chapt: 4/?
pairrings: MiyavixKai KaixREita
syn: "That sounds like a personal problem…"
comments: yes, finals is over, casting call on Sunday, my tummy hurts, i am not exactly thinking positive thoughts about my self at the moment... yeah, sorry to spill this out. but, well, just ignore this, i might erase it later...
old pale tile.
Thats the first thing I notice. I then notice the space for shower and bath... the stool where you sit to scrub your hair...
I then notice something els... It's there, laying by the toilet, making the pink fuzzy rug stain into a nasty deep purple.
Then I notice the smell...
I quickly shut my eyes and force my tired muscles up from the bathroom floor. I stumbled then leaned against the sink as my head swam and a pressure un knotted itself from behind my eyes making the blur go away faster.
I scratch at my head as things start to clear up. Then I looked down at the puddle by the toilet and frown.
"... So, I threw up?"
I shut my eyes and hold my stomach feeling it cramp. The nausea was gone. But now it was something. I looked down to the mess on the floor and made a face before blinking and stumbling from the bathroom out into the hall.
I opened the door from the bathroom and looked into the room before calling weakly. "Kai?"
No answer.
I bit my lip slowly walking into his room and looking around. The room was slightly messy, but not as messy as mine. The bed was on a box bed frame that made it down to the floor. Some discarded papers, shoes... a box full of letters... The closet was wide open.
And it smelled just like Kai.
I took in a deep breath, enjoying as the scent went up my nose, down my throat, through my air ways, and got embedded into my brain.
To think, I would have to embed it again...
I should keep this scent in my mind, my brain, all the time to the point I'm almost swimming in it...
Kinda hard when that scent is either not there, or is covered in another...
I open my eyes and look out the window seeing the sun was not fully risen, making the room glow in a nice golden honey kind of color...
"... Honey... Where are you?" I slowly walk away from Kai's room and walk down the hall, noticing my mind is still in a swim before getting into the front room.
The same golden honey glow was happening here. I bit my lip and looked to the bar/kitchen seeing no Kai shuffling around making breakfast...
I quickly look to the clock on the DVD player seeing it was just 6:23. "... Kai?"
Was he no where? I wouldn't be in my room...
I look left, I look right, I look down, I dont know why I would look up.
But I did...
Might as well not miss any places he might be...
Now I am starting to panic.
I quickly start running around the house going in closets, cabinets, under sinks, under beds. Any where to prove to myself that he did NOT stay with Reita last night.
"Honey!? Honey!?" I dont even know why I'm yelling that. I never gave Kai nick names... He was always Kia.
I feel my eyes burn and my throat get tight as I swallow and run back into Kai's room. "He's here, he's here, he's here..."
I looked there...
And there...
There too...
Why would he be there...?
Of course he's not there...
STOP LOOKING IN RETARDED PLACES!!!!
NO! YOU LOOKED THERE!
WHY WOULD YOU GO THERE!?
IF YOU CANT FIT THERE HOW COULD HE!?
NO WONDER HE LEFT! OF COURSE HE WOULDN'T HIDE IN THERE!
WHY WOULD HE HIDE FROM YOU ANY WAY!?!?!?
"THATS WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW!" I scream pulling at my hair as I stand in the middle the front room. I quickly wipe over my face feeling hot tears spilling down my face and getting into my mouth.
No, dont cry... Babies cry! Retarded babies cry! STOP CRYING!
"I CANT! ICANTICANTICANTICANTICANT!!!!" I screamed really pulling at my hair now. I breath in and out. Faster and faster. Why wouldn't he be home? Why? Why? WHY?
I stop when I hear banging on the door and spin around and blink. "... He's here... Honeys home!" I smile past my hot face and rush to unlock the door not even thinking why Kai would need to knock.
I swing it open and my smile drops.
"Miyavi? Whats wrong?" Uruha walks in gently taking me by the shoulders and looking at my red puffy face. I look up to him feeling in a daze. "... Honey?"
Uruha blinked confused and looked to me as if I were crazy. "... Miyavi... Are you--"
"Your not my honey." I frown and pull out his grasp and stormed/stumbled past him. "I want my honey." Uruha quickly shut the door before chasing after me. "Miyavi! Please! Whats going on!? Whats honey? And you need shoes!"
I ignored him walking past the elevator and going down the stairs, not even feeling the cold sting of the white metal on the bottom of my feet. Uruha continued to follow me. "Miyavi please. Talk to me. Whats wrong? Do you want honey, honey? Like... The honey thats in the cute little bear containers? The honey you eat?"
I continued to ignore him storming out the stairs and into the front lobby where the mail was before walking out the glass doors. Uruha just continued to follow...
He followed me down the little side walk. Out the gates. And down the street. By now, he has stopped talking, and is just following... Waiting for me...
Why, I dont know.
It wasn't until I reached the other end of the third block that Uruha grabbed my arm and spun me around. "Miyavi! Whats wrong!? Why are you acting like this!? And what do you mean by honey!?
I frowned and weakly tried breaking away from Uruha's grasp, but I was so tired...
No eating for about a week can do that to you...
I slumped into Uruha's arms and buried my face into his chest. "I cant fine my Kai! He's not at home! I cant find him! Uru! Help me find him!"
Uruha held me tight to his chest looking worried. "Miyavi. Kai is at Reita's... There heading towards the practice building so that they can prepare for Aoi's surprise birthday party."
I sniffed and looked up to Uruha's face. "... Birthday party?" No one told me Aoi was having an surprise birthday party.
Probably thought I would tell...
Uruha nodded weakly. "Yes, Ruki's already there... Kai and Reita were driving there when I called. I was going over to Kai's house to get Aoi's gift he left..."
I blinked back my tears and smiled weakly. "So... Kai didn't leave me?" Uruha frowned. "No. Kai didn't leave you. He's just going to help with the party."
Oh? Thats all you can say? Not WHY would Kai want leave you? Or, of course not! Kai would NEVER leave you! Or. Kai LOVES you. He wouldn't leave...
I swallowed slowly standing up straight and wiping at my eyes. "You really think so?"
All I get is a nod...
"Come on Miyavi... Lets go back and get the present then hurry over to the place before Aoi comes..."
Uruha took my hand and I felt a jolt go up my arm heading straight to my face where I soon felt heat. I blinked and looked down to the hand touching mine, then looked back to Uruha who was walking down the side walk.
Doesn't he see?
Doesn't he know he's touching me?
Cant he feel it?
Why would he touch me?
No one has ever held my hand before...
Is he just doing this because he has to?
I thought Uruha didn't like me...
I blinked at all the thoughts going through my mind and quietly followed Uruha, back down the blocks. To the gate, up the side walks. Through the glass door. And this time into the elevator.
I fidgeted more times than I would have liked before the doors finally opened. And Uruha continued to have a firm grasp on my hand. We made it to the apartment door where Uruha finally let go to open it and go inside.
I stood there rubbing my wrist softly as if I had been wearing heavy hand cuffs and followed Uruha into the house.
By now the clock read 8:29 making Uruha curse and start walking through the house towards Kai's room. There was some scuffling as I slowly walked into the front room. Seeing the gold glow was gone... And figured so was my honey...
I sniffed still rubbing at my wrist as Uruha came out of the bedroom holding onto a present with gold wrapping and stopping at the door while looking into the bathroom. "...Miyavi. Whats that on the floor?"
I looked up to him then looked away. "... I got sick... Thats why I was looking for Kai."
Uruha looked to me for a long minute, then back to the bathroom floor. Then back to me before sighing loudly and walking towards me. I quickly back away with wide eyes seeing how Uruha stormed towards me. He stopped and looked to me strange. "I'm not going to hurt you Miyavi... I just..."
He frowned before shoving the present into my hands. "I need you to do something for me." I blinked and looked down to the golden present in my arms then back to Uruha who was now gripping my shoulders and looking me in the eyes. "I need you, to go down to the recording building. And give Aoi his present. Now this present is very important. It's from every body, and it's very special." He said slowly.
I blinked again.
Every body?
What about me?
Am I not somebody?
Guess not…
Uruha seemed to be thinking really hard for a minute before a small smile stretched over his lips. "I believe in you Miyavi... You can do this... Right?"
My eyes went wide once again... .He, believed in me? He really, honestly thought I could do it? "W, what if I screw up?" I looked down to the pretty golden present in my arms watching as things blurred. "Like always..."
Uruha's smile fell slightly. "You can do this Miyavi... I know you can..."
"Why cant you just do--"
Uruha covered my mouth with his finger. "Because, I'm going to clean the bathroom, It wouldn't be good for Kai to come home and have to clean this up... So I'm going to trust you Miyavi."
I was now shaking my head no. New tears forming in my eyes. "... No, no, no, no, I cant... I just cant... Uruha, please dont make me. I know, I'm going to screw it up... I cant."
Uruha shushed me and wiped my tear away with his thumb then lightly ran his hand through my hair. "Miyavi. Yes, you, can..." He glanced back to the clock his face turning into a frown. "Miyavi please, your running out of time. The train is going to leave soon."
I opened my mouth to say something but Uruha started digging in his pocket and pulled out some cash before placing it into my hand. "Thats all the money I got Miyavi... That will be enough to buy a train ticket... then bus fair."
I shakily took the money having no choice really with the way Uruha was forcing my hand open then looked back to me as he gently took my face into his hands. "Now please Miyavi... Do this for me... And Aoi. You only turn 29 once... I want this to be perfect for him. Every one does... Dont you?"
I swallowed and nodded my head making Uruha smile. "Good. Now, you should hurry. Like, now. I need to clean this up. I will meet you there. Ok?" I shook my head and Uruha smiled at me fore a second longer before quickly turning around and heading back to the bathroom.
I stood there for another minute still gripping the present until I bolted for the front door, slamming it shut behind me.
I ran, I ran, I ran, I ran... And I ran some more... I continued running down the street, trying to remember where the trains are.
If only I paid more attention when Kai took me...
If only I hadn't been in my own little world.
If only I wasn't so retarded. Then this might be easy!
I ran before quickly stumbling and needing to stop. I looked down to my feet and cursed. I forgot my shoes! Who forgets to wear shoes!?
Me, obviously…
I looked down to my bare feet watching as things started to blur and my eyes get hot before quickly blinking.
No don't cry… You will, not, cry…
I couldn't go back now. I had to hurry to the train! I looked around looking for signs that would lead me to the train station. Seeing plenty of pictures of trains... Just, no train!
I was getting desperate and ran up to strangers to ask for help. "Excuse me. I'm trying to get to the train. Can you show me where it is?"
The man just looked to me. "Wha? You a foreigner or something?" I quickly shook my head no. "I'm just… Lost." The man looked to me for a long minute before shaking his head as if unsure and started walking away.
I watched him go before running up to the next person. "Excuse me."
"What? You lost? Well, you shouldn't be lost if you live here."
"Huh? Train? I don't take any trains. I walk wherever I need to go."
"Learn you way around town son. Let this be a lesion to you young people."
"Why would I want to help you? Who are you?"
"Train? Ehhh, I don't know… I don't live here."
WHAT WAS UP WITH THESE PEOPLE!? I thought Tokyo was full of nice people! At least that's what Kai says! But so far NO ONE is helping me! WHY I DON'T KNOW BUT THEY WONT HELP ME!!!
I was starting to panic now. It was getting later and later. I already knew I must have missed the train. But I had to continue to try… I couldn't stop. I had to get this present to Aoi before he gets there!
I continued to roam around town, trying hard to look at the signs with the picture of the trains and following the arrows. I soon found myself going in circles…. I stopped, looking to a sign long and hard before following it. I did it again. And again. And again… Ending up in the same place.
No I just wanted to scream! I wanted to throw Aoi's present and try to find my way back home! I wish I would come outside more often! Then I would know everything!
I tried to calm my breathing as my growing anger started to get to me. I then noticed a bunch of people come up from the ground down the street. It looked strange so I ran over to the other side seeing the giant entrance to the trains. I smiled widely quickly going down the stairs while hugging the golden gift to my chest.
Once I got down I looked around seeing, OH LOOK! It's the spinning doors! I quickly ran over to them shaking with excitement and quickly set the present down so I could grab onto the sides and run through. The people gave me angry glares as they weren't able to get through, but I didn't care.
I just watched them pass as I spun around, their angry glares turning into smudged streaks as I pass, again, again, again, and again. Faster and faster. Until it gets harder to hang on I laugh and giggle as it starts to slow down.
I feel my smile fade though as I watch the golden blur of Aoi's present get picked up by a big blob. Again, and again, and again. It's starting to move away now. Like those old picture shows where things move by slides…
I quickly jump off the side door then slow it down before dizzily running out and over to the guy walking away with the gift. "Hey!" I yelled grabbing for the present. "That's mine!"
The guy snatched it away frowning to me. "No, It's mine now. I found it."
I looked to him… The threeof him, with wide eyes as I tried reaching for the gift again. "Seriously, It's mine. I need it back!"
The guy just pushed me aside and started walking away. I stumbled still slightly dizzy from the door. Things getting back into focus. I was surprised at how far the guy was already. He was walking through one of the gates to get to the train. I frowned and ran as fast as I could. Squeezing through the gate before it closed on me.
The guy was rushing up to a train and stepping inside. I quickly ran after him. And before he could turn around. I jumped onto his back my arms wrapped around his neck. "GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT BACK!" I screamed into his ear.
The guy jerked forward, surprised and dropped the present to the ground. He flew forward hitting his head against the opposite wall before pushing off and standing up straight.
I looked down to the present on the ground watching as the guy kicked it by accident. Some people were quickly leaving the train while some stayed and took pictures with their cell phones. I ignored them while I quickly crawled off the guy and grabbed the present before standing up and squeezing through the doors as they started to close.
I didn't make it.
The doors closed on me making me drop the present onto the ground. I frowned trying to squeeze the rest of my body through the doors before I felt something grab me. I looked over my shoulder and saw the guy. His forehead was bleeding and he looked really angry.
"Let go!" I yelled and tried kicking him off but he just continued to grab me before making It up to my waist and trying to pull me back in. I growled looking back to the present out side the train then started pushing against the doors and kicking my legs. I could feel my stomach get crushed as I slid through making it hard to breath as the guy continued to grab my legs.
Then the train started to move…
I blinked watching as the gold gift started moving away from me… Or was it me moving away from it?
I panicked once again and started flailing around, kicking the guy in the face by accident letting me squeeze the rest of my body through. I rolled to the ground and landed on my back as I watched the train get faster, and faster before going through a tunnel and dissapering.
I staggered up to my feet, still feeling the doors on my body, crushing me as if I was still stuck making me shiver and hold my chest, that was still hurting. I looked around, seeing the people starring at me before spotting the golden gift and running towards it. I picked it up happy and looked up as another train pulled up.
I stepped inside happily taking a seat next to the window and watched as people started filing in. I noticed some looking to me, before going to the other side of the train. But I ignored them and clapped my hands as the train doors closed and it started to move.
I watched as the people in the tunnels started to move down and away as the train picked up speed before things went black as it shot through the tunnel. I smiled seeing the train slow down before stopping, letting people in and some out, before going again.
It did so for two stops before it finally came from underground and up on the side of the roads. I watched as the cars went by, minding their own business. The train stopped again and let people off, some coming on before going again.
It wasn't until a few stops later that I had no clue where I was going… Actually, non of the scenery looked familiar to me. I blinked seeing unfamiliar buildings pass by, unfamiliar people, unfamiliar streets… It was all…. Unfamiliar.
I bit my lip as I started to feel that bubble of panic rise up into my chest then started debating on weather I should, get off… or stay on the train. I was getting anxious, not knowing what to do.
The next stop I looked to the clock seeing it getting later and later, and still there was nothing I noticed about this place. I sat there biting my bottom lip, wishing for a cig at the moment as the train started going again. I watched the trees pass by then we went over a river and I knew I was far away. I was heading towards the outskirts of the city! I didn't want to do that…
The next stop I quickly jumped off the train, hugging the golden present to my chest. I started walking along with the crowd of people, trying my hardest not to get touched. I have always been like that…. I don't like it when other people touch me, unless it's Kai.
Too bad it's rare when he touches me…
I sniff and look left, then right, then left again feeling myself panicking once again. Cigs, I need my cigs…
I shakily started digging in my sweater and pulled out the box of cigs, quickly pulling one out then taking in a deep breath as I started looking for my lighter. I stuck the cig into my mouth then pulled the hot pink lighter from my pocket and lit up.
Blessed cigarettes…
When I felt myself getting back incontrol I looked around at where I was at. The name didn't ring any bells. I bit my lip running back to the train but had to stop since the doors where already closed and the train started going away.
That's fine…
I didn't want to go that way any way…
I looked over onto the otherside seeing another train, facing the way I wanted to go. I smiled running towards the gate and jumping over before running towards the train. This should be easy… Just jump on the train and go exactly the same way I came, then jump off at the stop that I know…
I smiled to myself thinking it was a great plan.
Until I felt my sweater hoody getting snapped back making my choke and drop my present to the ground. I stood there looking to the gift before trying to bend over and pick it up. My sweater was caught on something…
I turned around frowning before my eyes went slightly wide seeing the police officer grabbing onto my sweater….
He didn't look too happy.
"Do you know what you just did?" He asked me, forcing me around to look him in the face. Kai had always told me to be polite when talking with the police and always tell the truth…
Like I didn't know that already…
I took in a breath before shaking my head. "No sir… What did I do wrong?" The police man looked me up and down before setting his hands onto his waist. "You just jumped that gate without swiping your ticket." I blinked to him. "… Ticket sir?" The police nodded. "What? You thought the trains where free? Now pay up."
I blinked to him before nodding and digging into my pocket getting the money Uruha had given me. I pulled it out then handed it to the police who looked confused. "Don't give it to me… You must pay up at the receptionist now…" I nodded putting my money back into my pocket. "Where is the… Receptionist?"
The police motioned with his head to a desk surrounded by glass window. "In there. Tell her where you came from, and she will charge you with however much…" The police started walking away, holding onto his belt, his nose up in the air.
I watched him before imitating his stance and slowly picking up the gift. It was getting alittle dingy now… Hope Aoi doesn't mind…
I walked up to the desk and smiled to the lady.
She didn't smile back.
"You're the one who jumped over the fence!" I blinked at her stony tone and slowly nodded. "I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to pay for a ticket…" She rolled her eyes before moving a few things around her desk, mumbling about excuses on not wanting to pay. She sighed before moving to her computer. "Where are you coming from?"
I smiled and told her making her nod her head before typing it in. She then turned around on her chair and leaned onto the desk. "That will be $10.59…"
I blinked to her and started digging into my pocket for the money Uruha gave me before counting it out. "… I only have $6.79…" I said still looking down to the money in my hand. The ladies eyes seemed to go to slits. "That sounds like a personal problem…"
I bit my lip and looked down to the money in my hand before slowly starting to put it back. I need some for buss, and for the train ride back home would be another $10.59… So I was pretty much screwed. I was riding the train too long… "I, I don't have that kind of money." I said biting my bottom lip.
She just glared up to me before slowly reaching her hand over to a little red button and pressing once. There was a buzz before she stood up and walked out the booth then pointed to me. "He's right here."
That's all she had to say. And before I knew it, hands were grabbing me from behind making me jump and drop the gift. I flailed and tried pulling away but the arms were too strong, and there were too many. "He doesn't have enough money… And, he wont be able to go back. So, he's riding the trains for free I'm guessing." The lady said crossing her arms over her chest. "Jumped the gates and tried to make a run for it."
"That's steeling." Someone said from behind me. "But, It's only about 2 dollars! You cant let it slide?!" The girl frowned. "It's only two dollars, but when you go back it will be 12!" I blinked and just shrugged. "So… You cant let it slide? Just this once? It's my first time riding the train by myself. I just want to give this present to Aoi!"
The lady shook her head then motioned with her hand to take me away. Her wish was granted and I was pulled, non too gently to a room in the back. They set me down at a table in a dim room. I looked around seeing the lights shake and almost dim out from the trains right by as they sped through.
I watched the police men in front of me talking amongst themselves before looking over to me. Some one sat down after what seemed like a very long time.
More time waisted….
"Tell me your name." I blinked. "Well, my name is Miyavi… But, I am not Miyavi… Miyavi is, well… I'm just not him…" The police man looked to me strange. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I sighed. "I mean… Miyavi is, a really cool singer guy. He can even play guitar! But me… I'm not cool, I'm retarded." I said gently lightly bending my head down.
The officer looked back to his friends before looking back down to me. "… You, really… Mental?" He asked carefully. I didn't care though. I was used to it….
I slowly shook my head, still looking down to the table.
There was a long pause of silence before the policeman sighed. "Ok… Is this really your first time riding the train by yourself?" I shook my head yes, still not making eye contact. He seemed to be thinking really hard before slowly pushing himself up from the table. "… Well, since it's your first time and all… We will let you call for someone to pick you up and they can pay…"
My eyes went wide. "NO! I cant call! If Kai finds out I had the present, and ruined Aoi's… THE PRESENT!" I quickly stood up almost knocking down my chair and bolted for the door. The policemen quickly ran after me, yelling for me to stop.
I ignored them.
I had to get the present to the recording building for Aoi's surprise party! I quickly ran back to the spot where the police had grabbed me feeling my heard sink into my stomach… The gift was gone.
It wasn't there…
The bright gold wasn't here…
Where was it?
Before I knew It my breathing was picking up and I was panicking again. I quickly brought my shaking hands up to my head and gripped my hair. Where was it? Where was it? Where was it?
I screwed up again!
Cant I do anything right?
Why must I be such a RETARD!?
WHY!?
WHY!?
Why me? What did I do? To deserve this?
I felt my face go hot and my eyes burned as things started to blur over.
No, don't cry… If you fucking cry that makes you both a fucking retard AND a baby!
Don't you start….
Don't you DARE!
I sniffed feeling my throat lock up, not even hearing the policemen rushing towards me. I couldn't hear when my mind was distracted by the bright shine of something gold.
Something square.
Something, small.
With a thin red and blue ribbon tied around and—THE PRESENT!
I felt myself squeal quickly running after the person who held my present. They walked through a gate, using a little card to get through.
I thought I could make it like the last time, but there was too many people in the way and my feet were starting to hurt form not wearing any shoes. I growled watching as the gates closed. I wasn't going to let that stop me…
I forced my legs to go faster, not caring if I knocked down any people in the way. I prepared myself for the big jump. I could do this… It will be easy.
I felt my legs strain, then push from the ground.
There was a scream.
A yelp.
Some tumbling.
Then the ground coming up really, really, really fast.
I landed onto the hard concrete ground, slightly sliding across the floor before bumping into a ladies big suit case. I laid there for a minute before slowly sitting up.
… That wasn't so bad…
I looked up over to the gates where the police were struggling to get passed people who were just standing there and starring at me in aww. "GET BACK HERE!" I slowly stood up, wincing when there was a pain in my leg, then looked back to the exit, seeing the person walking down the long hall then turn a corner getting out of my view.
"I need to get the gift back!" I yelled pointing towards the exit. The police continued to struggle to get through. "STAY! THERE!" I frowned. Did they not hear me? "I NEED TO GO!" I then started to slowly back away watching as the policemen continued to push through the crowd.
When they look up, I will be long gone.
This took a week to finish, so yeah, it sucks major ass… I just wanted to get it done.. I am quite depressed at the moment, but don't let that stop u from giving good comments, don't reply about my mood please, your comments are enough. I just thought I should tell u, it explains the crappyness in this chapter.
Thank u…
