AN: Oh look another chapter.
Santana groaned as she felt someone poking her repeatedly in the side, and her eyes fluttered open and she blinked a few times trying to remember where she was. It took a moment to realize that she was currently resting her head against Charlie's shoulder and there was a giant wet patch on Charlie's shoulder soaking through her shirt. She flushed and immediately sat straight and glanced over at Bela who had an irritating knowing look on her face. Her daughter was smug, but she was exhausted and felt ill, there wasn't any more than that. She frowned when she noticed the soda in her hand and a bag from subway. Santana turned to Charlie and frowned. "Really?"
"She did this face—and I just—it's healthy?" Charlie said biting her lip. Santana had passed out on her arm and she hadn't wanted to wake her to ask.
Santana glanced over at Isabela who flashed her a smile, "I got you a meatball marinara with extra cheese and parmesan sprinkles." Bela said holding up the bag. "And we got you a chocolate chip cookie."
"Two," Charlie mumbles.
"Well we got you two, but I ate one." Bela admits after a moment and smiles brightly when Charlie turns to her. "What? I was hungry!" Bela said and quickly realizes that it's time to depart as she opens the door of the car and hops down onto the driveway and races to the front steps.
Santana watched her daughter, the smell of the food, let alone ingesting it made her want to barf and she was glad for the fresh air, she glances at Charlie who is still sitting down her hands on the wheel. "Thanks for the ride." Santana says after a moment.
Charlie nods and eyes Santana for a moment, she didn't look good but she didn't know how to ask. Maybe it was just a bug. "Let me help you bring Bela's stuff inside, and I'll leave," Charlie said after a moment. "You did a really good job with her and I don't want to wreck that. Next time—I promise I'll ask first."
Santana studies her for a moment, "She's the most important person to me in this world. Truthfully Charlie—I don't want her around you."
Charlie's heart sinks a bit she's heard this before and she nods, "I get it Santana." Charlie says after a moment and forces a smile onto her face.
"No, you don't get it. I was there and I was sober, you probably don't remember all the broken promises, the acting like a complete and utter asshole, breaking my heart time and time again. Hurting me and then apologizing. You don't get it. I was an adult and it took me a long time to realize that it wasn't me. That I couldn't save you and I am not putting her through that. She's a kid, she's not going to understand that. She's going to blame herself and internalize that. I can't deal with that, so I need you to stay as far away as possible. You can send her cards on her birthday and at Christmas and maybe come to some special occasions. But other than that—I didn't even want her to know about you until she was eighteen."
Charlie is quiet for a moment and she grips the wheel tighter but she nods, she did remember. She closes her eyes for a moment, and flicks her eyes to Bela for a moment. "I'm sorry for hurting you."
"It's ancient history Charlie," Santana says. "But it's history that I don't want repeating. Look I'll have a talk with her and don't worry—I've never badmouthed you in front of her and I don't plan to do that now." She sighs and looks at where they are, "Thank you for the ride, and the presents Charlie."
Charlie nods at her, "You can tell her that I'm a bad person, I told her that. I told her that I hurt you." Charlie admits after a moment as she gets out of the car and holds her hand out to help Santana get down. "It might make it easier."
"None of this is easy Charlie," Santana says as she finally steps down from the truck. "Thank you," she says after a moment and heads to open the front door for Bela who is hopping around like she needs to go to the bathroom. They were going to have a talk soon about Charlie and she needed to stop putting it off. She watches as Charlie grabs a few bags and makes her way to the door and puts them just inside the door, not taking a step inside before returning to her truck to grab some heavier things. She leans against the door frame when another wave of dizziness hits her, she just needs to get some rest and go to bed. Charlie takes a few steps up the porch when there is a flash or red and blue lights and the sound of a police car pulling up. She always hated when Dani did that, but the last thing she needed was Dani seeing Charlie around with all these gifts.
Dani frowned as she approached the front steps, glancing at Charlie who was carrying at television, she clenches her hands ever so slightly but doesn't quite say anything about that. "Hey where were you all day? I called your office to see if we could grab some lunch or dinner and Brittany said that you were busy. It's not too late, maybe you and I could—"
"No Dani, we broke up," Santana said firmly. She shifts a bit so that Charlie can put the box inside the house. A small part of her wonders where Dani expected her to put Bela. It was late and a Friday night, she was far too young to be left alone by herself and it was last minute.
Dani frowned and looked over at Charlie who walked by her to grab some more stuff from her truck, she turned back to Santana. "Really you'd rather spend time with her than me? Santana you're putting your daughter at risk."
Santana's eyes narrowed immediately and she glared at Dani, "How dare you," she hisses and she sees Charlie flinch away. At least someone had the sense to duck and cover, but Dani had a stubborn look on her face. "I would never do anything to put Bela at risk."
"Yes because allowing this crack addict near her is the right move." Dani scoffs. "Look I care about Bela and I worry about her. You told me that you and Bela were a package deal. I'm simply concerned about the influence you're letting into her life."
"Except none of this is your concern anymore Dani because once again we broke up. You're not her mother and thus you really have no say in how I choose to raise my daughter, now lower your god damn voice, before—"
"Mom?" Bela asks from behind her, causing Santana to turn to look at her. Isabela's hands were still wet from washing her hands. "We ran out of paper—what's she doing here?" Bela asked making a face at Dani. When her mother doesn't answer her she smirks at Dani. "Look at all the stuff Charlie bought for me."
The look on Dani's face soured as she glanced at Charlie, her lips curling up in disgust for a split second, before she smiled at Bela. "That's nice why don't you go play with your dolls while the grownups talk?"
"I don't have dolls. Come on Charlie I want to beat you at Mario Kart." Bela said about to go outside to drag Charlie inside so she could beat her at the game in question. She was stopped by her mother placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Go eat your dinner Bela." Santana said in a tone that meant that there wasn't any room for argument. She watched as her daughter huffed and stormed back to the dining area. Santana waited for a moment and looked at Charlie who was at her truck door, she hadn't defended herself or gotten angry at Dani's accusations. She wasn't the current pain in her ass. "Goodnight Charlie. Thank you for the ride home. I'll talk to Bela for you."
Charlie nods and is about to say something but rethinks it and moves on, "Goodnight Santana," she says and opens the door to her car and pulls out of the driveway and drives off.
Santana turns her attention back to Dani for a moment, this was not how she wanted to spend her time. "I'm going to say this slowly because I'm exhausted and I don't want to deal with this anymore. We broke up, you do not have any right on dictating how I'm going to live my life or raise my daughter. You are not some moral authority Dani, especially not on my life. Now get the hell off my property, I need to talk to my daughter."
Dani frowned at this and stopped Santana from slamming the door in her face, catching the door. "Maybe I just can't turn off my feelings like you did. I loved you Santana, we had a good year and I don't even know what I did to cause you to break up with me. You didn't give me any explanation, you just told me we were done. You and Bela mean the world to me Santana, and I'm worried about her."
Santana sighed and looked around, "Look Dani, surprisingly this has nothing to you. I don't really owe you anything, we broke up and we're not in high school. So, I'm going to go inside and talk to my daughter who doesn't play with dolls, and really does hate when you dismiss her like that. So goodnight." With that Santana pushed the door closed and sighed rubbing her face. There were a multitude of reasons that she had broken up with Dani, getting the news that she had cancer was simply the icing on the cake and the excuse she needed to pull that particular trigger. But Dani was petty enough to blame Charlie who hadn't even factored into her decision and she opened the door to her house again to find her ex still standing there expectantly. "Dani. I know you're pissed, but going after Charlie is a massive mistake on your part. She hasn't done anything and even though she broke my heart she also gave me the greatest gift, Isabela. I don't hate her and no matter what she is still Bela's other mother. I'm not telling you to stay away from her because I have some repressed feelings for her. I'm telling you stay the hell away from her because even if she's had a falling out with her parents and her family her last name is still Fabray. You don't fuck with a Fabray."
"No you just fuck them instead," Dani says angrily and storms off heading back to her police car slamming the car door.
Santana watches as Dani peels away and shrugs, she did warn her. It was now up to Dani to actually listen.
Bela was eating her sandwich and flipping through the channels when her mother finally flopped on the couch beside her. "Did you get rid of her?"
Santana flicked her eyes to her daughter for a moment who chewed on her sandwich messily and sighed, "Don't be a brat, Isabela. But yes Dani left," Santana said crinkling her nose at the smell of the food that Bela was eating. Her stomach flipped and she groaned. "As did Charlie."
Bela turned to her mother and frowned ever so slightly at this, "Why did you make her leave? I like Charlie, mom."
"Charlie doesn't actually live here," Santana reminds her daughter and sighs. She needs to get Bela to stop with her adoration of Charlie. "Speaking of Charlie. I think that it's time we talked about her."
Bela grins at this, she had seen how her mom had fallen asleep against Charlie who had done everything to make sure she hadn't woken her up from her nap. "Good, I think that for your first date you should go somewhere fancy—no wait I don't think Charlie has any clothes that aren't covered in paint. How about you go for a picnic? That's romantic right? And Charlie doesn't have get all dressed up."
Santana turned to her daughter, "Bela—Charlie and I are not dating. It's been ten years and we're different people and that's what I wanted to talk to you about. We discussed it and we both agreed that maybe it was best if you didn't spend so much time around Charlie, and she didn't spend so much time around you."
Bela blinked confused for a second and glanced at her new phone for a moment, "Is she mad at me? Because we can take the stuff back! Charlie's fun—and she's supposed to be the savior to give you your happy ending."
Santana winced this was the feeling she had been trying to avoid in her daughter. "Of course this isn't your fault. It's not about the gifts or anything. We talked and it's about what's best for you. We both agreed that Charlie not being a big part of the picture is what's best for you." Santana tried hoping that it was enough to calm Bela down.
Bela's frown got deeper, not liking the sound of that. "I like Charlie, she's supposed to make you happy. She's really nice and she doesn't treat me like I'm just a baby—she talks to me like I'm a person. Why would keeping her away be what's best for me? Charlie is supposed to be our happy ending."
Santana sighed at this, she had always admired her daughter's conviction when she thought she was right. There were just some days that she wished that Bela wasn't so stubborn and just did what she asked. "I know you're not a child anymore Bela, which is why we're talking about this. I know you like Charlie, and you think she's cool and amazing, but there are things that you simply don't understand. Charlie said that she told you she wasn't a good person right?"
"The savior has to say things like that mom. It's because they don't believe in themselves and it's what makes a good story. She is a good person and I know she hurt you but you but abuela said that you had to forgive people that hurt you and give them another chance. She drove me back all the way from New York and bought me dinner. She bought me all these things and let me keep it even though she knew I manipulated her. She's a good person mom."
"You're right Charlie is a good person, it's why I fell in love with her to begin with. But people aren't just good and bad Bela. Sometimes bad people do good things, and sometimes good people do bad things. Charlie falls into that camp. Charlie is a good person who has done a lot of bad things—"
"She hurt you," Bela says sullenly.
Santana exhales, "She did, but she also made me happy at times. She has done a lot of bad things, and sometimes I know she doesn't mean to. I can't risk her doing those bad things to you, or hurting you even by accident. She'd never forgive herself and I could never forgive her. I don't want anything bad to happen to you and she doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. Do you understand?"
"But that's not fair, she hasn't done anything to me and I want to see her. I want to get to know her—" Bela begins raising her voice.
"Bela," Santana says evenly. "I know it's difficult, but this is what's best for you. I know you're angry but you know better than to raise your voice at me. Charlie isn't some savior. She isn't and I need you to understand that, because it's an impossible standard to live up to." Bela stared at her mother for a moment before getting up and storming away. She heard the heavy steps on the stairs and the slam of Bela's door and she sighed. Maybe she should have Charlie give her the talk, because right now Bela saw her as the enemy. She sighed and groaned as she grabbed the meal that Bela had left on the coffee table and put it in the fridge. Hoping that dealt with the smell before she slowly made her way to her bedroom stopping only to knock on Bela's door. "Bela?"
"Go away!" Bela yelled through her door and played with her new phone. It wasn't fair, she liked Charlie far better than she liked Dani and her mom had made her spend time with Dani and be polite. Even though she thought Dani wasn't a good person. She bit her lip, and picked up her new phone wondering if Beth would give her Charlie's number anyway. She hears a sigh and then picks up her phone and decides to FaceTime her cousin.
Santana sighed and headed to her bedroom, she was exhausted and nauseated and she was asleep the moment her head hit her pillow. Not even bothering to strip down and put on some pajamas.
Mike Chang opened the door to his brownstone and looked at Charlie who was currently standing on his porch and he immediately ushered her in. "You okay?" He asked her immediately, concern evident in his voice as he pulled her into his living room. Out of all the people that he had sponsored Charlie was the only one that had lasted as long as this. He was proud of her, it was an accomplishment and she had gotten her life back on track even if she had decided on a new career.
Charlie was quiet for a moment her thoughts racing. "Maybe—I made a mistake. Leaving Motta Equity Management, maybe that was a mistake. Because I don't know why I'm doing this anymore Mike. Everyone thinks I'm some sort of screw up. I can't—maybe if I was some respectable member of society—I just—remind me why I'm doing this."
Her tone was distressed and if Mike didn't know any better, Mike would assume that she had been crying. "You made the decision because the culture there was basically inviting you to do drugs again. You wanted to be clean and your business is doing well, I mean it's nearly spring you're going to be packed until fall. You know that winter is always a slow few months for you."
"Being busy isn't the problem, it's the fact that I've been working so hard at this for ten years, I've apologized and yet—I'm always going to be that person, so why not just give everyone what they want?" There's a bitter note in her voice, she's tired. So tired of everyone punishing her. She hadn't even done anything to Quinn. It was becoming obvious that no one gave a shit what she did. It didn't matter if she spent the rest of her life clean, that's all they saw.
"Because you've worked so hard at this that throwing it away because you're upset about something and are throwing a tantrum about is childish," Mike said gently but firmly.
"I'm tired of trying to prove myself Mike. It's nearly been ten years, when will it be enough? Quinn acts like I'm about to relapse any second. Frannie—well we don't talk but we never have. My father calls me just to remind me that I shouldn't be an embarrassment and then asks me to be that person again, to help him invest his money. My mother—well she treats me like I'm an invalid. Santana—well she at least has a reason." Charlie says running a hand through her hair.
Mike sighed, "This is about your daughter?"
"Santana doesn't want me anywhere near her and I didn't know what to do but nod my head. She's my daughter and she's smart and brilliant and I want to be a part of it. Well more than cards on her birthday and Christmas. I just—I've missed ten years. I thought that this wasn't possible for me. Having a kid, a family—people don't want to be with you when you tell them that you used to be a drug addict. So I made peace with the fact that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. Then she comes and it's like—I have a daughter and I can't do anything with her. I mean I know I'm not the best role model for her but, maybe we could have lunch together once a week or something. Just so she knows that I care. Is that too much to ask for? But I don't blame her, Santana, I don't blame her. I hurt her more than anyone else and I don't even know if I deserve a chance." Charlie exhales. "So now my daughter is going to grow up thinking that I don't want anything to do with her. So what's the point Mike? At least if I'm a mess, then I have an excuse. She'll at least be able to blame the drugs."
"If you want to spend time with your daughter, then go after Santana for custody. You do have every right to be there," Mike points out gently.
"What judge in their right mind wouldn't take her side? I was an abusive asshole when I was with Santana and she's just trying to keep her daughter safe. I don't want to fight her for custody, because that's only going to hurt Santana more Mike."
Mike rubbed the back of his head, "Look, Charlie I know it's difficult for you to hear, but your family—well they are kind of assholes. We've talked about this before. Yes they never put drugs in your hands, but they didn't come and support you when you were struggling to do the right thing either. You shouldn't look to them for validation because we both know they're never going to give it to you. Santana on the other hand has just seen you for like twenty minutes, she didn't see you going through recovery. And you yourself said you had periods when you didn't use. So unlike your family, who refuses to see how far you've come, she simply hasn't seen how far you've come. So you're still that drug addict in her mind. You need to give that relationship time and the visitation will come. You can't blame her for being overly cautious." Mike points out.
Charlie sighs, he was right. Mike was always right that's why she simply didn't fight him on any of the issues. Not like that anyway. Charlie lets out a shaky breath, "Bela thinks I'm some sort of savior—I just I'd like to be that for her, some sort of knight in shining armor that she can depend on. I know I'm not—but still. Is that too much to ask?"
Mike pats her on the back, "Of course it isn't and you will be, you know you can't rush these things. One day at a time remember? No one is stopping you from being that person for your daughter, you just need to take it one step at a time."
AN: See you tomorrow
