Chapter the Twentieth
In which, again, a Room is finally entered
Damien was again faced with the dilemma of telling lies or truths and as with his daughter three years earlier, he knew lying would only reflect badly on him.
"No, I didn't love her. You read about that celestial event? Well, what the article doesn't mention is that event was a ruse created by their god to have me and others believe that the second coming was happening. If that wasn't enough, he was inside my head, draining me of energy and further trying to fool me into believing that the nazarene had been born," Damien got up, went to the bookshelf, got a book and handed it to Alexander, who opened it to where a bookmark sat.
Alexander read the passage that Damien had underlined and then looked up, "This was a lie?"
"Given by their god to a so-called prophet who wrote that book. Seven priests also knew of the prophecy and came to England to kill me and protect the nazarene."
"But he wasn't born."
"There was a male child born, but it wasn't the nazarene. Two of the priests went to verify that the nazarene had in fact been born, but their god lied to them, too."
"Why?"
"To put me in a position to be killed. With them inside my head...I was so filled with hate, it blinded me to my father trying to tell me that it was all bullshit. The nightmares that Delia had were visions sent from Satan showing her the confrontation between me and the last priest; it very nearly cost me my life. My father was able to finally reach me and show me that it was all a lie."
"They did that to you? God did that?"
"Good is a necessary concept for any civilization; without it, you have chaos. People need good and I like it. I can't run a multi-billion dollar business in a chaotic world. I like art, music, wine, good food; you don't get those things in a world run amok. But for us and them? It's not about good and evil, it's about sides. It's about who gets humanity and so far they're winning."
"Does this have anything to do with my mother?"
Damien closed his eyes, took a deep breath, opened his eyes and looked at his son, "She had a son, a young, stupid boy whom I knew I could manipulate."
"I have a brother...a half brother?"
"Had, he died...I killed him."
"Why?"
"To save my life. At first, Kate didn't believe that anything supernatural was going on, but she knew that her son was involved in things to help me and that she didn't like, so she said that she'd take me to a church where the nazarene was if I gave her back her son. I agreed, but it was a trap. The priest attacked me, but I put Peter in between me and the priest; he stabbed Peter instead of me.
"Involved in what kinds of things?"
"For starters, to follow one of the priests. He also knew my plan to have my disciples kill all the male babies born on March 24th between midnight and six a.m."
Alexander walked towards the window and looked out, "So, I was right...we are bad."
"Xander, their God has murdered over one hundred thousand people and committed genocide by nearly wiping out the entire human race. On the night I was born, there were a dozen babies murdered in Rome...those were his followers trying to eliminate me. Most of the people whom I've killed, yes, there have been others, I've killed out of self-preservation, to protect my life and build Satan's kingdom here on Earth. You tell me how that's different from what he's done."
"Did that man take me because of you?"
"Yes, but not for religious reasons. He took you because he was a lousy businessman and I got something he wanted...all of it above board."
"Will I have to kill?"
"Yes."
"What happens if I say no to all of this and run away, or try to kill you?"
Damien got up from behind his desk, came over to his son, reached out and turned Alexander so that he was facing him, "I could never, and would never, lay a hand on you; you are my son and I love you more than I could ever tell you with words. Apart from being your sister, Delia is your protector, meant to lay down her life for yours if necessary. However, if you betray us, the task of killing you would more likely than not fall to her because you'd forfeit your right to her protection. She'd never do that because as much as I love you, Delia loves you more. And if I ever did try to harm you, she'd do everything in her power to kill me. But, what Satan would do? Truthfully, I can't say. Our lives aren't our own and I don't expect you to understand or accept that right now."
"May I see your blood?"
"Of course."
Alexander returned to the desk and prepared another slide, this time using Damien's blood. He looked into the eyepiece and found a cell; it looked the same as his had, the one of the jackal.
He turned to his father and gave him a boyish smile, "Like father, like son."
"Proudly like father, like son," Damien smiled back.
"And you love me and Delia the same?"
"I love each of you differently because you are each different, but I don't love Delia less because she's female, or because she's not going to be the Antichrist. But in certain terms...you are the more important child and Delia knows and accepts that, and while I will allow a certain amount of sibling bickering and good-natured ribbing over the issue, if I ever find that you're mistreating or abusing her, you will have me to deal with."
"I'd never hurt Delia and I don't like the fact that she would die for me."
"The likelihood that anyone will succeed in harming either one of us is slim. Since the so-called second coming, I've kept track of christian and other religious groups and nobody's trying to kill me. Come on," Damien lead his son into the first floor bathroom, put down the lid of the toilet, sat and bent his head. "You'll know it when you find it."
Alexander searched, moving his father's hair around until he found something. He pushed the hair aside and realized he was looking at three numbers, all sixes. He straightened up, "Are those like the three sixes from The Bible?" there was more than a little awe in his voice.
Damien sat up and smiled, "That's me, the Beast foretold in the Book of Revelation and Daniel."
Alexander suddenly felt uncomfortable, like he didn't know how to act around his own father.
"I'll tell you pretty much the same thing as I told your sister: I'm your father and that's how I want you to treat me. As far as you and she are concerned, that's the most important job I have."
"What about me?"
Damien got up and turned Alexander around so that his back was facing the mirror and then reached into the drawer and pulled out the same mirror that he had used with Delia three years ago. Unlike with Delia, however, Damien was hit with a sense of déjà vu. He adjusted the mirror and found his son's three sixes.
The second Alexander realized what he was seeing, his hand flew to his head and he took the mirror from his father so that he could better see the mark. He touched the numbers and looked at his hand, wondering if they would come off; they didn't. He stayed that way for a long time, staring at the three sixes.
"What is it?"
"Nothing."
Damien put his hand under his son's chin and turned his head, "I want to hear whatever it is you have to say, good, bad, or otherwise; and if you don't have words, think or feel things to me."
"I don't know...what was it like for you? How did you feel when you found out?"
Damien was about to tell Alexander that today was about him, but quickly changed his mind, "I was terrified. Nobody took me to the bathroom and stood with me while I found those three sixes; I was alone. And when I saw them and realized exactly whose son I was, I ran. I ran away from myself because as far as I was concerned, I was evil incarnate. I found out who I was and I not only lost my aunt, uncle and cousin, I lost the human race. But then...I felt my Father and I knew I was part of something bigger; that I was more than I ever thought possible. But, that being said, I was still lonely. My cousin Mark...I was foolish enough to think that he could come with me, that things would be like they always had been; but, in the end, he was human and no matter how close we think we are to one of them, we really aren't. So? What about you?"
"I don't know if I feel evil, but, I don't feel like me, I don't know who I am."
"And that's okay, you'll work that out. Today is not and ending, it's a beginning. I want to take you upstairs, to the room, but not until I'm satisfied that you have a handle on things."
"Then we're gonna be here for a while."
"Poor choice of words. I want to hear your doubts and fears. I don't want blind acceptance, not from my children."
"What's in the room?"
"God, Alexander, God is in the room. It's sacred ground, a holy place where Satan makes Himself known to us, and only us. To anyone else, that room is just a room, a few people, like Thomas, Anna and Paul, may feel...something, but they will never feel what we feel."
Alexander moved out of the bathroom and went to the foyer and looked up the stairs, "I want to go, please?" he turned to his father.
"We will, but you're questioning things and that's good. Being in that room will take away a lot of questions. It will make you feel like you have less choice than you have now."
Alexander could do nothing but stare at his father, who smiled at him.
"I know my children. I knew I could just show that key to Delia and she'd be the stairs like a shot and once she got into that room, it would be fine. I need to lay some ground work with you, as it were, and to make sure that you're alright before we go up there. I know you want to be a chef."
"Are you psychic?" Alexander asked the question with total sincerity.
"When it comes to each other, we can read each other's mind, though we don't for privacy, but I don't need to be psychic when it comes to you and your sister. I've seen you cook; you're happy and content. When I was your age, I didn't care about anything, including Thorn Industries. You're twelve, and you've found what will make you happy for the rest of your life. I also know Delia wants to be a vet...the girl who refuses to put one step inside of a zoo because she can't stand to see animals in cages. But you will only ever cook for pleasure and your sister will never be a veterinarian and it's okay to be angry about that."
"Were you angry?"
"I was too worried and scared to be angry. I just accepted and after a while, it didn't matter. I like what I have and who I am. I have more money than anyone else on the planet. I'm Satan's son, here to guide people to a better life and most importantly, I have two children whom I love."
"I have you and Delia."
"Yes, you do, always remember that," Damien put a hand on his son's shoulder.
"I though you were going to tell me that we were involved in organized crime."
Damien started laughing, "I can understand how you'd think that but, no."
"How do I become Antichrist?"
"That happens when I die."
Alexander shook his head, "I don't want you to die, I'd rather not be anything."
"Xander, it's not a trade-off. Part of me comes from Satan and that part is immortal, but this," and Damien pinched his hand, "is flesh and won't last forever and that goes whether there's someone here to take my place or not. And it's not like I'm going to die tomorrow. I'll be here for a long time."
"Will I still be me?
Damien smiled, "Do you mean will you still be the same annoying, pain in the ass, wise-cracking, sarcastic individual that you've always been?"
"You forgot dazzlingly brilliant and strikingly handsome."
"You'll be all that and more because you'll be you and more. You'll do what you'll do the way that you do it, which might be different from how I do things, but it doesn't matter. I'm still me, I'm older now, but in many ways, I'm still the same as when I was when I was twelve...serious, quiet. While I have been known to engage in some...interesting activities, I prefer to be home with a good book. Getting older has changed me, having children has changed me the most, and you'd change no matter what. So?"
Alexander was quiet for a long time, "All I can say for right now is that it doesn't feel as strange."
"If you want, we can go upstairs now."
"Yes, please," Alexander followed his father to the study and watched as he picked up a file folder and then rejoined him at the door. Damien put his arm around his son's shoulders and they walked up the stairs.
Each step towards the room filled Alexander with every kind of feeling he could describe, and part of him wanted to change his mind and run back downstairs it was all so overwhelming; but more than all of that, he was being pulled up towards something magnificent and the closer he got, the more wonderful it felt until Alexander knew he'd kill or die to be part of whatever was in that room. He stopped at the door and this time, he took his father's advice and felt and thought things to him.
Damien processed what his son had given to him, "Was Delia the same after she found out?"
"Yes."
"Then I don't think you'll be any different. I would never hurt you and we aren't done today, we are beginning. You can still question and ask. You're twelve and a half, I'm not expecting you to be...I'm not expecting you to be your sister and be so enthusiastic about things. I'd like to see you take more initiative in learning things about the business and about religious matters, but you don't have to do it all at once. I'm looking forward to spending time with you to help you sort out how you think and feel about things, and to help you with all this new knowledge. Your sister will be beside herself with joy that you two will be back to being close and that she no longer has to hide things from you. Thankfully, the both of you have no school, so I want have to be bugged twenty times an hour to let the two of you stay home. You're like I was."
"How do you mean?"
"It's more intense for us than it was for your sister. I think it's because it's more important that we know who and what we are. When I felt it for the first time...I thought I was going to die. I didn't understand what I had been missing until I felt God for the first time."
But Alexander could wait no longer and Damien took the key and unlocked the door and stepped inside.
The room looked empty, but Alexander could feel a presence, stronger than it had been as he had made his way up the stairs. It felt like Damien, not surprising considering that it was his father. He closed his eyes. This is what had been calling to him all the times that he and Delia had wanted in...what had called to him the other day. Alexander removed his socks and stepped into the room.
The presence flowed and moved around him, like currents in a river. It vibrated off the walls, it came up through the floors, it was the air that Alexander was breathing. It asked Alexander to accept Him and he nodded and the presence entered Alexander and he fell to his knees and for the first time in his life, Alexander felt whole. He didn't know that he had been broken and shattered, but now he understood that he had been a stranger to himself for his whole life.
Alexander was crying and soon great sobs wracked his body and the next thing he knew, he was in his father's arms. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"Not believing you...not believing...I can feel him...Satan...how can this place have been here the whole time and I didn't know it?"
"I told you, when I was your age, I had no clue who and what I was until I felt what you just felt."
"Tell me."
"Alexander, today is about you."
"Please tell me, father. I want to know everything about who you really are...about who I am...about all of us. Unless Delia will be worried about us."
"No, she won't be worried." Damien paused, "alright, then if we're going to do this, then we're going to do this from the beginning, or as close to the beginning as is relative to what you've found out today."
"Sock it to me, D-man."
They sat, made themselves comfortable and Damien began by telling Alexander how he was but one in a long line of others who had come before him and how he had been, so far, the most successful. And now that he had a son, Alexander would have a son, who would have a son, who would have a son and so on until someone failed, in which case Satan would start again, or the goal of having dominion over the human race was achieved.
Damien told his son how they were nearly indestructible, that no gun, car crash, poison, disease could kill the Antichrist, but what could kill Alexander, before he became the Antichrist, and Delia, was not clear. He told Alexander about the Daggers of Megiddo and the ritual necessary to kill the Antichrist.
And Damien told his son about his own life, about the disciples who had delivered him and then had killed Robert and Katherine's real child and how Robert and Katherine had eventually been killed and how he had come to live in the very house in which they were now living. Damien told Alexander how he had been a shy, quiet child who had had to speak through his cousin when he had wanted anything. He told his son about going to military school and how it had been at Davidson Academy where he had found out who he was. He told Alexander how he had killed Mark and his aunt and uncle and that it had been he to kill Kate after she had given birth to Alexander and Delia. He told him about the disciples, including Anna, Paul, Charles and Thomas and how Thomas was already guiding Aaron in the same religious direction as his father. He told Alexander of the plan in place if he would have died; how Delia would have been born first and carried the embryo inside of her.
Damien reached over and picked up the file folder and handed it to his son.
Alexander looked at the picture, "These are the knives?"
"Yep, though, like I said, what can kill you before you become the Antichrist and what can kill your sister is still fuzzy...though you both know how to take care of yourselves and we can practice so you can become better at it."
Alexander stared at the picture until every detail of the blade was burned into his mind, "I'm still worried about some things, and more than a little scared, but we're not bad, or we're as bad as they are. Is there anything I have to do...some kind of ritual or something?"
"Satanism is crap, but much like the idea of hell, we'll use it if we have to to get people to help us."
"And Delia doesn't know that the woman in the dream was our mother?"
"No and you won't tell her. She and I will talk tomorrow."
"I'm sure she'll also feel better about all of this."
"She'll feel more than better. You have no idea of the times that she came to me in tears, or at the point of nearly throwing up because of having to lie to you, or not be able to tell you things. She has the mark, too."
"Really!?"
"Though hers is mostly symbolic. Probably given to her so I'd know that she was mine and so that I'd take care of her, which I would have, but I like that she has it. Do you need to take a break?"
"I like that she has it too. I'd like to go to the bathroom...alone."
"Alexander, I haven't had to take you to the bathroom for quite some time, now."
"Funny, you know what I mean. I'll be quick," Alexander jumped up.
Damien got up and grabbed Alexander's arm, "You'll be as long as it takes. However, if you're not out in an hour or so, I'm going to come knocking," he tapped the side of Alexander's head.
"Okay. Will you wait here for me?"
Damien smiled at him, "Of course."
Alexander went back down to the first floor bathroom, closed and locked the door and looked at himself in the mirror. He wasn't sure if he looked different, but he felt different. He was bigger, larger, more. He was aware that there wasn't just him inside of himself.
He took the hand mirror out of the drawer and found the three sixes hidden under his dark brown hair. Those had been there his whole life and he hadn't known. What else was there about himself that was unknown to him?
He tried to feel as he had earlier, that he was bad or evil, but he couldn't and that scared him. The presence that he had felt scared him because he wasn't sure who he was...where Alexander ended and...everything else began. And his father had been right, feeling God had taken away the strong desire to question. He was still curious, but feeling Satan had made him be more sure of things than he could logically justify and that scared him.
Delia...he didn't reach out to her because he knew if did, she'd be up the stairs before he could even finish the thought and he wasn't sure if he wanted to see her just yet. He was worried about that too, about his relationship with her. What if he felt differently about her? What if she treated him differently? What if they drifted away from each other just when Alexander needed her the most? If he had to part ways, philosophically and religiously speaking, with his father, then so be it, but he couldn't imagine being separated from Delia, not sharing his thoughts and feelings with her, not being with each other the way had been all their lives.
He looked at himself again. He would keep an open mind about everything for several reasons. One, they weren't what he thought. They were far more deceptive and...evil than Alexander could have possibly guessed. Second was Delia and third, he considered what he saw in the mirror. There was a power hidden behind those blue eyes, a strength that had been there all along that only now was known to him and he liked it. He liked what he had done, even the killing didn't seem so bad as when he had first done it and that scared him. Just remember, open mind. Alexander turned off the lights and headed back upstairs.
When he returned to the chapel, he found his father sitting against the wall; Alexander joined him.
"Hungry?" Damien looked over at his son.
"Yep, I think I'd like Chan's for dinner, to eat here."
"Then we can do that."
"I still don't have my head wrapped around all of this."
"Alexander, no one expects you to understand all of this right away. This will take work, from all of us; remember, a beginning not an ending."
"Did Satan arranged to have me kidnapped?"
"No. Under other circumstances, the plot wouldn't have gotten as far as it did, but Satan allowed it to happen and used it as a way to get you to awaken to your true self, just like Delia's so-called nightmares."
"She was only nine. That's so young to have her childhood taken away."
"Well, on the one hand I agree, but it's better that it happened when it did. She was always so full of questions and worried that something was wrong with her. She's also your protector so if anything would have happened to me, it would have been up to her to tell you about yourself."
"Do you want me to go to their church?"
"Yes, at least once and preferably more than once. It will be difficult when you first walk in, you'll feel them trying to get inside your head and make you think horrible things about yourself, but you need to overcome that and Delia and I will be with you."
Alexander was silent for a while, "I used to think that you loved her more than you loved me."
Damien gave his son a rueful smile, "I get that. She and I have lots in common, and in most things, more than us, but you're my son. I see so much of myself in you...how you speak, your mannerisms, how you carry yourself, your confidence and easy way with people. We share the same lot in life and I will spend the rest of my days trying to impart some wisdom in that regard. Unfortunately, the truly important things about being Antichrist you will know after I die...I wish it didn't have to be like that. And don't ever discount the fact that we're both male. I'll teach you how to shave, give you advice about women and tell you things that I would never, ever tell her. While Delia and I share many things, she has gone through, and will go through, important milestones that I will never understand or share. It's time like those I wish she could have had a mother."
Alexander snorted, "Somehow I don't see her taking orders in her own home from a person. Cecile is the help, so she's limited in what she can get us to do. I see some top notch matricide happening if some mere mortal tried to boss Delia around."
"I didn't mean Kate; I mean someone who's the same as we are."
"Gotcha," Alexander leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, "can we just sit up here for a while and not say anything?"
"We can do whatever you want," Damien looked at his son; he could feel the difference in him, but he could also feel Alexander's fear. So far, things were going very well and for now, he took a cue from his son and closed his eyes, sat back and relaxed.
...oOo...
"I think I'd like to call it quits for today, but I don't understand something."
Damien opened his eyes, "What?"
"What am I supposed to do now?"
Damien shook his head, "Now I don't understand."
Alexander looked at his father, "What am I allowed to do?"
"What do you want to do?"
"Nothing...something, eat Chinese food, watch television, build a blanket fort with Delia, play with the dogs, read," his voice had gotten quiet, as if he had spoken blasphemy in the room.
"If you had to describe me to someone who had never met me, what would you tell them?"
"You like Chinese food from Chan's."
Damien smiled, "Go on."
"You like pistachio ice-cream, and hate anchovies. You like horseback riding, monster movies and your favorite color is navy blue."
"And what does that have to do with being the Antichrist?"
"Nothing...so I can do whatever I want to do."
"Very good, grasshopper, the student has surpassed the teacher."
"Yeah, not even close," but Alexander was anxious and nervous about what he wanted to do next.
"Get her up here."
