin? Please…as if I would be that cliché." Harry put his hands up in defense.
"Alright, alright, you said it, not me. But yeah I did expect it to be green. So why is your favorite color blue?" Draco gazed out onto the lake before answering.
"Well, a long time ago, I had this nanny, Marie, who was more of a mother to me than Narcissa ever could be," said Draco, a dark look crossing his pale face as he thought of his biological mother. "She used to take me to the beach and we'd watch the waves. They were this beautiful blue color, and whenever I'd look at them…well, it's stupid, but I could pretend that I was her daughter, that my life wasn't what it was, escape for a few hours. I guess the color blue reminds me of that time." Draco looked sad, so Harry decided to direct the conversation away from what seemed to be a touchy issue.
"Well, this may surprise you, but my favorite color's actually green." Harry grinned when he saw Draco's puzzled face. 'He's so cute when he's confused,' he thought before he could stop himself. A light tinge of red crept across the raven-haired boy's face, only adding to Draco's confusion.
"I would have never expected that. Green, huh? Well it does match your eyes. Although, you could hardly call them green; they're more intense…like emeralds…" The words were out of his mouth before the Slytherin even realized it, but once he did, horror coursed through his body. "Oh, shit, I didn't mean…oh no that's not what…" Harry just laughed.
"It's alright Draco, in fact it's kind of refreshing to hear something about them other than how they resemble my mother's." Harry smiled, "Would you feel better if I said something about your eyes? You know, like how they really are very interesting to look at. They're like liquid silver, with specks of light blue, and they're just so…" The two boys were now gazing into each others eyes, both wondering, both afraid.
'He's so close,' thought Draco. 'All I'd have to do would just be to lean in and our lips would meet and…oh god what am I thinking?' The Slytherin pulled himself away, ashamed of what he had wanted to do. Harry pulled back as well, afraid that he had done something to damage Draco's trust in him.
Eager to diffuse the awkward situation, Harry quickly changed the subject. "Right, so…how about we plan some activities for tonight. Any ideas?" he asked. "I'm thinking maybe we should do something to get to know each other better. Hey, what about playing Wizard Truth or Dare?"
"No way, Potter…I'm not falling for that. It's just a ploy to try to make me talk about things I've already said I don't want to discuss." Draco gave Harry a cross look and an awkward silence fell between the two boys. Finally Harry had a thought.
"Hmm, would you consider playing if you asked me truths and I only gave you dares?" The Gryffindor considered the repercussions of this suggestion for a moment before deciding that he had faced much worse than slight embarrassment from a game of Wizard Truth or Dare.
Draco thought it over carefully before responding, "I suppose that might be alright…as long as we agree that you can't dare me to tell the truth and that nothing we say or do can leave the room."
"That's fine," said Harry. "I wouldn't have had it any other way. As much fun as it is, I've had some serious issues because of this game…mostly when there was firewhiskey involved." The raven-haired teen looked down, blushing slightly as he remembered some of the previous mishaps that had resulted from botched confidentiality charms during the game.
"Really..." said Draco, suddenly very interested, "Exactly what kind of issues do you mean?"
The Gryffindor blanched, not really sure how prepared he was to give up that information willingly. "Well, I guess you'll just wait for tonight to find out, won't you?" he teased lightly, laughing as Draco scowled at him, clearly disappointed.
"Hmph," he pouted, "I hate waiting. At least tell me what topic it was regarding…" Draco glanced at Harry, slightly annoyed at the brunette's amused expression.
"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" asked Harry, "Nope, you'll just have to figure it out on your own. Luckily, you won't have to wait too long; it's nearly time for dinner. Why don't we go back to the castle and get some food to bring back to the Room of Requirement? I can have Kreacher bring us something from the kitchens."
"Alright, let's get going then. Chop chop, Potter…we've got some serious matters to discuss." Draco stood up rather impatiently and offered a hand to Harry, who was still sitting on the ground. The Gryffindor gave him a questioning look; Draco suddenly realized what he was doing and promptly crossed his arms and looked away. 'What has gotten into me? Get it together, Malfoy's do not show weakness.'
"Okay, okay Draco, don't get your wand in a knot," replied Harry, pushing himself off the ground.
The two boys walked back to the castle and before long they were standing in front of the blank patch of wall concealing the Room of Requirement. Harry closed his eyes and walked past the spot three times, a blue door appearing just as he looked up again. The Room of Requirement had turned itself into what resembled a lavish hotel suite. It consisted of two smaller rooms. The first was fairly large: a sitting room containing an ornate couch, two desks, a bookshelf, and even a small fireplace. Double doors led to the bedroom, where Draco was relieved (or so he told himself) to see two queen sized beds.
"So Potter," said Draco, "Can I start with the interro-...I mean...the game?" he asked, with an uncharacteristic grin on his face. Harry was beginning to wonder if he'd made a mistake, but sighed and nodded, sitting down on the couch in the sitting room and motioning for Draco to join him.
"Alright, would you like to cast the game or shall I?" Harry asked the Slytherin, who pondered for a moment before replying.
"I suppose you can cast it, I don't remember all of what it entails. Slytherins don't often play this game, I think you can imagine the consequences of secrets getting into the wrong hands in my house."
"Yeah, I can see how that might not be the best idea. So, anyways, whenever I play I usually cast a confidentiality tongue-binding hex, a truth-telling spell, and an anti-cheating charm. Each person can refuse three truths, in my case, dares in yours, but then they must choose a punishment card...which reminds me..." Harry proceeded to conjure a deck of black cards, reading 'For those faint of heart' and place them on the floor before continuing. "Since dares are considerably more lengthy, I'll let you ask me three questions for each one I give you. Does that sound fair to you?"
Draco considered and nodded in assent. "Just so long as none of those cards require me to do a truth, yeah?"
Harry pulled out his wand and began a series of intricate wand movements, and a shimmering circle appeared and wrapped around the two boys. They each felt a momentary tingling as the magic pressed into them and the circle disappeared.
"There, the game's started," said Harry, smiling encouragingly, "I'll let you go first since I cast it."
Draco's mind began to race with all the questions he never even realized he had about Harry. This slightly disturbed him, but he was very eager to begin and started out with the question that had plagued him all afternoon.
"What situation, in detail, were you referring to this afternoon when you told me you got into trouble playing Wizard Truth or Dare?" Draco secretly knew this game a little better than he had let on, and knew that he had to be very specific in order for Harry not to be able to wriggle out of the question. Harry swore inwardly when he realized he had been played, but the truth-telling spell was already making its presence known, prodding the story out of him.
"It was sixth year, nearing the holidays, and we were all up in the Gryffindor common room. It was me, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Seamus, Dean, Luna, and unfortunately, Ginny. It was Ginny's turn, and of course, she decided to ask me a truth. She asked me if I'd ever fantasized about anyone before, and I said yes. Somehow, she took it as an admission of my love for her and threw herself on me. Most of us were half gone by this point, but I knew that Ginny hadn't had anything to drink at all and I think that's really what put me over the edge. It was obvious that she had planned it all along and after putting up with her advances for most of first term...I just snapped. Now, try, if you can, to imagine Ron and Ginny's faces when I peeled her off, told her I had never fantasized about her, that every little 'sign' she thought I'd given her was only her desperate attention-seeking, and that I was not, never had been, and never would be interested in her."
Draco looked at Harry in awe. "You really told the she-weasel all that?"
"Yes. Maybe I shouldn't have gone as far as I did, but I was under a truth-telling spell and more than a little tipsy...at least, that was my defense when Ron came after me the next day. Like I said, it caused some serious issues, and because the confidentiality charm was botched, most of Gryffindor heard the next day that I was fantasizing about someone other than Ginny, and that caused an even bigger problem." Harry sighed, knowing what Draco's next question was going to be before he even opened his mouth.
"And just who was it that you were fantasizing about?" Draco asked, briefly amused before his mind shut him down. 'It'd never be me,' he thought sadly, but he was caught off guard when Harry blushed a deep red and looked at the floor before reaching for a punishment card.
"Come now Potter, where's your Gryffindor courage?" Draco teased, lightly swatting his hand away from the pile. "You can't chicken out this early in the game, it's only the second question and you cast the confidentiality charm yourself. Whatever you say...it's not leaving this room." Mercury eyes sparkled with delight at Harry's discomfort, but the seeker was not going to divulge the information so easily.
"Alright then, I won't back out, but as you pointed out, it's still early in the game...too early for that question. So how about this, I'll give you a clue now to satisfy the basic question, and later, when you understand certain things, I'll consider telling you who it is." Draco looked annoyed, but nodded his head, realizing that this was the best he would get from Harry.
"Ok, well, you see...I was sort of...erm...thinking about another...boy." Harry choked out uneasily, trying to hide the blush still covering his face by gazing into his lap. Realization dawned on Draco as he took in what the raven-haired boy had just implied.
"You're gay? Potter...the heartthrob of Hogwarts...is gay? Well, I definitely didn't see that one coming..." The blonde could not stop himself from smiling, although he found it more than a little alarming that a part of him seemed to be dancing gleefully.
"Yeah, I'm gay...I like boys and all that, alright? You can stop smirking now Draco!" The Gryffindor was a little unnerved by Draco's expression.
"I'm sorry, it's just...what are the odds? Oh Merlin...those poor girls!" Harry was thoroughly confused by this statement, and even more so when Draco dissolved into laughter.
"It's not that funny Draco...and what do Hermione, Luna, and Ginny have to do with anything?" Harry was beginning to get a little agitated. He had just shared something highly personal with the blonde, and this was not a response he could make sense of. He wasn't quite sure what reaction to expect from the other boy, but certainly not this. Sighing, he gave Draco a reproachful look, which, unfortunately for Harry's ego, only served to make him laugh harder.
Finally, Draco calmed himself enough to reply to Harry's indignation. "I'm not talking about them, you twat...I'm laughing at the fact that between the two of us, we would crush the hearts of every teenage girl in this school if it were to get out that..." said the blonde, trailing off into silence as he realized what he had almost admitted.
"What are you saying? You don't mean...I mean...surely you're not...are you?" The seeker tripped over his words, trying to grasp what Draco had unwittingly hinted at. The blonde shook his head, needing to stop this before he did something he would regret. "No, forget I said anything Potter, it's just...it can never be..I can't be that way."
A concerned look came over Harry's face, and Draco could not help but think it was adorable before he deliberately pushed the thought away. "Draco, if you're gay, you can tell me. It's never going to leave this room, and I'm obviously not going to judge you since I just admitted the same thing."
"Don't you get it...I can't...I really just...yeah...I am." The last part of Draco's sentence was barely a whisper, and he found himself too ashamed to look Harry in the face. He couldn't believe that he had just acknowledged something he had refused to even consider, much less that he had acknowledged it to Harry Potter. 'Did I just say that? Oh Merlin, kill me now!' Harry interrupted before Draco's thoughts could go much further.
"It's alright Draco, there's nothing wrong with liking boys. Bloody hell, I should know. And you don't need to worry, because I could never tell anyone even if I wanted to." Harry reached forward and put his hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Now, you've still got one more question to ask me before I can dare you." Harry gave Draco an encouraging smile, sensing that he needed a distraction.
The Slytherin was still in shock, but he forced himself to brush his confession away for the moment. He still had one more thing on his mind, although it took a minute before he could muster up the courage to ask.
"Why do you care if I cut myself?" Draco asked awkwardly, unconsciously looking down at his arm.
Harry sighed, appearing to struggle a little with the question before replying. 'This is about to get intense,' he thought, 'Oh well, there's no going back now.'
"I guess it's because I understand, a little better than most actually. You see..I erm...I used to cut myself as well..." Harry said reluctantly, pausing for a moment to let Draco process this fact. "So, I know how hard it is, and I can't just stand by and watch someone go through that, especially someone I care about..."
"You mean me?" Draco gave an incredulous laugh, "Why would you ever care about me? I've been a complete prick to you from the first day we met!" The blonde looked at Harry, his eyes shining with guilt and shame.
'Oh boy, here it goes,' thought Harry. "Draco, I...I've cared about you for a while. I was always too afraid to do anything about it, so I tried to ignore it for the longest time. But...seeing you hurt the way you're hurting now, I just can't bear to no try to help any more. Can...can you say something Draco? I didn't mean to upset you." The brunette was very concerned with the expression Draco was now wearing. It was something between blatant shock and utter disbelief.
"Do you...do you really mean that, Harry?" The Slytherin looked up at the other boy, a tiny shred of hope in his eyes.
"Yeah, I do. I think I first realized it about third year, but I spent a lot of time in denial. And of course with everything that happened, it was hard for me to even consider anything besides how I was going to defeat Voldemort." Harry seemed extremely nervous, and he bit his lip waiting for the blonde's reaction.
"I just don't understand," began Draco, "I just can't see why you would ever..."
"But you don't have to see it. I...I can show you, if you let me." Harry paused, hardly believing that he was about to say the words he had wanted to for so long. "Draco, I have a dare for you, if you'll take it. I want you to know what you mean to me. Will you let me kiss you?" Although the question was tentative, Harry moved closer to the blonde, so that now only a few inches remained between the boys' faces.
Draco seemed to be stunned speechless, so when he nodded ever so slightly, Harry wondered if it wasn't just an involuntary motion. He decided to take a chance. 'It may be the only one I get,' he thought, slowly closing the gap between them.
Draco's heart raced as the other boy's lips met his own. The kiss felt so right, and so wrong at the same time. It was passionate, longing, and sincere; Harry seemed to be pouring everything he had felt for the past five years into this one moment, and Draco could not help but respond. When Harry's tongue swept his bottom lip, he opened his mouth to grant entrance; when Harry's arms wrapped around him and pulled him close, he could not resist pressing into the brunette's embrace.
Draco had never been kissed this way before; this kiss was firm, yet gentle, the two boys' tongues dancing in harmony rather than competing for dominance, mouths fitting together as if they were made for each other. It felt so wonderful...too wonderful, and suddenly it was too much for Draco. The blonde froze as the voice of his father rang loud in his mind.
'You weak little disgrace! Draco, could you be any more useless? Look at me! I have to punish you now, but you know you deserve it, boy. You know this is your fault!'
As soon as Harry realized that the Slytherin had stopped kissing him, he pulled back, although he kept his arms around the boy. An odd expression covered Draco's face; Harry could tell something was off, but before he could ask, the blonde spoke.
"Erm...I'm done with this game, Harry. Now, it's been a long day, so if you don't mind, I think I'd like to go to bed now." Draco's voice was even, but Harry could feel his body trembling with the effort it was taking to hold his emotions back.
"I don't think that's a good idea. Can we talk about what just happened? I know you're holding back, and if you don't let it out I'm afraid of what it might make you want to do." Harry reached up, intending to touch Draco's cheek, but the other boy pulled away from his hand. Still shaking, he refused to make eye contact.
"I'm fine, what's there to talk about?" The Slytherin knew his feeble attempt at masking his emotions would not hold, so before Harry could even open his mouth to protest, he continued. "Ok, well maybe not...but I just can't talk, not tonight anyway. I need some time to think about...things, and it doesn't help that I'm exhausted. So, the only safe thing I can think to do right now is go to sleep." Draco was barely keeping himself together, and as much as he wanted to comfort the blonde, Harry knew that nothing more was going to get through to Draco, so he merely nodded.
The two boys walked in silence to the bedroom, stripped down to boxers and undershirts, brushed their teeth, and slid into the two beds, Harry in the green one, the Slytherin occupying the blue.
"Good night Draco," called Harry softly, "If you need anything I'll be right here." He pulled the covers over himself, but did not close his eyes just yet.
"Thanks. Good night Harry," said Draco. As he turned away from Harry and pulled the blue comforter around him, tears dripped from his eyes, but he forced himself to shut them, and after a while seemed to slip into something resembling sleep. Only when the blonde's breathing evened out did Harry close his own eyes, but it was a while before he was able to clear his mind enough to sleep. He had just barely gotten to sleep when a cry from the blue bed startled him.
"Draco, Draco! Wake up!" Harry was instantly wide awake, and now stood beside the blonde's bed, shaking the whimpering Slytherin. Draco opened his eyes, looking wildly around, his breath coming in gasps. "What's wrong Draco? What happened?" asked Harry, extremely concerned.
Realizing where he was and who he was with, the Slytherin sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees, hiding his face from Harry. "N-None of your business, Potter," said Draco, straining to keep his voice under control. "I'm fine, just go back to bed and leave me alone." The blonde desperately tried to pull himself together, to not show his weakness, but Harry saw through his feeble attempt.
"Bloody hell Draco, you are not fine at all. What happened? Talk to me," Harry pleaded, sitting down next to the shaking teen and placing a hand on his shoulder.
It took a moment before Draco summoned up the last ounce of his self control, plastered on an eerily comical smile, and turned to face Harry again. "There's nothing you can do, Potter. I can handle it on my own."
Harry shook his head, seeing so much of himself in the pale boy. "No, Draco, you can't...and you don't have to any more." Harry's voice was quiet, his next request barely a whisper. "Just let me help you."
"Don't you understand Potter?" Draco retaliated, now attempting to use anger to hide his shame. "Nobody can help me! The only thing that makes this better is…well it doesn't matter, does it? Just…just leave me alone, yeah?" Draco finally lost control and shook as sobs racked his body.
"Shh…Draco, it's okay." Harry sat at Draco's side patiently, determined to get through to the stubborn boy. "Please, please let me help you. You can trust me. Tell me what's going on in your head right now, what have you got to lose?"
It seemed impossible to Draco, but something about the genuine concern in Harry's eyes loosened his guard just enough to allow him to respond.
"Harry....it's just...I...I really really need to cut right now," gasped the blonde between sobs. "It feels like I'm going to break." This last statement was barely audible, and Draco began rocking himself back and forth, his mind racing.
Harry felt his heart ache with the compassion he felt for the shaking boy and an overwhelming desire to make everything better.
"I know, Draco. I know what it feels like right now, but I promise you...this will pass. Just please, try to wait it out with me," said Harry, wrapping his arms around the Slytherin. "Listen, all I ever wanted when I felt like you do now was for somebody to hold me and tell me everything would be alright. I reckon you could use that about now, yeah?" Draco answered by turning into Harry's embrace, clutching desperately to the Gryffindor. Harry pulled him close, and suddenly Draco felt a little better, as if he had finally found something he hadn't known he was missing. Harry brought one hand up to the Slytherin's face, wiping away some of his tears.
"It...it just hurts so much, I don't want to feel this," said Draco, resting his head against Harry's chest. The blonde sounded so lost and scared, so much different from the arrogant person he had appeared to be, Harry reflected.
"I know, but the only way for it to get better is if you do let yourself feel it. Just focus on the next five minutes. I'm here, nothing's going to happen to you. So take some deep breaths and try to let it all out, alright?" Draco nodded and tried to slow his breathing, but his mind was still spinning a mile a minute, filling him with guilt and self-hatred and he wound up sobbing even harder.
Harry just waited patiently, holding his former nemesis until finally the strength of his sobs seemed to be weakening. It took nearly a half hour before this began to happen, but the Gryffindor didn't mind. Eventually Draco's breathing evened out, and the tears stopped soaking the front of Harry's shirt.
"How do you feel now?" asked Harry when the blonde had finally stopped shaking and relaxed against his chest.
"Exhausted," replied Draco wearily. Harry knew he shouldn't, but he could not help but find the way the Slytherin was still clinging to him like a teddy bear slightly endearing.
"I'll bet," Harry replied before a serious look came over his face. " ...Do you still want to cut yourself now?" The question brought forth a few more tears and hitched breaths before the blonde was able to answer.
"Yes," said Draco, letting out a small sigh. "I still want to do it...but...it's not nearly as bad as before."
"Well, I'm very glad for that," said Harry truthfully. "Now, you look like you're about ready to pass out, so why don't we try to get some sleep and we can talk more in the morning?" Draco stiffened at this request when he realized that it would entail detaching himself from the security of Harry's strong arms.
"Yeah, I guess that's probably a good idea," said Draco reluctantly, "I suppose you should...get back to your bed then..." Harry chuckled lightly at this.
"I suppose you haven't noticed then that I no longer have my own bed." A confused Draco looked around the room and realized that the bed that previously occupied the opposite side of the room had disappeared.
"So don't worry Draco," continued the raven-haired teen, "I'm not going anywhere. Come here." Harry finally lay down on the soft blue bed, and the blonde followed suit. Pulling the covers over the both of them, Harry allowed Draco to curl up in his arms, close his eyes, and finally drift into a peaceful sleep. The Gryffindor could not help smiling to himself when he looked at the blonde boy snuggled up to him.'
'He's so cute like this,' he thought wistfully, 'If any moment could last forever...' Very softly, Harry pressed his lips to Draco's forehead, placing a chaste kiss there before drifting off himself.
So that's it for now my dear readers...those of you that are left. Hope you enjoyed the new chapter, I am really going to try to be better about updating. Of course if you want more, leaving reviews is a good way to tell me. Feel free to love, hate, whatever on this. Spelling/grammar errors? Tell me, I'll fix them. Til next time fanfic fans...
xoxo
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